>my life is getting worse and worse
>losing motivation to change
the two of these existing at the same time is probably related
uh first thing you can do for self awareness is start constructively criticizing yourself
like
>i'm a lowlife piece of shit
yes, we get it whiny bitch
>i'm a lowlife piece of shit with no job, no money, and no car and i need to fix that by making a plan and executing
now we're fucking talking

>>34907141
Yeh I have a part time job stocking shelves at night and i don't mind it because i can listen to podcasts/audiobooks/music while working. Anytime I start trying to criticize myself, it turns into me beating myself up. I've made countless plans and gave them all up. I just say "I know I won't follow through with it".

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>>34907123
By 30s youre approaching middle age of adulthood so your lack of care is only going to go up.
Id start by cutting off all your vices. Video games, streaming, weed, etc. Get rid of the consoles/pc/laptop. Same remedy for an alcoholic with the bottle thats come to terms with their addiction. You probably need a full detox from other vices cause I doubt youre an expert at wall staring yet.
If you're bored to tears and have some self awareness from Journaling stream of consciousness writing you'll realize what you really want out of this life. Going on walks will also help your thought process.
Id also accept youre at the peak of mt stupid on the dunning kruger cycle. That your mind right now is a poison churning out 0 results for you no matter how much you are an expert because all you're good at is failing. The sooner you can shut it up and take some of the actions above the better your self reflection will improve after the fact of making changes.
Idk what your problems are that you are an expert at distracting yourself with so this is more general advice to a vague post king.
If you actually pick up any hobbies or social circles you'll have to go to the next cycle of problems like self acceptance that you suck at them but thats for another day. Ultimately ive found the biggest motivator is other people. Any great artist or worker did it with the intention of sharing their efforts and not disappearing to a cave to produce the Mona Lisa. So ultimately id replace vices with anything social whether it is coworkers, clubs, church, volunteering, bars walking up to people, etc.this is the advice most anons hit the breaks though and return to their caves tho

>>34907123
Eh, that sounds like what makes everybody else normal and well adjusted.

>no self-awareness
So you keep moods and optimism high all the time
>laziness
So you feel very rewarded by rest and can appreciate with others
>you think you know it all
So you're confident and assertive when people try to manipulate you.

That shit piece of advice you read is bullshit to make better slaves. Your problem lies elsewhere, chiefly being receptive to bullshit and having a pessimistic view of things. Go fix those instead.

>>34907167
bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy yeah?
you clearly want change, maybe you just need to plan smaller
what goals do we have that we've failed at (or failed to start) and why did they fail anon

>>34907170
yeh i'm taking a forced break from weed and alcohol (lived with family for a bit after getting evicted, and they sent me to rehab for alcohol). I haven't drank or smoked since nov of last year. i'm still a porn addict and masturbate several times a day. i tried cutting it out but refraining from masturbating while not having an outlet, i fear, makes me creepy towards women and damages my reputation (that's happened in the past). I wouldn't say i'm addicted to video games, i play on average 2 or 3 hours a day, at my heaviest use. Sometimes I barely play at all.
I actually do journal regularly, but the journal entries all turn into I hate myself and shit is getting worse. I am a frequent walker, and sometimes leave my phone so I can stay in my head. I had a software engineering career that i failed at and am now working retail. i try to program but keep running into problems upon problems and get sick of it, then i realize i don't really like doing it much, but at this point, i have no real other option. I play guitar and make music and such, but when asked about my goals by my family, i told them I wanted to record my next album and they said that's not a goal, so i just made up some bullshit that i didn't care about. i share my music with my friends mostly. at one point, i practiced to join in at jam sessions in a jazz playing bar but dropped it. i did play a bit of music with another patient at the rehab though.

>>34907171
Maybe, but others have much better life results. I'm not optimistic and of a high mood, i spend most of my time doing nothing, and i'm not confident or assertive, people just walk over me.

>>34907175
I had a job as a software engineer and I failed to succeed at it at all because I had no idea how to handle all the small details that I had to get right all the time, and eventually I got fired. I never really figured out how to problem solve or anything like that and I can't sit down and do it for hours. I'm reading a book on Flask but I just go through the motions, and I want to just write my own application. I had my own car but I crashed it when making a poorly advised turn on a recently rained on road. I had my own place but i got evicted from missing rent. Now I got sent to rehab when I blacked out too often. Now working a retail job that makes less than half than what I made 8 years ago.

>>34907228
>that's not a goal
>opens goal
>a significant effort requiring time, money, personal effort
>something that will dramatically increase your confidence once you see a full completed project you made for yourself and nobody else
record your album buddy.

