I've completed fairly successful PhD in molecular biology in 3 years. I've published in a top tier journal from a shitty institution where publication are rare. I've been offered a post doc in a top 50 world wide university, and I'm 26 years old. Things seems fine with my life on paper, but I am not really happy. I think I am extremely lonely, I've few friends beyond my colleagues and I've never had a girlfriend (kissless virgin). I think this is affecting me to the point where it's jeopardizing my career, my supervisor has told me several times that I am overly negative towards myself and my work, to the point where I almost chose not to submit my paper to this journal. I am socially capable and don't lack confidence outwardly, and am good at talking to women. I'm not a porn addict or some bitter incel, and I am in good shape. I've tried dating apps and I haven't got any matches, and women irl aren't interested in me beyond platonic friendships. Is it possible that I'm simply too ugly to find anyone? How do I come to terms with this, and be happier with life in the absence of a partner? I've wondered how perhaps historically, would people like me have been confined to the priesthood, and that academia is some modern incarnation of that, to sequester the unwanted men of the world into an all encompassing pursuit that distracts from absence of a connection that everyone longs for.
>>34892569Can you draw a picture of you face or ask AI to redraw your face and I will rate it on a scale from one to ten and give you some looksmaxing tips.On getting women, I would say the typical saying of, "opposites attract." Is probably horridly innacurate for you. You will probably have better odds in the science field. If I were you, I would consider asking out some people you work with but dont see on a day to day basis.
>>34892569Grow up stop enjoying the stupid pathetic little character u created
>>34892703I'm not a character. Although maybe this post is a bit pathetic and reeks of self pity, and maybe it's a bit dramatic to say it's jeopardizing my career. I definitely have an extremely negative view of myself, and maybe I am stupid to think that a relationship would change that. But I have set these goals for myself, and worked very hard to towards them (almost every day with no holidays for 3 years), and I still feel this way despite obtaining them.
>>34892569Isn't it interesting that a man that has everything and a homeless man can both be empty? The material world can't truly fulfill. Learn who God is
>>34892569You must be celibate. For the purposes of science. There's a reason a lot of the greats were celibate.
Women are exceptionally good at sniffing out men with a low self concept, and are subconsciously repelled, with good reason, for who would want to tie their reproductive destiny to someone who can’t even be secure by himself? Whatever reasons for your low self confidence cannot be offered on a Malaysian claymation board. I would advise good psychotherapy by a trained professional to get to the bottom of your psyche
>>34892569you should try women with your interests. make visits to classes and science conventions or maybe start doing biology classes yourself
>>34892569It's far more important to get friends than it is to get a girlfriend. Try going to some sort of group event like a chess club or D&D. If you are extremely desperate & don't mind interacting with people through Discord or other platforms, try the Cams & Meetups (/soc/) board. Fair word of warning: you will have to filter through dozens and dozens of people before you find someone you can talk to properly - at least that was my experience.Try not to take the fact that you can't find a romantic partner too personally. It happens to plenty of people, including many women, though it may not feel like that from where you stand. We live in a lonely era. Your best shot at getting a girlfriend is through the same channel you find friends: interacting with people at work or during leisure activities.Remember, you aren't unwanted, you're just unknown.
>>34892569>Is it possible that I'm simply too ugly to find anyone?Almost certainly not. Your problem is a visible lack of confidence and self-esteem.
My brother and a friend from work said I need to be more confident. I think that I'm fairly confident generally, but I don't really see myself as a romantic option for anyone. I suppose that's something to work on. I also do have a very negative view on my work and what I've accomplished so far, and while it doesn't affect my functioning, it can affect the perception of me to my peers. My work takes up a lot of time, and the time I have to myself I like to spend alone mostly. I went and saw a movie by myself today after completing my lab work and went for a cycle. It was a pleasant day, and I feel fairly content.My mood oscillates between feeling content, and longing for a relationship, mostly when I am not distracted by work, or when things seem a bit uncertain in the lab. But looking at the situation soberly, without the pang of loneliness I made this post in, I don't think I have the time, nor the constitution for a relationship with most women. Maybe that situation will change when I am more content with my career trajectory, and can free up more time for a relationship. But for now, I think this is a sacrifice that a chance at an academic career demands of me. But then again, I'm sure to feel differently next week.
