I have no issues approaching or starting conversations with men even the ones who are distant to me but the moment I have to talk to a girl even if she is my own cousin, my voice tones down, even if I speak it just starts sounding too mechanical and you can tell that I am being over cautious with my behaviour. How to become easy-going when it comes to conversations?
>>34773018Exposure, I lived with ONLY girls sans one black dude lol for fucking like 10 years straight and now I feel like a fag because I have the exact flip of your problem which is kind of hilarious
>>34773065Chicken and egg situation, I cant interact with women because I dont have enough exposure, I dont have enough exposure because I am hesitant to interact with them. Plus the problem is that the year has just started and there is an extremely hot chick in my class that I want to approach, if I dont approach her now she'll be too deep into the friend circles she forms and it will be too late for me, but circling back, I still dont even know how to approach her :(((.
>>34773018Exposure therapy. Talk to more women and you'll get used to it.
>>34775111but anon, I dont know how to open talking to them, moreover can you please address this >>34774989and provide some advice if possible, I really want her bros...
>>34773018congratulations you're human and trapped in emotional stimuli.exposure therapy is the answer. women aren't magical being or witches. in fact they're retarded in their own ways too. if you had female siblings or a mother you'd know that.but since we're treating you like a unique alien here, we can play into your pathology.you're going to fuck up and sound like a retard. it's 100% guaranteed, so just do it. you just need to find the shut off switch to your brain that's walking in circles of your mind about approaching the situation. that's your problem.i find i feel more confident when i've had an earlier dose of exposure therapy in the day by talking to other people and exorcise helps too. i start to think less of the consequences of my actions (your problem) and more on getting stuff done. Self reflection comes with action, and where you are at now is not that but self-consciousness from inaction.if you really want you can find some conversation starter excuse people have used in the pastask her a question from class like, what was the homework or for directions to a place on campus or a grocery store. then introduce yourself. you can google a zillion excuses to talk to someone that seem innocent.you'll feel better after you've spoken even if its bound for mount doom. speak to other women before you proceed to fuck up the boss fight. even if it's the librarian or some clerk at the store.
>>34775305a wingman can also help crowd control other females so you're not pack hounded by them.but the same basic rules apply that you'd find in how to find friends and influence people. if a conversation gets going, people love to talk about themselves and all you have to do is listen and ask questions so they can talk about themselves more. if she's like most women, you'll get a 10 part documentary you never wanted to see.
>>34775305>>34775310Thank you for the informational post, anon. I'd like to ask right off the bat: how do you talk to a girl in a way that keeps it strictly between the two of you, without it seeming unnatural or creepy? I worry she might feel like I followed her somewhere just to get her alone. I also dont want it to feel like a total cold approach. I also struggle with major overthinking. For example, I constantly worry about what others will think if they see me talking to her (e.g., "How does this guy think he even has a chance with her?"). I overthink the conversation to the absolute max, to the point where I can't get anything else done all day because I'm drowning in thoughts about the approach. I just want it to feel natural.>>34775310> if she's like most women, you'll get a 10-part documentary you never wanted to see.I honestly couldn't care less. My male friends have talked to me for hours about things I have zero interest in, and I just pretend to like it. This might sound like something only a virgin would say (which I am), but I really just want more excuses to see her up close and hear her voice.
