I don't have any friends irl but of those that I have online, I just vent about my life and they always give me good advice but I never do anything with it. I don't know how to fix myself, how to love myself because like them with their boyfriends and girlfriends, I, too, want to be loved by someone.But it seems like it isn't in the cards so I weep, I go "woe is me!" and yet I do nothing to improve but I know that even if I were to improve, I will never get over the social anxiety, I will never be an actual adult and person worthy of relationships, I will never love myself or have community, relationships, love, etc.So if I can't fix that, how do you learn to just shut up about your problems and NEVER mention them to people so you don't piss them off? I want to stop wanting to open up because I'm a weak ass PUSSY and I open up with venting way too easily. I should be way more closed-off in that regard. I'm in my 20s now, it's embarassing to act like this and keep taking SSRIs and benzos in order to feel okay for just a little bit.I want to have friends, community, I want to love and be loved but I am just unempathetic, or selfish, or whatever the fuck already and I haven't even discovered or loved myself. I know that, I know it, people tell me that and it's good advice but like how do I fix something so deeply wrong with my soul, how do I actually change my frame of mind, meet new people and fall in love? Why does it seemingly come so easy to some of these people but then you ask them and they have a big ass backstory so maybe it isn't easy after all?I feel so alone, I want a hug. I don't want sex or anything, just a hug and holding hands warmly together. I'm selfish and egocentric probably but just wanting this is okay, is it not?I just need to shut the fuck up.
sounds like the typical "be a well, not a bucket" scenario.People want to be around people who nourish them, who they can draw from, who they can depend on, who they feel are a positive influence.If you only drain them, they won't want to be around you.You need to basically get a life and become a positive influence.and of course accept Jesus Christ.
>>34849353even when i am positive and great, things suck.tired of the "self-improvement" propaganda
>>34849291You're overthinking all or this. No, it's not too late, and no, you're not doomed forever.The only real problem i see here are the SSRIs and Benzos because they can fuck up your mind but you can't just stop them, only a doctor can help you with getting off of them over a long period of time.Anyway, your overthinking comes from the fact that your upbringing has given you tools (behaviors) that don't work out for you. It's like a dog who was trained to be a duck, but then the dog tries to do duck things to find friends. Sorry I'm bad with metaphors. Probably the only thing that sort of makes you feel better and connected is the oversharing, and that's why you do it so much, your brain tries do use the only program it has left that sort of helps you. If you're a guy I recommend reading this: https://bookofpook.neocities.org/ I was in a similar situation and this has really helped me realize a lot of things and turn my life around.Second is, since chances are high that you're in the US, you need to watch your eating habits because a fucked up nutrition will lead to a fucked up mind. Eat fresh food, cut back on everything that isn't water or tea. Be careful with supplements though because some can badly interact with SSRis. Then do sports to build some muscle and feel good about your body, even if just once a week. For social anxiety, just try to hold eye contact with people when you talk to them that already fixes like 50% of the problems.
>>34849393this anon is right....SSRIs will ruin you.
>>34849393I'm European, I take zoloft (sertraline) daily 3 pills and rivotril (clonazepam) 2 pills whenever i feel shit even though i should only use it for anxietyi should look at that neocities yeah and as for eating, i do kinda eat like shit but i also still live with my parents at 21 and idk how to cook so i am an overgrown child because my mom coddled me when i was younger and i am privileged and so i never went out bcs i also live in the countryside and i never met people, never had my true first lovei had some middlingly-okay experiences with sex, i had a boyfriend who was like 10 years older than me too which i still don't know how to process if i was groomed or noti go to therapy like every month or so, gotta schedule another appointment with my psychiatristbut it just feels like i'm an NPC or like, the dissociation feels like i am looking at life like a movie played on my retinas, endlesslynothing ever feels real. i'm selfish and i want a hug and love but i am not emotionally well in the head and would probably weigh too much on the other person. really, i am just embarassed to exist bcs while people around me are in relationships, they're slowly gonna develop, fall in love more, marry, have kids or like have community and be good with people and i am just gonna be 40 and alone and probably die because no one will be there to take care of me when my parents die i lived alone for like a few months this year and one weekend, i got so sick (i had a 38 degree celsius fever, 100 degrees fahrenheit) and i just could not get out of bed, had no soup to cook and i felt so utterly alone and shitty cuz i had no one to call for helpthankfully, my mom and dad, although i have a strained relationship with them, drove from the countryside to take care of me, mom cooked me soup and gave me some medicine and i recovered a little bitbut i am scared that one day, mom won't be there and i'll be "palle alone in the world"
>>34849424So you're a girl? Sorry then my previous adivce might not have been fitting for you mostly because it's directed at boys/men.Try to focus on socializing and making friends, try to join a sports group or two and go there regularly. Nutrition is SUPER important because proper nutrition makes you feel good, improper nutrition can even make you depressed. Learn how to cook fresh and healthy meals. There's a lot of advice online. Try to keep a healthy weight (not too thin not too fat).Lastly, cut down on social media doomscrolling because that stuff is poison to your mind (in case you do this), same with news and politics, instead focus on talking to people IRL
>>34849291you have several problems, but your self-talk is making everything coming out of your mouth sound all retarded.it's fine if you're selfish as long as you're not trying to sell the lie that you give a shit about others problems.i'd get off the drugs no matter what. doctors are retarded and just trusting the science. 50 years from now they will be laughing knowing what they're dosing people today.if you're a woman, have you ever used a dating app? you'll get a zillion guys lining up to date you.
>>34849463i do doomscroll a lot, yeahthanks anon, i feel awful rn cuz i downed some medicine yesterday but i will try to apply what you told me
>>34849291>I will never be an actual adult and person worthy of relationships, I will never love myself or have community, relationships, love, etcWith this kind of mentality you are doomed for impending demise and loss. You also sound like a normiefaggot with zero aspirations. Good news, you can change all this. But it takes time, effort and inspiration.
>>34849291Stop taking drugs to numb feelings and just feel the feelings. Then go talk to new people until the "falling in love" crap happens
>>34849393Thank you for your reply you're based for that. I have downloaded this some days before to have a look at it, it's good to have some reassurance that it's not going to be a waste of time. Will have a look at EasyPeasy and Arcitea later too, it's rare to find some honest advice
