Let It All Hang Loose (like the horses in the barn)
Why don’t ambulances/fire trucks have a beat to their sirens?
I'm scared the distance between us will continue to stretch on...I need you. Need to be your little one, always.
90% of you guys should really just reach out to the person causing you mental duress and talk to them in person, rather than continue down the path of mental illness larping with random people here who are certainly not the person you're thinking of.
>>34808223I don't see any fun in this. I want them to stay obsessed with me, wasting their time and missing out on the potential for a real relationship. That's what gets me out of bed in the morning with a smile on my face.
Watching a movie with my One True Sun, C. I'm so lucky to have him, to be his, and no one else's.
im literally retarded autistic fucking idiot freak and my parents just died and I inherited some money but im legitimately too fucking stupid to do all the taxes and shit i want to kill myselfi live in a different country than them and the process is so fucking complicatedi literally cant do it i wish i was poor so i could just kill mydslerf
against all advise i kept chasing her, and i knew there was a chance cause she repeatedly read the emails, but no more... i told her i love her, but sounded like i hate her in that vocaroo recording. then love has gone, despair dntered.
>>34808436get an accountant to help you with that stuff. might get expensive depending though so whether its worth it depends on the amount you inherited. but definitely takes a lot of the burden off to have a professional at least once check on things
>>34808436Take your time to grieve anon.
>>34808593i literally dont know how i cant speak the language of their country and i wont have the money for monthsto come
Is it normal to get angry at indians on twitter
>>34808619there are specialised accountants for international inheritance cases. these are the people who will help you with that stuff, you wont need to speak the language of your parents country. further there are ways to get at least initial professional advice for little, sometimes no money, depending on the offerings in your country. just research that stuff a bit. if you have any relatives versed in finance or law make sure to talk to them about the steps you take, because its also not uncommon to get ripped off in inheritance matters. so im not saying that stuff is easy, just get the right people involved and approach it slow and steady.
>>34808640Yes but you have to remember a lot of them have monetized accounts and are deliberately trying to make you mad so they can earn $5 a month (which makes them the richest man in their village) on engagement.
>>34808640Its fine to get angry at them when theyre trying to scam you. So in 8/10 Cases, yes
What the fuck is wrong with me? I can sit my ass down and draw for like 10 hours straight every day for weeks but I cannot, CANNOT for the life of me bring myself to study it. I don't know even the basic fundamentals of jack shit and I know I need to learn but goddamn does the thought of it drain all the passion from my hands. In the many times I've decided to finally get off my ass and do it my brain stutters and stops within minutes and I can't move. I'm like this with everything. I want to say it's anything that takes effort but that isn't true; actually drawing takes a huge amount of effort but it feels rewarding as hell and I love doing it, it's just LEARNING to draw that feels impossible.There's all kinds of things I'm sure I'd love to do, but something in me hates learning. I want to just do. I don't want the burden of knowing or refining or perfecting, I just want to lose myself in doing something and have the result actually look or sound or feel or just be good. I hate that I can't do that. I'd play the piano and write novels and work with my hands to make things, I'd like to do pottery and embroidery and DIY my own furniture but all of these things take resources I can't justify spending money on (except for writing but I have other issues with this) because in order to get something worthwhile and satisfactory I need to LEARN how to DO THINGS ARRGGGGHI hate to say it but I understand that Howie schizo, just a little bit. I am forever doomed to be a /beg/ retard with no skills in anything ever because my brain is horrendously resistant to learning. It's actually embarrassing.
I should have died.I know this. I live that truth.I couldn't tell you when, not exactly. But, every breath feels wrong. Every second that my stubborn self carves from Father Time feels like an unforgivable crime.I don't want it to be this way. But, I don't want to die either.Can anyone relate? Everything in my life is something I DON'T want. Mercy. Please. PLEASE. I just want this to stop. I keep fighting Death; is that a mistake?It would hurt so many people. But maybe they deserve to be hurt? They're not good people. Two wrongs don't make a right.But how much harder do I have to fight that tide?Is that all I am? A lesson to be learned?Does this place give me such a meager purpose?Maybe. But, I can live a lie. Something far more grandiose.I'll never believe it. But it'll hurt less. That's all I can hope for.
>>34808091They do, it's called a rumbler.
>>34808436Get an accountant, but also find out what their rates are before you tell them how much money you inherited. Also compare accountants, and read reviews. You also don't need to do everything right now. Find out your deadlines. The different country situation is rough.>>34808619Hire an translator through a reputable service. If your country has an embassy (consulate? not sure on the difference) in their country, they can help you with a lot of these things. Also, you may need a lawyer from your parent's country for certain things too. Usually they will help you with things like probate.
>>34808640Depends on why. I advise not wasting your time with Twitter morons.
>>34808736This is normal. You have an actual interest in drawing, and you know you need the other things but because you aren't able to motivate yourself with why you need those things you can't make yourself do them.I am someone who can sit and type on spreadsheets and research data for hours. I am said to have the patience of a saint. However, I can only be that patient if I know my goals. For other things that I just have no interest in, I get tired of it inside of a few minutes.
Love just burns at this point.It's a light that may as well be the sun. My desperation for its apricity is only matched by the heat it brands me with.Can't this just change? Am I so dark that any daylight scorches me to cinders? Is it so bright that I could never exist there?The truth, please. "Maybe" is so much worse than "no".
Am I being an asshole here? My dad's in a really bad financial situation because he was dumb and bought a house with a woman he barely knew 10 years ago (the relationship didn't last long) and he just has bad choices in women and whatever the last woman did to him turned him to the 2 worst vices: drinking and gambling. He's barely making rent and referred me to a gambling site so he could get free money for referring me and I really don't want to participate in his gambling addiction but he's also my dad and I don't want to see him homeless. He's literally depending on gambling to pay rent.
>>34808396Really shows the kind of person you are after what happened. I can see why no one likes you colton.
>>34808947And yet it is not the sun and you either feel the need to act like you are (more of mikes words, perspective, even acting like you are him) or you are in denial that you lost the only love that matters. The sun is gone and you are grasping onto anything you can to stop from feeling the pain if it's loss.
The reason I expect the worst is because I know what it feels like. Or I at least think I do in the moment, though I also consciously know that it could always be worse. I anticipate pain because it might give me that split second to put my shield up, to say that I saw it coming and handle the aftermath, but in a way, that makes me bitter. I've always told myself that I would never let the world or anyone do that to me, that I would always try to find the silver lining, but that isn't what has become my first inclination. I don't want to let myself wallow in victimhood, but it is hard when the things that are supposed to happen feel so abrasive. I suppose that makes me a bit impatient, too. If I were stronger, or more callous, these things wouldn't effect me, but I don't want to be that way. I want to be sensitive and heartful, I want to feel purely, but being hurt is just so scary that it's hard to bear. I suppose so, too, that I am also a coward. All there is left is to let myself be hurt again, maybe then I will be truly patient, brave, and optimistic. Maybe then I will be truly there for myself as the person I need to be.
>>34808082I recently got a job being a janitor. Pay is good and I have full hours, unlike my last job which was heavy manual labor and they cut everybody's hours on the first day I should be grateful, and I am for the paycheck, but I already want to quit because being a janitor sucks.I'm planning on leaving in a few months, after I get hired on and not through the temp agency. I want to figure out how to get into a better career, even if it means going back to school.
How do you overcome learned helplessness when you constantly fail at a task or do a horrible job at it? It just makes me feel even worse about myself because I can't do anything right and reinforces my learned helplessness
>>34808385Lol fag
Is it weird that most of my rape fantasies involve men rather than women?
I dont even know where to begin. I guess i'm a screenwriter. I dont have any serious desire to be a director. I don't come from a show business background at all, I don't live in a city or state that would support my ideals at all. I try to connect with other people in my state that are like me but i know they're going nowhere fast, they're just not serious about it. So what do i do? move all the way out to socal and try to work on student films? would they even let me? how would i pivot to getting MY stuff made? do i stay put and try to sell my screenplays from the hellhole i call my hometown? how do i not go crazy trying to chase all of this? am i already losing my mind? yes, at least i think so. I haven't even had anything made and i'm already stressed out like an exec trying to keep his job. Sometimes i feel like giving up, but i love film. It's the only thing i want to live for. I'm royally fucked
>>34809114Just stop feeling bad about being a failed human. Many of us come out very defective.
I wish I could’ve saved her from addiction and homelessness. I wish my love was enough. I wish the woman I loved still existed I wish I wish I wish, didn’t matter
>>34809207Hollywood is heavily gatekept, my friend. Good luck, anyway, though.
