My boyfriend and i have been dating for one and a half a year now. And for a while we've been having a rough patch which led to him wanting to break up and i couldn't take it so i just gave up and said okay. He wanted to take one month long break but him wanting that made me upset and i said I'll break up after this break (the fight was really intense basically meaning there was no hope for us) so after that day he got really depressed and texted two girls from his socials that he knew liked him. They flirted with him and he without hesitation flirted back because he had nothing to lose and was just trying to cope with the fact that he had lost me and himself because of his behaviour towards me? Well the same night he texted the girls and told them what he was doing is wrong because he can't move on from me and blocked them. He later on came back to me two days later and said he thought i wouldn't take him back anymore after this anymore that's why he did that because he had nothing to lose but when he realised he had another chance with me he was lost. He didn't say anything for two days and then later on confessed because of his guilt i thought that he had cheated on me because technically we were on a break even though both of us knew it was over? We have been like this before but it was never this serious or intense. Should i forgive him because he didn't actually cheat and came back instantly after he realised what he was doing? Can i even trust him anymore? Does a guy really do this after thinking they've lost everything because there's no other way to cope? (He doesn't drink or smoke) He's a good person and has always made me happy but what should i do after this? Should i give him another chance or just leave for good? He has practically sobbed and begged me to give him another chance so I'm lost here
>>34870718Sounds like it's entirely your fault for insisting that there would be no relationship after the break. He wasn't obligated to stick around for you in any way, yet he did. You should either take responsibility for your behavior and apologize to him, or just end the relationship with finality so that he can move on and find somebody who's worthy of his loyalty. The idea that you're even contemplating being upset with him for messaging other women after you ended the relationship shows that you aren't really deserving of a loyal partner, because you don't know what loyalty is beyond an immature notion of possessiveness.
>>34870718If that rough patch shit can be addressed...
>>34870729I hadn't thought of this like that. I was too fixated on the fact that he actually decided to instantly find a rebound after me but literally hours later decided to come back? This is the first serious relationship for both of us and I've always been a victim of overthinking so i guess i was focusing on the wrong things. Thanks for your help.
>>34870743Can you elaborate on this I'm very confused also the rough patch before he wanted to break up was mostly caused by me and my overthinking which is the reason for his frustration i guess.
>>34870718why can't zoomers ever use their enter key?him leaving and immediately flirting with 2 others is suspect that he's emotionally not there and been plotting for a while. that's pretty quick for a plan b.i think we need more information (along with more than 1 paragraph).how often are these rough patches happening?you definitely need to have some standards. it will make you look weak if you walk back on any of them. he said he wanted a one month break, so why isn't he honoring his own want?
>>34870754I can't elaborate. You know about what the rough patch is. I don't.
>>34870718If I understand correctly, you're saying that he flirted with two other women after you broke up with him; you then decided you wanted to get back together with him, and he said yes and then felt bad about the flirting and confessed? If that's correct, then I don't understand what you think he has done wrong. If you break up with someone, they are free to flirt with whoever they like at that point. So what is that you think you need to forgive him for, given that he hasn't done anything wrong?
>>34870814i was confused about this too, but what you're saying with the kneejerk reaction sounds like it makes more sense.this sounds like an unhealthy relationship and both parties have a lot of maturing to do. everything looks like emotional cat and mouse.>>34870794>can't elaboratenigger no one even knows who are you. give us details if you want better advice.
He didn't cheat on you if you told him it's totally over. You broke up with him so he went for a rebound.>>34870748Many people cope by rebounding. He just texted them, he didn't have sex with them or anything. And even if he had it wouldn't be cheating because you were broken up.
>>34870814No!! I told him we were over if he came back after a month and because of how he acted he thought it was over between us and i made it clear i was really mad at him.. so after flirting with them he immediately put them off and came to me by texting my friend and telling me to unblock. I was shocked why he changed him mind but then we got back together and he told me two days later
>>34870860>and i said I'll break up after this break (the fight was really intense basically meaning there was no hope for us)Wtf is this supposed to mean. You told him you're going to break up with him AFTER the break? What the fuck is the point of the break then?
>>34870794Okay so basically there wasn't exactly a "rough patch" I'm just someone who overthinks a lot. So he had some not serious relationships in the past (didn't even go on a single date that unserious) and I'd be insecure thinking he'd go back to them and i would ask him a LOT of questions after i realised that our relationship was turning serious because when i got into it i thought we wouldn't be serious because i never really wanted a relationship in the first place but i unfortunately fell in love which makes me anxious 24/7 that maybe he'll leave or cheat. Even though he has never gave me any signs of that infact he over explained a lot and tried to fix things with me even while he was going through a rough time. But i thought we were completely over the "rough patch" but then he dropped the "i flirted with other girls when you left me" bomb even though he has NEVER done that before he just wasn't that type of guy but he told me he was just in a horrible place thinking he had lost me and all his morals because of the way he behaved.
