Can someone help me stop being so autistic about this?Basically, I opened up to my gf about some pretty trivial thing. A psychological hangup that in the grand scheme of things is a nothingburger. Near the end of the convo, she said she's here for me, and said: "but I don't want to be your therapist."I kinda get it, I've had to comfort depressed NEET internet friends for ages and it gets exhausting. I try to avoid being that sort of person in general. And for reference, this is about the 2nd or 3rd time I've had a conversation about some anxiety of mine over the course of several years.But her comment really bothered me. Isn't that what love is? I've comforted her wholeheartedly over job loss, family issues, or anxiety that stretched for weeks or months. When it's her, it's not labor to me. It has literally never bothered me. The thought of not being there for her is inconceivable. How could you see the person you love feeling distressed and not want to help them?Am I being a huge bitchboy for wanting the same kind of sentiment?
>>34852941Women are, at this time, bombarded with psyops telling them to be proud of the things they won’t ever do for men. You didn’t ask her to be your therapist but she was happy to get to say the line. Every problem you have means you need a therapist and she won’t be it. You will address her problems directly, however, and she never needs therapy. It’s genuinely fucking retarded. Over time you will learn the other things she is proud not to do for you. Ignore this at your own risk.Tl;dr you literally did nothing wrong and she spat instagram feminism in your face when you had just opened up.
>>34852941>Isn't that what love is?Yes but what you’re getting is the standard non-unicorn experience for men in 2026. She doesn’t want to do anything for the relationship but you still have to do all the “guy stuff”. Thats life. They’ve circled the wagons and decided that their husbands can get fucked and will have either no standards or no wives.
>>34852941She's right. Most of people don't want to date mentally unwell people.
>>34852954How to tell if your lady has been devoured by instagram feminism, inspired by this post>does she tell you that she won’t be your therapist in situations that certainly do not demand that level of seriousness?>does she describe anything she does as unpaid work?>does she go out of her way to separate her laundry from yours so that you HAVE to do loads of exclusively your own laundry? Just so she can say you do?>does she ever talk about feminism positively? (Free space)>is she unusually concerned about Mormons even though you don’t know any for no apparent reason?>does she seemingly side with random women she’s never met before in every situation, including hypothetical, to the point of just making stuff up for benefit of the doubt?>does she call herself a girl’s girl? (You want a boyfriend’s girl or a husband’s girl.)>does she describe you as her “partner” like you’re a coupla faggots?
>>34852988Imagine being a pissypussy femcel kek
>>34853001Those aren’t even red flags. They are jolly rogers of somebody who is about to pirate your happiness.
>Isn't that what love is?No>I've comforted her wholeheartedlyAre you her therapist?
Tbh I wish my bf would open up to me like that. He supports me mentally, but I feel like he always closes of emotionally and it makes me feel so distant and alienated from him. I want to feel closer and more connected to him and be there for him and help him in his difficult moments but sometimes I wonder if he has any feelings or emotions at all besides angerSo yeah, I agree that is a bothersome comment, I would feel bothered by it too in your shoes, especially if you are always there for her too. That is exactly what love means. Most people seem to forget that these days and are just selfish. You should be able to open up to her and she should be there to comfort you. Tbh she should be happy she can be that person for you
Ok, anon, there's a good chance I've been married longer than you've been alive. We're also the happiest married couple I know, which is not to say we're perfect; very far from it, but I feel we have a very healthy marriage. Her response isn't good or bad; it's worth exploring for sure, and worth talking about, as you might learn a LOT about if she's a keeper, as under the right circumstances she's not wrong to not want to engage over minutia. Here's a hard truth: you need to be the emotional pillar, not her. Not to say your feelings aren't valid, but she needs to know in her heart that you're a rock, you're solid. Do you want to burden her with minutia? As part of that, you need to lean on her for emotional support only when you really, TRULY, honestly need it. Did your little crisis meet that criteria? If not, you either let it go or reframe how you discuss it; next time you deal with your personal hangup, you can tell her you're aware it's a hangup and you're fine, but you dealt with it. With practice you will, anyhow. I got help for anxiety early on, rather than let it hurt my marriage. In the intervening 20+ years, I've had her unwavering support, but I also try not to burden her so she knows that when I need her I don't have to ask; but if I do, she's there for me. ...and that's what you need to find out, OP: if she's really going to be there for you when things absolutely do fall in the toilet, because in life that happens. Traditional roles generally play to the strengths of each party, but at first the man's part feels lonely, because in a healthy relationship we have to grow into it; striking a balance where you are a pillar of strength for your woman, but also knowing that she'll be yours when you absolutely and honestly can't be. Go talk to her about this. Talk about what happens when, after establishing that you're capable of being rock solid over the course of years, how she will react when life occasionally fucks you.
>>34853105Man needs to be her emotional pillar? Why can’t it be both. Each other emotional pillar. Much better and just as healthy. But do what works for you
>>34853108Men aren't supposed to be crybaby weaklings. Man the fuck up.
