Honestly, being alone isn’t that bad. I’m 40 and alone. I enjoy it. I have my routines and do basically whatever I want when I want and no one ever fucks me over or talks shit about me or lets me down the rare time I need help. There’s Uber now so having a car break on you isn’t that big of a deal as long as you’re not broke all the time. Which being alone means you’ll have more money.

>>34908038
only bother interacting with people that make you feel seen, and that you enjoy continuing a conversation with. im sure youll find multiple people to discuss topics relating to anime or history.

in addition to when striking up conversation do not care about coming off as weird, as if the other person considers you 'weird' theyre likely too closeminded or retarded.

>maybe even find myself a girlfriend.
Don't we all, OP?

>>34908072
I chose to be alone for most of my life by avoiding people, but, I think I’ve been feeling lonely, I feel like there’s a void that might need to be filled by real social interaction, so, I want to give talking to people and developing friendships a shot. It might not help, and maybe I’m just depressed, but I won’t know unless I try, right?

>>34908075
I appreciate the advice, and I really hope to find people that I can talk about my interests with, but, I’m still not sure how I’d start a conversation with a person I’ve never talked to before. Do you have any words for me on that? Should I lay low and wait for people to talk to me instead?

>>34908101
First im gonna give the same generic advice and thats to join clubs. College has social events so go to them. Its where people go to meet others and one of the limited third places still. Usually the people managing them will do the heavy lifting for you and then you are in something where people like you have the same thing in common. I've always found it easier to strike up conversation with people when you can focus on a prop instead of feeling out interests in the dark if that makes sense.
Back before the proliferation of the internet, most people would look forward to doing something every weekend and not going home to rot and stream. Id have this same mentality and psych yourself out to do this.
The trick also is once you have friends they will invite you to events where you can meet other people. So even if youre friendly and dont have a lot in common with someone you may get invited to meet others by being chill.
Plus youre in college so you'll have plenty of people in the same situation as you just as nervous.
As for cold approaching I usually think of something to talk about. Like I mentioned before with a prop. Complimenting someone's outfit or if theyre carrying an interesting book.
I usually then ask how they are doing. If thats your first question you usually get a fast food answer, whereas if you start with something thats more engaging you get a better answer.
After that the trick is what they say in how to win friends and influence people. People love to talk about themselves so all you have to do is engage them with questions and sound curious about their answers. You'll later find your footing on what to chime in on or if the person seems like friend material.
It helps to work on confidence. When I was younger I just started to bs with clerks at gas stations or stores when checking out. People id never see again in my life so didnt mind if I fucked up.

>>34908145
Box breathing also helps out beforehand (4 secs in nose, hold 4 secs, 4 seconds exhale, 4 seconds hold). When you panic you go into a fight or flight response, and take shallow breaths through your upper chest. Your thinking will be retarded until you return to a resting state. Its something I practiced meditating and then took it into any situation i felt I was nervous. It gives a pattern to focus on and return to present rather than panic.
When in doubt, nicotine and booze are time tested for social situations. I used a 3 MG nicotine patch and carry them on me for a bad day. Its only 5 smokes a day for 24 hours. My last one was 3 months ago now so dont find them addictive as cigs. Also learning to stay tipsy drinking.
Unless its small your school should have some meet up type events too. The best I could say is to attend as much as possible and avoid isolating in the dorm. Youre really in a perfect situation rn to meet people in the same boat as you.
I also know you are at 0 now but friends always increase confidence interacting with others as well. When you find one, you can tag team and one of you can act as a wingman to speak to a woman 1 on 1 while the other manages their friends.

>>34908101
socializing has been challenging for me as well but alas ill try and help a bit.

i wouldn't immediately try and discuss 'nerdy' topics with people you first meet, even if they themselves constantly engage with it. often times approaching people and trying to interact with them on the basis of 'loser' or NEET topics like anime and history. these things are oftentimes only talkable about once you've reach a more established friendship with the person. ((For example, i would never approach someone and try discussing HOI or EU with them in the first conversation, even if i knew they had an affinity for it.))

regarding starting a conversation, im not sure if there is any advice i can give , that too is difficult for me.

>Should I lay low and wait for people to talk to me instead?

i'd advise against this. try to 'get out there'.

joining clubs like bantz said is a good idea.

>>34908145
Also forgot to mention the second prop to walk up to someone with is asking a question about the situation.
For example, directions to a university building if on campus, or what the homework assignment was in class.
It doesnt matter if you know the answer. They dont know that.
You can open up a lot of doors by playing dumb. I didnt even realize it until I saw a friend get out of a ticket by doing it. I think for an awkward retard too its probably the best approach you'll have to walking up to a person since complimenting someone takes a bit of courage.
As for meeting a woman, at the end of a conversation when its starting to die ask if they would like to go out for coffee or a walk sometime. Its a subtle way to get someone's phone number. They'll make up an excuse if theyre not interested but at least it'll give you an answer with a casual way of asking.
Good luck

>>34908145
Thank you for your time and advice. I’ll try my best to take it all into consideration. I’m honestly not sure where I’d find clubs, and it’s not something I initially considered, but I’ll look out for them. Maybe there’ll be boards posted or something.

The conversation starters might work too, I’m a little bad with words when I actually speak aloud, so I’ll just have to hope people don’t find me weird because of that.

I hope that when I do find people to be friends with I can make plans and hang out with them. I hope it can bring me some happiness. Thank you.

I jumped the gun and made a reply again too quickly, I didn’t know there was more, oops…

>>34908154
Breathing techniques will probably need to be employed, I am incredibly awkward and I fall apart under social pressure, it’s part of why I avoid it or give 1 word responses, sentences just don’t string properly. It’s something I need to work on.

I have a really high alcohol tolerance, so, staying tipsy isn’t really much of a problem for better or for worse.

