Did someone manage to do that? When therapists or people in general tell me to love myself it just feels like the fakest thing ever, I can't even imagine loving myself like this. There are parts of me that I like sure, but there are other parts that are not good, that I cannot just say "yeah I love myself" and I'm not gonna fake this feeling, so I keep going back to this feeling of vaguely hating myself. Genuinely how do people even like themselves like that? It baffles me so much
I have genuinely never understood the concept, either. I can't interpret it as anything other than sheer arrogance. Loving another person makes perfect sense, but love towards myself is a concept I think I'll never grasp. Which is weird because self-hatred on the other hand I get completely and engage in all the time.
>>34843421>>34843425You're both pretty hard to like so I understand. Don't worry, so is everyone else, everyone except me.
>>34843421It's a scam modern new-age sentiment that bled into therapy culture and was largely ignored by psychologists but it wasn't until the past 10 or 15 years when the field received a shit ton of amateurs. Self love doesn't work and doesn't exist and wherever it supposedly exists the person espousing self love is typically higher in narcissism traits. And those high in narcissism have the steepest and darkest amount of self hate underlying the fake self love. Avoid the self love mantra, it only invites the possibility of self hate and it is a mental trap. If you try to love yourself you will have bad days, which is normal. Those who wish to love themselves will hate themselves for being unable to love themselves when those bad moments occur. That's why it is a mental trap. Self love is irrational and a waste of your time and energy. Once you accept this, then it follows: Self hate is irrational and a waste of your time and energy.The human mind was not designed to devour itself, the mind is at its weakest when it is drowned in its own brain chatter and ruminative self examination on repeat ad nauseum. The mind is a tool that is meant to be put towards things or people outside of itself. Either problem solving or socializing or creatively channeling thought into written word or illustration or music or investigations into the natural world via scientific inquiry or philosophical thought or anything that provokes your interest. When you think to yourself never ask "who" or "why". Only ask "what" and "when". Do not search for self identity within your own mind, you will never find it. Self identity is built by using your mind for that which is outside of it, over time and over experience. Self love is a distraction that encourages you to go within. The answer is to go without
>>34843421I had a pretty fucked up childhood. Don’t really want to relive it with stories because it’s not relevant here but any time I post about it on 4chan, I get some version of>wow that’s really fucked up, anonWhich always makes me kek because goddamn, I can even surprise people on 4chan with that shit. Shouldn’t be like that.Anyway, I did my years of therapy. I got really really good at navigating normie life/systems and I definitely learned a ton about being compassionate with other people. I can now be nearly infinitely understanding with others. Hell, that’s why I show up on this board at all: some anons gave me well meaning advice when I needed it way back when. I just want to pay it back a little by giving non-hateful and hopefully useful advice to you guys while speaking your language. And everyone’s funny so I like that too.But I never did learn how to truly love myself. I fixed the problems that truly obstructed my lifestyle but that feeling of internal love for self wasn’t ever able to be touched.I just try to externalize it as much as I can. Show love for other living things.
>>34843428
>>34843432>But I never did learn how to truly love myself. I fixed the problems that truly obstructed my lifestyle but that feeling of internal love for self wasn’t ever able to be touched.I just try to externalize it as much as I can. Show love for other living things.Well done, you have found the correct path. You were unable to find it because it does not exist. And you correctly found the real way forward>I just try to externalize it as much as I can. Show love for other living things.That is it. Well done anon
>>34843421>>34843425Love's defining characteristic is impartiality. Meaning, if you love another person from partiality then what you have isn't actually love, it's attachment or dependence. And if you love yourself from partiality, what you have isn't love, but pride. True love is aimed at truth for truth's sake and good for good's sake primarily, and as a consequence of that love it necessarily becomes the case that you treat yourself and others better than you ever could have without that love. Essentially, the goal is to cultivate universal good will and benevolence, which encompasses yourself as well as the people around you. You begin to treat your own mistakes and failures with the same compassion and patience that you give to others, realizing that no one fails for any reason other than ignorance, that no one knowingly chooses ignorance, and that failing through ignorance is how we learn and grow past our ignorance.Therapist are only taught the conclusion they should be pointing you towards without ever learning the mechanics behind human happiness, so it's no surprise that when they say it it comes across as shallow and fake.
>>34843421loving yourself = be the version of yourself you love being - as much as possible
>>34843505I cant be such version because Im too flawed. I'd need to be different person for that
Tldr: Its the power of extreme introspection of the self.>>34843631Good start actually. People (especially younger people) love to believe they know themselves perfectly. But if you ask them where they got a thought or belief or preference from, they'd say "I dunno, I just did". They say this with the implication that picking these feelings/traits/ideas/beliefs up randomly means they came from you yourself - which is rarely if ever the case. I consider it laziness that many learn to ignore because they're too tired or overworked to even consider it, and that's absolutely fair.The world is hostile to this way of being though, hence your description of "faking a feeling". But when you don't choose to look deeper for the truth, you are accepting the misery of life in abstract (the surface of everything). You ignore the magnificent processes whirring within you now and look ONLY outward for future fulfillment, forgetting that you should be grateful for everything that has made you YOU - mind, body and soul. Taking the journey to understand why you feel so negative can help bring you back to the state of "loving yourself".Being a better version of yourself becomes a choice then, not just something that happens to you. The actual work of properly exploring and accepting who you are and how you came to be that way- for better or worse, so that you can move forward with a more realistic view of who you want to be and what you are capable of - again, for better or worse. The point is that the responsibility is yours, its not your parents fault, the gov, your bosses... its all your choice. For me, learning this gave me an immense sense of ease. It's not guaranteed to make you a rich person, but it certainly will help you become an individual.