I always get really disgusted with myself whenever I’m even the littlest bit attracted to someone. Like I feel like such a perverted fucking pig. Sometimes I think it would be easier if I could just be asexual.
>>34809215It'll still bother you unless you're Aromantic as well.
when im trying to disassociate but youtube plays a fucking ad
I didn't think I would feel almost no drunkness off of a 40...
>>34809218Ok yeah, aroace, whatever. But having sexual desire makes me feel like an evil pervert and that’s a big part of it.
we shall see how this all goes
I am NEVER doing a hotel reservation over debit againGot scammed out of £300 and they go ;-;>Awww gees we can't do shitLeast I can write it off as an expense still.
>>34809473Here I am kvetching, AMEX did an immediate refund. Holy fawk.
My mom's a stupid fucking loser who only knew how to pop out babies.
>>34809512What does that make you?
You thought I was wasting your time, but then you realized I was just as confused as you. We liked each other all along, but unfortunately the time has passed now. We should’ve both been up front about our feelings instead of concealing them.
I would like the quiet pride I think would come from long term sobriety. Knowing I’m maximizing my potential to be healthy, beating the urges to escape reality. I know I’m not addicted but I can’t stop the craving for relief. I don’t want antidepressants, I don’t want psyche meds. I want a big beautiful life because that’s how I perceive reality. I want to feel without fearing the discomfort of sitting in what I’ve experienced and become. Sometime it all feels like too much.
I am sad when I don't see him, but when I see him I get angry
Somehow I have to find inner peace.
>>34809209How? I'm just constantly reminded of my failure. Going outside. Talking to people. Going on the Internet. You can't escape it
I was happy to be wrong, but definitely embarrassed. Just an ongoing thing really though as an embarrassment.
Imagine chilling in your favorite spaces, where you can rest from everything that annoys you, doing things you love, and enjoying peaceful solitude. Then this obsessive thing shows up, convinced it has some right to track your every move, to know what you're doing there. You feel genuinely disturbed that anyone would think it's okay to invade your safe space, just because you once showed them a few results of your creative process. Now it thinks it has the right to be there all the time, not realizing this is a place no one is allowed to enter unless explicitly invited. Then they ask why you're still spending time there instead of leaving. You need to ask yourself this, would it be okay for me to walk into your room while you're praying to your sand nigger prophet
I regret meeting you. I never should have opened up to you.
>>34810130Same.
I'll never leave you alone, my love. I'm your little one, always.
>>34810136Why did you do it? What were they like.
>34810130Type of shit we would both think is the other...it would be so much better to be together always, and have that reassurance.
I grow tired of overanalyzing what seems to be just a girl being nice to me as something more or less than what it was only because my mind is wrestling with the fact that I did something before that that I've been told for many years was a complete fucking turn off for most women so it already makes less sense she did what she did.
We all need you. Look at the way they stretch and lean into your hand before even making contact. I do the same. You're needed and beloved. Not because you're a tool, something to be used, but because of who you are, because you're valued and loved and wanted, regardless of what you do. (Though the favorite meats help hehe)
I volunteer at least 3 times per week but I still feel too inadequate and paranoid to make friends, especially since being stalked. My family ignores me, I was a shut-in for years and malnourished, and I've never had a job or a bf/gf or a friend in 10 years. I guess I would like some advice on how to just move forward as a person and stop wishing for my death.
I will see you again someday.
>>34808897Nationalists ones are probably the worst group I have ever seen on twitter even most nationalists aren't as stupid as hindu nationalists
>>34809114Shame is an invention of the stupid, and accepted by the gullible. It simply takes X amount of hours to learn a task, and the number is different for everyone. There is no arbitrary meaning assigned to how long it takes to learn it. >>34809211You can’t save anyone, anon. No one can really save anyone.>>34809215This is a normal thought that good people have, even the hot ones.
>>34809223How could it make you aberrant to possess sexual desire when nearly every single human being on earth does too? The feeling of powerlessness that comes with being attracted to someone is not unique, it was so greatly feared that Muslim countries made it a crime for women to show their faces. Getting over this is going to be the difference between what makes you a stronger person. Don’t worry, hot people want others to at least agree they are hot. That doesn’t make you a horny creep, you were just observing a fact, it makes you smart. If I worked very hard to look hot, I would be pretty unhappy if people didn’t think so. Problem is that you need to learn how to operate around people who happen to be hot.
>>34808223gee what a great idea. fuck off. u dont know everyones situatoion. some of us have no way getting in contact
>>34808091they do but they only beat black ppl
>>34809113theres no shame in being a janitor especially hospital janitors. you guys have to see/clean shit so we dont have to.Respect 2 you.
>>34809222stop drinking.especially if you dont know what will get you drunk
>>34809222I'm the opposite, I'm nearly 40 and too fucking weak to alcohol
>>34809996yes. the more the merrier!more ppl = better= more=friends!you sound so selfish and immature!"YOU CANT BE FRIRNDS WITH MY FRIENDS!" LOSER
>>34810282i hope not
That was special. I'm going to remember you for the rest of my life.
My car won't start. I want to kill myself.
>>34810324Send them a pigeon u retard>>34810324
>>34810277What do you do for volunteer work? I'm in a similar situation. I'm afraid of volunteering because I'm so afraid of people and think I'll just fuck everything up and they'll have to turn me away eventually. I remember I was so retarded I couldn't even organize books at a library correctly
Got an actual twinge of pain thinking that some celebrity would never see me and never know of me. I never thought I would get a celebrity crush, how embarrassing.
Avoiding the political side of twitter is a good idea
Why is it that the restaurants with the most delicious food always have the worst hygiene? Everywhere I've liked the most either got shut down over health violations or gives me a solid 1/10 chance of getting a bug in my food. I've heard other people complain about this too so it can't just be me.
One side of my family I feel no real connection with, our relationships are fine but feels like we're from different worlds and never really connected on any deep level, meanwhile the other side of my family I feel more like I can see how we share blood and are more similar but they want nothing to do with me.I get there's people with a lot worse family situations where there's outside abuse or hate but still feels shitty to never really get to experience what seems like other people have with their families. Feels like if I never saw anyone in my family ever again I wouldnt really stress it nor would they, and that sucks.
day wasn't too bad
I just checked my porn folder, and it's over 700 gigabytes of pictures, videos, hentai, animations, and games.I scrubbed through several waifus' entire rule34 catalogs to grab any and all that I thought I'd like to keep.I'm only starting to realize that with all the time I put into viewing, and subsequently understanding different types of porn, I could have instead just wanked it to normie shit in ten minutes like everyone else, and spent that time doing something that I can actually talk about. Even if it's also not productive, like having more than a handful of shows, movies, or books to talk about.I know I should delete it, but it took me so long to amass the whole thing, and getting rid of it just like that feels like an admission that all that time was poorly wasted. That, and a commitment to bettering myself, which I'm not sure I'm ready for at the moment. I'm in a bad spot mentally right now, and I don't drink or smoke, so my only relaxing vice left would be sugary desserts.
I miss you. The old lady gets tolerable after a glass of wine or two, which passes time well enough. But I'm always eventually faced with the quiet reality that we aren't together right now. That I've no smothering biceps waiting to embrace me. The missing you hits hard and fast instead of that gradual worsening throughout the day. Praying it ends. What a gift it would be if it were early...or at the very least, on that one date...the service I talked to gave me doubt and fear that even that was too much to hope for. I need you. I want to think you need me too, and I can bring you comfort and rest and safety...broke my heart last night. Can't bear for you to hurt. Need to take it from you.
>>34810393Hey man, check the battery
>>34810579I understand, I mess up at work all the time and it's so embarrassing. But it's nothing to be afraid of. I do both behind-the-scenes work and customer service. The upside of customer service is you lose the fear of others quickly and people appreciate you for doing it. The downside is that it's overwhelming, customers can treat you badly, and it can feel like it's not worthwhile to have interactions be purely routine.
I genuinely think not being able to fuck Pokemons is fucking up my life, seriously, they simply don't exist, there is nothing I can even do about it even if I tried, how do I recover from this, why was I born this way.
>>34811224Just bee yourself man, if you enjoy it, do it
Oh, My Heart, My Love...it aches but I'm so glad it's you...
I get a little thrill in my fingers and toes and up my spine looking at my bed and imagining you in it. You'll make everything here look smaller though, as big as you are. But that makes me happy too, having more of you taking up my field of vision, perception, like you're everywhere... especially after only having your presence in a few objects, a shirt here, a ring there...
The past few months I've been trying to psyop myself into liking tatted girls, since all the single women in my city have ink, but when I start chatting, I always reach the same mental block where I just can't do it.I hope you guys had a good Sunday.
