>>34773786
I'm sorry anon. He will always be with you in spirit and heart. Terrible age to lose your father young, my father was hit by a car on his bike a few years ago and it was a dreadful scare.
Be with your family and grieve for as long as you need.

>>34773790
Thanks man and my condolences about yours. I have a pretty good life right now. I have a great sport community around me, I’ve been in relationships with genuinely nice women and my job is well paying. It’s just such a horrible loss for me. 4th of July was always our holiday where I’d fly back to my home state and a big party would get tougher to celebrate. Him not being there has left a hole in me. I just can’t believe he’s gone

>>34773786
Hi anon. My father also died when I was 24. Much like you, he was not just my father but my friend. Dad was sick for a long time, so we made a lot of memories while we could. Sounds like yours was much the same.

I'm 32 now. This year will make it 9 years since he died. I will share my experience with the grief so that you may avoid my mistakes and find the peace you need.

First of all, I know things are chaos right now, but I want you to take a clear look at which of your friends and family are actually coming to your aid and supporting you right now. This is the most important moment of your young life for helping to find out who your true people are. Who is putting you first? Who is putting your needs on a pedestal and making sure you're ok?

Next, in my case, I was seeking meaning and sense in his death. I made really poor choices during that time. Life changing decisions. Broke the law. Could have ended up in prison. It was legitimately the Mercy of God which spared me and set me on a straight path after.

Next, your affairs. His affairs. Make sure everything is being done in accordance with his will as best you can.

As for the years that follow, it will depend heavily on if the people around you allow you an opportunity to grieve properly. I did not get that chance. I was being pressured by the needs of people that were too selfish to put me first and they really helped me to make those poor choices I mentioned before.

You are super vulnerable right now. Please protect yourself.

A few times since Dad died, I've been blessed to see him again in dreams. We would hang out just like old times. Sometimes a meal. Sometimes a car ride. Sometimes during these I would remember he was no longer living. In one such dream I recall he just smiled at me when I realized it. He knew too. And that was all the more reason we enjoyed our time at the table of that diner before sleep became waking.

Keep your ears and eyes open. He is still here.

A few more notes with my previous post,

Your father passing before going into hospice was his own kindness. No expenses and no slow decline in the hospice. It was perhaps better this way even though I know you'd have gladly held on with him as long as possible.

Lastly, eyes and ears... I have heard my dad twice since he died. Once when I was very sick and could have died. The other time recently. Keep an ear open. Let his guidance come to you.

Love you anon. I'm with you. And so is he.

>>34773832
This made me tear up. Thank you very much anon I deeply appreciate this. I am healthy in most aspects of life and I have great friends and family

>>34773786
It doesn't make it any easier right now, but you will have an easier time down the line since his wasn't a sudden death. Other people deal with guilt and resentment on top of grief.

You should write down all his sayings that you remember, look at all photos and annotate them, look them with family and remember the good times. Force them to look at the photos, everyone needs to gather the good times and cherish them.

What follows after death is a debriefing, you may start judging his faults and how those reflect on you. You may end up clumping too many bad memories and taint the good ones. Cherish the memories. You will stop feeling his absence as you settle on doing things your way. However, the safety dad provided will never come back again, you can only feel that in dreams and memories.

sorry for your loss OP
my older brother died when i was 21, sent me into years of depression
i don't have any advice other than it'll get slightly better, i still dream about him 14 years later and wake up crying like a little kid but i'm no longer depressed

He's in a better place and would want you to keep believing in yourself.

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>>34773786
My friend, I once heard a wise man saying „as a man, the day your father dies, you‘re finally adult and free“. And the same the other way round with you mother, in case you‘re a woman. Your dad is in a better place now. Nothing can hurt him anymore. He doesn‘t care. So, when you visit his grave, cry loud, without shame, if you feel the need. Then leave, head up, get shit done, and live life as much as you can!!

Well you would have saw it coming if it was a long process and hospice etc. so you would or should've started straightening up before then. Simply continue that process and be the person you wanted to show him before he died

>>34773786
This is going to sound mystical, but it really isn't. When you feel the need for his advice, ask him. What will happen is that you will actually think "What would he have said?" and you will be able to answer that from within yourself and your memories of him. And so in a real sense "He" - in the form of your memories of him - will be there to advise you forever.