So I'm a super introverted person and for that reason I have never really pursued a relationship, nor felt the need to. But a few years ago, a new co-worker came on to me and we ended up in a relationship. It's not a typical relationship because I've set limits due to my introversion, for example I don't think I could ever live with another person so we live separately and only meet in the weekends. But she seemed content with this arrangement so far. But recently the problems have started. She has always been pretty insecure, about her age, about her body, etc. She often gets in her head that I want to leave her for a younger woman. I don't, not just because she is fine the way she is, but also because, as said, I am just not a guy that actively pursues other women either way, due to how introverted I am. But the biggest problem is that she wants kids, and I do not. I have never seen the appeal and without the appeal it just sounds like a shit-ton of work and money for no benefits. I told her this early in the relationship and she didn't complain then. But now she has decided she wants one after all.So you might say that the obvious solution is just that we've grown apart and should break up the relationship. And for me, that would be sad but okay, I'd get over it. The problem is more that I'm worried about her, that she's making a rash decision. For one, she is in the 40s. It is unlikely she will even be able to have kids on her own, therefore if we break up then she is planning on getting IVF with donor eggs and sperm. So the kid wouldn't even really be hers. I am not judgemental, I think it is perfectly possible for a single mother to lovingly raise a donor kid, but she is also the kind of person who gets burned out from work easily, and someone who likes to starts something but doesn't finish it. I think she is underestimating the amount of work and commitment that a child is. 1/2
2/2She is also an immigrant and doesn't really have any family in this country to rely on. She has a few friends but not many and most of them live in other cities. She might end up completely alone to care for the child. Because of this she also have seemed really afraid of losing me, maybe that is the cause of the aforementioned insecurity. I suspect maybe the very reason she wants a kid is to have someone who won't leave her, to create a permanent family of her own. Even if it means giving up on me. But is that a good reason to have a kid? Will things turn out the way she wants? What if she ends up regretting it and come to feel bitter toward the child yet are forced to care for it alone for the rest of her life? I can hardly imagine a more sad fate. Am I just overthinking this? Should I let her make her own decisions about her life and move on? Or should I talk her out of it? What right do I have to do that? Am I just projecting my own misgivings about having children?
>>34875195Why doesn't she want to use her own eggs?>40I know, why isn't she using whatever remains of her ovaries?If she's ok with surrogate eggs, why doesn't she adopt instead?You sound like an asshole who needs to stay in therapy forever, she sounds like she's having an existential crisis. Nobody cares about the living conditions of the kid, society will chew him and spit him anyways. The issue is both of you sound like you need to be tard wrangled.
>>34875209>Why doesn't she want to use her own eggs?>I know, why isn't she using whatever remains of her ovaries?I mean, she does probably want to try that first, but at her age the chance of success for one IVF cycle using her own eggs is like 5-10%. So she is conscious about the fact that that may not be an option. Especially because she has had sex many times in her life without ever getting pregnant so her eggs may not have been the healthiest, even at her prime in terms of fertility.>If she's ok with surrogate eggs, why doesn't she adopt instead?I don't know, I can't speak for her. I think she has considered it but that it feels more "natural" if she gave birth herself?>You sound like an asshole who needs to stay in therapy foreverMaybe, I am who I am, but how does that translate to advice? >Nobody cares about the living conditions of the kidThat is a big concern but my post was long enough so I figured I'd spare you any more elaboration.
Adopt
>>34875196You cannot keep taking responsibility for another adult person's life and their decisions, they are not children. Even though adult women are mentally children, it's not your responsibility>I suspect maybe the very reason she wants a kid is to have someone who won't leave her, to create a permanent family of her own. I think you're spot on with everything you said about her>But is that a good reason to have a kid?as good as any>Will things turn out the way she wants?nobody will ever be able to tell you that>What if she ends up regretting it and come to feel bitter toward the child yet are forced to care for it alone for the rest of her life? I can hardly imagine a more sad fate. a whole lot of people (over 50% for sure, I made that number up btw) regret having children but aren't allowed to speak out on it because it's taboo. You can only love and cherish your children even though internally you want to kys>Should I let her make her own decisions about her life and move on?Yes.If it's her choice to be a lonely immigrant single mother, it's basically natural selection at work. You told her what needed to be said, now her life and her decisions are her responsibility and hers alone. If she wants to play life on Torment X, that's her choice.>>34875209>If she's ok with surrogate eggs, why doesn't she adopt instead?because adopted children are mentally stunted child-adults from the getgo, you are adopting a wild animal in survival mode from birth. Adopted children are master class manipulators because that's the first thing they needed to learn to survive. Good fucking luck undoing that damage as a single mother and an immigrant without familial support to boot
This is unbelievably fucked. Absolutely insane and selfish. You will ruin that abomination of a kid, who would never have a shot at normalcy. There is a completely valid reason why this isn't done. A child needs a stable 2-parent home with deep abiding love. Not... the horror movie you're describing. Oh, also she's entrapping you.
>>34875195>she wants kids>she is 40get off the pot or shit.
>>34875195Quit being a faggot and have a kid if you're white. Have some respect for your parents.
