I have autism and I want friends and don't know how to make them."Go to club" is a non-starter.
To make friends you first have to get out of the house and go places. You need to go to places that facilitate social interaction - and those are places where people gather to do something specific where people will be forced to interact with each other. For example, a college club is a far better place to make friends than a grocery store - because people are not at the grocery store to talk to people. So you need to go to places like college, hobby groups, social jobs (fast food, waiting tables, etc), and meetup groups to make friends. Now, once you've done the above - this is the hard part - you have to be confidently interested in people and get to know them without the other party thinking you are interrogating them. Then, once you've done the above - this is also important - you need to close by asking for their contact information to talk to them more later and set up a hangout if they are interested. If they accept, and you guys start chatting - congrats - you are in the early stages of friendship
>>34848406>have chanism>want friends>don't know how to make them>don't like the solutions that will be presented>>34848428>club gaspop will ignore your advice, but thank you for writing this
>>34848428I have no idea how to locate a hobby group, and even if I did I'd feel weird walking into someone else's space.If I walked into a group where people were younger than me, I'd feel like an old pervert. If I walked into a group that was mostly women, I'd feel unwelcome. If I walked into a group that was mostly men, I feel like they'd bully me for not being very good at being a man. I'm not opposed to getting a job, but I'm also really fucking stupid, and I don't really understand how to get a job, and whenever I ask someone to help me, they just kind of give me a look.
>>34848479>I'd feel weird>I'd feel like an old pervert.>I'd feel unwelcome>I feel like they'd bully me>I'm also really fucking stupid>I don't really understandHoly self-limiting beliefs batman. Jesus. Your self-confidence is so far in the dumpster it's growing fucking mold. Dude. You're a human being like everyone else. Chill. You treat yourself like absolute garbage.
>>34848479you're overthinking this.>menmen will give you shit because that's what they do. there's no getting out of this. you have to learn to trade insults, which you learn with time. it's the same way people treat one another here. if someone's an american, you call them a fat mutt. if they're swedish, you call them a muslim loving twink.see: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_m08oYKuCps>youngeras long as you're talking to adults, no one reasonable is going to think you're a pervert. are you 50?>jobironically the best solution for you. you just need to step out of the void and realize the world outside isn't what your little brain is conjuring it as. i've had other socially anxious friends and family and this fixed their problems.>hobby grouphttps://letmegooglethat.com/?q=social+clubs+near+menigger, people go to these events to find others to talk to and share their interests with. you can read a book alone, or practice yoga, or find a friend group to do these things. why do you think they walk to a hangout to do it with others?your mind is poison right now conjuring up nonsense that you only see on eye candy youtube videos where someone thinks they're getting raped after someone asks them out.go to meetup or facebook groups or one of the other sites to find a group. before smart phones and internet, people tried to leave their home to do something in public every weekend. you should try that too.it's gonna take some balls but most social clubs want more people to join since 90% of the population now spends all day on their phone in bed doing fuck all. there is demand for you even if you're a self-inflicted retard
>>34848488I don't feel fully human like everyone else. They all spent their lives being normal. I spent my life being the retard who had to go to a different school, and hearing my name being treated as if it was a punchline.I don't want to enter in to a big intimidating social space. I just want to be around a few people who I know are safe.
>>34848516>you have to learn to trade insultsYeah, that's not going to happen. I'm a zero to a hundred kind of person. I get very angry very quickly. I don't do cool. I do red mist. >are you 50?I'm over 30. But I feel like I have childish interests. I'm not about to just walk into a gaming group, because they'll probably be actual kids. >get a jobYeah, I know. I'd like to get a job. My attempts have mostly failed, because I don't get it. I don't get what people want from me.>join a group from an appThe thing is, those are for normal people though. They're not prepared for me to wonder in like Tarzan interacting with people for the first time.
>>34848518covid broke the majority of your kinds brains. you're more norm than the odd one out.if you want a safe space join an lgbt group, because they don't tolerate having a sense of humor
>>34848548In all honestly, I've kind of tried, and I don't think they want me around either.I mean, I'm a white male incel who posts on 4chan. You try to be nice to them, and they can still seem to smell it on you somehow. Before long, there's this unspoken energy hanging in the air that they all want you to go the fuck away. Non-specific comments about "bad vibes", and "weird people hanging around". You'll notice that you've been blocked by someone you previously thought you were developing a rapport with.
