>>34911510
I feel like something is missing but I can't figure out what it is. There's an odd emptiness that I lack words to describe. It bothers me.

There are also times when I want to do something but get blocked by a sense of needing something intangible. I can force myself but it's strange. Is it my brain trying to procrastinate? I'm not even talking about important things. Just cleaning out my computer desk gets me like this.

The irony being that I'm fine at my job. I don't really care for it (it pays the bill) but I have none of this mental noise when I'm working. Make it make sense. Is it just the threat of being fired? Is that it?

Sigh, I don't understand any of this.

>>34911569
WTF do you mean "deworm"?

>>34911584
I assume you're speaking from experience then?

I’m dreading the idea of living more decades on earth, of being so lonely and having to care for myself and others forever without ever having someone else to care about me.

I mourn the idea that I’m never going to be loved, cherished, and worshipped by a man, mourn the idea of never being a mother and a wife because the world is so damn difficult and unforgiving. Maybe it’s better that way. A woman with severe PTSD can’t be a good mom… I guess. Honestly, I hate kids. They’re insufferable. Maybe it’s because I’m never going to have my own semen demon, so I dread being around them. I really feel like I can be a great mom, but it feels impossible, maybe in a different incarnation.

>>34911510
My brother died yesterday, now its just me and my mom (80) in my life. I didnt thought he would die this early and so suddenly (51), i thought i would be stuck taking care of him until old age. Now im never going to talk to him again.

Im nowhere near as close with the rest of my family, i have no friends, not even internet ones, or a job.

When mom dies im going to be alone.

>>34911624
You do know all humans have worms in their intestinal tract right? You can take anti parasitics which is essentially drinks with course sand in them to do a flush and worms will come out. Not something I ever wanted to know but my sister is a nurse and informed me how its the case (yes, we live in the us and are caucasian)

>>34911640
Whats your ptsd involving

I haven't heard your voice in years, yet I think about things you told me every single day. Sentences pierce my thoughts with a resolve and strength, honesty I have never felt with anyone else. I miss you so much it hurts. Im sorry.

NEVER check her social media.
NEVER break no contact.
There is NOTHING I can do on my end, so why bother worrying about it?
I’d rather spend that time and energy getting back on my feet than stressing about something I can’t change.

Happy Friday, frens.

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>>34911641
Did someone say
>suddenly

>>34912150
>NEVER check her social media.
This is the hardest part

>>34911641
>>34911640
Before you assume you have a mental illness i'd suggest trying to be as healthy as you can. Get leaner, do more exercise, eat healthier and get your macro and micronutrients.
I know it might sound difficult but try to make more friends. There really isnt much more to it than introducing yourself and spending time together. Before you know it they might be gone just like your parents or brother so might as well give it a try.
What is a game without its players? What is a world without people?

>>34912202
NTA but the exercise thing doesn't really work for me anymore. I sometimes still think about suicide after a run, and when I don't I am just angry and want to harm people.

>>34912211
youre low on micronutrients remember that neurotransmitters are made of proteins

I've been building my first proper commander deck without consulting online sites, so the deck will be rough as fuck, but at least it'll give me an opportunity to play it, then optimise as I go along. The deck itself is mostly cheap, I think the most expensive card was the commander and, even then, Royal Mail fucking lost my first commander in the post, so I had to order another one. That said, by next Wednesday, I should have a fully functioning deck. The second most expensive card in my deck is a Sol Ring lol. Then, I just have to see if we're getting evicted.

Depending on how this house inspection goes, I'm hoping to do a charity thing in October for my latest book. The plan is to capitalise on Halloween, and me being a horror writer. I'm having custom bookmarks printed, and I've made posters, but it's literally just waiting to see how this house inspection goes. It's not even like I'm paralysed by fear, it's more like I'm waiting for a tornado to pass. Like, if we're still here, I can get things rolling but, if not, I can't. I've always been a believer in planning for the worst, but planning for the worst means that making plans is pointless right now.

I've got a feeling that it'll go okay. Without sounding insane, it feels like the universe is telling me that we'll still be here, but I have to be realistic.

I got my money back, most of it anyways. Better than having a massive paperweight

Every time I think there is something that will improve my life, some kind of cosmic force prevents it from happening.

>>34912330
Same. I have given up on finding a hope. For example, The first guy I have met that I thought was so perfect for me, has a whole ass wife he has been hiding from me for our entire relationship. I'm not sure how someone could do this or where to go from here.

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Guys

I think the black one is supposed to be Taylor, guys.

Guys, i want to build an aquarium and i wanted to put the cool looking sea slugs in it but it's mostly illegal so i have to build a boring fish aquarium with normal fish but these neon tetras look pretty cool and some loaches look pretty cool.

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This is a picture of a sea slug and it's orange and blue and it's really cool and i like it.

I think I pieced it together. You were afraid of opening up to me because you were going through tough shit and didn’t want me to know. You thought you’d fix your life first, and only then we could we start building something. You kept me at arms length because you were afraid I’d reject you if I saw your life as it was.

But I wanted to move ahead right away. I already liked what I saw. I was at a crossroads and needed to know if I had a future with you. When you kept pushing me away, I took that as a rejection and made the decision to move.

The next time we met, you were ready to begin while I was planning on saying goodbye. When you casually mentioned you were going through tough times and I shrugged it off, you felt safe and comfortable. So when I told you I was leaving, it hurt even more. You got upset and cold. You thought I was a time waster, and that all that effort you’d gone through was for nothing. When I tried one more time to see if you had any feelings, you told me it was all for nothing and pushed me away for good.

