I genuinely do not know what I'm doing wrong. I have always been very invested in being in a life-long relationship, since I was a kid I've just always known that it's something I would find extremely fulfilling. Yet, I genuinely can't find someone my age interested in the same thing, for the same reasons. Almost everyone I know swears up and down that they take relationships seriously, yet they actively serial date, self sabotage, and just treat their partners like shit. There's almost no fucking foresight with any of their decisions and it's just so suffocating. I know of a few couples my age that are genuinely in love and obviously have goods relationships. So if everyone around me is failing at this clearly there is something wrong with me too. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'm not too old to be dating (21), I'm in grad school, I have a lot of interests and I go to a lot of local events and have a fair amount of friends. I've gone on dates though and none of them have worked out. I feel like a fucking failure and I don't know where I am going wrong. This summer I went on a date with a guy for the first time in 2 years, we have the same interests, the same friends, go to the same school and even work the same type of job. But then he said he was too hung up on his ex, didn't like that I was a virgin, and then dropped it. A girl who has liked me for 3 years told me around the same time, I told her I am interested in dating and she hasn't done anything since. I'm just so confused. Maybe I'm just really ugly or something, it's hard to tell because most of my friends are women so they aren't going to want to hurt my feelings. When I asked for advice they told me I should honestly just serial date or start having casual sex. sorry for long rant I am just frustrated.
>>34824808A lifelong relationship sounds nice. Although that concept is imaginative... reality is clearly different, just like the facts you mention. All that's left is to perversely pursue it, and maybe dreams will come true...
>>34825152That is not a dream come true that is a nightmare. I would genuinely rather die a lonely virgin than degenerately pursue people I don't fucking care about
>>34825206I misspelled it, I'm an idiot. I mean, you have to keep trying. You'll find someone eventually.
>>34824808No woman will ever love you anon, 90% of women out there do not love their man, they don't know how to love anyway; they only tolerate him as long as he provides.Learn to be stoic and get by without their fake and subpar love therefore about 90% of women should be invisible to you. Rise up above your biological programming.Take care of your health anons and find distractions to help pass the time, that's all most people do anyway, the difference is they do it with somebody so time spent together flows differently. It's merely an illusion though
>>34825357ohhh I see, yes I agree i hope that eventually things get easier. I guess I just feel really behind compared to all of my friends
>>34825362I am a woman so I'm not sure how much this advice applies to me, but thank you anyway
>>34824808I don’t even need to read what you wrote. The fact you typed that all out means you’re taking it too seriously and overthinking it and that’s your problem. It’s counterintuitive sort of, but you REALLY need to stop taking the whole thing seriously and then see who that makes you end up with and hope it’s someone you can make it work with or it’s back into the jungle. Humans don’t have a lot of control over who they end up with ultimately. I peaked my dating skills out and still never had and never could have a 100% success rate and so you just need to swallow that shit. If not getting your “top pick” is an existential loss, your mindset is all wrong. Your third pick could be hotter than your top pick, but you get bent out of shape because the top pick was in a relationship or a bad breakup or moving in a week, whatever. Give yourself over to the chaos. It’s mostly out of your hands.
>>34828365Don't thank it OP, it's a demoralization bot. One with sloppy programming too since it just auto-posted to a woman's thread. I can't believe my taxes probably help fund it.
I'm literally in the same situation as you except I'm a guy and mentally fried from all the women who edated me just to leave before we could meet up. I'm incapable of asking a girl out in person and dating sites are a humiliation ritual. I don't know how I'm gonna go on. All I wanted was my other half but it seems these days that's the last thing people want.
>>34824808You're a 21 year old virgin women, you're fine. That's extremely desirable, just don't get fomo and focus more on finding a guy you mesh with and you'll be fine
>>34828728I guess I'm just scared because I can't really help but take relationships seriously. Not just romantic ones, I take my friendships very seriously as well. I did try casual dating twice but it made me so depressed, I would stay up all night crying and freaking out. I don't usually mind being single, I'm really busy most of the time and I have friends and family that I spend a lot of time with. It's just that this summer all of my friends have been talking about their relationships, hookups, and what-not, I feel really behind. The two people interested in me this summer said that my lack of experience was a turn off and I'm not sure what to make of that.
>>34829324If you don't mind me asking, why would someone make a bot just to make other people feel bad?
>I asked for advice they told me I should honestly just serial date or start having casual sexYou know that thing you see in Disney movies where two characters lock eyes and fall in love sincerely.Grow up. They're right. You're being a brat. In order to find someone compatible , people go on dates. Over and over because the ability to fail faster gets to their destination sooner. You're wasting your youth dreaming of getting swept up by prince charming
>>34832559I mean I know I have to go on dates, but I'm not really sure how to narrow down the pool or if I'm doing something wrong. My friends' advice was more in line of dating men to exploit them, not to really build a connection, which is why I didn't take it. I'm also not sure when I should just cut my loses, I don't really have much time to waste just hanging out with people I'm not even sure I'll like. I would be fine going on first dates occasionally but it's really hard when I don't have a lot of free time, and the time I do have I would like to spend with people I like.
>>34832742>My friends' advice was more in line of dating men to exploit themWow you sound like a horrible friend.If your friend is a normal person giving normal advice whatever they said would be along the lines of: have fun with people as another person yourself. Broken hearts are normal and adults get over it. Use your experience with them to choose a better, more realistic partner instead of trying to get hitched to the first blimp and divorcing in rage when things don't work out.>I don't have a lot of free time, and the time I do have I would like to spend with people I likeAll the people you like will get into relationships, move on or die.
>>34824808It's not really about being in a life-long relationship for the sake of it, it's that that's the shape to take if you're gonna be starting a family with someone. So instead of just trying to find people who are "same" as you, find people who have the same goal>we have the same interests, the same friends, go to the same school and even work the same type of job. None of this is significant unless those same interests actually map onto something meaningful like having the same goals of starting a family and values and plans n shit. Otherwise, who cares if you both like pizza on pineapple or some gay shit
>>34832944I'm not sure how I'm a bad friend for not taking her bad advice. Also she is a normal person, if anything slightly shitty, but still incredibly normal for 21 yr old college girl. That's why I'm here, because my entire friend group is very "girl-boss" at times and I want different opinions. For clarification, my friends honestly don't agree that I should even pursue marriage and told me I should wait until my mid twenties to pursue a long term relationship. 'all the people I like' was referring to my friends and family.
>>34832973yeah honestly I have just been focusing too much on the small stuff. I've always had a plan and try to find partners based off that but I definitely did get self conscious about stupid shit like having the same music taste or wtv. I should just focus on figuring out what I want for the future, because all I really have planned is my career and I haven't put much thought into whether I want kids or not.
>>34833135>and I haven't put much thought into whether I want kids or not.That doesn't have to be decided at your age.