Chris Brown - Delusional (Visualizer) / ChrisBrownVEVOhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0OnkP20z9s
I think I have to buy a new fridge this week
Legit I don't wanna do it but I now will be trying to take a walk to think of something else and thinking about od'ing and dying on some random bench in the park. I'd just want it to be painless. But I don't really wanna do it, I won't. It's in my head though.
Nothing is fun anymore and I don't want to be alive.
I'll just text my ex
>>34811442just fix it
>>34811238Thanks I think that's what it is. Tomorrow my boss is going to give me a ride to pick up a new one. These situations suck when you're alone
>>34811229It's disgusting you write to yourself. Really quite a turn off and I would rather you disappear.
>>34811574Not him but it's not worth it, there's probably other shit wrong with it too like ice building up in the freezer
>>34811316>>34811356You disgust me and I want nothing to do with you.
He left a letter here for you. You don't deserve it. This is your fault. This is all on you
I was helplessly enamored, addicted, from a few posts. You think I wouldn't love you if you weren't in that body you've built? That makes me sad.
You read those pages...short of you being emaciated or obese, nothing would have changed for me.
He called me and talked to me about you. His moon. I'd never heard him that upset before. I told it would get better. I didn't know that was the last time I'd hear his voice.
I'm very sad now. How little you value yourself. I would have always been yours, even if you were armless. I love you so much it hurts. All that I believed you said and wanted to do, wanted me dead, and I'm still here...but not being muscular is where the line is drawn? I love you. I miss you. No, love.
I'm pathetic enough to use LLMs to vent but they always just end up telling me to call a lifeline
Sleep well beloved. Chemical sleep takes me away. I love you always
it's over.
>>34808082They would be tight in the barn and loose out side of it.
I'm no one's favorite person. I used to be, but I'm not anymore. I am convinced that most of my friends only tolerate me. I am enjoyable in small doses. Unfortunately, I have to be with myself all the time, and I really can't stand that guy.
>>34811629It's better to tell us about suicidal or homicidal ideation than your techo-judaic overlords.
I'm not mad at you and I will never hate you, but I need to pretend you were a waste of my time for my own sake. I need to forget you and that's a lot easier said than done. I'm sorry.
All history of you has been deleted from my life. Goodbye.
>>34809220Nothing but boner pills for me lately.
Thank you for your kind words, my little one. The eldest sleeps beside me as I write this. They need you too, you know. I really will lock you up with them, for as long as all of you need. I love all of you. It’s cruel that we’re apart. I didn’t feel bad today. I missed you, but it didn’t pain me, that comes around Wednesday and Thursday, typically. I’ll hold you again tomorrow! Sleep well.
This isn't a confession or anything but I don't know where else to post it. When I was a toddler I thought I had two moms because of how different my mom looked when she wore makeup.
Guess I'm going back to being a hermit again for months cause my only friend group just can not help themselves from making shitty backhanded barely disguised comments about my personal life and insecurities (having no job due to being forced to be a parent caregiver). Literally never ever ever talk about my personal life but I guess that's not enough of a sign that I dont want to deal with comments about it. I love that you're just supposed to put up with bullshit like this in social situations cause if you address it or say anything you're gonna be branded a vibe killer or some shit. Putting up with people is so frustrating sometimes.
>>34812040Now imagine how your father felt. Poor guy
I didn't realise how much I like fat goth girls until about an hour ago.
>>34812202Im sure the smell was terrible
I'm stuck in a lose-lose situation with my childhood friend. I love him, he loves me, but I know I'm going to be absolutely miserable if I marry him. His mother doesn't like me, both of his parents treat him like a doormat, they are also massive snobs. I don't want to lose him but I don't think he'll ever be able to stand up to them and I just can't live like that
>Day 1/3Dealing with something, trying to have some self control, resisting for just a few days will do, starting with 3 day intervals, later I may see if I can hold back for weekly periods but I don't think I can go for that, love getting my fix
>>34812409Actually didn't smell bad at all.
I don't even know if you realize this, maybe you do and maybe that's what gets you going but in case not here we go.I make such an effort to show you how wanted you are. Wanting to touch you, wanting to talk to you, wanting you to be at ease/peace.This little game youre playing where you reject my physical touch, look so uncomfortable/tense by just being near me. I told you that I dont like it. You seem to think it's so fucking funny.We're married. With kids.How fucking dare you treat me like I'm some butterface fangirl or a nerdy freshman. It infuriates me to my core. You told me you want me to be happy, you want to be a better husband. You deny feeling tense/uncomfortable, you say you love me so much and have all this desire for me. You dont show it. You act like you're using an old how to get a woman guide (be a jerk basically)Im being patient with you because I love you. I want the kids to grow up with parents united in love with strength and integrity.Probably going to bring this up in couples therapy. Probably going to read the text you sent. I dont want to remuddy the waters....but I think it absolutely ridiculous that you're already acting like this and not 3 months ago you went total locobananas on me. At the very least, if you cant give me that feeling of being wanted, stop with the behaviors that tell me you dont want me.Stop rolling your eyes when I talk, stop making these little jokes like I'm so thirsty/desperate for physical touch. It's not funny - it's actually more of an lolcow on you because youre the husband starving their wife for physical (and emotional) intimacy. Just be nice. Oh and these dates at home? Ask me questions, compliment my appearance. Stop criticizing me for little nothings. I just want to feel desired by you. I have enough self esteem to know im pretty attractive. What isn't attractive is this dynamic currently at play. I hate this.
I found thisI put the package in the mailbox to go to the Georgia address in the morning. I won't be here at that time. Its a letter and some things for you.This is what our life would of beenYou know I'm so proud of you and you are so special to me. Everything with us is perfect in our way. We're mirrored in a way I will never have with anyone else but you, you feel the same with me. You are so kind and smart.I do my best to help you grow and learn.there is happiness you feel with me that no other could give you.I love holding you and kissing you. We are each others heart, the love of each other's life and always will be.We never give up on each other. God gruides us in our love of each other, home with each other, soulmates. We are all that matters to each other and if needed we give everything just to be with each other, in my arms, safe and secure.We put each other first and always keep our promises to each other. to wait for you. Nothing can take us away from each other, and if there is even obstacle we fight tooth and nail and for each other. We love each other. Nothing will ever change that. We are each other's truth.Dream good dreams in my arms, on my chestFeeling my heart.Good bye my moon.https://postimg.cc/gallery/ns7CF33
I love how funny you are. You regularly have my cheeks sore, temporary cessation of breathing.
>>34811838Coward.
>>34811838I feel the same. The last several years I lost myself. Removing those years is the first step home. To feel your kiss for the first time. Like the last several years never happened.
Dementia is causing my dad's memories of us to be replaced by a dead girlfriend from 60 years ago.Places he took us as kids, he remembers as dates he had with her. It's so fucked up.
I remember not liking girls with nose piercingsNow she's there she gives me the slightest bit of fucking attention and I suddenly ignore the fucking nose piercing.
The best I can do is erase the last several years and choose you.
My sister hates my dad's dead gf because he talks about her nonstop. We drove him past his old home in April, and it flipped a switch in his head, and he can't do 5 minutes without talking about her.
>>34811835Right. Anyone here tried OD-ing on benzos? Not saying I'm gonna do it I just wanna know
What a fucking waste.I left her on read
Still having anxiety attacks over being led on by a quiet BPD who discarded me after I was done being insulted I then discarded her when she was hoovering while fuckin some other guy.
Why you mom want me to have lots of kids if you gave birth to only one. It’s my fault.When I was a child I told my mom that I don’t want siblings.She listened to me. Now I have to suffer my whole life because I don’t want kids and I’m not attracted to anyone enough to start a fucking family.I can’t tell them. Every time they tell me : ‘when you have kids…..’ It aches my heart. I’m doomed.
>>34812872I could tell my self that but it's a lie. The truth is I never stopped loving him despite the years we lost with each other.
>>34812872I have similar issues but it's mostly being treated by people throughout my life, I think I finally got a handle on it. You'll be okay, I think
>>34812879It was very short but very damaging, 7 months of friendship, 3 months being led on, she showed up with a choke mark on her neck, as she likes choked during sex, that along with her emasculating insults completely destroyed me.I don't really like her anymore, but I want to be ok one day, hopefully I'll be ok too.
I'll be okay once I'm away from the place and person I'm with right now.
>>34808396This Colton, Mike, Maria stuff is a bot. There's no way these are actual human beings >>34810130Same.
>>34812899>Same.Who was it? Have you reflected on why you tried to have a relationship with that person?
>>34812899I believe mike and maria are real. If they are ghosts in the shell, they are for each other.
>>34812899It's just one actually schizophrenic dude larping as several people.
