My girlfriend has BPD. She's gorgeous but totally fucking insane. Constant arguments over nothing, total scrutiny of my digital presence, etc. She's the most jealous and insecure person I've ever met. The seldom good days with her are great and she's a genuinely loving person but outside of the lone bright spots, it's an exercise in misery. An emotional war of attrition. I am six foot three and pretty fit. I can't really do anything because of the optics, I can only emotionally distance myself. Finding a new GF isn't an issue.I do love her but I've just completely shut her out and her splits no longer even bother me, I just ignore them until they pass. I should preface all of by saying that the very first split was brought on because she discovered a Pinterest board I had that had a single photo of a semi-clothed girl on it (I don't watch or look at porn at all, ever), this created a rift that has left a mark on me ever since. The second serious split was over her discovering a blog that I had where I shared my thoughts on things. Nothing crazy, just innocuous fleeting thoughts. I had blocked her on that blog after her reaction to that first split. I lied about blocking her on it but confessed to it an hour or so later as it didn't seem like that big of a deal. Anyway, during the time we've been together I've never even entertained another person or stepped outside of the relationship. I've shown up for her time and time again and the only real infractions have been relatively minor. Nowadays we have a single good day and then it's just nonstop arguing (or rather, her yelling and me just stonewalling).It just feels like nothing positive can ever eventuate from this relationship and the only thing keeping me in the relationship at this point is the love that I feel for her and the knowledge that, when I do inevitably break up with her, I know she's going to try and fuck my life up severely lmaoWhat I'm trying to get to here is: How would you approach this?
>>34855608I was in a very similar situation. My first girlfriend all throughout high school had pretty obvious BPD and was incredibly controlling. We never really argued like what you described but she demanded constant validation and it was incredibly hard to navigate her emotions. Exercise in misery and emotional war of attrition rings true. She didn't even let me hang out with friends or siblings without making me feel like shit. We would be on facetime for every waking minute of the day outside of school. She was incredibly beautiful like a literal 10/10 volleyball girl and she did love me very much, but her behavior was insufferable. Here is my advice to you. I married a woman who visually is not quite as attractive but mentally and emotionally is 1000x more attractive and stable than she ever was. Best thing I ever did. When I tried to break up with BPD she threatened to kill herself so I stayed. A year later I went to college and tried again. I would get hundreds of calls and texts a week from her and she would contact my old high school friends and my new friends in college. Shit was insane. You don't want that for the rest of your life.This sounds very selfish, but I would start scouting out new prospects now. Your relationship is toast.
>>34855608is it really BPD or is it an excuse for her to not control her fragile emotions and lash out at you while expecting you to stay perfectly calm, kind, and romantically interested in her. this seems to be a trend with women that they have digsusting attitudes, behaviors and flaws, using BPD or something of the sort as an excuse
>>34855608>>34855660Leave first, find new prospects after. You CANNOT fix BPD/C-PTSD, it requires an extreme amount of work from the affected individual + the exact right partner. It really, really sucks because they are literally addictive, when things are good they're SOOO sweet/loving/horny for you, but when it nosedives, it nosedives hard. Separate finances, try and schedule a locksmith. if she's on good terms with any friends or parents, tell them apologetically after you break it off with her, so whatever meltdown she goes through, they're already aware and will be able to help her/take her in (if you live together). It's gonna be rough but you're gonna be alright.
>>34855608she sees you as a punching bag dude. a place for her to unleash her rotten emotions and true colors. she just feels comfortable enoguh to do it to you because she feels safe in the truth that youre too in love to leave. do urself a favor and get a girl that can cntrol her emotions without blaming it on a mental disorder
im in the same situation and its the worst but sometimes, u gotta learn how to put up it with if you truly love her but dont be scared to put her in her place when its needed, if you cant handle it mentally leave her its not worth your mental and time
Or just leave? There is no reason to have someone around who makes you feel worthless, yells in your face, gas lights you and always things that YOU are the problem. Aint a snatch in the world worth your sanity and peace. Tell that bitch peace.
OP here: Just thought I'd provide some clarification.An example of what happens is that she'll snap at me and I'll just ignore it. Her hamster wheel starts turning and so she'll beg me to come back and that she's sorry. However, when she's splitting, she'll self harm and threaten to kill herself while berating me and then saying what a catch she is while flexing how she'll find a millionaire that will give her this lavish, rich lifestyle. I can't help but think that I don't think a "millionaire" would tolerate someone splitting on them constantly and self harming. Last night she cut herself so badly she could barely stop her bleeding.I'm sympathetic to the self harming and that's the only thing that really keeps me around because I feel some small obligation to her and her safety but at some point I've just got to choose myself because this is no way to live. At what point do I just choose myself and leave.I'm not a pushover and, generally, I'm a pretty solid guy and things occur in my frame. It's just that I'm fantasising about an out, pulling an escape hatch and just dipping. We have a lot of mutual friends so I would have to approach the situation very carefully. They are aware that she's mentally ill though and I've never really done anything negative towards her and I have a positive reputation. Not that this makes me infallible. I just think I'd persevere through this relatively unscathed.Other commenters have related their own experience with previous BPD partners and I can see where you're all coming from. The attention and the quality of that attention is nice but I've never lacked for it, and honestly, I value peace more than anything else.