>>34870865>but i unfortunately fell in love which makes me anxious 24/7 that maybe he'll leave or cheatThat's not love, that's emotional dependence. Real love is selfless, it doesn't worry about itself. It worries about the well-being of the one it loves.
>>34870862I was just really pissed off because he said i wouldn't change my mind about wanting to work things out even though he wanted to leave so i said I don't wanna stay either.. as i said he was being rude and it was just us going back and forth and i guess he thought that it was over between us because of that and didn't know what else to do?
>>34870865I hesitate to give you firm advice, but just get back with him and be honest about your neurosis and insecurity. Say you will try to be better.
>>34870876If that happened to me I would think it's over too
>>34870784We've broken up lots of times or more like i have broken up with him lots of times but he never even thought of doing this. Infact this whole break up drama was happening for more than two weeks basically getting back and forth so one day it got really intense and as he said "i thought i had lost you once and for all so i just couldn't cope with it i was too ashamed to come back so i delved into whatever was Infront of me, i had nothing to lose" that's what he said basically. And the rough patches were happening because I'm a overthinker and I didn't consider what kind of toll that had on him but I've decided not to overthink his past or find double meaning out of everything and we were doing fine for two days until he decided to drop the rebound bomb. Only thing that bothers me is why the hell did he decide to come back after doing it? Couldn't he just move on
>>34870890He's basically in an emotionally abusive relationship with you. The reason he couldn't move on is because he's addicted to the highs of the relationship but doesn't realize how your emotional outbursts harm him. It would've been better for him not to come back but you got him around your finger.
>>34870877I'm just worried that maybe he doesn't really love me anymore? But then again if he didn't love me why would he end it with those girls and come back to me two days after the "break/breakup" one of the girls was extremely furious after finding out he was only flirting with her because he was lonely and wanted to get over me even wanted to "expose" him for flirting with her for one day. So should i just leave at this point but i love him a lot and he is willing to do whatever it takes to have me back what does that even mean
>>34870905I try my best to make things work because i genuinely do care about him. Maybe i should just put this behind and try to give both of us an healthy relationship. Thankyou for your criticism
>>34870917It means you're constantly abusing his trust and his loyalty because he's too naive to recognize that you aren't yet a good enough person to maintain a stable relationship. You need to work on yourself and fix your neurotic tendencies.
>>34870875I guess I'm being selfish? But he got me into this because i never thought i was capable of being in a relationship in the first place and now i just drown in my own anxious thoughts that maybe I'm doing it wrong.
>>34870936Letting anxiety get to you is doing it wrong. That's like somebody procrastinating because they're afraid they'll fail, not realizing that procrastination is the easiest way to ensure that they'll fail. You need to learn how to let go of other people, stop being possessive, and love without attachment. When you love somebody for their sake, you don't demand or expect anything from them. If they want to be with you, that's good. If they want to leave you, that's also fine. The moment there's anxiety or possessiveness is how you know when you've gone from loving someone else to loving yourself. Only self-love worries about that kind of thing. Love for another person never worries about anything but that person's happiness.
>>34870718>him wanting to break up>said okay>no hope for us>(red herring)>"Should i give him another chance?"He seems driven by impulse, like an animal. Meanwhile you seem worse to me, because you're playing. You agreed to the breakup, let him think it was over, and now you're retroactively saying: 'Actually, you had a chance the whole time! But nooow it's too late.' This is you trying to stay in control of him through deception.
>>34870944Are you a couples therapist I'm scared.
>>34870917You're annoyingly indecisive. Just get back with him. If you keep being insane, you can end the relationship anyway later.
>>34870905>pic>>34870926>genuinely do care about him.you can't take care of him if you can't even take care of yourself.you can't change him, but he asked for a month off. imo for me to trust someone has changed takes 6 months min. people promise change all the time, but that starts to fade within a week.>>34870865>I'm just someone who overthinks a lot>but i unfortunately fell in love which makes me anxious 24/7 that maybe he'll leave or cheat.no buenorelationships are built off trust. you shake the foundations when you do this.right now any trust in your relationship is fried and if you two get together it will simply be for comfort while you lick your wounds and it repeats itself.i'm not seeing any healthy change right now that suggests you're going to get past your lack of faith, and him talking to other girls is going to sear into your brain until you can stop the neuroticism.in an ideal scenario, op, what do you think fixes the relationship right now?