I think you connected the dots before I did. You realized if you’d just reached for the life you wanted when you wanted it, you’d have it right now. And I’m glad to hear you’re doing well and planning to enjoy life in the moment rather than waiting for the perfect time in the future. I suspect you’re still upset with me, but I hope you understand how it looked from my perspective, and I hope you know I was drawn to you as you were - not some idealized version of what you “should” be.

I just wish this was salvageable. I’d like to give it another try, but it doesn’t seem like you are. I don’t blame you, it would be a lot harder now, but I would go to crazy lengths to make it work with you. You’re one of a kind.

>>34912460
</3

>>34912460
Maria loves you mike. Remember that

Only way to actually retain genuine interest from a woman worth my time is to be good looking and have my shit together but i'm not allowed to have my shit together so I can be the example that makes other losers cope easier.

I was fired from my last career either because i sucked at it or because i was waiting to start a legal trial that began after beginning said career which can still result in prison or because i left sudafed in my tool bag.

my cousin's boyfriend ask me to hop on some games with him. told him, in short, "we'll see" because i really don't want to get close. considering the last time i talked to a different cousin's boyfriend spoke like he immortalized and ingrained /b/ into his soul.

why the fuck do these women want me to get to know their boyfriend lol. i don't even like people in the first place.

There's nothing humble about what i'm saying but i'm worried that if i don't say it then problems are more likely to persist.

I honestly wish women would leave me alone. There has been a consistent cycle of women adding me or asking me out first, then ghosting me whenever they get bored. This has led to a constant cycle of being infatuated with a single woman and having a pit in my stomach when she's gone. This has happened five times now and I am sick of it.

The secondhand embarrassment of having to teach me some things i didn't know may have been brutal

Not really sure if i was qualified.

I need something to do that i can be good at

>>34912565
You're good at schizo posting. That's something.

>>34912540
Were you planning to marry them? If not, what is the issue

>>34912491
No Ms (or Cs) in either of our names, interestingly enough

>>34912202
>>34912202
Dead brother anon here. We buried him today.
Thanks for the advice, getting exercise is something on my list don't worry.
I have a lot of regrets regarding my bother, he lead a sad life but the people that got to be his friends treated him like a brother or a father, he connected with people like i never could, way smarter than me too and had better hobbies. He was unfortunately mentally ill and he only got medicated late in life, had he gotten it young he would still be happily married, maybe with kids. I had to take care of him and my mom for over half my life, i resented them a lot up until 2 years ago when he got a lot better. I felt like i couldn't study, find work, bring friends home or date girls with him in my life, i felt he ate away at my time and sanity. Then mom got onsent dementia and everything got worse.

But i still loved him. He tried to help when he could, he knew what was happening and felt guilty he was dragging the family to a shitty situation, and i know he also loved us a lot, but we could never connect the same way when i was a kid, he didn't die a stranger but i don't feel like we were as close as his friends. It was when i taked with his friends that i realised i missed a huge chunk of his life because i didn't want to spend more time with him. I wish we could have been closer before he died.

I owe it to him to move on with my life. I also owe my mom some grandkids, hopefully before she dies too.

>>34912575
The antipsychotics made me worse at typing i think

>>34912592
>Were you planning to marry them?
The most recent one I fooled myself into thinking it might actually work this time.
>If not, what is the issue
I have never been in a serious relationship with a woman, so whenever a woman goes as far as to reach out to me first, I become quickly attached.

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Everything will be fine if I just let the doctors castrate me against my will. They only lie to me for my own good.

>>34912594
Ah, okay I was hoping it was from him and hes alive.

>>34912460
Initial?

let me know you're here

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>struggle to wake up in the morning
>struggle to go to sleep
>struggle to brush my teeth
>struggle to clean my room
>struggle to take a shower
>struggle to eat & cook
>struggle to get out of my chair

love me
that's all I ask of you

>>34912460
You are not the decider of destiny or what life brings. Or the judge who knows what means lead to what ends. The being you are thinking about reaching for something earlier in life doesn’t exist except in your head, because I or whoever you are thinking of would not be either educated or disciplined enough, or been through enough in life to become the person free to do anything now; But it’s more than that.

A human with their wants and wills is just an ant compared to the ocean of change that the world brings, from things like AI. Where I go, and where others go, is based on a randomness you are not prepared to accept. Wars and technological revolutions would never be able to survive your flights of fancy and hedonistic desires. As if I could truly be the person I am today without the world changing me itself, like a version of me before the internet and a version of me after it.

If there’s something that’s wrong or un-salvageable about the situation its that you can’t undo time and take back what you did. After all these years the ocean’s wave has came, and my time has come to get my revenge on the world for everything done wrong to me. I am finally ready to make lots of money, and I would remake the entire planet to make it understand my pain. It’s been my life’s goal this entire time.

If I could, I would continue things with you and feel happy again, except that you would steal from me my future a 2nd time. Once from your mistake, the second from your regret. A big difference about the movie version of The Count of Monte Cristo compared to the original, is that in the book too much trauma has happened for the original couple to remain together. Sorry that I replied to you when I don’t know you likely, your naive thoughts just bring about a flash of anger.

>>34912666
B
I’m far from blameless, by the way

Thinking about eating some psilocybin

Your concept of loneliness is one of the multiple guys that like you isn't telling you that he also wants in. My concept of loneliness is I've never been in a relationship to begin with.
Why the fuck are you playing like this

I'm going to eat some psilocybin

>>34912777
You're just trying to play me

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Guys

At the end of the interview she stuck out her hand so I shook it instead of giving her back the paper she wanted, I didn't even say "oh sorry", I don't know if this qualifies as an autism moment or not

>>34911641
alas, everything on this earth is temporary. grieve for your brother, but know you will be going where he is as well. Its only a short time were on this earth. do as much good as you can and call it a day.