>>34848406sounds like you need to get invited somewhere instead of doing things that feel like intruding. my suggestion is to just meet more people and eventually meet an adhd-type extrovert friend collector. they'll befriend everyone who is receptive and nice, and then if you befriend someone like this, you'll likely get invited to things with their other friends and gain a social circle, somewhat.you could also try tabletop-oriented game stores if you're interested at all in stuff like dnd. if you're a new face and buy anything related to warhammer for example and ask a few questions showing you're a noob, you will be explicitly told when the next "people gathering to do x thing together at the game store" thing will be held, which is an invite. warhammer especially is an interest for men 30 and above, dnd too mostly but some groups are younger ever since it became mainstream.
>>34848578i don't know how to get invited to things. Going to one of those tabletop gaming places still feels so much like barging into someone else's living room. I don't think I'm supposed to be there.
>>34848609you are supposed to go there if you need to go there to get something you want/need. having strong interests helps, especially something that can't be done alone/on a computer. force yourself to have a hobby like that. something where you like the hobby/thing enough that you don't mind that you need to go somewhere with people to successfully do it.
>>34848406>repeated unplanned interactions >mutual difficult experiences
>>34848650I feel like spaces get territorialised though. There are unspoken rules.
>>34848406the most sperged out, yet accepting people i've ever met were at local indie rock concerts. find yourself a genre of music *made with real instruments* you like, see if there's some people playing it nearby, and go. bonus points if you bring cigarettes or a geek bar, people will naturally gravitate towards you if you smoke outside in between sets - and they're extremely low stakes interactions>ooh can i bum a cig?>sure>wasn't that set great? thanks for the smoke>yeah. no problem>*inhale, exhale mutually*>okay see you insideand that is actually the bare minimum you have to do for people to interact with you on a neutral to positive basis. I swear on my life that indie shows are the most free-form, no-social-contract gatherings of people. you could just lean on the wall in the back mutely, watch everyone, leave, and no one would bat an eye. if you can't hack it that evening, you're free to do that.
>>34849377>sperged out? no wayunironically yes. i remember one chick started screaming at a revving car passing by because she hated how it overstimulated her. next month she was hosting her own show. seen multiple bands do trading card pack openingsas far as "gatherings of people least likely to be normie NPCs", indie rock shows are more tolerable than other suggestions (compared to the average hiking group or yoga class)
>>34848406no friends no enemies. trust no one, except family
join my discord server we can be friendsthe link:https://discord.gg/HPz83Z2YVk
>>34849377assuming I'm the sort of person who can simply go to a rock concert is giving me a lot of credit.
>>34849555what aspect of a rock concert disqualifies you from attending? i know an autistic woman who is lead singer for a band here. she'll walk around shows with her bandmates and earplugs in to prevent overstimulation, so don't blame your autistic traits. these shows are filled with autistsnotice i said "local" and "indie" so as not to be cost-prohibitive, or full of rich jackass fans in on the fandom. if you don't know the bands, that's a good sign.
>>34849571basically you should be seeing flyers that say "NOTAFLOF" on them as a stamp of it being local and indie enough
>>34848488Not OP but...>Holy self-limiting beliefs batman. Jesus.Guess what? Rigidity is a textbook part of autism!>You're a human being like everyone else. Chill.Neurotypicals are practically a different species, but you'd have to be an autist to understand this.
>>34849571firstly, loud. Secondly, busy public place. Thirdly, sense of not belonging.
>>34849628>my self-diagnosed disability makes me a new species with hand-selected DSM-V supertard powers
>>34849998I wasn't self diagnosed. I was diagnosed twenty years ago as a child.
>>34849574I don't really wanna do that stuff
>>34849952>loudpick a softer genre. go singer-songwriter if you have to. other autists show up with earplugs. if you're really that stimulation-sensitive, bring earmuffs. people play on stages with earmuffs, no one cares if you have hearing protection in>busy public placelocal indie rock shows have maybe a classroom's worth of people show up. there are breaks between sets where the room empties for people getting drinks or smokes>sense of not belongingif you pay the $5 at the door, as long as you don't commit some obnoxious crime, you belong. indie musicians literally make money off of sympathizing with people that don't belong because they are ALSO people that don't fit in or belong in normal, non-arty society.>>34851025>I don't wannayou'll stay friendless otherwise. i tell you as a former neet autist that making friends at indie rock shows or even open mics takes so much less pressure than anywhere else
>>34851614I'm not interested in being involved in an indie music scene. It's not my thing.
