>Be me>Had childhood friend>Met in grade school, when we were both around 11>Really close, spent a lot of time together, we were each others' best friends, families knew each other, my family really liked him, dunno about the reverse but they seemed to like me well enough>Had chronic social anxiety growing up, struggled to make friends>Neurodivergent with gifted child syndrome>Family didn't know what was wrong with me>High school rolls around, friend goes to fancy private college>Family thinks it's not worth the money to send me there, so I get shipped off to retard school instead>Best friend and I stay in contact and still hang out, but he's making new friends and spending time with them too>Move in with psychotic aunt that abuses me on a daily basis and does her best to drive away my friends and isolate me>One night, we're staying out late with a few other mutual friends, going to bars etc.>That one horrible memory happens that I hate thinking about>Never see any of them again>Drift apart>Everyone else becomes an adult and moves on with their lives>I socially isolate out of shame>Become a shut in>Whole life implodes in the span of a few months, lose everything>Give up>Years go by, growing regret>Google his name sometimes>On a whim, do it again a few days ago, and actually find him>Think about reaching out and saying hi>Hesitate because the thought of it all fills me with terrorI don't know what to do. It'd be nice to have some IRL friends for once, but what if he doesn't want to see me again? I've recently started taking steps to rebuild and unfuck my life, but I'm still so far away from being normal. He took over the family business at a young age and made it his own, and I'm a destitute NEET. What will he think of me? Why didn't he or anyone else try to contact me? Were they glad to be done with me? Did they just not want to? Were they givng me space? Did life get in the way?The whole thing is such a long story. Pls help.
I really don't think they'd not want to talk with you or anything, nobody would hate you over this. I have a couple that apparently don't like talking to me that I really liked decades ago but I know they don't hate me.
>>34875159I ran out of space in the OP post, but if you have any questions that'd clarify anything, that might help paint a picture.
>>That one horrible memory happens that I hate thinking aboutWas it just embarassing or did it somehow hurt him and your other frens too?
>>34875113>>34875179> Should I reach out and reconnect with my childhood friend after 15 years?yeswhat's the worst that can happen if you get back in contact? I don't see any consequences on the horizon from here, shipmate. Sounds like you could use some exposure therapy to get passed whatever projection keeps playing in your head.
>>34875113the short answer is yes, sure. why the heck not?having trouble reading your post. what exactly is stopping you?
>>34875683>having trouble reading your post. what exactly is stopping you?Shame, anxiety, not feeling worthy of a reunion, sorta.>>34875665>Don't drive or have a car of my own (aunt sold it)>When we go out, friends always have to come pick me up>Aunt made a habit or marching out and yelling at them, interrogating and wanting to know what I'm doing>Had to start meeting them in secret, being vague about who I'm seeing, getting them to park up the street instead of right outside>Aunt imposes a curfew>Can't stay out late, limits how much time I can spend with them>Starting to feel suffocated>Get bullied at work, come home and get abused, want to escape by spending time with friends and forgetting it all but can't>One night, we go out, some bar several suburbs away, had fun>Leave and drive off>Aunt calls my friend (designated driver, responsible one) and demands to know where I am>This was like 2 AM or smth>Screeching at us all and telling me I'll be kicked out on the street unless I'm home in 10 mins>Both friends are yelling at the dashboard trying to talk her down, I shrunk into the backseat and wanted to disappear>Friend manages to negotiate me home in 15 minutes, aunt hangs up and he starts speeding>I break down and cryThat was the last time I saw either of them. I think I sent them both an apology text, but I wasn't keen on showing my face after that. I guess hanging out with me was too much trouble, so we all just stopped. They were both pretty busy, so it's understandable.
>>34875709Basically, we left on an extremely bad note and never really resolved it. I don't know how he feels. Did he move on and get better friends? Has he completely forgotten about me? Is the time span too long for me to just show up out of nowhere and be like "hey surprise I'm back!"
>>34875709Ok, it was your aunt who was the real loser, she just kept you hostage. You were in a very bad place that resulted in you getting easily abused. That's your story. I think your pals understood this, however they may have not necessarily understood why you kept up with her, or understood the real reason the contact was lost after this which is your anxiety rather than her locking you up in the basement. Luckily you're no longer with that harpey. I don't think they would blame you for this, or had any animosity towards you back then. So yeah, go ahead, try to establish contact. You have nothing to be ashamed of.>what if they they don't respond or don't meaningfully engage Don't sweat. After so much time they may have their own habits, routines, people they regularly talk to. It may be hard for them to get out of that and find time for you or do it on a regular basis. Be respectful of their attention. If they do engage and go on meeting you irl assume that it may not necessarily carry on, they may as well relapse into their daily business.
>>34875676>>34875994Thanks anons. It's hard to keep calm and not imagine the worst possible scenario. I really wanted an outside perspective on it.
>>34877587if past shit gets brought up, just discuss it in earnest. there's nothing wrong with trying to reconnect. they'll probably be curious what's happened with your life too. good luck.