Huh. I really went off the rails pursuing you when I should’ve just deleted your contact info months ago. Well, here’s to making up for lost time.

i fucked up a lot i'm stupid and i fucked up a lot

desu its the blonde in the big red truck of yours that does it for me.

My wife put on some weight after we had our kids but for years I thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world and would tell her as much basically every day.

But after years of listening to her put herself down, make zero attempt to improve the things she doesn’t like about her body, and the degradation of physical intimacy (not just sex but basically all physical affection) I think she’s finally broken me down and killed my interest in her. Mentally I’m still attracted to her and we basically never argue, but she doesn’t kiss me or even touch me unless I initiate it. We haven’t had sex in almost a year and I realized a couple of days ago that I hadn’t said anything about how good she looked or given her a kiss good night for maybe a week or two when it used to be a daily thing. She hasn’t said anything about it so she either hasn’t noticed or doesn’t care that I’m finally checked out too. Not sure what I’m supposed to do with that but lately I’ve been feeling like a robot going to work, coming home to hang out with the kids and then hanging out with her for a couple hours before we silently go to bed and repeat the next day.

I'm going to go walk around and get a yogurt

How can a grown man complain so much or be so soft in the face of adversity? People complain, customers in this business complain. I told you it was a nit picking job when you first got hired, it shouldn't be a shock

I am going to rape the colton poster to death and feed his dead body to pigs

i hate women.

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Seeing the displays of evil from leftists who seem nothing short of demonic has honestly inspired me to be a better person. Sometimes lately, when I've had the opportunity to make a bad choice, I realize that I don't want to be like them. I don't want to be anything like them. Seeing this has inspired me to buckle down and write that play that I've had in my mind, because the arts shouldn't be dominated by evil people who want people like me to be killed. I want to create work that can make people happy. Because there's a lot of evil people in the world, but they can never take my joy away from me. They can never take my peace away from me. That's what the response to Charlie's murder has shown me. I didn't watch him much when he was alive, but I can't think of a better sign of a life well lived than the most evil people in the world rejoicing when you're gone. When I meet him face to face someday, it will be an honor to shake his hand. A truly great man.

The girl with the green moped at her baby mamas house rn, btw.

In November of 2020, I had decided it was time to hang myself. I bought a rope and a stool from separate stores so nobody got suspicious, went to the forest, and ended up backing out. In all honesty after reflecting on these past six years, it was a mistake to not hang myself. The issues I faced then haven’t improved and in fact many have gotten worse. From a purely practical perspective, my life is mostly suffering and boredom, with only brief moments of temporary satisfaction than grow more fleeting as the years go on. It used to be that I would feel happy for a few hours if someone paid me a compliment, or told me they appreciate me, now it lasts ten minutes at most. I feel as though I’ve grown more neurotic over the years, with incredibly minor things setting me off and ruining my day. My status with women hasn’t changed, I don’t think I am capable of being loved and/or desired by a woman; not to mention that I have always struggled to make friends and haven’t really hung out with anyone since 2018. It really just seems hopeless, and the only two options seem to be to either just accept and learn to cope with my lot in life, or finally end my suffering once and for all.

>>34913344
learn to accept the normie way of life as an evil caricature of what life „should be“ like shoved into your face by society and then just live your life disregarding that

I get groceries and notice any number of attractive women. I am just overwhelmed with this inferiority. Why would they ever be with me? How could I possibly compete with other, more normal guys?

>>34913335
leftists make me want to nuke tehran and gaza.

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To be honest I always get bored with my friends lately. We have become uncs (29-30 years old) and almost everyone it's talking about job, houses, payments and all of that. Of course their gfs always come because they have no friends and they are like flies circling around them. And they are dogs. It's sad, it's like watching someone surrender their freedom completely. I wageslave because I need money but I have time to me. And most of them became idiots too. So simplistic. So banal.

Growing up sucks. Hanging out with my friends sucks. All I have now is training and the mountains. The mountains are the only thing that are keeping me alive.

I knew from around when we had 23 that things were going to get worse but holy shit, to witness it it's just sad. Terribly sad.

It's over isn't it? the age of fun I mean. Thanks to anyone who read this.

>>34912763
Sounds like you are not who the post was actually being written to. I prefer her answer, not yours

i think and post fucked up shit all day. i dream about nuking the middle east and europe all day long. i day dream of burning crowds and starving millions. and i don't hear any voices, nobody is telling me to think this stuff. its all just me. I am evil. the only thing i can do is use my evil against those more evil than me.

>>34913561
um have you like tried not to?

>>34913737
sort of. i try to calm myself down a little bit but it rarely works. i think about killing people all day long. i think about putting electric bonesaws in peoples vaginas and asses a lot. i don't know why. i think i want to know how it looks to see someones bottoms get torn to shreds. i can't really stop thinking about it unless im drunk.

>>34911510
Listen, I'm gonna consider this harassment. You place any more messages, this is gonna be harassment you got that? I'm a little pissed off because your general keeps spamming me it's not your fault you're getting paid to do this

it's over.

>>34912872
Is this real

>>34913805
You still dream of being with mike, dont you?

>>34913835
who is mike

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>>34911510
I WANT TO PUT MY WILLY IN MY EX
IT'S GONE VERY BIG NOW
MDS, if you somehow still browse here, can we figure something out? Legitimately want to argue like mad, fuck, make up, make out.

I don’t need to be good looking for someone worth my time but I don’t think I’m worth their time unless I do my best to make myself look better.

>>34913816
Apparently not.

