Do people who seemingly like their parents actually like them or are they just better at pretending? I am so uncomfortable around my parents and if it weren't for a sense of familial obligation I would never want to see them.
>>34767567Yeah it's weird, I'm getting older and people I grew up with are turning into the evil adults instead of learning from their mistakes.When I think of childhood, it's basically 18 years of being held hostage.I still haven't got over how normalized it is for parents to be casually hostile and cruel to their children every single day, and then usually the kids grow up to identify with their parents and act like them.Like I go to family gatherings and my sister will socialize with our aunts and uncles. I've never had a real conversation with any of them, because to me they were just prison wardens I avoided as much as possible. It's even worse because the last generation was like uneducated third world backward types. It's so weird how often first generation immigrant kids who have college degrees and 6 figure salaries, bend over backwards to bow and placate their parents who are fearful and ignorant illiterate hicks who've never read a book or solved a puzzle for fun in their entire life.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5MJx0_YAxF8
A little bit of both I'd say. Sure I "love" them but it's definitely complicated. I don't talk to them about personal stuff and keep my distance. We've had good moments and I had a better childhood than most ppl in my friend group, but I still kinda resent them for a lot of shit they pulled when I was younger
>>34767567It's both. I don't think my parents are great people. But I do love them and enjoy spending limited amounts of time with them.
>>34767567>>34767623Adding more: I guess people just forget, or don't think about it. Some of us, like autists, have the superpower of noticing too much and not instantly conforming to B.S. and it backfires on us.But now I'm coming to terms with it I think. Just gotta compartmentalize and make boundaries. Let go of the idea of some Leave it to Beaver Happy family, but don't be bitter. Treat your parents like coworkers, don't be invested in their thoughts and feelings at all, keep it practical. Evil parents are like war, disease, Epstein files. They are horrible but mostly avoidable.I will never like or trust my parents, I think of them as pet snakes. Like aren't pet snakes cool? but you don't except them to understand you, and most of the time keep them in a glass case. I think it's important to accept they'll never learn from their mistakes, and that's okay, because ideally you grow up and they have no power over you anymore financially or anything like that.But my parents stomped any connection I could feel for them into dust in the ground and flushed it down the toilet over and over again during my childhood. They genuinely give me anxiety and make me feel deep visceral disgust even thought at this point they are just annoying and not an objective threat. When they die honestly I will feel relieved. And the worst part will be the awkwardness of pretending to be sad, and hiding my happiness of inheriting their money.
>>34767721>Treat your parents like coworkers, don't be invested in their thoughts and feelings at all, keep it practical.this makes them mad though
>>34767567I genuinely love my father and enjoy spending time with him, even though I recognize that he is kind of self-centered and also morally unmoored. I imagine people with happy childhoods feel that kind of affection for both parents
>>34767733Depends on the family dynamics, and I dont' mean keep it "dry", instead leaning towards being like a conceited bully, for lack of a better term. I'm discovering it's very effective with my family to be what I'd consider "mean" to them. My family is the type that they get mad, but if you talk back in a confident jokey way, if you laugh at their anger, they'll laugh with you. They are like little kids, where negative attention is better than no attention. But whether it's negative is kind of subjective if you think about it.It's like relationship dynamics with a stereotypical toxic woman, they shit test you and like you better if you call out their bs and fight back. Or it's like you just realize their emotions and reactions are fleeting and meaningless, not malicious, but unfiltered, so it's better if you ignore them, it helps them save face. I suppose difficult people assume trauma-bonding is the only kind of bonding that exists, and denying them that feels like hatred to them.ANyway, my main point is being kind of like a sociopath is how you deal with unlikable parents. Code switch to being confident, and having fake warmth but disconnected underneath.
>>34767927you're mentally ill and shouldn't be allowed near weapons or sharp objects
>>34767567I love my parents although I don't have much in common with either of them. I'd be lying if I said they didn't try their best and continue to do so. Their best wasn't perfect and it still isn't but they've always tried. My father is an asshole but his father was an even bigger asshole so I can't blame him too much. My mother was always very out of touch with what life was and is like for someone my age. That's what happens when your mom is nearly 40 years older than you.I've finally gotten comfortable telling my dad to fuck off though. After a lifetime of putting up with his shit I've had enough. He's still an ass to my mother.
>>34767567I truly don't understand it when people have shit parents and their kids still forgive or care about them, and I mean doing truly heinous shit. For example my ex-boyfriends mom used to drive him to school drunk when he was in kindergarten and sexually assaulted him once but he still loves her (I can't understand why? And to this day she's still an alcoholic who either gets suicidal or verbally abusive if she drinks too much). My dad was abusive and I will never forgive him for that, I don't get why some people look past this shit especially if they're adults who are now financially independent.
>>34767567I have better parents than most but I can’t help but resent them for an extent for being overbearingly overprotective and limiting my childhood and youth while also being quite cruel at times and putting me down a lot which permanently fucked my self-esteem and social skills though I’m fixing it.To his credit my dad seems to have realized his mistake, I just wish he did it 30 years ago. My mom is still in denial though.
>>34768439Yeah that sucks. Most people in the world are severely retarded, growing up is realizing your parents aren't an exception.
>>34767567It varies. I genuinely liked mine but they were good people. That kind of matters. If your parents are shit, you won't like them. If you are shit, you won't like them. Many people are shit so the chance of liking your parents is low.It really helps if you treat your parents as human beings that have bowel movements, sex drives, and everything else. And remember that they've known you since you were a larva that couldn't understand the concept of a bowel movement. How differently would you treat someone you used to wipe the ass of?
>>34768418Too afraid of the fall out to actually call them out.
>>34768449>It really helps if you treat your parents as human beingsThis kind of thinking is why abusers never get held accountable. Your parents choose to have you. It's their responsibility to raise you. You can give someone the benefit of the doubt sometimes because no one is ever fully in control of their life, but that doesn't excuse what they could control.
>>34767567no it's normal for your parents to irritate you past like 15 or 16 even when they're sincerethis site is absolutely insane with how many 27 years come in explaining some awful restrictions their patients put on them or some huge financial obligation that won't let them get their head above water don't listen to 4chan at all about how much you need to put up with your parents
>>34769749>Treating your parents as human beings is why abusers never get held accountable.There is something fundamentally broken inside your thinking that makes you draw that conclusion from what was posted.Not only are parents actually human beings and should therefore be treated like human beings, but abusers are also human beings. They are just far worse human beings who don't feel it's necessary to treat others like human beings.Are you connecting the dots here?Let me spell it out for you: Your parents were human beings. Treating human beings as if they aren't human beings can be abusive. If your parents were abusive, then they should be treated like abusive human beings.