>>34775378im guessing she's usually surrounded by other people?do you have friends cause you need a wingman to hold the others hostage asking them stupid questions about their life so you can talk to her alone.if you're going to fish for her alone out in the wild then yes you will be doing what you're thinking and look like a creep following her. you're just going to have to handle the crowd.as a man you're the peacock and 9/10 (likely higher) of situations is gonna be you the one having to shake your tail feathers to get attention.at worse you can pre-game it and drink a bit to shut your mind up. i've also done a nicotine patch at times but i have a lot of self control to know my limits. i can see getting too tipsy would be disastrous. women like confidence though and you're obviously a pussy faggot right now.like i said, you need to put down your pokedex and return to pallet town, and level your little pokemon psyche a bit. Go talk to women in stores where you naturally have a conversation in. If you have to take a bus/car to another part of town you'll never visit again do that. Talk to old women if you have to to practice some flirtingwhen i was raising my kids there was a point i had to tell them that it was time for them to walk in the store and buy their own candy. they were nervous like you but had to find how to interact with society.all you have is us to kick you in the ass right now instead of a real person.it's a, are you doing it or not type of situation. if you're in your head, you're not gonna do shit. you gotta find the brain shut off switch no matter what or you'll edit so much of what you're saying that you'll sound like a retard. everyone fucks up in their first relationships. you're not special.you should be more honest with your friends. you're being a people pleaser and not showing who you really are. i'd friendzone you if i was a girl and you just acted like this. you should practice giving your opinion around your friends more too
statistically your situation is probably doomed anyways. most first relationships dont work so what do you have to lose?if you wait 5 years you'll lower your standards, be more bald and ugly, have mounted regrets and trauma, and settle for a heffer.you're just lvl 1 retard right now for social life. maybe lvl 2 since you have friends.practice the shit i said. meditate. run. drink. nicotine. find ways to shut your mind up because it's not helping. i can't answer that for you. you need to try things to find what works for you. everyone's gonna be nervous early on. it's not gonna go away. and by the time it does you'll be old and washed up.you have plenty to gain from these (even self-knowledge if it fails) but everything to lose if you do nothing.if people aren't going to like you for who you are, then there's nothing you could do to fix that. what are you gonna do, bend over backwards for them until they can sit on your chest like a throne?ive been in your situation where im too scared to even answer a phone call but you gotta just find the tricks to action. your brain is poison at some point that will think itself into a circle that can repeat its psychosis for years, even a lifetime of retarded repetitioneverything im telling you has to do first with changing how you act and not strategies on how to talk to her. if you google some perfect pickup line off reddit you'll probably sound like a faggot retard anyways so just find an excuse to talk to someone like homework or directions.
>>34774989Honestly if you want a real solution you should meditate an hour a day because it will free you from the shackles of the symbolic world. I won't explain it all here because it's too complicated but basically with language there is always a surplus like if she smiles at you it's not just a smile it's "what did she mean by that, does she like me, is she smiling to be polite" etc because language aka permanent symbols can never fully capture something. Meditation basically makes all of this go away, that feeling of stiffness and rust and not being able to move or talk or express yourself is because girls are part of the thing called the "big other" for you. The big other is the "thing you percieve is watching you that gives you value" this isn't real but we act as if it is. Anxiety is your body asking the big other "what do I do with my body is this right?" That's where it comes from. Right there. U are looking for a guarantee like if u say the right things and act the right way it will do something.To escape the symbolic world without help is very difficult. But meditation makes this all melt away. When u see a girl you will see HER and not a million fantasies of what is happening. You will be able to simply speak without subtext. And u will be much more attractive because you aren't a neurotic freak. Meditation will allow you to act freely and from there u can do exposure therapy. Do breath meditation ten minutes a day for a few weeks build up to 20 minutes and if u can sustain a hour a day practice (take a day off here and there when u need it but always return whether thats a week off or a few days etc) it doesn't REALLY matter as long as u are actually consistent long term. Also if you want to know what the foundation for my info is read and understand lacan
>>34775593Yes you are describing the effects lacan called surplus enjoyment. That poisioness cycle you are talking about is when you are extending the enjoyment of being too afraid to act because at least then you won't have to be shattered by reality as the chance that you could get a girl the fantasy in your head gets contested with reality
>>34775670>real solutioni mentioned meditating numb nuts, but op likely isn't going to dedicate hours to learning a new form of ritual to procreate with women. i dont think hes ready for ego death.
>>34775677It's not about ego death it's about being able to act without being affected by the symbolic world. Aka instead of freezing up around women because of some insane head canon you see them as they are a human being. Not all meditation is equal I recommend zazen or breath focus