>>34913816
I don’t know what it is or if it’s safe

with how embarrassing my life has been im proud of myself for not killing myself. a lot of people in my shoes would have jumped off a bridge by now

>>34913781
Who

>>34913344
Unironic advice, go see a psychiatrist and have his prescript you some crazy pills, there may or may not be something wrong with your brain. Maybe with the change in mood you can pivot and make some friends before the drugs stop working as good as the start.
You can always hang yourself later.

>>34913344
if you're going to kill yourself at least take some assholes with you. say you're an anti-white communist and go to vermont and shoot some liberal retards or something. or maybe shoot up a church and shout allahu ackbar.

>>34913982
I think that the conditions that modern society put us in are unnatural and these feelings are a response to that. If I take meds it just treats the symptom not the disease.
>>34914022
1) Fedpost
2) If I do such a thing all the embarrassing shit about my life will come out. Almost immediately after Luigi was found out to be the shooter, there were stories about his spinal injury which ruined his sex life. When I die I just want to be forgotten.

>>34914046
if i was a fed id be telling you to shoot up a mosque or a synagogue so we can import more browns, i want you to do the opposite. also all that embarrassing stuff wont matter, they'll just remember that you killed a bunch of conservatives and the woke media will make you a hero. girls will send you love letters for the rest of your life that you can jerk off into and send back to them from jail. it'll be fun, i promise.

I'm not attractive at all, and getting girls to want me is supposed to be easy. It's the bottom of priorities for everyone but me. The hardest thing for me to do is everyone's side hobby that's so easy that there are no afterthoughts. I'm such a fucking failure.

>>34912460
Scratch all of this. I just had my major breakthrough and I realized I wouldn’t go through crazy lengths for you, and I think that’s the point. And I’m wondering if you realized that you wouldn’t go through crazy lengths for me, either. Funny, when we met I thought we were so different, but maybe our issues were the same all along. I’m honestly glad I met you, both because you’re a great person, and because I learned a lot from you - directly and indirectly. But I had a life I enjoyed before I met you, and I want to get back to that life.

This all sounds overdramatic given we never even got off the ground, but I really, really did learn a lot about myself from this. Thank you. Maybe a few years down the line we can both meet up and laugh over this.

Broke up with boyfriend of 4 months because he's moving to work about 3 hours away, and this is a 4 year contract meaning 4 years long distance.
Sometimes I think maybe we should try being long distance but I had bad experiences with it and 4 years is a long time. At least like this we get to break up without any resentment for each other.
I'm very upset and I miss him so much. I did get really attached.
Maybe I dodged a bullet because he's a smoker of weed and pot, and has a huge bodycount, so for these reasons I was fearing we wouldn't make it as a couple anyways, but it hurts a lot to know I'll never see him again.

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I fucking blew it
I was going for a femcel qt, just the complete package
Then a Stacy entered my life
Didn't mind her at first but she started showing interest in me
Mind you, this bitch was already taken so I ignored her
But she kept being so relentlessly caring of me that people started teasing her as my Mom GF
I fell for her hard not long after
I quickly started getting jealous of who she hung out with
Recognising this as a problem, I started distancing myself
I'm still down bad for the femcel qt and still trying to get closer to her
Successfully get closer to femcel qt
Stacy seems hury and confused about the distance and tries to get close with me again
I keep my distance because I know this shit ain't going anywhere good
Stacy asks her friends for help and after incessant prodding, they soon figure out I'm down bad real bad for her and only keeping my distance for our sake
Stacy actually likes the attention/obsession
Like she really likes it
Seriously wth is wrong with this woman?
It soon starts getting apparent I'm down bad for two woman and Stacy and the Femcel qt start this little feud
People are now making jokes about this circumstance
I still maintain my distance to Stacy while continuing to pursue femcel qt, but it's obvious that with just the slightest effort Stacy can get me to melt for her
Femcel qt being a recluse, starts distancing herself from me
Stacy is technically keeping me as a spare situationship for herself rn
I fucking hate myself I need to get over this woman asap and win the femcel qt over again fuck fuck fuck
Yes I'm a fucking indecisive pussy who ended up here because I can't make a definite decision and commit to it so the woman ended up making my decision for me

>>34912777
Why do you think I give a fuck about male validation in 2026? Most of you are too far gone into your million lil addictions that you've lost all hope of ever being remotely attractive, let alone offering any value to a woman

Oh so sad though that you're lonely because you don't put even a sliver of effort into any of your few interpersonal relationships and wonder why no one bothers anymore. Stop whining about bullshit you won't fix, moron.

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Fuck my life it don't mean shit

Chillin

I don't know what's going on and I don't care

>>34914315
"Stop whining" says the industrial whining machine

Ideally the truth about my life is too dangerous to not be secret but I can't help but wonder if it's just fucked up because tammy can't keep themself from being selfish and malicious because they can't accept who i am and insist that manipulating my life is virtuous patience rather than chaotic and wrong. I say tammy because i have a difficult time believing that the derek i used to know would let this happen if they were alive. If this is their choice i still find myself wanting to tell them to slit their wrist. Oh well.

When I was told "I can't guarantee what you're going to come back to when u get back to your house" while i was at the hospital it gave me more irrational hope that ultimately renders me insane.

I wonder if you ever get tired of the same old cycle of befriending, growing attached and abandoning random people you meet. Its like a collecting game for you isn't it? Once you have seen the person and gotten a taste for them you put them in the cupboard and never look at them again. No goodbye, no sorry. Nothing

>>34914379
No matter how many times I am faced with the reality of how little I matter to those that matter to me, it stillo bruises me every time.

I still think about that stripper I got my first lap dance from a couple months ago.
God she was pretty, and someone nerdy too. Bossy and kinda dominant too.
I legitimately think I couldve brought her home too. Come to think of it, thats probably why she asked if I was going to stick around for a bit, it was an hour before closing.

