My father is 76yo and start to have dementia, some light parkinson aswell as overall frailness of older folk.I live with my wife and he lives with my older sister (43) and her parter and kid. I moved out because i wanted to separate from her because she was and is a spoiled toxic brat even being in her 40s.2 months ago she had a breakdown and announce that she cheated on her partner, that she miserable and its fault of my father which drasticly made him fall into despair, afecting his mental and physical health.Hes a pushover and cant handle any conlfict, but he agreed that Ill speak with her on hus behalf and told her to moved out, so I can take care of him.I meet her and we agreed on her moving out, but I gave her time and agreed upon giving her time (she didnt want to move with her partner, from what I heard from her partner and my father).After 2 weeks, when I was seeing my father, he told me that they all decided to let them stay and that my sister and her partner will finaly contribute to the rent (they were living there free for 20+ y). He plead with me to not to question his decision however bad it may be, but he said that he want to give me his apartment because he no longer trust my my sister (hes bank account went to 10% of what he had and he didnt have much spendings, i know that my sister took a large ampunt of it and i recon that she took the rest in smaller parts that didnt leave a trace. She also spoke about sending my father to institution ect. Basicly she wants to keep appearance of good samaritan while she does minimal work and dont even care about the relationship with my father).
>>34911927Cont.He granted me the property but it no the issue. Im still hurting because of his choices. Im like the last person that really cares for him and im reallt prepared to step in for him, but he dont want to trigger my sister or change their lives and because of this, his last years of his live are filled with regret and hurt. Because im the only person which he confess to, the only one that speak with him about deeper stuff, Im also touched by it more than I can handle. Every biweek some shit happens and I just cant let it go and roll with it. I emphatize with him and cant distance myself from it. Those are his decissions, i know it, but they cause a great deal of mental anguish to me.
>>34911928He made his decision, especially as your father gets older and less able to control other aspects of his life, it is important that you respect that decision.However, you should visit a lot. Also, it is perfectly fine to repeatedly offer to let him move in with you. Accept his "no" each time and do not argue with him, but keep offering
>>34912036I usualy see him 3 times a week, sometimes more sometimes less. I try to motivate him to get out more, because I feel like its better for him to go outside and not to just sit at home all the time and also I have no relationship with my sister or her partner nowadays. Before our talk, my sister tried to act cool infront of me (ofc she didnt disclose anything about her mental sitiation and cheating incident), but now she even dont acknoledge me when I visit my father.At the worst mood, my father wanted to moved out to me (to cite him, to my bedroom), because I said he can do it for few weeks, but he wanted to keep living at my place forever, where I live with my wife and our place is 3 times smaller than his. I told him that he can do it, but its not an option for longlasting deal - i can move in with him, but I cant deal with my sister, nor I think that him living with her is a good idea.I just feel like hes venting to me all the time, while doing every bad decision at the same time. He was always an enabler to her, i was kindda spoiled aswell but far from her level. Her partner spoke to me on the phone after our talk about her moving out and he was frank and i felt his good intentions, but now hes dry and present himself like my sister, all after their decision to stay at my fathers home and try to reconcile for another year.Its fucked up situation where i feel like they all act like a mental ill teenagers with prepubescent kid.