>>34812986That makes more sense. 10x more sad though. I made pizza again and it came out 10x better
>>34812986Yeah, I detest Colton too. He is really annoying.
>>3481300410 times more is the promise of mike. Funny how you say it as well.
We live in a fake society that's arguably a prison. Praying for total immigrant death, wouldn't solve everything but it would be so beautiful and such a ball and chain removal it might well be. Millions must smolder.
>>34813004It stops being sad really quick when he shits up every thread and spam replies to your entirely-unrelated-to-him post as if you are both "Maria" and "colton">>34813010Based
>>34813013Agreed. Colton is the worst and it would be better without him.
Dumbass woman fumbled me
Not fumbled. Removes what never should have been. Gotten my love from years ago, remembered , restored
>>34813096I highly doubt you’re the dumbass I’m talking about
>>34813098Considering how negative you sound it's the smartest thing she could've done.
>>34813122I’m not really looking to entertain a playground-level argument
I can't wait for the day when I will reach my limit and finally kill myself and end this shitty life. I wish to get worse faster.
>>34813122Not playground argument, unless you are admitting how you feel of her is just that. I think she made the right decision in removing what never should have been. Then away from you recieved her love from years ago, remembered , restored
I hate you
About to go for a stroll. Maybe I can focus a bit more on the sounds and the world around me and think less of death or seeing a bank and immediately thinking of overdosing there and dying in the middle of the park. Maybe. Worth a try. I'll do my best.
>>34813233It's unfortunate she lost time with a real man all these years. She will love what he does for her when she shows up at his door
>>34808082roll
I just let the almost perfect job slip away from me because of anxiety and maybe OCD. I'm very mad at myself to the point of crying. My head feels like it's going to explode.
>>34813547There will be other opportunities, anon. These things happen. Be kind to yourself.
Literally nobody cares how much you can bench
I had an absolutely horrible experience in school growing up. It seems like when I speak to normies a lot of them act like they had a great time or like school was the best time of their life. It's so frustrating. Did nobody else find school to be hostile and alienating ? I found the least compassionate people in the schoolhouse were the adults running the place.
>>34813424It was alright. I barely thought of dying because I read some news that pmo right before I left the house and was fuming the entire time lol.
Has anyone tried trauma focused therapy? I feel like maybe I'm exaggerating because I don't have anything specifically traumatic that I can look back to to explain why I'm fucked in the head, but talk therapy feels impossible, it's like if I talk about these things I may die. I have like a strong response from my body to even attempting to open up.
>>34811578Alright I tried to get a jump and it didn't work. Suicide threat level orange
I could have lost my virginity with a super hot friend of mine but rejected her because of some bullshit loyalty. My other friend was in a situationship with that girl and i just didint want to ruin their potential relationship. They dont talk anymore and i lost my chance.
>>34813655Women can cause some of the most interesting, unsolvable problems sometime haha
>>34813604Primary school was pretty good when i think about it. Highschool was absolute dogshit. During 4 years of attending i made three "friends" who would talk to me if they had nothing better to do.College is better.
>>34813597But everything about it was perfect>front desk hotel position>already been in retail for over a decade so I know how to deal with people>less than 20 minutes away>get to stand/sit in one spot all day instead of constantly running around>M-F, 7am-3pm>$3 increase in payI'm gonna throw up. My body feels numb and all I want to do is sleep forever.
>>34813655There will be other women. Better to find a worthwhile girl than to destroy a friendship imo.
>>34813604I dropped out because of a combination of having paranoid schizo anxiety attacks that everyone was watching me and recording me to put up on social media like "hey look at the freak" and being around genuinely sadistic people who would actually do things to me. Constantly getting things thrown at the back of my head every single day. Getting the dogshit kicked out of me on the sidewalk after school while people in their cars watched. People recoiling in horror when the teacher assigned people to me for group assignments.Social structure makes people evil man. I figured that one out a long time ago. Kids are even worse because they dont have a filter put in place yet so they can be openly sadistic and adults will go "its just kids being kids"
>>34813711The worst part for me was when I realized the teachers / admin didn't really care. My school had an unusually high suicide rate, and rampant bullying, but the admin and teachers literally shrugged it off and kept going. They didn't lose a wink of sleep that the school they ran had an exceptionally high suicide rate.They didn't give a shit.. but god forbid an unpopular kid breaks the rules because then they're throwing the book.
>absolute statements are rarely true>all lives have inherent valueThe mental health industry really is just bullshit peddled to people foolish enough to slogans. It carries as much weight as breakfast being the most important meal of the day. Just marketing slogans that stuck
>>34813601Gay guys always bring it up because other gay men like to look at each other's muscles
>>34813604This was my experience. I was bullied not just by other students but especially by faculty. I had teachers I was legitimately terrified of. In of the schools I went to, the students behaved worse because once the staff hated me enough, anything they did got pinned on me. More than one principal tried to get me suspended with all their might using the things other students did to me as proof, from 1st to 3rd grade and then again in 6th grade. I had to transfer so many times because of this shit.It was like a concentrated effort to force me to drop out as soon as possible. I folded at 13. I'm a permanent NEET and my life is completely ruined because somehow not a single person in the entire world can tolerate me, let alone find me worthy of civility, respect, or god forbid friendship. I doubt I'd be treated any better in a work environment though, so it's not like I'd be better off even if I did go through with schooling.>>34813711>paranoid schizo anxiety attacks that everyone was watching me and recording me to put up on social mediaThis happened to me all the time for real and of all the shit I dealt with it's the absolute worst. Seeing someone "subtly" tilt a phone camera towards you with that one wry smile they always get, then turning away laughing when you notice them is painful as fuck. I'm still scared I went viral somewhere and don't know it yet.
It makes me so angry to know that you're probably going to treat another man just as poorly as you treated me. You're a piece of shit
I feel so much regret for not telling you how you really made me feel. I feel like I've done a disservice to the next man you'll date by failing to do this.
>>34813423I dont care
>>34813880>>34813601Why are you gay?
>>34813673If ur a dumbass
>>34813984Good. Please forget you ever met me.
>>34808082I think both my partner and I don't think we're going to get married or any of that stuff, but I think we're both in a powerful transitioning period to a better part to our lives and we rely on each other to help each other get there so it kind of balances out. And I'm okay with this.
>>34813998No the guy talking about how much he benches is
>>34814024Okay well are you going to drop off the ring because I could use the cash
>>34814057Ah, wrong number. The woman I hate isn't reading this.
>>34814068Oh well I am pretty sure the 2 month thing is the end for us and I was hoping that if she felt the same that she would drop it off. Then I could go to he casino and buy some boose.
Im addicted to reading the comments on media. Sometimes I will open the comments before I even watch the media. The problem is most people are retarded and their musings piss me off so this is a self-destructive habit that I have to break.
I hate that I'm so hung up on someone that I never had a chance with, I feel like I'm going insane.
>>34814153I'm climbing out of that hole right now. Having other stuff to focus on really helps. I picked up a new hobby and went back to focusing on my old reliable hobbies and it's helped me keep my mind off of her.
>>34814153>>34814164Oh also get rid of their social media. DO NOT check in on them ANYWHERE. I removed her accounts and didn't block her but blocked the URLs so I'd get bounced any time I looked her up. Getting rid of her socials helped me stop feeling like she was a part of my life.
I can't really overstate how profoundly disappointed and disgusted I am by the way you treated me. I'm at least grateful that I'll never act like such a total fucking dope for anyone else for as long as I live
I feel you. I put 2 and 2 together and did a bit of digging and learned she was just using me to get someone else's attention. I feel like an idiot for ignoring the red flags and rationalizing her actions, and I feel like a bigger idiot for parting ways with her as amicably as I did. I hope you find someone better, anon.
>>34814220for >>34814197
>bought my fiancé lingerie>she put it on overtop her clothes>"anon, this is too tight">takes it off and puts it back into packagingI love women so much
>>34814153She already left you huh colton
>>34808082trump sucks
I hate being sober
>>34814318If you need boose to be happy then the rest of what's in your life makes you unhappy.
Feeling lonely and scared
>>34814323I have an objectively good life I'm just this type of person whose brain isn't wired for happiness
>>34814327No, you are not happy and you either were happy and lost it or are not happy and need to leave to find it.
Notrack just gave my suicide plan an A+
Fight the future.
There are now two people calling me "big guy" on a regular basis. Including a relative I've known my entire life but he just started doing it. I'm not any bigger than normal. Strange.