It probably wasnt real but fuck dude,that left my soul wanting her bad dude.

>>34914307
The sun never wanted or needed any other but the moon.

No, I do not have a bob haircut.

>>34911510
I may have to go back to my old job. Fuck.

>>34911510
>wake up
>take a shit
>get high
>tell retards to kill themselves on the internet all day
>eat
>masturbate
>sleep
>repeat
i love my life

>>34914820
Peace out. You left it for a reason, remember that.

I dreamed about you last night for the first time in months, even though you're all I've been able to think about. We reconciled and hung out as friends.

>>34914259
Doesn’t sound like you liked him that much.

I swear to glob that my cat bf’s doppelgänger was in the race today. To which I ask, why do you wear a collegiate sweatshirt on a 65 degree day when you are running?

>>34914046
>I think that the conditions that modern society put us in are unnatural and these feelings are a response to that. If I take meds it just treats the symptom not the disease.
I had the same opinion, that rather than "get high" to feel better people should grit their teeth and deal with thier problems. Turns out that justs makes you hate improvement and crave your shitty situation just becouse it doesnt feel as painful. The drugs arent going to fix your life, but they will help you get up in the morning and numb the pain of doing what you have to do get those friends and girlfriend, meeting new people and doing new things can be scary for socially anxious people, take it as drinking a shot of whisky for gather courage.
And if you do take the drugs and want to quit, call your doctor to lower your dosis, quitting cold turkey is going to short cirquit your brain

>>34911510
he took my heart and ground it into dust. and snorted it. I'm still in love with him and that is never going to change.
how long do you think I'll have to wait for him?
he's MY person. mine. not yours. not anyone else's. he was mine, first. and he will remain mine forever..

>>34915138
>I had the same opinion, that rather than "get high" to feel better people should grit their teeth and deal with thier problems.
But that's not what my opinion is, I think fundamentally the way that industrial society is structured is not made for human satisfaction. Let's lay out the day of the average wagie in America.

>Work a 9 to 5 warehouse job with your incompetent managers
>Go home and only have a few hours to yourself
>Spend all your free time watching TikTok, Youtube, Netflix, or scrolling on your phone.
>Wake up and feel like shit from the lack of sleep because you wanted just a little bit more time to yourself.
>Still barely have enough for rent.

Most people are (rightfully) miserably in that position. I don't think people should "just deal" with that, what I am saying is that I don't think giving people mind-numbing drugs is the solution. The problem is with the material conditions of life. Furthermore I think people should do the basic things before even thinking about the pills/suicide, Exercise, good diet, quitting alcohol/weed/smoking, prioritizing good sleep, getting off the internet, etc.

But for what it's worth, I woke up and actually felt relatively good, not completely downtrodden like I am normally am. Still though I am self-aware that this feeling is only temporary and I will soon be back to suffering.

>>34911510
My depressive thoughts have been surging back for the past few days and today my mother, the only person I still feel happy around, made it worse by reminding me of the failure I am.
Everyone is annoying, including me. Can't wait to end it all and be done with this shit.

>>34915228
Im sorry to say thats not going to change unless you get a better job, which means studing, which means less time for yourself. Do you have family that can help you or are willing to take you in so you at least stop draining your salary on rent? Or maybe they will be willing to take you if you pay part of the rent?

>>34915318
I don't work a warehouse and I don't rent, I was just using it as an example of the average wagie and showing they are completely justified in being depressed. I work EMS which is alright, I get a lot of off-time whenever we don't run anything

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I hate women so much. I hate what they are with a passion.

>>34915345
So what is your problem?

>>34915365
What I outline in my original post
>Yearning for belonging and friendship. Ever since I was a kid I've always wanted to belong but have been terrible at making friends/meaningful connections.
>Women. I want an intimate and meaningful connection with a woman, but every time I try it utterly fails. I am convinced no woman will ever love me and I will never have the same basic human experiences of sex and romance.
>Growing neuroticism. I've feel as though I've grown more neurotic and unstable throughout the years. Small things will now set me off and ruin my entire day. I am extremely paranoid about the smallest things that, intellectually I can understand are stupid, but that I still constantly stress about.
>More suffering than pleasure. This has been something in my life for as long as I can remember. I have always been anxious about something almost every waking moment. I will worry about something for around 2 weeks, then forget about it and constantly worry about the next.
Then of course there is the fact that objectively the world is getting worse, and I am powerless to stop it. There is nowhere else to run and hide anymore.

feeling very alone since my dad died. no one left from my family but me. sobbed a lot this morning thinking about it. felt kinda good after the fact to let it out but still.

feel like i'm not quite insane but i'm getting there

>>34915389
>>Growing neuroticism. I've feel as though I've grown more neurotic and unstable throughout the years. Small things will now set me off and ruin my entire day. I am extremely paranoid about the smallest things that, intellectually I can understand are stupid, but that I still constantly stress about.
>>More suffering than pleasure. This has been something in my life for as long as I can remember. I have always been anxious about something almost every waking moment. I will worry about something for around 2 weeks, then forget about it and constantly worry about the next.
I know you are opposed to using psiquitric drugs as a first option but you should consider proffesional help, there might be something wrong with you, like physically wrong. Im not saying this to put you down, some people are just like that.
As for the rest, it might be a consequence of the former, obiously not the world getting worse part, but other people can move on or adapt while you cant.

