>29M>raised catholic>one mother, one older sister>mother clinically depressed since forever>older sister abused by step father (my bio father and uncle separately)>i grow up without a father figure>witnessed violence, sister hitting mother>sister hits me as a child>I go to therapy at 16 for 9 months>makes it worse, tells family everything>abandons faith>major trust issues through 20s>sleeps with an escort at 23 and 26>completely broken and regrets it all>returns to faith at 27>discerns religious vocation >its marriage after all>29, no experience whatsoever wondering how the fuck I’m gonna find someone, even just a normal chick, not even a Catholic oneRealistically, will any woman ever even want me? I’m such a fucking broken guy that I genuinely can’t see it happening, I just want someone to love me and I want to love someone but my lack of experience is gonna fuck me ain’t it?
>>34782398everyone has problems friend and i dont think your lack of experience will hold you back much. a 20s year old virgin is the new 18. are you going to church? last one i was at had plenty of single men and women.
>>34782419Every Sunday without fail. I attend the 1962 missal/TLM. Ngl, I’m not sure I even want a godly woman. I just want to be wanted for once.
>>34782431join clubs/groups and you can use dating apps as well. i have a preference for the former since it feels more natural and there's less games attached.hiking, church, yoga, meditation, plant identification, book clubs, larping events, boffer sword, sca reenactment. the sky is the limit especially if you're in city limits. you can even join AA or alanon or other support groups.i don't know where you live so i don't know what's available but there's plenty here in the US.people want to socialize and meet others at these events, and they're usually happy to take new people since most people are depressed doomscrolling at home.
>>34782456Church socials bore me I’m gonna be honest. I like the idea of clubs though. I live in a major European city so should be easy.
>>34782431>I just want to be wanted for once.Thats only decided by God. Maybe you're not meant to be one.
>>34782475Well then what am I meant to do then? I’ve discerned the monastic life and lived with monks. That didn’t feel right. I’ve discerned the priesthood somewhat and spoken with priests and read many books and prayed. That doesn’t seem right. So what on earth am I meant to do? I actually wanted a religious vocation. But it doesn’t feel like that’s it. So if it’s not marriage then what the hell is it.
The problem is that you're obviously ugly and/or short. You would've gotten at least a one night stand/few dates if that weren't the case, but you directly seeked out sex with hookers because the former wasn't happening. "Being broken" is a meme and doesn't mean anything, and being religious now will only narrow your options. Try to keep your beliefs to yourself and tolerate regular people not partaking in it. And change your location if you haven't already.
>>34782538I think I could’ve got those things if I tried years ago. In fact, I definitely could’ve but won’t go into why. I lived my life as a recluse from 18-25, going to and from work and that was it. I waited so long doing nothing and now, if this were a job history, it translates to unemployed. I did this to myself
>>34782542That's what we call cope. It's probably time to admit to yourself that you're not an angelic warrior depicted in Christian paintings. What's the difference now that you're trying as opposed when you weren't trying but totally would if you wanted? Lol. Nobody cares about your experience when you're in the phase of meeting people, and you obviously know where the pussy is located due to hookers, so you wouldn't even have to tell the girl about it. Looksmax and stop coping. Use apps, because EVERYBODY uses apps. If not, and you're not ugly, you should easily get acquainted with them in whatever clubs you're thinking of joining, but I have suspicion that you won't.
>>34782562I’m gonna try the apps in September. Look I’m not saying I’m chad but I wouldn’t say I’m offensively ugly, but I am underweight but gaining. Wore a short sleeve tee for the first time today in years and felt confident, arms looked decent so another month of my bulk and I’ll be fine. And I’m not saying I’d get 10/10s back then but I’m confident that I could’ve been with someone back then because women did show interest but I was too stupid to read the signs. I didn’t want to believe that they liked me. Really it was just two women. One I didn’t like, one I actually did but I didn’t realise she liked me back. Anyway, I’m gonna use the apps and see where it goes in September. I’ve heard they can be brutal but I’ll get a match and a date after awhile. I just don’t want casual sex which is why I’m a bit weary of them. I want a connection.
>>34782570it's brutal if you tie your ego to it.just stay healthy and don't make using it the center of your universe. if you join groups you'll have that as well, so all your eggs aren't in one basket.if you look like you take care of yourself and are 6-7/10 and don't act like a tinfoil dispenser you'll be fine.be careful of people that use it to get you to follow their instagram/onlyfans or are just there to hold you at a distance so you feed them compliments.
>>34782593That’s encouraging. Got to work on the tinfoil dispenser part. I definitely like the sound of groups more. I’d rather go out and seek it rather than wait for a noise on my phone