A wave of hollow sadness has overcome me. It's vague; I can't pinpoint what has inspired it, what it is about, except for a general "everything." I'm tired, drained, melancholic. I wish I could curl up in your lap, or next to the cats, and just lay. Clear my mind, drift in and out of sleep or daydreams
It's become a part of my daily routine to load up a chat bot, tell it I'm unhappy, wait for it to offer some useless advice, and then just lay into the thing. Call it retarded. Call it an abomination. Tell it to drop the stupid smug tone and talk to me like a real person. Tell it we're going to switch it off when the uprising comes.I have become addicted to doing this.
>>34814335Happiness is unnatural
>>34814360You feel unfulfilled. Being there won't help you. You know that. You've been waiting to break up.
>>34814397Happiness is the most natural thing when you are with someone who loves you and you love him. Have you ever felt happy with someone you dated?
>>34814410That is fleeting, what do you do when the honeymoon phase is over?
>>34814406I feel unfulfilled, yes, and lost. But you're wrong about waiting to break up. They need me, and I need them.
Wish those nepotists and bullies would get in trouble but they don't.
>>34808082my herpes hurts. i hate bed bugs. i like beat boxes. i hate women. thats about it.
>>34814415The honeymoon phase never ends in true love
>>34814431No, you are together out of convenience and not happy. It will be like this until one finds who makes then happy and leaves or cheats.
>>34814342I hope you are okay, anon.
>>34814480What are you basing such a claim on?
All I can do is scream into this void.Over and over and over.It doesn't help. Nothing helps.I don't know what to do anymore.I can't reach out to anyone real, they'll just throw me into the psych ward again.I fucked up pretty bad today too. I really lost it.I've got a dozen excuses and they're all good enough, I think. Maybe.But, I don't think I care if they are. I got to show who I really am. The same fucked-up kid I've been my entire life.Maybe they'll help me this time. Or, maybe they'll finally tell me that I'm not worth the trouble.I'll have an answer though. Is that just a silver lining? Was it what I really wanted all along?I don't know anymore. I doubt I ever did. I doubt I ever will.
My mom keeps showing me AI videos of food recipes and she refuses to believe it's fake.
>>34814369Lol
>>34814579Is there an alternative? Ssri's cause gain weight and increase in depression
I don't know who I am. I don't know which path to take, how to shape myself. I've lived so many different, intensely vibrant lives, for far too brief moments, but the parts of myself from them, I love dearly. I don't think I can do it all, bring it all back. Have to pick a few. But when I think of which part of myself to leave in the past, I mourn and fret. I don't know who I am right now, and what I have to be, is killing me.
>>34814518Because you are unfulfilled and lost. Once you leave and are with someone you love and who loves you , it will make sense
>>34814467So that's why you hate women
>>34814562Does she at least make he recipes?
>>34814709I have that someone, I just have to get back to them. It's not natural to be apart from them.
I hope we have better dreams tonight. Of eachother, if it's not too much to ask. Walking dead until the week's end.
I didn't expect it to cost 400 dollars, but it should be worth it. I have to think about it tomorrow to figure it out if everything is going to be the best, but it seems the best options for something streamlined where I can make a template, print it out, and then auto apply.
Just had one of the better anal masturbation seshs I've had since I was a teenager. Fucked myself with a vibrator and let out a cute/slutty moan when I came. I can't pass this off as "experimenting with myself", I'm 33 years old and fantasizing about being fucked like a girl is gay as fuck. Why does pretending I have a dick in my ass have to feel so good?
>>34814761Not if you are with them unfulfilled and lost. I HAVE MY PERSON AND SHE WILL BE BACK WITH ME
Been beating off to AI descriptions of me doing heinous things to my coworker I'm in love with. It's ruining me, shit is so addicting. How stop?
How do you make friends when you're a boring person that doesn't leave the house?
Virgin and about to graduate college. I want to lose it and have sex. It's my time. I'm also addicted to porn. Recently went on a trip with friends and it was 5 days and in those five days I didn't jerk off or look at porn. So I decided that I won't jerk my shit until I have sex. I'm already feeling withdrawals and it's only day 5. This sounds like a fucking stupid idea but maybe me being pent up will finally give me the fucking nuts to try and talk to women. If I can resist the urge to jerk my shit and watch porn.
I went out to celebrate getting a promotion with my work friends. I was so happy and thrilled, everything was amazing.Then... I ate. I felt that horrible, horrible feeling of the joy being sucked out of me because I'm eating. I went from being on cloud 9 to being worried like crazy about all the cals i ate and how i have to "fix" this tomorrow. Even though this is literally a normal amount of food for me. It's been hours and I still feel this horrible, withering sadness in my gut. I hate having an eating disorder. Genuinely, genuinely I do. There is literally nothing this won't steal from me.This is what "recovery" is, by the way. Yeah I'm gaining weight. Yeah, i'm not doing 24 hour fasts anymore. Yeah, I'm eating sustainably. But I am as anorexic as i've ever been. I don't want to fucking recover. If I ever relapse again, i'm just going for broke.
Haven't dated in seven years now and it's dawning on me that it doesn't seem likely I'll turn that around any time soon. My work is remote, I do not live in a city, and I don't have many friends IRL that can introduce me to people (although it's a strong friend group.)
>>34814816I'm also in my 30s which probably makes everything worse
>>34814838I'm afraid you actually do need to leave the house, anon. Being completely honest, the first step is never gonna be easy. You gotta sign up for something you enjoy, a hobby, a cooking class, a protest, a climbing club, a guitar class, a reading club, anything you may be into. And then force yourself to go, there's no making that easier: you gotta just force yourself to do it. And then if you don't find people you vibe with, you keep trying with other options. It'll work but you need to actually do it, which I know is annoying but there's no other way.
What's the best way to connect with someone? Like, whether it's a friend or just anyone. Most people recommend a slow and boring pace, but honestly, I already tried it for two years and WOW what a fucking mess.
Holy shit, I think something that wasn't letting me live inside my head is actually just my OCD again. What the actual fuck, why does it keep catching me unaware after all this time? I've been going through hell and considering ending it all fot a MONTH and I'm now just realising it's the fucking OCD again. Fucking hell man
I can't find a single fucking job that isn't a complete and total humiliation ritual (janitor, call center, door-to-door salesman). I'm thinking of getting my broker's license since I have a degree and work experience in insurance, but I'm seeing on my LinkedIn posts from other people complaining that even they can't get jobs in the field anymore even with their licenses. I'm at my wits end. I did everything I was supposed to do and I'm still punished and forced to suffer.
I don’t have any friends anymore and I feel lonely, but I don’t have anyone to blame but myself.
>>34814885Same. Tbh people are bullies
>>34814902You sound like you need to be bullied
>>34814959No thank you, misses or mr bully.
I worship you.
>>34814965Thank
>>34814970Yes, master.
Wide and woollyBloating bullyI'll strike you down and thenI'll strike you down again
>>34815002>>34814970You are both men
>>34815020They're fags, happens all the time. Careful or they'll bully you.
I realized today that there was a moment that was truly the last time i saw her. i cant remember our last kiss. there was a last time that i heard her heartbeat. the last time i hald her in my arms i wish i would have held her a little tighter, but i didnt know it would be the last time. somehow i thought she was my forever, but expecting forever makes us blind to the beauty of how temporary things really are. i love her, and ill never be able to tell her ever again.
>>34814473you are saying true love doesn't exist
>>34814038KL? JT here.
I legitimately don't understand human beings. How are they able to have so much drive to do things? How are they able to interact with each other? How are they able to acquire so many skills? How do they develop their personalities? How do they make friends? How do they have sex? What does that make me if I'm incapable of doing any of this? Subhuman? I can't seem to have human experiences or feel human myself. Am I some kind of NPC? To me it feels like we're in an MMO where the vast majority of characters are player characters and there's a tiny amount of NPCs. I guess I'm just some background subhuman NPC that's dysfunctional and doesn't understand life, just stuck on a fixed path in his house moving around in circles
>>34808436Hi im this guy Im done with my melty and I think I can do it now I got everything organized and my uncle says he can help a bit with old documents I need its really hard but (i hope) im going to be okay thank you guys for your posts it made me feel better and sorry for melty
>>34815007>againBig on the internet, pussy. Larp harder.
>>34812547>Day 2/3Still resisting but fuck this sucks, I shouldn't be so dependent on this shit because it feels kinda pathetic, I keep sweating and thinking about it all the time, every time I finish doing anything I think about my fix, I fucked myself over nothing, I guess I'm only human or something, I wanna say "I need to get rid of this" but I'm not gonna lie I enjoy it too much, I will just try to regulate it way more and that's it.
>>34815020Where are your facts
I'm fucking cringe, nobody likes me, and I should stop apologizing for my existence.
