i think lately i feel dissatisfied with my life.i think this comes from not having a high paying career and not being a woman.i think because of how i was raised, i struggle to relax if there is still work to be done.so i struggle to relax because i don't have a high paying career and i'm not a woman.as to why i didn't pursue those the past 8 years, i don't know. lazy, autistic, scared of change, too easy to retreat to my mother's womb like a child. i did go to college, but that's because i felt pressured to by family and society, and i didn't know enough about the real world to avoid a meme degree.i did get on hrt and get orchie, but those are a lot effortless compared to girlmoding or voice training. i did work, but old job had weird hours that messed me up a bit, granted some of it was my fault too for not going to bed right after work vs staying up until 3 or 4am most days.i did make a career hop to IT, but it isn't enough pay atm. currently, i work help desk but i want more money. i'm also worried about getting trapped there since i'm not upskilling at work.now idk what to do.i wish i pursued srs at my old job, or even now. ive had this job for like a year and a half, and if i started looking into SRS when insurance first kicked in i could have likely finished waitlist by now.i think right now, for my next moves, my mind is drawn to:>go back to school. either bachelor, master, or post bach. in stem. law school? asc degree?>get a high paying job>pursue SRS>pursue laser>have my own place to live by 30, would maybe prefer sooner. would like a place to pursue fetishes, crossdressing alone. also want to set my own meal times.but i'm so tied to instant gratification, it's hard to relax and be content making small daily progress towards these. and i get so overwhelmed i often make no progress at all. right now im working and making money, which is good, but idk.does anyone have any thoughts or input?
>>34903168Your problem is that you cannot believe you are male. Maybe you’re too far gone and have already cut your dick off but every single one of these problems will continue and escalate as you continuously refuse to look at the elephant in the room.
>>34903168i guess i didn't give some background context>be me>26 year old guy on estrogen>HRT at 18>cut off testicles at 20>still living and presenting as a man to this day>studied English in college>worked in a newsroom for a few years>got tired of how stressful it was and low pay>studied IT and got a help desk job>aside from living in the dorms for a spell, never moved out of mommy's house>no college debt since I just threw moved saved on rent at my student loans
>>34903168You struggle to relax because you want to be a woman, not because you aren't a woman. You can simply stop desiring unreasonable things and bring a huge degree of comfort and sanity to your life. No amount of surgery will satisfy you or bring you peace, nor will it allow you to blend in as a woman. Everyone instantly recognizes men as men, so it's better to learn how to accept yourself than to place all of your hopes on fooling others to go along with your fantasies.
>>34903177i also don't know how to balance, work, chores, relaxing/hobbies, working out, transitioning, pursuing life goals all at once. feels like not enough hours in a day to do it all :< >>34903172I know I'm a man.I guess I identify as a man who wants to be a woman. Being referred to as she/her and with a feminine names makes me happy, it makes me happy to look girlish, and I like what HRT has done for my body and face. However, I am under no delusion that these things make me a woman. Also, I live and present as a feminine looking guy in day to day life. I don't force anyone IRL to play along into the tranny LARP.>>34903179>You can simply stop desiring unreasonable things and bring a huge degree of comfort and sanity to your life.Thanks Siddhartha, but if it were so easy I would have purged these feelings long along. I've tried to repress and not fall into this BS but it's been around my whole life.
>>34903183>if it were so easy I would have purged these feelings long alongThat doesn't follow at all. Why would you expect to reach a state of healthy detachment easily and quickly? It takes years, but you should have kept trying instead of giving up. Each degree of progress you would have made would have been tangible happiness. It's also safe to say that you never truly applied yourself to it, otherwise you would have succeeded. It was something you thought about and wished for passively without putting in any real effort. Anyone who genuinely wants to master his desires will do so, because there are no obstacles between a man and himself. There's no "other" that's forcing you to want to be a woman. You want it, so it's up to you to stop wanting it.
>>34903192>Why would you expect to reach a state of healthy detachment easily and quickly?You're the one who described it as simply stopping the desire.Also, I did try. I poured years of my life (14 to 18) to repressing those feelings and spending all of my efforts into schooling and sports. I abstained from pornography and masturbation as best I could, I was top of my class, I was running every day and lifting weight three times a week. Yet throughout, I was never really happy and always had this shit gnawing the back of my mind.Even if I wasn't a tranny, I would still be dissatisfied with how my life is going.
