Had a situation over the weekend which I've been dwelling on and gotta get off my chest, maybe someone can gimme some insight. >be 29m loner with no friends>working at new job for a little bit, start getting along with coworkers>friendly with each other but not sure if they'd call me a 'friend'>they invite me to hang out over the weekend>think things are maybe turning around for me>kind of struggling through the night, friendly with everyone there but finding it hard to socialize and make convo since they are all close with each other>as night goes on few of the guys gfs show up so they switch to spending most their time with them>guys that are left just stick to chatting to each other>try to get involved in chatting with them but just falls flat every time>feel like a wierdo outcast freak sitting their completely silent in a group of chads and staceys>eventually just slink off when there's an opening and go homeWhen I was younger I was actually pretty social and had no problems getting along with people, but as I got older it's like a switch flipped and now I cannot function at all, this night was a huge hit to my self esteem and I just dunno how to feel about it.
>>34899086Sounds like the spotlight effect, you might feel weird and out of place, I doubt anyone else noticed. You're probably over thinking it. Next time will be different, some times we don't have the best nights, that's life.
>>34899086Sounds like you failed and don’t know why. Not a good place to be.
>>34899186>Next timeSpeaking from experience, there most likely won't be a next time. I was in a similar situation and they spent the entire evening talking about niggerball, I just sat silent and bored out of mind. Never got invited again, and good fucking riddance
>>34899186I'm sure I'm overthinking it to some degree, but I'm also sure they were probably like "wtf is up with this guy">>34899985Well how do I fix it anon>>34900041This is probably the likely outcome, I have to face them at work on Thursday, they'll probably be pleasant but after that I can't see them tryna be friendly anymore
>>34900627this is me but with real friends who ive supposedly know for years. you end up making excuses and only ee them once in a blue moon. with coworkers, i think its fine to just not go the next time they ask, just make excuse that you are busy.
>>34900647You have to make the fuck. When you see them.
>>34900627Well, ideally you knew what went wrong and did better next time around. If you don’t know, then maybe just try to generally improve. Prepare material, so topics, jokes, whatever else, and improve your delivery, including voice and body language, and learn to better control your mood and focus, and fix your look and style if that’s lacking. If it keeps failing and you’ve given it a lot of effort, then maybe you have to engage in one on ones on what is going on, do they believe some rumor that you sexed up a donkey, or what.
>>34899086Next time (if there's a next time), take a couple of these before you head out to loosen up a little. Maybe take another one every couple of hours. Just don't drink any alcohol.
>>34903153>Just don't drink any alcohol.Or get drunk (just don't take any Xanax). But if it's not a drinking party, you'll stick out like a sore thumb. Xanax is more low-key.
>>34903171I was drinking the whole night, was actually pretty drunk but it didn't really help, it maybe loosens me up socially a bit but it doesn't make up for my lack of ability to actually connect with people>>34903153Never tried xannys, is it worth? I can see it being good for this situation but seems like a bit of a crutch, don't wanna rely on it
I got invited to a party with work friends once. Went really well actually, despite the fact it was on the weekend before my colonoscopy (so I had to restrict my diet some). I was doing really well at cards against humanity, lots of laughs, was great. I was awkward at beginning but I'm way past the insane uncomfortability of socializing I had pre-college-graduation.But guess what. Never got invited out again. Even though no one at work seemed to indicate they hated me, they all appreciated me quite a bit. But still, never invited out again.Don't get so worked up over people that don't care about you. If they invite you out again and you don't dislike the experience of hanging with them, then cool, enjoy it. But don't get worked up on whether they enjoy your presence. Lots of people won't apparently, even if you're a totally non-confrontational non-asshole who's actually kinda funny. Oh well.
>>34903153Don't listen to this anon, you shouldn't be touching a drug that when abused makes you black out whole weeks of your life, unless you're prescribed it (and then, only as prescribed). Nothing's more fucked then having your time and memory (and therefore, in my mind, free will) stolen from you.
>>34903993thanks for the level headed take anon. Out of curiosity what helped you come out your shell and open up with them and not just be a mute?
>>34904003Well I had one best friend (at the time he was anyways) there, but he didn't help me that much honestly aside from getting me there lol. The big help was I got into a long convo with a guy there who was preparing food by himself, dude was easy to talk to and we had shit in common. So I leaned on him a bit. Still a lot of awkward standing around really but forced myself to be in the main circle of people talking when not with him even if I had nothing to say. Then the host of the party gathered everyone for food and we did cards against humanity so it was easy structured forced socializing basically at that point and I've learned to just be my weird-ass self and it's not too bad. If there wasn't that structure to the event then I would've been a lot more awkward. So maybe you have to force some structure sometimes.In general terms of how I've come to being less anxious with conversation, I gradually realized I could just say what I'm thinking even if I haven't fully formed the thought yet (so sometimes it's a bit of stammering awkward phrasing to get it out), and so long as I just embrace my weird chaotic energy people usually think it's funny or interesting, or I take it they do if they don't visibly react lol no point in sitting their worrying they think you're a freak lol. I've survived some very social jobs I never never could have imagined surviving as the me I was in high school, thought I was doomed to computer desk jobs lol. But I am absolutely not in the slightest bit normie, all I do for fun is vidya and anime and youtube and I say I want to do active things but I never actually do. ALl to say my point is don't worry so much, generic answer yes but we all do enough social horror in our dreams, treat real life social as just something you're doing to maybe coincidentally find some cool people at some point.
>>34903948I made both of those posts, so I might as well respond.>Never tried xannys, is it worth?First, people underestimate alcohol. It's an amazing drug that affects you in so many ways, almost all of them beneficial for socializing. Alprazolam, on the other hand, is much more targeted. (I haven't done a ton of Xanax because the hangovers are as bad as alcohol, and hangovers were the reason I stopped drinking in the first place.) It removes anxiety - it doesn't create "chill" out of nothing, so if you're not anxious, you won't feel much - which helps you get out of your shell: carry yourself with more confidence, stop being so self-aware, talk when you'd normally stay silent, etc. All without acting like a buffoon, which is why I recommended it for alcohol-light environments. >my lack of ability to actually connect with peopleThat's another problem, and one I understand. I'm an only child, as well as an only grandchild, and at this point, my whole family is oldtroons. I have nothing to say to them. I could drink a whole bottle or eat a whole box, and it wouldn't make any difference. But with your peers? You have to do some soul-searching.
>>34903948Look into Propranolol. It kill physical anxiety while retaining your normal thoughts and self. It doesn’t really decrease inhibition in my experience, but when combined with booze, stimulants, or weed, can really bring the superhuman socialized out of you. It’s not controlled, and cannot be abused either. You will need a script though. Just tell your doctor that you have anxiety in social situations, have heard of this, and are worried about anything with potential for abuse.I tried using alcohol and it ended poorly. I was seduced by a butterface stacy and went back to her place for sloppy gross sex that I regret. My other coworkers basically pariah’s both of us after (they were dudes that wanted to bang her, and I was not friends with them other than their invite) and she moved lol. Alcohol alone is a demon.
>>34903993Thank you. I have convinced myself that I have BPD due to my fixation on how others perceive me. I’ll try to remember this.