>>34851737>I have autism and I want friendsHere's a scenario that happens around the world that is autism-friendly, created by outsiders, and lends itself to friends, if not familiarity: local indie music>I don't know how to make themAttend the show, hear & see the artists, react to the artists themselves or other attendees after the set is over. Bring smokes if you are really insecure about your conversational skills. You don't even have to smoke them, just give them to other people and listen to them yap.>Laundry list of excusesYou can mitigate these things down to a total non-issue, or you have a misconception about them>...Yeah I just don't want to do itBecause being comfortably alone is that much easierWhy did you make this thread at all if you bait suggestions out of people, only to shoot them down with how little you trust yourself? If you are as autistic as you suggest, it is a miracle you are typing sentences with proper grammar and punctuation.
>>34848428>To make friends you first have to get out of the house and go places.Never mind. I don't want friends
>>34848406>>34848439I have interests and I want an audience for them and don't know how to capture them in a risk-free one-sided self-gratification interaction without changing anything about myself or attempting to leave my room
>>34849555>>34851025Go to the rock concerts and clubs, so that the people here, who look down on you, will look down on you less. That may help you feel better.If you say you have been to 48 rock concerts, they'll respect you more and maybe give you better answers when you ask for help.Normies work like that. You have to work with their prejudices. Part of involving yourself in social interactions is earning respect in humans' eyes, which you do by doing things they consider impressive or that they like personally.
>>34851775I literally have zero interest in indie music. I don't think I'm going to make friends with those kinds of people.You're assuming I even have some kind of cool indie club I can go to. You're just bragging about something you've done, and assuming it's universally applicable.
>>34851858I leave my house almost every day. Outside isn't like an RPG where you can just go up to people and start talking. I don't know where you people live where it works that way.
>>34851878I got dragged to a church disco once as a child, and it gave me a sensory overload. I don't like loud music. >wear earplugsthen how do I talk to people? It's idiotic.
>>34851934It takes a lot of practice to chat up strangers. Most people say they do it but they're lying, they mostly talk to the same few people they've known for 10 years. But, it's still possible to develop the skill to chat up strangers. If you even get to average level at it, you'll be like top 1% extrovert in reality. Watch other people and you'll see nobody talks to each other, they're too scared and antisocial even though they brag about how cool they are. But half the time, they do accept and appreciate being talked to.>>34851940Take the earplugs out to talk to them. Yeah I know earplugs are important for autists, I take them to concerts and sporting events too.
>>34852592i don't want to go to a concert
>>34852596Lol at the tone of this reply, but really, you have to do something to make normies respect you and to get into contact with them. Even if you don't even enjoy it, telling normal people about the concert you went to once, is a good story that makes them respect you more. Besides, surely there is some music you like and can tolerate.
>>34852614I have no interest whatsoever.
>>34852625Then why are you asking this? Being friends with normies involves kissing their asses and pretending to like the things they like. If you don't have interest in doing that, why are you asking how to do it? Think about what you want in life.
>>34852628I want to be friends with people who are like me.
>>34852649You already are. We are friends, us freaks on this website. I'm guessing you want more, though. Friends that are normal and physical in real life... normies, unfortunately. Though who knows, maybe you can meet some interesting ones somewhere.
>>34852656I want people who actually know me and give a shit about me.
>>34852660And you think you can do that without kissing their ass a little and pretending to care about their ideas and their lives and hobbies and social rules and music and etc? If you want to be one of them, you have to work hard on that. The only place you'll always belong by birthright identity is here, with us. This is who you were born as. One of us.Now, if you want to be more than that, and earn your way into normies' society, you have to go out and make them like you somehow. That's why people are suggesting ideas like going to listen to the music they like. You need some way to enter their world.
>>34852675but I don't want to be one of them. I want to be around people I actually like.