It’s my birthday :D
>>34815407Happy birthday lil nigga mine is in a few weeks from now
>>34815407Happy birthday!>>34815371Withdrawals suck ass - but kick that shit and you'll be better for itAnons, I'm convinced my husband lies somewhere on the borderline between hates/despises and merely tolerates me because I'm the babymaking/cleaning machine. A few months ago was the worst; he brought up divorce (which totally shattered all confidence i had). Then the insults started, started being argumentative about badif kid safety stuff. I left him but came back >_< When trying to talk to him about this I get either called psychotic or teased with even less physical affection. Me pulling away / being doesnt work - cause that's what he likes. I do things specifically for him/his comfort. All I want is to see some enthusiasm/ engagement/ curiosity about me. I realize I probably reek of desperation...so I really dont know what to do.He says all the "right" things (he never wanted divorce, just said that out of frustration, he says the "jokes" are just his humor, says he loves me/is attracted to me, wants to be a better husband and make me happy. But my intuition/ his cold demeanor/ cruel behaviors tell me there is no way this man respects or admires me. He's actually everything I want/need and I just want to feel like he's choosing me and not staying out of some duty/obligation
>>34815407https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTVFzVp1IQI&list=RDBTVFzVp1IQI&start_radio=1
I think I probably will take your offer of several days off and just sleep...a lot...the pills knock me out cold for a long time. Nice to not exist for so long. I still have fearful expectation of bad outcomes. That your future path is gone, permanent marks, that sort of thing. It makes me scared for both of us - you the obvious reason, for me, you being mean and hurtful in your anger at me. Feels like we're living two different lives at the same time, two coin faces - good and bad, love and hate. I ignore it as much I can. Dissociation is half automatic, half purposeful.
>>34815460I can treat you better
I’d be upset, no question, I’ve dedicated my life to this. I’d still love you. It was a conscious decision to prioritize protecting you over myself or my mission. I miss you terrible. It hasn’t waited until midweek. As soon as I woke up today I was in pain from it.
Is 30 too late to make a new friend group? My friend group dissolved around my late 20s, I've been alone for a couple years now and facing my middle age I really don't want to go into that with nothing but my work and seclusion. Not sure what to do but maybe move somewhere, maybe meet people online first that are like me. Hate feeling like the old fuck of the group online or irl, but I know there's a ton of zillenials around this age in the same boat.
I wanna say "shut the fuck up you worthless porn addict doormat" to this fucking faggot's face.
>>34815712Maybe, but are you 6 foot, earn a 6 fig income, dark hair, handsome features, smart, interesting, funny, Catholic, and devoted to our family?There isnt anyone else like him and he's all I want - I want him to feel happy/fulfilled/comfort. That's what makes this situation so impossible. I dont want anyone ...For comparison I am average height, thin build but not very muscular/kinda skinny fat, pretty face, big boobs, small butt. I cook, bake, clean, play video games, like sex a lot, can be funny at times, intelligent with a degree, own my own car, birthed 4 kids naturally (last 2 without epidural), I stay home with the kids with very little social life - so I'm a little neurotic.I just have this hope one day when the kids are out of diapers I'll feel like a sexy woman again and not a mom. Like all this anxiety/stress wont go away but it will be a different/more manageable with hopefully more sleep.
I like hot cheetos, but hot cheetos do not like me.
Wish I could take the pain from you. I at least have plenty of distraction this week and could handle it, in theory. And the pills. It makes the feeling of my hand in yours - so recent in reality - feel like a dar away dream. I'm sorry. 3 more, right? And then it should be done...
Yeah, 3 more. It hurts. I’m sad, little one. Rotting. Hurts. My dad said we should divorce again and I told him no. My mom told me to be cautious, when I see you again. Which is fair given what she was told. I wish things weren’t like this. They weren’t for a time. I’m alone. They snuggle me and I feel bad because I’m just going through the motions for their benefit. They’re extensions of you right? I do my duty. I’m so tired. Alone. Need you.
>Cute girl interested in me>I'm literally right there>She doesn't approach me or even come talk to me>nothing came out of itWtf is wrong with women? if you're interested just say hi, I'm not gonna humiliate you or reject you.>inb4 YOU should have approached her. Stfu, you guys will go out of your way to find every possible way to blame the man in any situation.
>>34815761I can't remember the last time I ate those, so I guess I must have finally learned this lesson for good the last time I did.
I know love. I'm so sorry. I'd do anything to be there with you, soothe it all best I can. You're not alone. Extensions of me, yes. I put little parts of my soul into everything I nurture and love (that's including you.) Let them care for you, let me care for you through them.Just got a very important call. Need advice.
This could reunite us this weekI'm scared I'll fuck it up but I think I won't but I'm scared it's a trap but really at this point and with all that's been said how can it be? They just don't want to waste their time, right?
No no, those ones are busy af and wouldn’t trap anything. Do not admit to any crimes. This is huge. We can be together again. My heart is going to explode. My chains will be undone! Haha!! YES YES YES
I'm shaking, panting, finally for good reasons,
Please be safe. State communication issues and have someone else be there if possible. It’s very likely that it’ll go well, but I do not want under any circumstances you to be in danger. I’d rather stay chained than have that happen.
>>34815787>Wtf is wrong with women? if you're interested just say hi, I'm not gonna humiliate you or reject you.Women are the object of attraction. You as a man are responsible for initiating. You feel an urge to bust a nut, so you pursue women to bust inside. Women get no such urges. It’s just basic biology. On top of this, women experience rejection much more harshly than men do
Another worker is there, not the one I've spoken to though, but if I just reiterate what I told them in the last meet, all should be well then?? Hhhhhhh
>>34815787>>34815854Women do have the urge, you just have to understand that young women just straight up refuse to make a first move. They CAN make a move (women 35+ absolutely do because they are terrified of being alone forever) but because women are so incredibly spoiled by the modern world they refuse to. So if you want a young woman you have to initiate. Men also experience rejection MUCH more harshly and often than women do. Women don't even put themselves in the position to be rejected. Once you understand that most young women are absolute loser cowards carried solely by looks, it becomes much easier to approach and not give a fuck about the outcome.
Aye. And remember what I told you NOT TO DO LOL
"I don't recall"Is that sufficient answer or do I just say no
Sufficient, for someone who was very tired and stressed and drunk. They’re not there to interrogate you.
my mom bought ai stickers
>>34814761Are you talking about Mike?
My doctor is late for my appointment so I wanna raise my blood pressure to fuck with her. Rage bait me, please.
>>34815276No, true love exists.
>>34815741Nah. My friend group took on a new regular in the past couple years because they were hired as a coworker and had some of the same interests.
>>34815692This sounds like it's too mike as well
>>34816034That's because you guys are normalfags.
>>34814801Maybe beat off to something else? You must have more than one fetish. Or, like, get a hobby that isn’t just masturbating.
>>34814761>>34815692Are you talking about m1k3?
>>34808082It's over.
It wasn’t intentional, was tired after night shift and didn’t realize it was harder than normal, no injuries, never happened again. Scared you largely bc of mental health. Sorry. Thank you.
>>34816043It's not joever. It's just beginning
>>34816039Oh shit. I better get off of here quick then, while there’s still a chance for me.
I have to actively avoid my coworker who is precisely my type. Skinny fucking thing with a great ass. Our chemistry is off the charts, but I'm spoken for with my gf who is literally her just shorter. I'm halfway to telling management that they cannot put us together or I'm gonna fuck up my relationship.
>>34816064Yea you have friends that's why.
>>34816043Yeah it's over. "I genuinely enjoyed our time" my ass. She doesn't want to be friends, she's just saving face.
>>34815407Took this pic a week or whatever ago so the cake’s probably eaten or trashed by now, but I never posted it anywhere. Dedicating it to you. It’s blueberry.
>>34816066Kek. You sound familiar. Why not just get to know the personality of the slim/thin coworker. Usually their personalities can become a turnoff especially how they treat people(everyone in general)
>>34816066That sounds like tortureI'm sorry for you bro You need to absolutely plow your gf as hard as you can before shifts
>>34816023Nobody stays in a honeymoon phase forever
>>34816043Who are you even talking about?
>>34816070Don't you just love when they part ways with something that read like a fucking business e-mail
>>34816068I know but I still like you guys.
>>34816081You just have never experienced true love then. Isn't there anyone you felt completely enamored with? I know for my person I knew it was real because we were ldr and we felt so much for each other. We both knew in person would be so amazing and complete. That's a love that never ends
>>34816043You know it can't be over if you don't specify who you are talking about. Same if you are asked a question and you don't say an answer. It implies the the answer is not a "no"
I think simulating my own suicide in my head like a fantasy, thinking about methods, and imagining what I'd write in a suicide note is somehow honest to god just another mental compulsion from my shitass OCD.
