Ive never been able to shake this feeling of immense discomfort around others and I want to know why. I cant recall a single instance in recent life where Ive actually enjoyed being around people in person. Im fine with others online in a disconnected kind of way, but even then I really struggle to pull myself into voice chats or joining group activities like playing games. This feeling has always been there, my entire life. Even if I genuinely enjoy being around someone and think they have the best intentions, I will still be very uncomfortable until I leave because of the social pressure to perform and maintain some preconcieved image someone has about you.I want to know if anyone has similar experiences and what you think. Are some of us just destined to never ever feel comfortable in any kind of social setting? The only times my mind isnt a mess of static is when Im alone at home. My social anxiety was so bad I dropped out of high school because I was breaking down and quietly crying in class. I was bullied kind of bad (things thrown at me daily, beaten after school on the sidewalk as people in their cars watched, teachers participating in bullying and more) and I think this had a big effect on my relationship with people.
>>34770638I'll add on another point/question I was going to make. Should I even feel bad about this? I was clearly mistreated and have a pretty pessimistic view of people/society now as a result. I do really believe most people are sadistic and opportunistic to prey upon others because human society encourages the mistreatment of the weak. Do I want to be social in this kind of environment? Should I even feel bad at all that I just dont have the capacity to feel comfortable around others and enjoy their company?
>>34770638Schizoid personality disorder?Nothing wrong with being a hermit but If you think you've just built up a extreme fear from being beaten down on you should probably try to fix it.
>>34770653I dunno cause I was never taken to a doctor for this kind of stuff as a kid. Doctors were exclusively for medical emergencies where you are about to die (American). I am pretty confident I dont have autism and didnt have the autistic flags that would have made me an immediate target in school, people just picked on me because I was small and quiet. I feel pretty self aware but i dunno if that means Im more or less likely to have some kind of schizo disorder. I have never been to a therapist or mental health person of any kind.