>>34843421I'm in a decent mental state generally and I think I'm pretty cool. Saying I love myself feels a bit excessive, I get along with myself and that's good enough
>>34843757Sorry, it might not make sense + grammatical error. In my opninion, its quite a big idea, and boiling it down took a while. Not perfect, but hopefully it helps someone.
>>34843421Just quit therapy nigger. They're a bunch of assholes and take your money, if therapy doesn't work for you it's because you're too smart for that fucking bullshit only gullible retards with superficial problems will work with.You have to get fucking friends. You have to be a fucking asshole. You have to beat people up or some shit, it's the only legit way to gain respect, to put other people down. There should be schools of kids destined to be beatup and put down to make others feel better, and once that doesn't cut it, there should be groups to raid on people's kids to beat them up and put them down if the parents can't defend them.That's why this shit fucking society is a pyramid scheme. You think nobody is below you because you're already in the bottom rung dumbass, and there's more dumbasses on your level trying to climb above you.
>>34843421Self hatred actually comes from a place of love, believe it or not. If you think "I am ugly" all the time, what your brain is really trying to say is "I am worried people might not accept me for how I look." which is a genuine concern, not a stupid insult like "ugly". You have to train yourself to turn your self-hatred into non-emotionally charged criticism, then you can think about it rationally and decide if you need to act on it or if there really is no evidence for it. Thoughts like this are your brain trying to improve your life, but they can quickly become negative if unchecked.
>>34843421I've you've never known self acceptance it's not something you can just think into existence. But yeah after 1-2 years of semi-regular therapy I've managed to start accepting myself, a concept that I didn't even realize was foreign to me for all of my life. I've still got a lot to figure out, but it's insanely liberating.
You should love yourself bro. Once I started thinking of my conscious self as some sort of father for the lower levels of my own consciousness thats when I was finally able to start living well. For example I dont let me stay up playing games because I know it will make me tired tomorrow and have a bad day. But the inner child or "lizard brain" or whatever the fuck is not able to comprehend this. So I have to take care of him and not let him do this stuff he wants. But there is also some give and take. Because I have this self love so I will let him do some retarded shit that he wants to do sometimes too. Like a camping trip, I never got to go camping as a kid and felt I missed out on that and so I guess I am treating my inner child to the camping he always wanted when I go camping. Might be a bit of a schizo way of thinking but it works for me.
>>34843761>But if you ask them where they got a thought or belief or preference from, they'd say "I dunno, I just did".cant relate i have cptsd :p
>>34843442>True love is aimed at truth for truth's sake and good for good's sake primarily, and as a consequence of that love it necessarily becomes the case that you treat yourself and others better than you ever could have without that love. Essentially, the goal is to cultivate universal good will and benevolence, which encompasses yourself as well as the people around you.absolute drivel nonsense>>34844645>You should love yourself bro. Once I started thinking of my conscious self as some sort of father for the lower levels of my own consciousness thats when I was finally able to start living well.mental illnessyou ever notice how no one that ever claims they understand what it is can articulate it without sounding totally insane? that's a sign, OP
>>34843441>Well done, you have found the correct path.I appreciate the kind words. I think I’d specify that there are self-love-people who do become highly effective individuals. I just don’t think it’s something that works commonly. Self love is somewhat of a meme, at least in my experience, but some people do experience a huge lack of self-compassion and that can be extremely limiting in their lives. Then you add in the fact that a huge portion of society, including many therapists, literally cannot tell the difference between compassion & love so you get this situation where somehow everyone needs to “love themselves” more. And that’s a direct pipeline to narcissism for the average person.I’d say the key part is SHOWING love to other living things. I don’t have to ask my plants or pets or wife what they need because I love them. I show that by cultivating and caring for those things before they have to find a way to ask. Just feeling the feeling of love internally or saying it out loud isn’t nearly enough. You gotta do something about it.
>>34845948>you ever notice how no one that ever claims they understand what it is can articulate it without sounding totally insane?This is literally like that movie where the 2d shapes don't believe in a 3d world, until one of them ends up in a 1d world and starts arguing with a point that there's shit beyond his 1d line
>>34843421NOPE. Your value as a human is based on the number in your bank account and what you give give give to the world. You receive nothing in return.
>>34843421You don't have to love the way your shit stinks, but treat yourself as you would a pet or a small child. Sometimes it's self-delusional bullshit to train your inner monologue, sure, but most of the time it just looks like making yourself do the vaguely uncomfy shit you're avoiding because you know it's good for you, same way you'd make a kid sibling eat their vegetables or take your dog for a walk
>>34845948You're just very, very low IQ, anon.
>>34843421unironically MDMA crystals, 1.5 x (your weight in kg) milligramsjust once. don't repeat no matter how magical it feels
It's hard to love myself when I know for a fact there are things I should change and I don't.I'm also afraid of believing something that isn't true about me. When I receive a compliment or enough attention I lighten up and start thinking things I shouldn't.
>>34843421That's a woman concept, OP. Only women have inherent value. Men have to work for it.
>>34843421I managed it and it's a great sensation worth all the pain and work you put in, trust me. But your first step will have to be to forgive yourself.
>>34843421You need to practice it lol. Life isn't some storyline legend of anime gang it's just repetitive action that leads to a new action. So literally u need to practice. The surplus of language always comes out so when u practice it also generates thoughts like "this is so retarded I feel so gay this is fake" etc. but they are just surplus they are there to extend the painful enjoyment of hating yourself which is quite enjoyable
>>34846831Actually that's legit interesting. Thanks dude never though of it that way
>>34843421Love yourself like you love a family member you're concerned about