>>34915190
>T.Maria and Mike letter

jerking off is no longer fixing the horny :-( i need a hot small white girl to use as my personal sex doll. i want to get a fuck machine and make her use it all the time until she cums a bunch and then fuck her and cum on her face and then make her cum again on the machine

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>older sibling has a high paying job, rich, happy
>makes me overlook the work she commissions even though I'm still college and have exams and such
>constantly asked "how come you haven't graduated yet? you a loser or something?" by relatives and family members
I sometimes want to kill myself, or to at least strangle some of my relatives including my deadbeat absent father who i think is the cause of this, i know he has his own story and struggles and whatever but i am being metaphorically raped by life as i carry the family he left behind on my fucking back and some of these people are genuinely deranged, 2 of my younger siblings literally dropped out because of retarded shit while I'm already up to my eyeballs with work and projects.

>>34915437
Small? Are you like a pedo or something?

People who get mad and speed up when you try to *safely and legally* pass them on the highway should be publicly flogged.

I intentionally avoid businesses that have transgender staff I have to interact with. They creep me out that much.

>>34914379
They shouldn't have messed up and get themselves abandoned then

>>34915683
So true.

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I don't want to go to college tomorrow, i just wanna be a NEET for some hot rich milf, I'll help around the house pleaseeeee

>>34915452
no, small girls are just easier to throw around and fuck hard and its safer for them to bounce on your dick without breaking it. i had a small ginger gf once and the sex was incredible.

>>34915775
You can't throw women, silly. They aren't toys.

>>34915781
>You can't throw women, silly.
wrong, throwing a woman across the bed is very possible and very fun for both of you, girls love it
>They aren't toys.
you are the most virgin person on the planet

>>34915789
I assure you that your manner of thinking is uncommon. You sound like a 4-year-old child.

>>34915834
>obsessed with white women
>obsessed with sex
>desperate to assert he’s not a virgin
you’re arguing with a brown person

>>34914379
Huh? They befriend me first and then reveal their true selves. I need to move away…

Never ignore red flags. She (or he) ISN’T the exception to the rule. Stand your ground, GIOYC bros (and sisters).

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>>34911510
>Been watching a bunch of true crime
>See this girl
>She's been put away for 20 years for being edgy
Bros... I thought America was the land of the free?
I can fix her

First night alone in a long while. Gf is away with a friend of hers, and man does this feel good. The best day of the year, just cause she isn't here fighting with me and i have time to think. Stuff has been going bad for a long long while, years now. I'm tired and i don't want to continue anymore in this relationship. It's my first one, and probably my last one, seeing how hellish it's been. I don't want to throw the dice and see what happens in the next one. This one has taken years out my my life and hers. Breaking up is the right call, but i'm still scared of it. After all the mental work i have done, it still scares me. Mainly because what happens to her after this. She finds me so important to her and she has been in a bad state for long.

I know i will end this relationship in a few weeks. It's the right thing to do. Yet, still, i'm scared. Really scared.

>escape abusive relationship (beatings, he is obsessive to a fault but he is my og and first eveything)
>try talking to new people
>guy 1 is on drugs and insane "what is the point of life? I just wanna do fucked shit!!"
>guy 2 enters and mogs guy 1, steals me proper, but still on drugs and insane
>also on that "what is the point of life? I just wanna do fucked shit!!"
>realize I just have no one but broken faggots around me
>atp wish I was being beaten MORE than watching these two be losers all day wasting their lives getting high and whining
>I am clearly too fucked myself for a normal man and they do not even rape you anyways
>og comes back and saying I am not allowed to leave breaks all my devices
>fucked like never b4 by him
>"Is this love? Yeah this must be love" T. my female brain
Holy cuck cycle. I have a type for actual psychopaths and I wish to never speak to another man ever again.

>>34916008
How often do you interact with men in a casual way? Like coworkers or friends of friends?

After an abusive relationship you might’ve internalized some dumb idea that you don’t deserve better and started pursuing losers or abusive assholes because that’s all you can get. If you interact with men in a normal, friendly setting, it might teach you that you can score a lot better than you think you can, and that normal men aren’t whiny losers or physically abusive. Hell, maybe go to a dating event without the intent to follow up with anyone. It’s low stakes and you might surprise yourself, plus it’s just a good way to interact with people in a controlled setting.

Saying this as someone whose first two girlfriends were pieces of shit, then tried speed dating and realized I was desirable, and now I’m dating someone who could practically be my dream girl.

>>34916008
Uk girlie eh

>>34916008
If it makes you feel any better, I knew a Turkish girl from the Yookay who somehow went from a trying to fuck a Syrian illegal immigrant, to a black paedophile.
For the record, this still looks awful on you. Your choice of partner reflects on you.

>>34915834
i assure you that smaller girls are more fun to fuck and you're mad that you haven't gotten to do the same. you're a jealous retard who knows nothing about maturity. i sound like a child to you because you're a pedophile and want me to be a child.

>>34915918
i guarantee im more nothern european than you. at nowhere did i say anthing about virginity, you're seething because someone else got to fuck a small girl and had a ton of fun.

>>34915951
i saw this, she didn't deserve that amount of time at all. compared to the actual niggers running around threatening people with weapons who then get off on no cash bail she got absolutely brutalized by the criminal justice system. this is the type of small little ginger i would throw around the bed and make her forget all of her problems.

>>34916110
t. 0.5% northern european

>>34916122
that would still be more than you, gorilla

>>34916078
True that. But also, realizing my first partner really is awesome and sick as fuck. I respect him and we clique in a way ik I can't with other people. He might have some aspd traits that make it isolating, but ultimately he cares for me so much. To the point he is willing to destroy my fucking phone if he thinks it'll get me away from certain people. (It did) I think I can work with that, and I know I have mental illnesses that make me very vulnerable. So he keeps me safe in his ways. And when I did try talking to a "normal guy" (good career, decent morals, good looks, social butterfly) I... I didn't even like him. Or crush on him in any way. That's definitely not a good sign I am gonna cuck the normie turbo, turbo hard for some psycho.