>>34853077 Interesting take, and superficially the opposite of what I discussed w/OP in >>34853105, but it might be the other side of the same coin. Talk with him; it may be that consciously or not he does not want to burden you with what he feels is not critical enough to mention, but at the same time part of being intimate IS allowing yourself to be known. Learning how to be that vulnerable without feeling or looking weak is a part of developing emotional maturity, and it may take the self-confidence that only comes with practice and success. If you feel that your bf is too emotionally reserved, tell him. You don't need or want him to feel forced to comply, but the act of asking him to trust you puts an awareness of your needs in his mind. It will be good for you to see with time how he responds. Be patient.
>talking to women at all, everI literally leave the room when my wife walks in. Never trust a woman, never give attention to a woman, never humor or give the benefit of the doubt to a woman."When Yaldabaoth can't reach a motherfucker, he gives him a wife."In other words, when Satan couldn't reach Adam, he had to go after Eve and cause Adam's fall through her.
>>34853108You missed my point. It IS both; but a man rightfully wants to be able to withstand emotional burdens, which takes practice DESU. It's a point of pride with us that also builds strength and resilience in a relationship. This is not to say that we need to be unfeeling or cold, or not to show weakness, but cultivating strength requires exercise and practice, as does knowing when it is time to ask for help; this is part of mutual support. Put in caveman terms: no woman wants a man who is a cold unfeeling lump, and no woman wants a man who bursts into tears every time someone is mean to him. OTOH no man wants a woman who is incapable of emotional response or who has less emotional depth and complexity than he does; it unmans us. You can laugh at this as a generalization, and to a point it's not universal. How we display strength varies, as does how we perceive it in others, but on balance it's generally accurate: mutual support is best, but men enjoy feeling strong and needed; when we can do this we feel fulfilled. When we can't, we need your help.
>>34852941>I've comforted her wholeheartedly over job loss, family issues, or anxiety that stretched for weeks or months. if i were in your shoes, then unlike the cucks ITT who put up with less i'd ask myself, what am i getting in return for all the work i do for her and her troubles? if the answer is nothing then i'd leave or use it as a pretty valid excuse to start cheating behind her back until i'm ready to leave for someone who cares about me the same waywhat value does a bitch even bring to your life if shes not there for you like this, how is this any different from hooking up with a gold digger who couldn't give two shits about you, only your money
>>34853218 It sounds like you need a tampon more than a gf.
>>34853222shouldn't you be at your 3rd job subsidizing your wife's black boyfriend and their kids right now
So much samefagging here. Lol. >>34852941It means she cares but doesn't want to be a trauma dump. She's probably had others just dump emotional baggage on her in the past. Either way, talking about it with her will clear things up. Start with something like "when you said the other day that you don't want to be my therapist, what did you mean? I just want to understand your limits" Be calm and kind when you say it.
>>34852941Pretty sure she's internalized the "mem commit suicide more" and secretly thinks you might be hiding bigger issues, so she's preemptively warming you that she's not equipped to handle serious mental health crises. But she's there for you for smaller issues like you share with her yourself
>>34853001All this plus trying to worm out of everything that makes her uncomfortable by calling it emotional labor
>>34853243>trauma dump.Oh this is another good example of a meme word used by instagram feminists>OP, Look how hard all these posters are stretching to tell you that you’re at fault here for your gf being a fucking asshole kek
>>34853243>She's probably had others just dump emotional baggage on her in the past.See how they just make up a past that justifies her behavior without trying to help YOU? That’s exactly the shit I mean. Hopefully your gf doesn’t do that too, OP.
>>34853425No one wants to hear your sob story. Get the fuck out.
You on 4chan: >hey guys she really hurt my feelings. She didn’t mean it the way I think she did, right? This seems kinda fucked upHer on Reddit:>ladiea, I FINALLY did it! I said I wouldn’t be his therapist. This was the third time he had spoken to me about his feelings so I knew it was time. I was nervous he’d react badly but I think he took it really well since he hasn’t said I’m wrong and seems really happyGrim
>>34852941You can probably do better, idk.If you opened up about something personal and her first reaction was trying to put up a barrier, then imagine trying to get somewhere with her when something bad actually happens.idk... If it's me, I'm looking for someone genuine. Not someone who isn't emotionally available.
>>34853109why are male suicide rates and depression rates so high???
>>34853489They weren't strong enough, clearly
>>34853489White lonely guy in his 60s with an easy access to a gun is the most typical amerimutt suicider. Not as dramatic as some people think. He was old anyway and his life was shit. It's understandable.
>>34852941What, so you should go talk to a therapist instead of her? Is she gonna pay up and send you to a therapist because she cares that little about your internal workings? Like what's the deal here, that you shouldn't talk to her about anything that's bothering you? Just go to a therapist or shut up about it and just get over it yourself? That your concerns don't matter and she doesn't wanna know or help solve any of it? Or that you shouldn't need a therapist or have any weak points?Maybe ask her what she even means by "therapist"
Next time she talks to you, tell her youre not her therapist, that with the last talk she changed you into the rapist. Then, u know what to do