I haven’t heard of any meet-ups, but if there are any I’ll try to attend, or at least I will if the subject matter isn’t something I’m totally uninterested in.

>>34908156
Thank you again, I’ll avoid jumping into my interests immediately and maybe try to ease into it. Maybe once I learn enough about them I can decide if it’s reasonable for me to start asking about them.

>>34908163
That actually seems like a really good gateway into conversation. I think it might be hard to continue after it, but, I can always do my best or try to read their inflection in their reply to decide if it’s right to keep talking to them.

Thank you for all of your help, bantz and other anons. I will do my best to keep all of your advice in mind. I think with it I could find a friend group. I will be optimistic.

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>>34908180
https://letmegooglethat.com/?q=how+do+i+join+clubs+at+my+university%3F
Unless youre going to Timuktu U, your college should have a web page for this. If not call the college or email them asking.
I cant under emphasize this too especially as a social retard. Even if you are mildly interested in hiking, the nice thing about activity is 50% of your energy is focused on the pursuit meaning not 100% of the focus is on talking and it gives something to talk about. That's why people played corn hole and horse shoes and cards before the internet, because you could play a game and bs too. Square dancing is gay but it got me to meet other people. Might as well give things a try even if youre not sure on it.
Also just some advice from other friends and family that were shut ins, working a job forced them to open up. Just if youre 6 months in and arent getting anywhere id consider a part time gig because it forces you into social situations you would otherwise pass on.
You can totally do this though. Half the battle is showing up. One thing that helped me when I was younger was 99% of people dont give a shit. Theyre so lost in their internal monologue theyre not thinking about you at all. If you get self conscious you get so focused inward you lose the plot and dont even look at this. Anxiety is fear of the unknown and the best remedy to that is looking people in the eye. You can gage their disposition this way much better and stop worrying if random people are thinking of you until youre actually talking to them.
And then when you are speaking to them you can read body language and their expressions by looking at them.
Covid stunted a lot of your gens brains so you have more in common in meeting others than you think. I guarantee you 75-90% of your freshmen classmates are gonna be nervous the first few months about not being a loser.

>>34908213
I became a master at death by question. Once they get their yap moving and fill the space with their air, start thinking of a question based on what they are speaking of.
If they mention a trip or experience, ask how they was. If its about the UK, think about someyhing you are also interested in the UK.
Did you see Stonehenge?
What were the accents like?
Was the food boring like the internet says?
If they mentioned a hobby, ask more about it. Its not rocket science. Its the same thing about playing dumb. Even if you know the answer, theres no harm in asking because it gives them more of an excuse to talk about themselves.
Asking questions makes you sound curious and gives the impression youre easy to talk to.
It can also attract some people that want to trauma dump on you. Just beware if you dont have boundaries it can attract some real emotional vampires.

>>34908038
>Introduce yourself by asking for help (Even if you don't need it)
>Compliment on something (try to stop being cynical about life)
>See them consistently (i.e. do small talk every day, ask how they're doing, how hard that is etc)
>Start infodumping about your likes
>Invite them over to your home and watch some shit, or to do activities (don't worry about the money)

The biggest challenge is to get out of the headspace that you need to say something right. The key is to see people consistently, but if you don't train that skill you will legit have nothing to talk about, no small talk will occur to you, and you will be excusing yourself for a self fulfilling prophecy.

The world is a box of expensive nuts for you right now. Enjoy them, and share them with others.

>>34908038
I would usually approach people and try to strike up a conversation, not by focusing on the things we had in common, but by talking about personal details and aspects of our lives. From there, I would gradually broaden the topic until we found things that interested us both and talked about them. The more interesting your life is—that is, the more hobbies, intellectual interests, and outdoor activities you pursue over time—the more enriching and spontaneous your conversations will be. Of course, knowing how to start a conversation and steer it in a specific direction is a very useful skill. But I've never had a hard time connecting with other people. Reading good didactic literature can be helpful.

I was also very interested in rethinking many aspects of my life at that age, not just in the social sphere. Certain things happened, and I’m not living the life I had imagined for myself at this age right now. But I wish you the best of luck, and don’t despair if you don’t see immediate results. Sometimes you just have to make a plan and stick to it as much as possible to start seeing some positive progress, both socially and in terms of discipline.

>>34908038
Realize most of people will be in your shoes the first year, ie not knowing anyone. Everyone will want to get to know each other. Talk about classes, that's the easiest way to break ice. And like someone said, join clubs or social activities in your school. Most colleges have something like that.

>>34908145
good post. maybe you’re alright. not to hijack this thread but
>be me
>age 25, 2024
>get back into a 4 year school as a junior
>fast forward to 2026
>went to zero college social events, just went to class and went home (commuter student)
>graduated having barely made any friends, just a few loose acquaintances
>now a 27 year old khv
did i squander a huge opportunity? am i done for?

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>>34908038
unironically alcohol

>>34908651
No youre still in your 20s. People that are older, uglier and more retarded than you turned their social life around. Look into clubs for adults. Hiking, yoga the occult. Whatever you are halfway interested in its worth giving a shot. Every one ive ever gone to was willing to bend over backwards to accommodate me to make me a regular. This is one of the few third spaces left to meet people as well. You can walk up to people at a bar if you have the confidence to.but outside those social environments clubs, churches, bars, volunteering, events, the average person doesnt want to small talk at the store or in public like they use to.
Like I said to the other anon covid screwed a lot in your Gen who've come out of their cocoon pretty late.
Theres sites like meet-up or Facebook groups to find these places as well as others online. Good luck. The pool is still very open for you at your age

>>34908038
its not that serious. be weird do whatever you want

>>34908651
could be worse, you could go to a shit ton of social events & clubs and still make no friends (like me)