>>34870943I admire your perspective on love. He has always loved me selflessly i don't think i mentioned it but i gave into this relationship after like a 5 month long situationship where i was unsure about being in a relationship because i thought it would destroy me. I'm always scared of things not working out and just being left alone with someone's memories. He's the first guy I've ever actually loved and I'm always scared things will go wrong. He just told me he only came back instantly because he couldn't imagine himself with anyone else.
To be honest i've had quite the rocky relationship for about six years, and I've been dealing with an array of emotions. It took me a long time to realize that I wasn't what he wanted or needed, but I stuck around because I had grown to love him. I had fallen in love and didn't want to lose my best friend when I gave up and realized that it didn't matter and I was happy alone and I could do everything I needed to by myself and no one would ever "make me happy" I was finally at peace. I definitely suggest letting go and not worrying about anybody else.
>>34870964I honestly don't know. I already told one of my friends that he "cheated" but didn't elaborate further. And the 1st girl wanted to expose him and is badmouthing him to everyone on his socials saying he "cheated" or "harassed" her. So if i do back with him and he can't shake off those allegations wouldn't it just seem like i have no self respect? We both love each other a lot i mean he obviously cares a lot and so do i but is love enough in this situation? He told me he's ready to give up everything even making new female friends if it brings me peace. But why would i want that
>>34870994I'm very happy for you. To be honest i have always considered being alone which is why i think relationships aren't for me unless that person is making me more happy than I'm when I'm alone. And he did make me very happy until i self sabotaged our relationship and he got fed up and did something stupid. So I'm not exactly sure who takes more blame here but we both can't stay apart from each other like we've tried but it doesn't last more than a week ?
>>34870960you can pay me by the hour
>>34871001I made myself happy in the relationship. I enjoyed being around him, and I enjoyed being with him, but I alone was the one who was able to make myself happy. As soon as I let go and didn't care where he was what he was doing or who he was with, and I completely relied on myself for the rest of everything was the moment that I realized I was already happy. I guess it depends on the capacity of you. "seeing each other every week ". if you barely speak to each other and you're barely even friends, that is an acquaintance, not a relationship.
>>34870718>wall of text no punctuationso you just wanted to vent? bitch sybau, give him a blowie and some cuddles and move on
>>34871055Wow you're so rude. I obviously wrote this in a hurry if you can't tell.
>>34870860>I told him we were over if he came back after a monthHow is that different from breaking up with him?
>>34871070regardless, what you asked us makes absolutely 0 sense.how the FUCK should we know if you can "forgive" him for flirting with 2 other girls or not?1 you were technically broken up 2 nothing actually came of it and he stopped himself3 you are back together alreadywhat the fuck more do you want? are you panicking because you realized that he has options? do you even love him?if you actually do love him then thats all there is to it. get over yourself, take accountability for what you both did, talk it out, move on, be happy.
>>34870995>is love enoughno, because you're both playing stupid games right now.like i said it sounds like you both need some time off to reevaluate your lives. at least a month.if he's moved on to new people in that month, then it shows he was already spiritually moved on and ready for a new relationship. i certainly wouldn't hunt for a new relationship a month after a breakup.same applies for you.your antennas are retard mode rn because you've done so much bs it's hard to tell what's more important: the 'love' or the games.just being straight, the more i read, the more bs i'm seeing in this situation like you telling the friend he cheated when you weren't in a relationship. that's a game.
>>34870718What was rough about your relationship that led to it being severed? If you ain't fixing that then just leave it severed
>>34870718>Relationship advice>from womenNo
>>34872227He didn't look for new people during the "break" i mean we were basically broken up. I think it's mostly my fault i said I'd break up after the break and since the fight just ended in anger and he was drowning in guilt that's why he didn't wait a month before coming back even though he ended the "flirting" the same day he got into it? We aren't fighting about the things we used to fight about anymore but maybe I'll consider a real break now. Also i only told the friend he cheated because i was heart broken and didn't really know what else to do.
>>34870718>that he knew liked himYour bf has never been all in. Telling you he loves only you and keeping women that are interested in him in orbit means all of you are nothing more than ego feed. He does just enough to keep you.You are foolish to continue.This "break" shit is a tactic. Cultivating and stringing along other women is a habit.
>>34870718>Relationship Outside of a church is worthless
