I genuinely don't know how to move forward, I was 6 months clean and I thought it was done, but I relapsed again for literally no fucking reason, I had all the time to calm myself down, I threw out all my blades a month ago , it's literally the day before my birthday and pretty much everyone around me is happy, for fucks sake a relapsed with a fucking sewing needle, I'm home alone and I feel so pathetic, I tested kitchen knives and went for a needle, and despite how awful I feel I want to do again, tomorrow I might sneak off to steal some blades, I guess it's better than ending it all over bs, I'd rather have my thighs burn, I did it but instead of feeling better I just want to continue, I wish I chose a less obvious addiction because I know everyone is gonna be all over me and worried, the guy I've been hooking up with will probably tell someone and it'll spread, everyone knew healthier me and within a few minutes I'm back to the hole I thought I escaped. At least despite them being shallow asf they're still swollen now which helps a little
Drawing was made by me btw , inspo was somewhere off Pinterest
>>34782168nigger have you ever heard of a period or the enter key?
>>34782172what advice do you want. you didn't ask a question and it seems like you're here for clout or do advertise.you know you're being stupid. stop and seek help.why are you even cutting yourself? where's the hole in your heart?
>>34782177I'm shaking so my priority was little spelling errors rather than that
>>34782185I've tried to get help many times but everytime I'm on the right track I start again, as for why I'm here I don't know, I'm just speaking to the void and trying to understand what's wrong with me, I guess it's insecurity, everytime I get better I feel like I don't deserve it and go back, I finally made it 6 months, didn't even do after an intense breakup, but somehow on a random Saturday I couldn't help it
Apologies if it's difficult to understand English isn't my first language
Small update ig, my friend is coming over soon and my family too, I don't know what I'm gonna so I'm still so anxious,
>>34782199how much effort do you want to put in thisyou're a danger to yourself when you're alone. the more alone you are the more a threat to yourself you are.i'd surround yourself with other people as much as possible.join clubs/groups in your citiy, goto church even if you're reading a book in the back, go to the library every day, visit family and friends, hang out in public. don't go home until it's bed time.hopefully you'll find a relationship at some point and lose your privacy.you should also google if there is a place in your area that offers rehabilitation for this. idk where you are in the world. maybe you can get a room mate as well if you're in an apartment.it sounds like a pain in the ass but these are the same sacrifices people with alcoholism and other addictions have to take, because some can't even see a drop of booze without drinking again.so hopefully your mind is open to tough solutions. it sounds like you need to find other ways to cope when shit gets real.
>>34782168Ur good blud relapse is part of recovery it's like meditation it's how you pick yourself back up that matters. I recommend being gentle to yourself don't beat yourself up, be kind while your return to your goals