I am not trying to be a slut, my body count is 1, my partner count is 1... But I get so fucking horny for psychos bruh. I don't know what to say expect I need STRONG pussy tingles, or that relationship is auto-cuck mode. I think I be cooked.

>>34916139
its so over. even the girls with the lowest body counts want to be raped by the most evil men on earth.

>>34916144
It seems to be that way. And if she isn't, she is probably just a deadfish in the sack.

Not going to lie those above posts make me seethe a tad bit.

>>34911510
I hate myself
>no job
>no car
>NEET
>parent 1 is a narcissist
>parent 2 is a crippled alcoholic druggie
>both parents always fighting
>untrained dogs always barking
>never seen a healthy relationship
>don't know what a healthy relationship is
>never had a girlfriend
>i feel dead inside and hate everything

I've been reading The Bible lately. It's helping.

>>34916160
>NOOO MENTALLY ILL FEMANON WANTED MENTALLY ILL PSYCHOS ARGH FUCK!!

>>34916170
Favorite verse? Mine's a bit pessimistic
Proverbs 26:11
>As a dog returns to its vomit,
>So fools repeat their folly.

>>34916172
Daniel chaper 6 verse 21
>then Daniel said to the king O king live forever
Everything Daniel has been through up to this point and he doesn't even curse the king. I want to have the mental clarity like Daniel.

I can't seem to connect with other people, and I really like being alone.

>>34916267
Same. Ever listen to Nick Drake? I’ve been obsessed with his music and life recently because he was the same way. Real eerie how much the last years of his life parallel what I’m going through right now too.

>>34916172
Romans 6:23
>For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

1 Corinthians 13:11
>When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

>>34916128
Unfortunately you're attracted to danger and are self-admittedly mentally ill.
I think you need a gentleman in the streets and a brutaliser in the sheets.

>>34916172
>>34916282
I also love the entirety of Ecclesiastes, it is by far my favourite book of the bible.

You do NOT deserve a chance with anyone not attracted to you.

>>34916290
Once I gave a chance to a fat girl who asked me out. Dated for a week but I was just not attracted to her at all. Texted her I just wanted to be friends and that was that. I regret not at least trying to make her lose weight, she would have been a solid 7 or a high 6

>>34916288
You gotta be a little fucked in the head to be into that brutalizing shit anyways. My first man just masked it way fucking better than the other men.

>>34916304
For me, I truthfully find it hard to hurt a fly
When a woman asks me to be rough in bed, I tend to indulge them.
It's not hard to find someone who is well adjusted in that way.

>>34916298
Don't feel bad because she never deserved that opportunity to begin with. Fatty should have lost the weight THEN got a bf. Maybe then you would have been interested for more than a week.

>>34916310
That is the thing, we don't want to ask for it that just means you're not naturally into the same shit. Did I ask him to force himself inside of me? No. Did I ask him to smash my phone? No. He just does it cause he wanted to so badly alrdy. There is nothing wrong with preferences being different, but I do think it encourages awkwardness and faking out. It wouldn't be as natural as vanillaxvanilla or brutalxbrutal

>>34916310
No. You keep projacting some made up bullshit like im gentle. Im not. I like to hurt her. Always have. You are just a narc retard

>>34916320
I'm saying you go for people with an outward perception of danger, I'm saying, it's not hard to find normal, well adjusted people externally and internally, who have that switch only in the bedroom in a mutually consensual environment.

What you want is danger and adrenaline.
Either way, I can feel your mental illness through the screen.
>>34916332
Huh?

>>34916320
For the love of god please don't have children

>>34916337
Huh huh huh huh huh huh HUH

>>34916350
Did you stutter?

>>34915936
Ok

I'm kinda sad that dating here for me is so tough. Typical boring introvert story, so won't bore you. It's just that I'm actually handsome, and have a bit of experience, and know how to treat a woman. It's just so difficult, I just feel like giving up.

>>34916353
No, you were just over hearing ur mom

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>>34916495
You left your mic on, good to know I've got plenty of pictures of yours.

Really want to give a girl some head ;-;

wish i had more bridges to burn. there is nothing more fun than cursing someone out and saying the exact thing that they don't want to hear. i love getting to know people just to use whatever i know about them against them. fuck people.

The most blissful thing I can imagine is finally dying

>>34916668
I wish I had the guts to end it, I'm too scared of non-existence

I’m you? Was I always this?

>>34916670
Ive tried several times. Its not easy and doesnt get easier

>>34916509
Thats a pic of mine how?

>>34916764
I'm not sure if I would have the courage even if I had a gun. The thought of simply not existing anymore, the complete lack of all consciousness is terrifying to me. I remember as a kid one day realizing that when I die I will experience nothing, and it ruined my entire day (which was weird because I was raised Lutheran and I guess I wasn't told about heaven then)

So horny, I hate wanting to give head.
Hate wanting to give my ex crazy head.
Fuck I want to give head

>very obviously hook up with your FWB while I’m out of town
>ask what you mean to me the next time we meet up
>cry and call *me* a pig when I say that made me uncomfortable
What the fuck did you think would happen you stupid bitch? Exclusive or not if you’re ready to have that talk don’t celebrate with one last casual fuck. Enjoy the streets.

>>34916801
Holy fawk I kneel

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i feel like
as a child
i was a sapling
green and budding
but gale winds came,
and the freezing night
and nobody told me
how to bend so i didn't snap,
or shed my leaves to endure the winter
or even, that i should find a safer forest
so i petrified my bark,
made it hard and stone
to survive wind and cold
but now that i'm grown
it's starting to quiver
and break itself
i want to cast it off
i want to grow again like a living tree
and spread my roots
and feel the sun
but my fear is
that when the bark is peeled away
after all these years
there will be nothing on the inside
and who i was,
the core of me,
the child i was trying to protect
rotted away to nothing a long time ago
and the empty bark is all there is

Suck my fuckin fat hog, glowie.

