I need a male pov, why does my boyfriend do things that sabotages our relationship but always says he wants to stay in the relationship? It’s confusing.
>>34782690You have to tell us the things he does
>>34782690Way too vague of a question to be able to answer. We'll need specific examples on what you consider "sabotage".Ultimately, the only person who give you the answer a "why" question is your boyfriend, if he's actually honest about it with you. But we can try to provide some limited insight based on what you give us.
>>34782691Sorry forgot to mention, but stuff he wouldn’t like me doing like drugs, talking to the opposite gender and lying about them.
>>34782690what's he doing that's sabotaging the relationship?i would suspect he's getting a rush off the drama and acting like an emotional vampire, but desu we need more info.also what are you doing when these events happen? is there something you do that often causes it?
>>34782695Sorry I replied below forgot to mention :,) but he has never given me a proper answer, he blames it on his autism.
>>34782702Sorry for not mentioning completely forgot! It’s largely lying about things like drugs and communicating with the opposite gender, stuff that I would never do! I confront him about these issues but nothing gets solved, I don’t think I do anything that causes it haha. But I could be biased.
>>34782700what drugs?what do you mean by, "talking to the opposite gender and lying about them?" Like, lying that you talked to the opposite gender? You aren't flirting with the opposite gender, right?if he has a problem with you talking to the opposite gender, then he has jealousy problems. you need to bring this up to him and see how he can handle it. half the population is male. it's unavoidable. do you want to be his homemaker and never leave the house to keep him satisfied and trusting you?>>34782704that's a poor excuse. you need to confront him and ask these questions when he's more level headed. i would judge his answers.at some point you're gonna have to make an ultimatum and play by your rules and not his if he's unwilling to change.these all sound like unhealthy behaviors in a relationship. they're excusable if he's younger and still learning, but there has to be some change.you shouldn't be asking if he wants to stay in the relationship, but if you should stay in it.
>>34782713>drugsi dont think you should be lying about drugs you're taking, that's a fault on your end. it will break down trust if you're lying about that. if i was with someone, i'd be concerned about their health. it may not be my choice on the matter, but breaching trust removes the foundation of a good relationship.>communicating with the opposite genderthere's nothing wrong with this, unless you're flirting with them or something more. you need to bring this up to him. he has some deep seated insecurity that is leading to jealousy.i feel like jealousy is a reminder that there's something we innately want but aren't getting. it's a reminder to ourself and not something to take out on another. you're going to talk to other men. i assume you don't like in shariah afghanistan.you're gonna need to put on the work boots and escalate this, and bring this up to him.if i was in your shoes, i'd write your thoughts down to keep you more level headed when the talk happens cause stress often makes us forget in the heat of the moment.when i do these things, i usually make dinner. i make sure that they're not hungry/tired or distracted by electronic devices and can focus on the topic without retard human body functions getting in the way.
>>34782716My apologies I meant he takes drugs and lies. Stimulants and hallucinogens mainly. I guess you’re right, thanks for replying :( I’m too weak minded to make a decision.
>>34782723don't live in shariah afghanistan*
>>34782700>>34782713You wrote this in a very confusing way. Do you mean to say that your bf is sabotaging your relationship by doing drugs and talking to women?
>>34782727Yes sorry! I was all over the place writing this.
>>34782724yeah, well... bring up all 3 topics separately: lying, drugs, communicating with the opposite gender.i think you have the grounds and reason to leave him. if you want to salvage it, you're going to need to confront him on it.if you wait this out, you may as well symbolically be looking down the barrel of a gun. if you let someone take advantage of you and use you as their target dummy, they will assume you're okay with it. their behavior will become even more unconscious, and if you wait a year or longer, and speak up, they will think, why's she acting crazy now?but that's because you've allowed it to become habit.the time to act is now and not later.he can still change, but like psychologists say conciousness is 10% of our actions/thoughts and the other 90% is unconscious. if someone's addicted/abusing to drugs, i'd argue they're less than 10% conscious. not just on their trips but the withdrawal as well. it's an unhealthy pattern.your boyfriend has a lot of changes to make, and people tend to change slow or not at all. it's your job in a relationship to call out the others flaws or get as far away from them as possible.
>>34782739Thank you that’s really great advice and you’re right unfortunately :( wish it could be easier!
>>34782733Okay, I think I can provide insight. He is doing drugs because he likes doing drugs and he is lying about doing them because he doesn't want you to get angry with him. He can do both those things and still want a relationship with you. There really isn't a contradiction there. He currently believes he can keep dating you and do drugs As for talking to women, that's not sabotaging a relationship unless he is flirting with them. But having opposite-sex friends and coworkers is normal. Some people really cannot talk to the other gender without trying to fuck them, but they're the minority
>>34782747don't let yourself be dictated by his rules. you're a person and need to play by your own as well.he's crossed several lines already by lying, throwing a fit for the thought of you talking to other people, and taking drugs i presume you don't want him to take.it sucks to tell someone they're taking the elevator down in life.but i suspect when you confront him, he will show his true colors based on his reaction. he will either show signs he is willing to change or blow up in your face.it will give you the answer whether it is best for you (not him) on whether to stay in the relationship or leave.if you think or he is going to get physically violent by bringing this up to him, run for the hills.this isn't the end of the world if it doesn't work out with him. write your thoughts down, bring it up, test him, and witness the results.
>>34782690He is using you. Simple as that. He needs you to validate his own pathetic existence. He cannot lose you, so he prohibits you from talking to other males.Tell me one thing, is he a manlet?
>>34782713>get into relationship with drug user>he does drugs>"but why would he do that?"
>>34782700Low impulse control. If those things are unacceptable to you, the relationship may not have a future.I personally am very averse to low impulse control people. The front of their brain is deficient, these people can't be fixed.
OP clarify to us. Does your bf prevent you from talking to other men or are you angry that he talks to other women?
>>34782700why are you dping drugs and lying ?sounds like YOU are sabatoginh the relationship by doing those things.
>>34782716its not jelousy. females have 0 reason to talk to men who isnt their husband. 0 good reason
>>34782700>but stuff he wouldn’t like me doing like drugs,some people desire change because they cant live with what they have> talking to the opposite gender and lying about them.oh he doesnt give a fuck about you.The signs are clearly obvious & you are engaging in self delusion.Past a certain point of delusion its not really lying anymore. Hes telling you what you want to hear, just like you want him to.
>>34783199alright king arthur
>>34782724Was he into drugs before you two got together? And how old is he roughly, if you don't mind me asking?
Desire and ability are two different things. No matter how many times someone might insist that they want to lift 1000lbs over their head, and how much that might be true, that desire has nothing to do with the fact that they're not physically capable of achieving it.Your boyfriend wants to be in a relationship but simply isn't behaviourally capable of being in one. He's dysfunctional.
>>34782690"Never ascribe to malice that which can be explained by stupidity"It may be hard for you to believe but EVERYONE from time to time does really stupid things for really stupid reasons. The most likely explanation for your boyfriend's behavior is that he has moments of social ineptness and just plain dumbness.
>>34782690>why does my boyfriend do things that sabotages our relationshipBecause he's an asshole. What other explanation do you need?
>>34782690I hate foids so much its unreal, they'll date any self sabotaging autist fucker but wont even look at a man shorter than average. I hope you both die in a car crash, that would be a fitting end
>>34782690>Why does my boyfriend keep sabotaging our relationship?Dumb his ass and find someone who's not a retard.
>>34782690You have BPD, if he were smart he'd leave and block you everywhere