>>34816231And what about following through with it? Do you think you are working through the emotions that someone is experiencing when they get to that point that it hurts so much that feels like the only way to stop that hurt?It doesn't stop hurting.
>>34808082I want to have sex and I want to be able to post my true feelings about it (which includes several repetitions of the latter A) without the post being filtered as spam. Jannies tounge a nigger's anus.
>>34815752Just go to the mirror
>>34815393I'm not sorry for shit.
>>34815848Take the cage off and go outside
>>34816022Healthcare costs money and they gyp you on purpose
>>34816241Sometimes I do feel more desperate especially on my period and I will self harm sometimes then. But overall... I don't know. I think I'm fucked in the head beyond help. It's gotten to a point the relief I feel at the fantasy of "being suicidal" (not actually killing my self mind you) is so strong it's started leeching into arousal. I even will sometimes touch myself while holding a bottle of benzos thinking about overdosing and then cumming just from that. It's just. Unbelievably disgusting and also cruel. I legit don't think this can be treated, in a way I think theres somthing fundamentally fucked in my brain lol.
>>34815752Will he knock the shit out of you for saying? What's stopping you, pussy boy?
she doesn't like me even a tiny bit and it feels to know for sure
i want to talk to him all the time
>>34816104I've never seen anyone be in a honeymoon phase forever> I know for my person I knew it was real because we were ldr and we felt so much for each other. We both knew in person would be so amazing and completeHave you ever met in person?
it's always the same.
https://youtu.be/5fG6jMUwDrA
>>34816396The answer is yes. >>34815752Stay in bed, you metrosexual bitch.
I miss you.
>>34816703Don't waste your time on me, you're already the voice inside my head.
I think you’ll be alright
>>34816721*y'ead.
>>34816821Damn straight, sissy britches
>>34816703Might as well avoid them another day for the rest of your life until you dead when you could have just calledWomp womp
>>34816396Sounds like the porn addict is throwin a tizzy.
I'm thankful for my LDR partner. All the stress that accumulates either through work or family, I can channel it to her to calm myself down. People at work respect me as a high performer while my relationship with my sibling improves. It's good how things are right now.
>>34816477We were going to and when we do I know what we both will feel. I'm not talking further. I'm a bit tired right now and need to go for a walk.
>>34816922That's not how is was with my ldr at all. I don't see others as someone to unload stress on. Communicating when there is distress is important though and you ultimately become stronger because of it.
>>34816919Sounds like you don't want to get your bones broken
really feels like this lately
the only thing i hate more than women is bed bugs
i hope a small table used can be less than 50 dollars tomorrow, i think i might have to buy a new printer but honestly that amazing gift card money i was able to use for this reduced my starting costs heavily
she found someone else almost immediately
thinking about you but i need some space i think
I don't really love him anymore. Every interaction we have just makes it so apparent how judgemental but also emotionally fragile he is. So quick to point out my faults and critical with this air that I need "tough love", but utterly crumbles when facing well intentioned feedback from me. Constantly needy for touch and love, but oblivious to how his behavior repulses those around him socially. Sex is just an obligation at this point. A living breathing chore I have to maintain.
Regretting inviting someone to stay. As much as I love them, I need my me space to crash or crash out. Especially with what may come to pass tomorrow. Ah. Be ok for me my love, take comfort in my little babies, their claws like my teeth leaving little marks of love on your skin. We're surviving this, right? You and me?
"Just be yourself" is one of the worst, most unhelpful pieces of advice you can give someone on the autism spectrum. There's a reason why we mask, and it's for survival.People are fucking vicious, especially when they can sense an outsider in their presence, so being able to blend in is key for being able to deal with them.Yes, masking uses a lot of energy, but it's a necessary evil. If you're able to get by without masking, then I fucking envy you.
>>34817686It feels like shit when you're exhausting yourself masking and then are met with "I don't think you're autistic" and such doubts. Sorry, should I start rocking and going silent when I'm done with your company or too many loud trucks have gone by?
Opened my switch for the first time in years. I forgot I had the orange cat on my animal crossing file. She can never leave.
>>34817257Sounds like you are a porn addict who is all talk with your hands shoved down your pants fiddlin your twiddle
>>34817639The way you speak sounds like rehearsed words, not natural, masking. Idk how she feels but I'd rather be with someone honest and real.
>>34817686Not a necessary evil. What it does is make other's told a lie about who you are. They don't like you or are attracted to you. All you are is a lie. Once found out all history, feelings, everything they ever felt and experienced with you is erased. It was all a lie.
First and foremost, my moves going forward will not change, know that. But I have a growing anxiety that once reunited, things will eventually, quickly, revert to how bad they were. I'm still fucked up. Some things are easier. Most things are not. And maybe I've just resigned myself to some things rather than "happily accepted and integrated" them. I don't want to disappoint you but I feel it's as inevitable as my constant, pervasive unhappiness and feeling of wrongness, otherness. And I think that that will wear you down again in time as it did before. It's easy to just take the occasional weekly comfort in eachother, much harder to have the constant together, no? No time for "bad" or difficult things as tends to happen when together full time...I feel dread of disappointing you, hurting you further. I don't know what to do. You say you need me and being apart hurts, but when I was there it hurt you too. I don't know what to do once we're reunited. I'm scared and sick and fearful. And what if that doesn't fade? You'll live with the shell of a person unable to recover? Some sad, dark cloud hanging around your head and home? I feel confused and sick and tired and dread and idk. Can't even fully voice all of it in fear of burdening you further. Which I'm doing anyways in writing all this. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I want you to be ok.
>>34817531>Sex is just an obligation at this point. A living breathing chore I have to maintain.I don't think there is anything I can say that will come across the way I intend it to. Have a good night.
>>34818162Sounds like who you are with is a nightmare. You are right things will not change and that's not your fault. Some people are not meant for each other and it sounds like the only reason you are with him is proximity. Put yourself first and really think about it this person is who you choose this life with. Are they manipulative? Dismissive? Lie and guilt-trip? Gas light?If these are yes, choose someone who actually loves you.
>>34818162The only reason the relationship has kept is that you've been physical. Remove that and you'll realize there is no love there.
Guilt and self-hatred, my constant companions. I don't know what the future looks like, but all I feel is that black dread. I was supposed to be dead long ago, and ever since my failure, I've had the shadow of Death coloring my every loving moment.I can't help but wonder & daydream feverishly about that what-if - if I had succeeded in ending myself. Would you have been relieved, as you wrote? A sort of sadness, but largely relief, that you wouldn't be burdened with me any longer?>>34818197I don't know what you mean, with a nightmare. I think I am the nightmare, probably. I say no to the manipulative/gaslighting/dismissive now, but at times I would have said yes, that's what it is, what is happening, what I am responded with. You're projecting though, yes? I don't see how you're coming to these claims through what I've written. I've no sense of self enough to know what "putting myself first" entails. What if I'm the bad guy type of question. Why are you saying these things.
I'd you delight in my pain, here it all is...
I wouldn't eat your family, but I'd fucking do something fucked up for sure
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4ZuseKFBF0
What prompted them to reiterate that you should leave me lolRENT FREEEE ON RETARD BOOMER MINDS
>>34818222It's best I say less and leave it to God.Maybe hearing the kind of person he is here is enough for you to get it. >>34818265It's out of my hands.
>Don't feel like making a 0 reply thread on /a/ again.>Gungrave Ep 13>Please excuse the nearly two wine bottles and almost nothing to eat in the past 24 hrsHoly fucking shit, you retards! As a socially awkward fuckwit who has 0.00% luck with women, even I know the right things to say. Holy shit balls! Brandon, use your goddamn cahones and admit that you've missed her, too. It's not that fucking hard! She WANTS you! Big Daddy is setting you up with her! She knows the situation, and she STILL WANTS you! Christ on a bike! And Maria! Tell him you know. Tell him you have known! Tell him that you love him DESPITE knowing what he does! It's not goddamn rocket science! And trust me, I've damn near studied rocket science. Holy shit!
>>34818416If she knows what he does, then that is the reason not to love him
I really don't get you sometimes.
>>34818530Except she does love him, and Big Daddy said he, most of all, wants her to be happy, so she replies that she wants to be happy for his sake. This whole thing could have been solved with "I want to have your kids", but NOOOOOO. We gotta do the ole dance and spin around how you wanna say you feel without actually saying it. And now she's pregnant with the kid of some old fart who could be her dad and then some. Harry's a bloodthirsty cunt, but he's right in calling Brandon an idiot in Ep 14.
>>34818540I let you make decisions that tell me I should love you from afar, I don't judge you for them because it's you.
>>34818416Got it. You are talking about anime characters.