>>34903200Simple does not mean easy. It's simple because the methods are linear, natural, intuitive and there are no shortcuts. It's difficult because it takes time, effort and determination.None of the things you described were attempts to rid yourself of the desire. Those are all ways you attempted to "fit in" with a stereotype, in the same way that you're trying to "fit in" with the stereotype of becoming a woman. You replaced one obsession with another, then were surprised when it didn't resolve your issues. Your goal should have been to remove all obsession, to stop wanting to fit in anywhere, to stop letting your mental health depend on externals, appearances and public opinion. You should have been looking for genuine, abiding self-worth. Not only did you not to that, but you went down paths that made that impossible. My advice would be to spend more time in contemplation and study and less time on self-indulgence and distraction.>Even if I wasn't a tranny, I would still be dissatisfied with how my life is going.You've been tricked into thinking that you're a tranny due to your original dissatisfaction. Trying to become a woman is your misguided search for purpose and meaning. Now that it's been proven to you beyond a doubt that that search will never bear fruit, it's time to begin the process of undoing the damage you've caused yourself and restarting your search from the beginning. No fads this time, you have to make a genuine effort to determine what it is that makes a life valuable and worthwhile.
Trannism is caused by demons (sorry). Materialism is a lie
>>34903168Fellow tranny here...Sometimes, not thinking too much about it and just live as you, yes, YOU yourself would like to, is the best way for your life to get any better. A part of how you consistently thinks about wanting to be a woman is also what's keeping you back, if you truly believe you are one then you are one.Do what you think you like. Pursue what you want to do. Don't overthink it. Like, just do.You're you. The self. Not a concept of something you wants to be or something society expects you to be.Take a break and pursue a little hobby or something.
I get you sister I'm also trans and life is really shitty for me I don't know how I should handle this shit
>>34903183It's all good son I mean miss, don't give up on your desires because they don't involve hurting others. The ONLY trap I fear for transpeople is that you can be in danger of falling for an illusion of completion and coherency. In other-words: you must still be a girl do all everything do all of that stuff enjoy it but understand that you will NEVER EVER structurally reach a full resolution there will NEVER be a point where it's done and you are satisfied. This is due to how we are structured through language, so don't fall for the language trap. You can never be satisfied but thats ok you should be constantly moving towards goals that you think will complete you but paradoxically know they will never complete you then enjoy the process of getting there or rather never getting there. We all deal with this fundamental aspect of the psyche but for you and people like clavicular where to involves body image it's especially insidious. So be careful but if u can manage to do that then transgenderism is a true act in the lacanian sense and I give you a lot of respect for doing that
>>34904396This is how heaven operates in theology btw. It's the best place you will never reach but are always moving towards with a ticket that guarantees you entry this is a machine for meaning and enjoyment. You should do the same with your goals. The mechanism is the exact same that's why you get a lot of meaning from religion. It promises coherency meaning and a fantasy you can enjoy.
>>34904396>don't give up on your desires because they don't involve hurting othersTranny ideology inherently involves hurting others.
>>34903168>confused tranny seeksAdvice:Don't be tranny
>>34903211Then how do you find genuine self-worth? How do you find what makes a life valuable and worthwhile?I was smart, handsome, fit, on a path to success, but still none of that felt as good being called she/her...>>34904259Interesting...Tbh, I don't let myself live as I want. I'm not my ideal in terms of productivity and yet I don't let myself relax. I'm more apt to take a lot of naps or scroll my phone than playing a game or watching anime.A lot of times I feel like since I wasn't productive, I can't have fun or enjoy life. But I just struggle to force myself to do what is right.I don't think I'm a woman.>>34904396Not bad advice desu. I've seen BDD passoids destroyed by constantly looking for the next upgrade. I imagine a good goal is find a point in my "transition" where I am happy enough and then channel any desire to move forward into career, art, hobbies, etc...>>34904481i surrender myself to the demiurge and his mechanical world of copper and wires