>>34907228
Idk how it is for you but jerking off makes me a much worse communicator. Im theorizing here, but i think abstaining from cooming makes you care, and the problem is managing that level of energy as it is usually is expressed in an unhealthy way - based on your description. Your answer sounds like a cope to past events.
If I get energy that starts to teter on something that would project onto others like how you described id pick up something physical to dump that energy instead of gooning. I usually put on music and go on several mile walks after work in the forest.
It sounds like youre doing something similar to this. You have also failed the no self awareness test you self prescribed as you have an idea of what you want but are holding yourself back from expanding it. Like I said before the great motivator is sharing with others so in this case its playing music.
Id look into a band or unironically try busking. The people that do this are playing music to share with others.
Everyone has to start from somewhere, and that starting place is usually suck. So its up to you if youre going to grow a pair to embarrass yourself and learn not to care (your new self prescribed super power) or remain inside yourself making up problems.
Dont let yourself be defined by other people's definitions either. Id argue theres no money in music (prob your parents definition of success) but it doesnt mean theres no merit to it.
I was at a campground last night with 8 college students and one of them was playing campfire songs consisting of 3 chords but he was able to get everyone to sing along and join in. No one gave a shit. Even if they gave a shit it would only come from a point of jealousy since no one else brought their own guitar to demonstrate their superior ability.
Art therapy like playing for the patient does more good for the world than harm so dont believe in any bullshit but your own ability to do good if you try.

>>34907265
>. Im theorizing here, but i think abstaining from cooming makes you care, and the problem is managing that level of energy as it is usually is expressed in an unhealthy way - based on your description
That sounds like something sensible. And yeh, it might be a cope. I share my music with my friends mostly, a band could be fun to screw around with. I could contact some of the people i played with in rehab too

>>34907245
i will, i need to earn enough to get my home studio set up

>>34907407
Well there you go. Keep your motivation set on that goal. You got friends, you got people in your corner from rehab, and you got a badass hobby. Keep pushing in that direction, it's the right direction. YGMI anon.

>>34907394
Just find what you can to profit it off it even if it just makes others happy.
The internet is a graveyard for content so even though you can and should post there dont bet your ego on it like people do with online dating.
You can use it to make friends and patients happy as well as provide concerts
People that grew up online have lost the plot on how the world used to work but even if ai replaces all music online it will never be able to get people dancing like it does at a concert. I wouldnt do it for the money or the fame though but in the same vein people in the past would do oral storytelling, tribal dances or whatever else gets people thinking or moving.
The only person that gets to determine if youre a success or failure is you. Belief is an action and not a thought so the question remains what youre going to do about it because rotting online all day will only make you a believer of your internal apocalypse like most the other black pilled people that lurk online.
>>34907407
Dont just wait for X or Y product to come in. You can still record on your phone and have something to listen back to. I would have some short term and long term goals you write down and then you need to motivate yourself to do it (again, people. Boredom and suffering are 2 other great ones but you can do a lot to distract yourself from these 2 with entertainment).
Write your goals down and put it in your wallet or something that is close to you and you can regularly reflect on or on your phone or something.
You should be reflecting on the goals every day until the belief becomes a habit

>>34907431
Thank you for the motivation.
>>34907452
>Belief is an action and not a thought so the question remains what youre going to do about it because rotting online all day will only make you a believer of your internal apocalypse like most the other black pilled people that lurk online.
I'll keep this saved somewhere. The music I make so far has been satisfiying enough, as the process I go through is enjoyable, even if the finished product has kinks and such. While saving up, I'm working on the lyrics and arrangements for it, i'm constantly tinkering with the songs. In addition, I've come up with ideas for the Bass lines, solos, and other extra stuff. This next one will be a much fuller album.

>>34907452
>You can still record on your phone and have something to listen back to. I would have some short term and long term goals you write down and then you need to motivate yourself to do it
In addition, I actually do this already. Mostly for ideas for my album, and just random stuff to have on hand

>>34907123
Just stop being lazy. That one is a clear goal you can work on. The other two are bullshit spouted by people who more often than not don't take it well at all when told the same by others.

have to get ready for work but I appreciate all the feedback I got here.

1. Pick small and large goals, maybe a daily and weekly goal to start. Write them down in journal and a place I can see.
2. Look into putting out my music, or at least the busking rules in my area.
3. Stop masturbating
4. Go on a musicless walk with just my thoughts for 20 minutes.
5. Fight the urge to be lazy. The hardest thing, but setting and completing 3 goals a day, no matter how small, is a start, I guess

>>34907933
Forgot to add but these are some of the lessons I took from this thread.

>>34907933
Keep it up man. Youre more motivated than most desu. Youre just demoralized and not unmotivated.
It helps me when I set alarms. Freud or jung painted our consciousness as an iceberg where 90% percent of our decision making is unconscious (id argue thats generous and its prob 95-99%). Only a small amount above water is conscious. So your job is to make sure youre conscious as much as possible for the right moments. I've also found decision making is a retarded process that requires a slow bpm song of energy to make wise decisions. Most multi tasking and entertainment conversely functions at such a high bpm that makes it impossible to be conscious. High bpm forces us to be reactive instead of proactive.
In other words setting a random alarm in the afternoon at like 6:43 or whatever forces me to stop what im doing and devote 1 calorie to being conscious and thinking over my goals before returning back into blissful sloth unthinking.
A calendar alarm may also work.
Youre in a war to try and be 5% conscious instead of less than 1%. Drugs and jerking off among other addictions will deplete you to zombie functioning levels of unconsciousness so dont lose the war to such vices.
Good luck anon. It sounds like you have your head more on your shoulders than you think you just have to get through some uncomfortable hurdles like sharing your music, finding like-minded people etc.