he's 17, i'm 22 and i always feel like i must share stuff with him, if we go to the gym, i'll always buy an energy drink or a protein bar for him, the same thing happens with food, clothes, etc. if i do things alone, i can't help but feel bad that i'm not sharing with him, like i'm sort of "betraying" him or "hiding things" from him, how can i start enjoying things by myself?
>>34840569Move the fuck out. Stop being bound by your familial ties. Being obligated to care for a family member in any capacity is a form of modern slavery.
>>34840569does he give anything in return?if he doesn't, tell him to reciprocate or you'll not include him.then you've covered both angles.
>>34840656i mean, yeah, he buys stuff for me, sometimes he can be a real asshole too. one time, we both mowed our grandpa’s lawn, and he took all the money and then said stuff like, “i’m sorry, bro... please don’t be mad at me!!” also, some months ago, he took some of my money and bought concert tickets, and i got really mad. my parents say i have to “behave like the older brother i am,” so i get psyoped into being nice and tolerating this, even to the point where buying an energy drink just for myself makes me feel like i’m being selfish for not sharing.
>>34840718You're not doing wrong. You could tweak a bit, that's all.You shouldn't feel wrong for taking time for yourself. At the end, he will find his own family, your parents will die. You must build your own home, so looking out for happiness for yourself is the first step to that.If he's an asshole you have the right to get mad and set limits. This doesn't mean you stop loving him, or that you'll be autistic about limits like romulus and kill your own brother for crossing them.In other words, take it easy. You have no idea how good you have it. Others have genuine shitstains of brothers, as in sociopathical. For me, my older brother, 5 years my senior, was always a temperamental asshole bully growing up, he was a cynic asshole that censored what I liked. He grew very immature and dedicated fully to study and work as an adult. Now he's very uptight, you can't point out his mistakes or becomes resented, but he will be strict about your own choices. To him the answer is like a textbook psychiatry book, to put distance in an absolute way, and you can't tell him how you need empathy or emotional support, because he runs away from that and replaces bonding with CBT. I am still waiting for him to mellow out, but I don't think the day will come. That's why I think you're doing better than most.
>>34840718nta. he sounds a bit manipulative, perhaps not on purpose though it could be low self-esteem. does he normally guilt trip you?
