My boyfriend has 3 kids, ages 7-13.I like them in limited doses, but desu they fight constantly and listening to kids scream and fight is unpleasant. I find myself visiting them less when my bf has his custody weeks, compared to the weeks when the kids are with their mom. The 7 year old loves me and texts me constantly to come visit. A lot of the time, I'm just not in the mood to hear kids scream, have meltdowns, etc, so I tell him I'm busy.How ethical is it to tell a 7 year old "I would visit more often if you fought less with your siblings and didn't have screaming meltdowns?" Or do I just keep saying I'm busy on days when I don't feel like coming over?
>>34772545>How ethical is it to tell a 7 year old "I would visit more often if you fought less with your siblings and didn't have screaming meltdowns?"Do *not* put this weight on the shoulders of a 7 year old. It's emotional manipulation and a 7 year old would ruin his life.What you can do is talk to your boyfriend about discipline and slowly bringing the kids in line. Teach them how to solve their problems without screaming. Teach them to work through their emotions without meltdowns. And not just you, they have 3-4 parents (does the mother have a BF) and you should all be working together on this.
>>34772545You should ask their dad this
>>34772556>What you can do is talk to your boyfriend about discipline and slowly bringing the kids in line.People who don't have kids think they can just be trained like dogs
>>34772768Especially difficult at that age, and even more so when you don't have 100% custody.
>>34772545You shouldn't tell that to the 7 y/o. It makes a weird dynamic. What you do is talk with your bf about his kids' behavior and ask him to do more. Now mind you, he is probably dealing with the fear that if he is the strict parent then the kids will hate him, so just ask him to discipline them more and realize he might say no
>>34772768Not OP, I don't have kids and this is exactly what I think. I think parents are shit if they don't do it and let me hear the meltdowns in public. But I realize that I don't know anything about raising kids, could you explain why I'm wrong?
>>34772545I have kids, 7-13 there should be significantly less meltdowns. I could understand if the children were younger, but it comes down to the father disciplining them. Do not bring it up to the children, bring it to the father's attention.
>>34772545I think that is fine. And was going to give that advice before I got to the and it was already there.that is an age appropriate way of explaining.
>>34772545nigga if the fries are shitty at mcdonalds its not the workers fault but the managers.dont tell the kid this shit cause they're legit still retarded and will 100% take it the wrong way (this bitch dont like me).talk to your boyfriend and lay the law down. kids need structure and he isn't providing much from the sounds of it.if kids have behavior problems I usually give swift justice (time out, bed time, kicking outside). They usually need to have the emotional melt down before reason can be instilled anyways and you don't have to let them unload it in your ear cause if they realize it doesnt effect you (ie they're in bed screaming and the music on the boombox is drowning them out) then they will exhaust themselves and stop, and then listen to reason later.Sometimes you really have to lay it on thick though and take away their toys/electronics/phones. Its not like the 1990s where room grounding was a punishment because if they have their phone its now a reward and getting kicked outside is a punishment.You need the bf to start this crusade and then to give you the authority to step in as well. If he gives permission and you're alone in this they will just think you're the wicked bitch and go to their dad to try and turn him on you.
>>34774501When you were a kid did you do everything your parents wanted you to do, even with the threat of punishment?
>>34772556>>34772947>>34774509>>34774562I was pretty sure this was the answer and I see other people think so too, so I won't tell the kids that.Their dad already knows it's an issue, I'm not bringing it up again. I'm just going to continue to not visit very much when his kids are over.
>>34774607Do you mean "without"?I did a few bad things but was mostly shamed into behaving like a girl and then spent my youth with books and in front of the computer. Lots of club time after school to spend time away from home ages 16-19. Classic 4chan experience, really. But I seriously don't understand what you're trying to say, it can be interpreted both for and against punishing children.
>>34772768This. Father of two here, 8 and 10yo. They fight their fights, and some little time later they are playing and having fun.Real meltdowns happen only when „batteries are completely empty“. When that happens frequently, and already in the Afternoon, it‘s important to find out why. Probably something‘s stressing them massively ober the day, not enough sleep, pauses, bullying, school too difficult…can be lots of things…Also, whe you don‘t have kids yourself it can be difficult to distinguish if it‘s a real issue or just the usual whining. With my kids I hear it in a fraction of a second, the tone is different.
>>34774613you've come to the retarded conclusion. you need to bring it back up to daddy and tell him to get his shit together or you won't be seeing each other as often.this is just going to become a sore spot for the relationship and lead to bigger problems later. i don't think you'd be bringing it up here if you weren't going to find a way to just 'cope' with it.Dad's got some changing in order and at some point you're gonna have to draw the line in the sand or more problems are gonna happen like you looking for another relationship. If he's not gonna change, then save both of you some time.
>>34774625Most kids, myself included, just did what they wanted despite getting punished, and knowing they would be punished. We're human beings with free will, not dogs. Quiet mice who never acted out might be more common on 4chan but its not the norm for human beings in general.>>34774727In a few years the 7 year old will have more emotional maturity and it won't be a big deal anymore. Also all relationships have issues, if you keep dumping people over an issue to search for the perfect relationship with zero issues you'll just be alone for ever.>>34774627>This. Father of two here, 8 and 10yo. They fight their fights, and some little time later they are playing and having fun.This is what they are like. I remember fighting horribly with my sister growing up so I think its perfectly normal. I still don't want to be around it though.
>>34772545Are you gonna have your own kids or