As bad of an idea it is to keep trying to invoke your name and have you back in my life oh my God M, I want to give you some good head and a solid dicking down

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>>34912460
Damn, reading this is almost like a cautionary tale of what I've done to someone. And I am at the place of trying to fix stuff now in order to get with them, and we're distancing. I feel like, when I get back in shinning armor, they'll not be there for me anymore. And I feel like connecting again will do more harm than good, so I just hurt in silence. I should go back to therapy.

I fucking hate living and I don't know how much longer I can do it even with family and friends are alive
Life is just endless pain and disappointment, I really can't understand why we cling to it
Nothing is unique or interesting about me why the fuck does anyone care if I die

>>34916838
You shouldnt of been giving other guys head on soc C

Whoever you are, thank you

i wanna kill myself im not able to live life nothing brings me joy i dont wanna study i dont wanna get a job. so just let me kill myself i hate my parents and im bad person i stole a bottle of vodka from an aldi last thuesday and i got caught by the police and now they are on my ass yo. cuz of that my parents want me to start learning german by making me go to a german school even tho i dont even fucking speak german so its like going to a school without understanding anything. i wanna kms

Maybe if I get really good at my job I will be worthy of love

What should I do if I don't fee worthy of his love?

I love him. I can't stop thinking about him. But I know he'll think I'm a worthless, disgusting person. He's far superior to me in every way. I have no idea what I can do.

>>34917183
Message mike directly and be honest how you love him

>>34911510
I am eating potato chips and i'm disgusted by myself

Why am I so hung up on this girl? She has a bf and I see more than a cousin that I've never had. I was too intrusive and I probably gave her ick

>>34917326
Because you don't have any other girls you can give attention

>>34916337
The first guy was exactly what you said. Their danger was never expressed outwardly, but you're so fucking delusional if you think just because they don't express it outwardly, means the inward danger doesn't matter. Means that is a safe human. Quite simply... Anyone willing to be violent is someone you need to be careful with. Even if they claim that violence is only for sex and kinks. Because that is almost certainly a lie. That violent urge itself IS the red flag.

>>34917349
I could probably find some other girls to give attention but is it really the case? I've never had such close talks with girls even as I've had with her. Am I here at fault?

>>34917368
Not at fault. I catch feelings for every girl i have deeper convos with too. I just think you will be better if you find one or a few other ones to obsess with.

>>34917368
Yes it is lit the case. Talk to more women, and you will find out not only are there other girls who are worthy of attention, but they'll make you feel happier, more seen, and more secure too.

>>34917373
Unfortunately, there arent any other girls. If anything shes not even physically attractive, but my obsession is rather strong even if I try to put some distance between us (which is hard because shes a coworker, otherwise I would've blocked her).
>>34917376
Im not a very social guy so its hard for me to talk to other girls

>>34917387
Then realize nothing about the girl herself is special at all here. It's your own innocence and purity (innocence and purity related to your lack social exposure w women, strictly) that makes this interaction special to you. My advice is stop investing in her completely. Right now. She is taken. You are wasting yourself on this. You will absolutely feel this intense obsession for someone else IF you get your heart away from this one first.

>>34917432
Yeah, Im not deluding myself that I will stop feeling obsessive in general with other girls. I've just thought that there might be a room for a friendship but maybe I've been blind all this time for obvious signs as she can get validation and attention from other guys very easily.
>innocence and purity related to your lack social exposure w women
Am I just projecting my own state to other women?

>>34917450
You could be. I just know that when you are less socially exposed to women, or people in general, you will over invest into the relationship because to you it's special. For them it was just a Tuesday. You are basically a filler character in her story she doesn't even bother to think about 99% of her time.

>>34917478
It really seems that it is the case for me. I kinda dont want to completely cut her off nor invest more than its appropriate but my lack of experience doesnt provide a correct way besides what you wrote in previous messages

>>34917490
This is the struggle most people are dealing with anyways when it comes to relationships. Finding someone to match your level of interest and investment takes time, it may never happen... Heck. But honestly anything else is a humiliation ritual for you. Never invest in women who are investing in other people over you, bro. It is incredibly easy to tell when this is happening, what is NOT easy is having enough self respect to cut people off when you have a shallow social pool. You have to decide if being alone is gonna be more painful than being "just there."

Drinking tonight. On one hand I want this night to keep going, on the other I wanna be productive and to do that I have to go to bed and wake up sober. There's so much to do in life and so little time and even less energy and motivation at all the wrong times.
Nothing ever feels good. It's either a chore while you're doing it, not matter how wistful you were to get started, or it lights you up and makes you think of all the other shit you wanna do at the same time but can't.
And when I say 'ever' I mean 'right now' because right now I'm having a moment but most of the time I'm chill, but right now is all I have right now.

>>34917512
I think I'll try to match the energy for time being till I find another job. Anyhow, thanks for all the talk. I really needed a reality check

>>34917531
Matching energy is a good strategy IF you are being honest and realistic. Actually match it... See how cold she has been to ya the entire time and it'll change your perspective and potentially break your crush on her entirely.

>>34917544
I think thats the only way, to be disappointed but eventually free of the spell.

>>34917581
Yep. Once you start, you will realize "this relationship is completely dull and unable to go anywhere" then think about it more and understand it's like this completely on purpose. She doesn't want you at all but she won't say no to free validation.