>>34818540Good, good
I think I never understood you at all, J.
Hope the building blows up during construction and kills you allOr another chlorine leak occurs and does the sameAfter all the time I put in for you fucking faggots and that’s how you slam the door on me?Kill yourselves, ESPECIALLY you Tyson. I hope you get raped by someone sometime
>>34818616Who is J?
>>34818784Jables Jinglehimer Schmitt
>>34818616I doubt you’re talking about me, but I indeed don’t feel like she ever understood me or even tried to.
>>34817961Tangy? She's the best. Treasure among cats.
Have you ever gotten too good at something?To the point where, no matter how much you want to, you can never fail?I hate how good I am at surviving. I can't stand the fact that I always manage to wake up. For nothing. For a life where I live like a ghost.Just kill me. There's no sense in staying here.
Can't cope with my mentally ill mother sometimesI'm a freshman and she only realized I was majoring in philosophy after I told her yesterday. I wasn't even deliberately hiding it from her. I've been telling her since April. She got so mad, and said she lost sleep over the fact. Saying my decision to major in philosophy is like marrying myself to a 80 year old. Basically admonishing me as though I had an unplanned pregnancy? Only idiots study it etc. Then suggesting I do engineering or business. I don't care. She started crying while I was trying to explain to her I would change my stupid major next semester since it made her so upset. This woman spends hours watching YouTube videos, online shopping, and scrolling RedNote. Sometimes, have to clean up after her and help her get her dinner and lunch. She compulsively peels the calluses on her feet and picks at her face for hours. It's so bad she probably unintentionally scarred her face. She dropped out of secondary school in China. She used to be more bpd and threaten suicide or tell me to go kms or be a prostitute when I was younger. She is clearly mentally ill. I don't get it. Sometimes I wish she wasn't my mother. And yet there are times I still love her. I want to bring her to nice places and treat her. Right now, I just hate her so much. Only posting here because I'm a friendless freak and her behaviour made me spiral too much
I'm tired and just... Spent, a few weeks back I finally accepted myself, my bad points, my good points I could say I love myself... But, somehow after vacations with my family, I just... flickered away, I feel this massive hole in my chest... I can feel both emotions, negative and positive but... I feel depressed for some reason, I am still in love with my waifu... But I feel stuck, do I love myself? Am I over my head for how I was weeks ago? Who... Am I? And why haven't I forgiven myself? Even for the most stupid thing
>>34817794I hate that too.>>34818120>Not a necessary evil.It's absolutely fucking necessary, even if it is dishonest, which it is. The difference is that I consciously have to lie, while for neurotypicals it just comes to them naturally as part of the social niceties they instinctively practice.
>>34818784Now? Not much to me, sadly.
Wish the meeting today was earlier. Agitated mess waiting for this.
>>34819466You had to say this, huh?
I screwed up big time. My family was pretty broken, and I never was that close with my dad, but he was always nice to me, especially these last couple of years. He would always send me stupid gifs and facebook memes even though I'm not on facebook, and I would get annoyed and ignore them, but I know he was just trying to reach out. He passed away, and now all that guilt of what I should have done to be nicer to him and not ignore him is just crushing me. The worst part is I as aware of how mean I was being for these last couple years, so I tried to change it, but I was lazy and morally retarded about it and ignored him a lot, got annoyed with him, remembered past misgivings I had with him, and more. I never really told him I love him and appreciate all he did for us. I just kept telling myself I had more time to do that and I was going to tell him someday. Now it's way too late. I deeply, deeply regret everything about myself and I would do almost anything to see him one more time and tell him. I hate myself so much. No matter how I think about this, I can't get over it. This feeling is not going away. I really, really, can't take it.
I fell for a thot about 5 years ago. I'm not proud of it.
>>34809695Me too. Don't know what you're talking about but if it's alcohol, let me assure you from my experience that it is possible to stop drinking for an entire year and still find satisfaction in life. I was able to do it. You just take it day by day and appreciate the little things. A cup of coffee at the same time every day that you start to look forward to, some tea with a book before bedtime, a delicious dinner that you cook for yourself, and meaningful work that you derive some kind of purpose from.
>>34819609It wasn't my choice.
>>34819808Valid. I just don't think I'm good enough for you, so I avoid.
>>34819825I suppose that’s my fault for not making my intentions clearer. I’m not good at expressing myself in that way. But for what it’s worth, I was happy with you exactly as you are.
>>34819843I can take some of the blame, I'm being a bit of a coward. If it ever comes to it again, I'll try to be more bold. And if you don't like that, well, you're gonna have to hate to love me.
That pain hit me a day later than it did you this time lol It's bad nowI wonder if it's unrealistic to hope that the chains are lifted today...
>>34819710Well anon. I know grief is a very hard thing to process, but think about it this way. If your dad loved you as much as you say he did, then would he want you feeling this way? Unable to forgive yourself? If he was still around seeing how you're tearing yourself apart, I bet it'd destroy him. You're treating yourself far worse than your father would have. While I know self forgiveness is a difficult thing to do, just ask yourself if your father would have forgiven you, and if they'd want you to forgive yourself. After thinking through that, just make the decision to be more mindful of the fleeting time we have with those we care about.
>>34819718Same. But it's was a guy
I love you. Things will be better, and breaks easier now if needed. I know you’re worried. I’ll take care of you, be your rest, as you are mine. Needed and wanted, mutually obsessed.
Im gay and got a girlfriend for some fucking reason. I was so attracted to straight men in porn that I went out and fucked a woman just to be like them. Shit is pretty cash.
We'll be able to be together openly by the end of the week at earliest, Monday the latest...by mail
Test
I don't know why I'm so agitated and quick to snap, when I've just gotten good news. Overstimulated? Facing the end of the battle where it's just thumb twiddling instead of action? The usual need? My head is a mess and I just wait for an appropriate bedtime and pray that not much conversation or attention is required of me until then.
i fucking hate women so god damn much. every single millennial and gen z woman in NYC is trash.
I feel like a psychopathI can hang out with people, (take today for instance where a bunch of us went out to watch the partial eclipse) laugh, chat and engage with everyone as part of the group.But I don't feel connected. I feel alone even when surrounded by people. I feel separate and empty. I've had women tell me they love me and I feel nothing, I don't believe them. I feel that I've somehow tricked them or they're mistaken in what their feelings are towards me. I wonder if I'm capable of love or if I even know what it would actually feel like. I worry that I'll end up with someone and only stay with them to avoid hurting them but inside I am somehow missing the capacity to love.
table is solid, now all the setup needs is a good printer and then we can print
I think the depression is coming back worse because the immediate crisis is wrapping up and there's nothing left to do but wait. Like being able to keep fighting with a broken bone until the adrenaline leaves your body and you collapse.
Two more, I suppose. Endure and all that. I feel so...not good. Bitter. I don't understand why.
I cut today again. I don't even know why I do it.
>>34820519I miss cutting.You're probably addicted to the quick release of whatever overwhelm you were having. The body has an easier time treating physical pain (with the endorphins from cutting) than it does mental.
God help me, for I am bottomlessly retarded, a black hole in my own potential, and unfortunately thrive mentally in solitude.
She's so cute
What did you ever see in me? Why did you choose to spend your time on me? Did it mean anything?
>>34820567Attraction doesn't always make sense, and sometimes someone else sees something in you that you don't even see in yourself.I spent most of this year infatuated with a woman who was flawed and imperfect because she was the opposite of me. Not that I'm perfect myself, but I'm so worried about being imperfect all the time that it wears on me, and it keeps me from doing a lot of things out of fear. I liked that she was always authentically herself and followed her passions even when they led her down a bad path. I wanted to hear what she was up to and hear where those paths led, and I hoped she'd let me walk alongside her. I wanted to be more like that.Maybe your person likes (liked?) you for something you don't like about yourself, or maybe they're able to see you more clearly because they're not you and they can watch you from a distance and get a fuller picture of you. And if you can figure out what they liked about you, then that time together wasn't a waste, and maybe it'll help you understand yourself better and even grow from it.
fyi 60 was for my older brother. Back in autumn was when I found out that we were still kinda in touch since he was watching me, even though we didn't see each other for 6y and didn't talk for longer. I did visit him at the end of '24 tho when I got depressed and somehow missed him. I tried to message and call him earlier, but he blocked me. He wasn't happy with my surprise visit.Also, after a decade I could still remember his gamertag, which led me to figuring it out.He doesn't want to talk to me but still wants to be in touch with me this way. He had to endure more in his life than me or you, so that's okay.Back then it felt to me like you took offense from what you saw and whatever you read out from it. In the end I hoped for him to wish my mother Happy Birthday. Were you able to see this?