I think my bf suffers from paranoia. And he thinks it gives him a bypass to cheat regularly with the same woman. I’ve noticed a pattern after forgiving him for a long fling he had, while I gaslit myself that I’m not perfect either, but he will realize soon finally that I’m not at all who he thinks I am. Been fully loyal and true to him, but been slightly toxic lately trying to teach him a lesson not to bang a swinger anymore while she films the act each time for her sick bf. Told him my ex banged her too the same day he did last, as I thought that will finally discourage him from running into her arms each time he accuses me of insane stuff and breaking up with me again. I told him the truth just a couple hours later as I felt pretty guilty for it. He instantly broke up and called the cops on me. Same day of him last breaking up, he accused me for wanting to blackmail him with his nudes he sent me before. (For some reason he doesn’t care that his swinger fling had video footage of them both). I let him delete all his stuff off my phone and laptop as I saw how important it was for him. He went through my entire phone and laptop, wanting to see my history, financial accounts, and texts, and I let him, so he finally accepts reality here and that I’m not his enemy. I let him do it, bc I do love the guy, he is so brilliant and really sweet when he isn’t in a manic phase. Sadly he shared crazy stuff he thinks about me that aren’t true also with his family. Ran to his mom to complain about me each time there was an issue. His bro and his mom called and texted screaming and calling me nasty names. The injustice here kills me. I didn’t say nothing back but just how I wish them the best. It appears his entire family is mental. Such a bummer tho. I still love him. Hard to just accept I fell in love with a crazy mad man. We are back into no contact as we have been before when he is in such a phase. I think him and his mom are currently trying to sue me…ugh
>>34774293what did you do to your enter key?
First you didn't ask for advice. This isn't the blog board.Secondly there is no readability in your post whatsoever. I know reddit spacing gets meme'd on here but please learn it. Would actually make reading your post less of a chore.Third and last Everyone in this situation is mentally ill and you all need meds. That is all
>>34774293How many times has the person repeated the mistake they promised to change? How about gaslighting with guilt tripping you that you can't do better, that you deserve being with a shitty person, that them being a shitty person makes you compatible because you are also shitty? If any of these are true of the person doing this to you, break up and find out that everything gets better away from them.
>>34774311 Unspeakable things. Obviously.
>>34774314I can’t afford a therapist. Let me do my thang plz
>>34774293Aren’t we all shitty people in different ways tho? And don’t we all want to be forgiven and keep that one person in our life that doesn’t give up on us so easily? I’m a fool for love and being loyal. Decided to love him through thick and thin. Even if I didn’t knew what I was entering when I gave him my heart. I don’t know what will feel worse, being treated this way for the rest of my life or me giving up on him without trying harder to understand his condition and acting accordingly to actually help him long term. I’m a woman, so my nature tells me to nurish. And damn, I want to nurish him still and “fix him”. Classic. But very powerful nevertheless.
>>34774354>>34774368i dont need to read more than a line in to know you need to leave him. you can do your thang and have your woman moment, but you should have left yesterday and the second best time is today. You should be miles away from the person and block them if they're calling the cops on you. Don't talk or feed these people. In a bad bad situation with someone I love I tell myself to give the person a year, because someone actually changing is slow. In quick time people are just repetitive like any modern song is. You can't feed the troll, and don't feed yourself the lie that any of this shit is gonna work out.He'll grow tired and move on eventually, and maybe reconsider their actions, but they're legit being an emotional vampire right now. ok now i need to reread what i wrote and delete every time i hit the enter key.
>>34774293>he is so brilliant and really sweetIn what way, shape, or formBecause there's not a single redeemable quality present in your wall of textYou're a fucking dumbass for enabling shit like this to fester
>>34774293You need to get away from this individual, grieve the loss in private, and move on.
>>34774368This is how you get through this by recognizing how he really is>How many times has the person repeated the mistake they promised to change? How about gaslighting with guilt tripping you that you can't do better, that you deserve being with a shitty person, that them being a shitty person makes you compatible because you are also shitty? If any of these are true of the person doing this to you, break up and find out that everything gets better away from them.
>>34774391Very true. I don’t want to feed into this and enable him to grow. I did block him after the cop incident. Hated it, but I believe I did it out of love. We have been only dating for a bit over a year, so I didn’t understood much before. He is very intelligent and was capable of masking up until about a month and a half ago. That’s when I finally realized what he is dealing with mentally. I initially wanted to smooch him all over and love him even harder when I realized, bc I believe so far it’s coming from neglected childhood trauma. Poor baby. And I’m a mother too. But I also keep reminding myself that it won’t help him long term if I smother him and pretend it’s all good. I have to stay away from him for now so he can grow. And as you said, growth takes a lot of patience. And healing is not easy, it’s a whole journey of confronting oneself’s ugliness, And then on top of things one must have the strength to decide nevertheless to face it and get back up on the horse in order to achieve a successful healing journey and indeed become a better hooman. Sry also for my grammar I am from Germany.
>>34774392Well I made this post to vent about him. Would be mental from my end to suddenly include all his good traits in detail. He does have em tho of course.
>>34774462Seems like you got it figured out now. Just don't give into temptation if they have a jesus moment real soon here, because chances are they haven't learned. And gonna be completely honest, even if it's a nice thought to think about giving someone a year to turn their shit over, they likely won't.Based on his actions, he's probably heading for darker waters. Even if you do meet him again in a year or two now, it'll be better to give him a reality check with a heavy dose of tough love than a motherly one.No one likes an adult baby. I've also helped raise kids and I distinctly remember when they go from cute kid doing stupid bullshit to adult manchild doing stupid shit. It goes from cute to ugly real fast, and the rest of the world will judge them accordingly.Make sure your boundaries are in place. Write them down if you'll forget, so you have defenses up if he's back at your walls again.Work on yourself. See how you can improve the next go round. Make sure you can move on without any baggage attached.And since you're a woman, you'll probably have a thousand men in waiting for the next turn. There's plenty of other Hansels and Heinrich's out there in the black forest.
>>34774477No, it's mental that you enable all these shitty traits whilst having nothing to compensate for it. He clearly doesn't have any if you've not even bothered to outline any that make any of those shitty traits excusable. You're fucking dumb to enable this shit. End of story, unless you can provide any redeemable traits that make any of the other shit worth tolerating.
>Your bf is paranoid but still trusts the copsTell your bf to git gud.
>>34774293And you think HE is paranoid?
#just girl stuff dating a serial cheater