>>34855753tldr
>>34855753Yeah this chick needs a mental hospital Grippy socks, grippy box applies here
>>34855775Its funny that when men are in the wrong, they will say the bitch is crazy but never talk about what he did to push her to crazy and usually you can read their text messages to figure out which one actually needs mental help and which one has had doctors clear them.
>>34855784I would never profess to be perfect or the perfect partner but outside of this one relationship I've never really had any issues in any of my relationships. You can cast any aspersions you want, that's okay and this is an open platform, but I'm just telling you straight up, I've detailed my transgressions above in my original post. Again, I have stonewalled and generally been pretty cold when pushed but I see that as a much better alternative than what? Throwing hands? Being abusive (verbally, mentally, etc.) My greatest sin here is that I just don't really emote when I'm being attacked. Is that the perfect response? Probably not, but I know it's a damn sight better than a lot of other responses.
OP literally just break up with her. Say “I am tired of your hysterical nonsense” and refuse to elaborate further.
I’m in a similar situation, and honestly, it’s draining my energy. I love her and I’ve done a lot to show her that. I’ve always had good intentions with her, but the constant arguments over things that seem minor to me are becoming exhausting.There have been three major incidents. The first was when we became sexual after 7–8 months. I had always respected that she wasn’t ready, but when things got serious, I bought condoms just to be prepared. She got very angry and said, “I’m not a whore, how could you think that?”The second was when a friend vented to me about his girlfriend, who is my girlfriend’s best friend. I made a general comment about relationships sometimes being annoying, and he later told his girlfriend what I said. It got back to my girlfriend, and she became extremely angry and wouldn’t believe my explanation.The latest was her birthday. I had planned to take her out but had to cancel because of a family obligation related to a family member who recently passed away. She lashed out, said I didn’t care about her, said some really hurtful things, and even threatened to leave.Her father passed away, and things have changed a lot since then. She’s even had suicidal thoughts, so I genuinely feel for her and understand she’s struggling. But when she’s angry, she can be extremely disrespectful and say things that make me feel like shit. I love her, but sometimes I seriously think about leaving because this is becoming too much.
i was in the same situation, she left me eventually cause im a total pushover, but my advice would just be to break up man, not worth it
>>34856128I don't know how you put up with it for so long. I threw in the towel after 3 months because I could tell it would never get better, and I didn't want my life to be as shitty as hers.I gotta tell you, the day after I broke up with her I felt the greatest sense of relief I've ever experienced. Do the same and keep your sanity instead of attaching yourself to this basket case.
>>34855670>Leave first, find new prospects after. You CANNOT fix BPD/C-PTSDCan you please not lump those of us with c-ptsd with the BPDs? Half the reason I fell for a BPD cunt was because she exploited my childhood trauma.
>>34855608You only have two real options op, use the sacred arts to brainwash your gf into becoming more normal. Or get her on some meds so she stops acting out.
>>34855608If it's clearly affecting you negatively, then convey all that, and ask her to change, or end it. If she doesn't want to change, she doesn't care enough about fixing things that signfigicantly worsen your life and also is not the right person, which should be enough to end it. If ending, figure out the severe things and plan what you'll do about them.
>>34855608I'm dealing with the same thing. Like literally the same thing.I have comes to terms with the fact that if she doesn't get therapy and medicated I will have to leave. It breaks my heart because when she isn't have an episode she is the most loving woman I have ever been with.That said, the episodes are so bad it makes me wonder why I even bother. I am so tired of her expecting me to her emotional punching bag.
>>34855784Even if he is in the wrong it doesn't warrant this kind of behavior.It sounds like you're trying to make excuses for mentally ill people behaving badly.
>>34858155See if getting a cat works. Try not to make it about her mental health and just say you wanted a cat or something.But you might want to check if she hates cats first because that could be a problem.Cats are a good way of de-escalating a situation because you can always bring the cat into the argument by picking it up and giving it to her.Its a lot harder to be angry when you are holding a cat.
>>34855753>I'm sympathetic to the self harming and that's the only thing that really keeps me around because I feel some small obligation to her and her safetyStop thisHer slashing and slicing her wrists and boy who cried wolf I'm gonna muh kill myself is not your problemTell her if she doesn't get this shit together you leavingQuit enabling toddler behaviour
