Every time something big happens in my life, I invite my mother's best friend.People think I do it because I love her, because we're so close, because I care about her so much. But the truth is, I hate her. Not figuratively. Literally. Every time I’m near her, I feel disgusted, a genuine revulsion.I invite her because I hate her.My mom and this woman were pregnant at the same time, her friend chose to terminate her pregnancy, and my mom considered doing the same. But my grandmother swallowed her pride and forbade it, that's the only reason I’m here.It offends me deeply that my mom even thought about it, especially because her friend only did it because her boyfriend promised to marry her if she went through with it. He told her that if she didn't, he'd leave her to be a single mother. In the end, he left her anyway. She never had another child, no matter how many men she dated. She ended up barren.I know she's fond of me because I’m the same age her child would have been. She shows up to every milestone, acting like she's celebrating. But my mom told me she cries every time, out of regret. She's growing old now, and she's alone.I'm about to get engaged soon. And I want her right in the center of it. I'm planning a party, and I'm going to seat my girlfriend right next to her. Then, in front of her, inches away, I'm going propose to my girl . So she can sit there and watch, and know that the child she killed would have been that age too. Would have found someone. Would have had this moment, would've had kids in their own. But she made sure that never happened, never...Please talk me out of this, I'm serious about it, I'm so full of hatred and disdain for that woman. All I can't tell it's not a larp, otherwise I wouldn't have made such a long text.
>>34848751You can do it!
>But my mom told me she cries every time, out of regret.You’ve invited her every other time so this time let it be important and then don’t invite her. If/when she says something, just say>my mom said you cry about me every time you leave here so that’s weird and creepy. I wanted only good vibes for my proposal.
>>34848751at least you pretend and actually invite.unlike my own sibling
Isn't your mother the one you hate?I want my kid so none of these people would have stopped me, not the boyfriend asking for an abortion, not my own mother, friends are even further down the list. Now the kid's here. He also wanted to be here.
>>34848751Why would you torture the woman who is paying for her mistake instead of hating your mother who only had you because your mother's mother saved your life?
>>34848833>>34848836I despise my own mother too, but I can't bring myself to hate her because it's the daughter of my grandmother whom I lobe so much
Stop living your life out of spite. Focus on your own goals and life. You're going to have your own family soon. Focus on that, not some woman's failure that happened before you were born.
She had a man she was assumedly in love with demand she abort. What was your mom's excuse for considering it?Honestly you sound like a dipshit who is angry at your mom but instead take it out on her friend because you're weak
>>34848965Well maybe stop assuming love as an excuse for her and then nobody’s so clearly in the right, huh?>well, this lady is assumedly a genius.>there must be much more going on here
>>34848968Sophistry. I never said she was right, I just stated the fact that one had an external pressure and the other afaik did not which means the unpressured one was even worse. Like I said you are weak and it's very apparent.
>>34848894I would like to be honest, I'm mad and angry, against many people in my life, against my Father who abandoned me, my Mother whom I rarely see and started a new family, my half siblings from both sides, women who hurt me in the past, to be honest I feel anger towards my girlfriend too, but my mom's best friend is just the closest person from whom I can extract silent revenge, and I think it's justified, she deserve it, I'm not hurting an innocent person, not even a human but a monster.
>>34848965>What was your mom's excuse for considering it?My Father left her>Honestly you sound like a dipshit who is angry at your mom but instead take it out on her friend because you're weakI'm angry at my Mother yes, but against her friend too, and yes I take it on her because she's an easy target, shes the one that's weak.
>>34849052Changing your mindset takes time. You have to stop yourself when you have thoughts like this and reroute them until they stop. In your case I would transfer the thoughts from resentment to forgiveness. Don't forgive them for their sake, do it for yours, because this can't be an obsession you live with. They are living rent free in your head. Do it even if it feels insincere at first. Every time you think about them resentfully, that connection in your brain becomes stronger. By stopping yourself from dwelling on it you will free yourself. Taking out your anger on this woman isn't an outlet, it's allowing you to continue these thoughts and draw out your pain.
>>34849066I feel no remorse from hurting her, she is not a human before my eyes, she is a murderer, she killed her own kid, a woman who murdered her own kid is not even a human being, she is a thing, lesser than an animal, I respect and love animals because they are innocent, she's not.
>>34849080When did I say you should have remorse? Again, forgive them for your sake. You have a lifetime obsession of hate. That can only make you a hateful person, regardless of your intentions. You love innocence but you are tainting your own mind. Those that learn to love torturing the guilt simply learn to love torture.
>>34849084*torturing the guilty
>>34849084Maybe it's not hate, hate is all consuming, but I can't describe it. It's something else... condescension? But whatever I feel is not a burden on my heart. Abusing her brings peace to my being. It's hard to describe. I think you have nice intentions, but you are misguided by some sort of scripted thinking.
>>34849102When I mentioned freeing your mind of hate you said that you "would like to, to be honest". I'm arguing for your sake, but you have to make up your mind. A mind that feels peace by putting others down is not loving mind, no matter what you feel afterwards or for what justification. Hate, disdain, condescension... These things will twist you anon. I think you know that. But I'll leave it up to you whether you'll indulge yourself - whether you truly came to the advice board for help or just to justify your actions that were never going to change.
>>34848965I agree.>>34849102It brings so much peace to your mind that you had to post an angry essay on /adv/ about it where you begged us to change your mind.You know that being vindictive and petty like this is pathetic. Being cruel to someone who made a terrible mistake will not do anything for her late child or serve as any sort of cosmic payback towards your own mother.Wallowing in hatred will poison your marriage.
>>34848751why are you so wrapped up in the life of an old hag
I'm wondering why his mom would even tell him about that whole thing. She sounds like a POS.
>>34849139At some point ops own mother held a newborn baby and asked it if it was glad she didn't abort it.>>34849052And now the victim became the perpetrator. This story only contains assholes.
>>34849052There's a woman, in her 70s, who ended up adopting. Now she'll end up passing away with a child that loves her instead of whatever this mess of a failed abortion is.
>>34848751You won't change your mind, will you?This post of yours is only to allow your mind to reinforce your ego and choices, which were starting to crumble in doubt within your mind.You've got what you sought, now piss off with your refound stubbornness to mentally torture some whore that almost convinced her whore friend, your mother, to abort your whoremongering ass.
>>34848751The fantasies are running wild I see deep into the American nightNo one believes you boyo, but nice effort
>>34848751Nah her child would've ended up a gooner neet incel hikikomori and not found anyone just be dead weight leech soNot really correct to project your own outcome onto everyone else>>34849052Lmao the mother's best friend sounds like the least guilty and most detached from your drama nonsense of them all. So you wanna punish her because you are so weak and pathetic and impotent you can't go punish or reconcile with the people who actually did you wrong, and your only way of feeling in control is asserting dominance on the weakest you can find. Go ahead and do your plan, the woman probably won't even give a shit and just be happy for you, then you'll realise lmao you can't even affect the weakest of them all, you just completely inept