>>34852677Brother, you know we all want that, right? It's not that easy. Finding people worth talking to and being around is extremely hard if you're not a normie. In fact, the best results I've ever heard of or seen are from people who just met as many normies as possible... because it gave them the chance to meet non-normies through them. For example some guy meets 400 random idiots but one of them has a cool sister and he married that girl. Many stories are like that. Unfortunately, the best way to meet people you like is probably to meet people you don't like. I know it's not a fun task, which is why I'm here too, taking a break from it. But it's the only way.Here's another bit of advice: go abroad, or far away from home. Sometimes that's necessary, because you've exhausted the low-hanging fruit nearby and need a new place to search.
>>34852689I'm an agoraphobe.
>>34852697Then you have to fix that.
>>34852701how?
>>34852812Man, the normal way. Therapy, pills, practice, or a combination of all three.
>>34848406Meet new people until some people you want to keep being with
>>34853032How do I meet people? It doesn't make any sense to me.Every piece of advice is always just go to a public place and stand around until it happens, which obviously doesn't happen.
>>34852677>>34852697>>34852812>>34853448Find a thing you like, and see if there are other people doing that thing you like somewhere together. Go to that place and do that thing with other people. Rinse and repeat. If you keep showing up and at least attempt to interact positively with other people, eventually you will make acquaintances who know you by name and know a bit about you, and vice versa. Some of them may even become friends if you both like each other enough to want to hang out more often.It doesn't have to be a concert.
>>34853462I've tried, and I never get to the point where people actually want to know me.
>>34853475Do you actually want to know other people?
>>34853486Yes. It's the thing I've wanted the most for the past 20 years.I don't understand how other people are connecting. it doesn't make sense to me.
>>34853493>rejects all advice>I don't understand how other people are connecting. it doesn't make sense to me.
>>34853506your only advice is "go to a concert", and I've explained exactly why I'm not going to do that.I find loud music itself to be physically uncomfortable, I don't really have an interest in music, I don't play any music, I don't think I have any point of connection with music people. There's a distinction between giving helpful advice and just trying to make me be you.
>>34853493please consult the graph
>>34853589>walk up to a group of people and say "hello, I'm Dave"Well, straight off the bat. That isn't going to work.
>>34853548>>34853594>comes to /adv/ to rebuke 50+replies from various anonsmost anons that are capable of help here, are at the least receptive by 10 replies. you're aiming for achievement levels i can see. at this point, you're not only wasting your time but everyone else giving you their energy in the thread.just face it. you're finished. it's time for you to take meds and head to the nearest psych ward.symbolically, you're already in a padded room with so much rejection of everyones suggestions, there's no way out of your situation. you're in a trap of your own crafting. the (imaginary) walls are built off your bullshit autism diagnosis.there's an infinite amount of low iq lead paint sniffing, radiation exposed, hapsburg dysgenically crafted retards out there that still managed to get pussy and friends because they had the willpower to exorcise solutions to said problems. they don't give up. they persist.you're not special. anyone that's a regular to /adv/ meets your archetype fairly frequently. your only super power is making endless excuses for yourself to remain in your symbolic padded room.i was taught that there is, "no such thing as a good excuse". yes you can rationally argue there is (a professional excuse maker can often make infinite excuses for themselves to do nothing), but there is always something you could have done different in a situation. it's like in improvisation theater, they teach you to always mentally say, "yes and" instead of "no can't", because it adds to the flow of energy when you're willing to go with and add to a situation rather than reject and cut it off the flow of energy. you can always do something different.you would make the worst improv partner, because your mind is buckbroken into a, "no can't" philosophy.i wouldn't be your friend. not until you fundamentally change your mindset and stop making excuses for yourself.>inb4 the part where it's everyone else's fault but OP
>>34853657I want you to help me make friends. Not tell me a bunch of stuff that isn't applicable.
>>34853594it's a /vrg/ chart for being autistic in vrchat, but you can pretty much follow the same script in any small group or club activity setting.try joining a rec league or something.
>>34853828I have no idea what a rec league is, and as far as I can tell there are no appropriate clubs to join. I'm not the kind of person that doors get left open for.
>>34848406be a volunteer. people only really like you while you're doing something for them.https://www.bitchute.com/video/4fcKwaMO8sGr
>>34853879What the fuck are you posting?
I feel ill.Someone help me change my life