>>34895320Homeless men have sex.
>>34897958If you feel that that's the best option for now, I wish you success in the lab!If I may ask, why do you have a negative view of your work?
This is probably autism or severely decayed social ability. You need to go out on dates and keep getting better at socializing casually.
>>34899518I feel like it's not particularly interesting or groundbreaking work, I'm not really proud of it. Although I've won prizes and received positive feedback from researchers at conferences regarding it, and it will soon pass peer review to Nucleic Acids Research (13th rated of biochemistry journals). I can't stop thinking that I'm low IQ and that the work is simplistic, and it's lack of depth is a printed statement to that. I keep comparing myself to the achievements of people with years more experience than I have, who have come from environments where high achievement is the norm. I think the work falls short of the type of research that I would read and get excited about and there is some truth to that. While I know that I don't lack the work ethic or determination of a successful scientist, I harbor a sinking sense that I fall short of the high threshold of intelligence to really make it in my field, and I truly believe that I will fall short in the next stage of my career. "I have no spurs to prick the sides of my intent, but only vaulting ambition which leaps over itself and fall upon the other."
>>34899531Regarding autism, I certainly have some autistic tendencies, but I am fairly good at reading social queues and I can hold conversations pretty well and come across as charming. If I am on the spectrum, it would certainly be on the milder end. I may have some decayed social faculties, in the final year of my bachelors I went for weeks without having a conversation, and would study alone fanatically. During this time I definitely suffered from some severe social anxiety following COVID lockdowns, and some traumatic personal events. I have definitely noticed that I find most social interactions dull, and find myself putting on a performance of how in expected to behave. The couple of friends that I do have, I don't feel particularly close with and don't genuinely care for, despite imitating friendliness with. I also think I've never really had that impulse that most people have to conform to some in group. I'm not certain if these lack of social impulses makes me truly autistic, or just antisocial in some sense, as I am capable of performing socially.
>>34892569>>34897958I've been in the same boat as you at 24, and am now 39 in a LTR of 8 years, so maybe some of this will be helpful.>I'm simply too ugly to find anyoneAs another anon said above, this is almost certainly not the case unless you're a burn victim or physically deformed or similar.>would people like me have been confined to the priesthoodBe careful with these thoughts. Very VERY few humans can live without an intimate relationship of some kind. If you're not one of them - and since you made this post you're most likely not - staying single will overwhelm you eventually. You should treat this with the utmost seriousness.>I am overly negative towards myself and my work>women irl aren't interested in me beyond platonic friendships.>the unwanted men of the worldThese seem like the smoking gun behind your lack of success.First, negativity and low confidence are supremely unattractive, being around such a person is exhausting and unpleasant. Note that pretending to be something you're not will not work, you need to genuinely change your mindset. Lifestyle changes could work (exercise, more time spend outdoors, vitamin D and tryptophan supplements), therapy should be considered.Second, you seem to believe that women should pursue you because you're such a smart and accomplished guy. I am sorry, but the world just does not work this way. Especially not for low-confidence men. You need to actively put effort into meeting women, and then you need to actively express interest in those you like. Yes it sucks, but the alternative is worse.Finally, even if you do everything right, it's a numbers game and most likely will take a while before you start seeing results. I first started actively trying to get a girlfriend at 25, and only managed it at 30. Be patient and persistent and you will succeed eventually.
>>34892569You're 26. You're out of school already. Things will become harder, and there will be less and less chances to find available people willing to share time with you.Truly I tell to you, if you don't make the right decision now, reverting it will be more and more costly. Try to think a bit by yourself about what you're deciding here.
