>>34912649
You have depression and it will hit you like a ton of bricks when you least expect it

>>34912649
How are you paying for a therapist? Quit your therapist. If she cared about you, she would go out with you herself.

>>34912673
Government gave him to me. He is unfortunately a little old and male for my taste. He's also lowkey bad at his job but that's not his fault, a therapist usually helps clients reach goals they set and I pretty explicitly have none.
>>34912663
Spooky. Is there something I am supposed to be doing about that, or..?

>>34912649
This post is very relatable to me.
You definitely are depressed. But you might still be at a point where putting in the emotional work of changing anything would be more uncomfortable than existing as you are now is. I think that's kind of where I'm at.
I never really enjoyed having friends it's mostly an obligation. All they are is someone you can call on when you don't want to do something by yourself, and I'm usually happier to do something by myself than have to compromise on what I want to do just to have another person around. I enjoy romantic relationships but they seem to consume a lot of my time and attention and idk how to find a good balance, or find a person I like enough and that likes me enough to stay. Idk maybe it's the rejection sensitive dysphoria or whatever else is wrong with me but I find having friends more taxing than not having friends. Not having friends is freedom, just means you might have to hire movers instead of paying with pizza and beer. I still haven't decided whether this is a problem or not. Logically I feel like it should be but I still get a little socialization from my family, maybe it's fine. Making friends doesn't guarantee me a support system I can trust. I only would "want" them because I'm "supposed" to have them for my mental health. I don't even know what I'd do with any. I'd rarely want to talk, rarely want to hang out, what's the point? It just feels rude to ask anyone to be my "friend" when I'd be doing it as some sort of therapy exercise rather than out of a genuine desire for connection.

I guess the tldr is if you don't feel bad about it don't let your therapist convince you that you should. If you are genuinely content, be content. But if you're not making friends because there's something you're afraid of this is going to bite you in the ass.

>>34912649
>What's wrong with being a nothing person?
nothing
>Why is everyone I know upset about my life except me?
because most people find such an existence unfathomable
you do you, be who you want to be, you don't have to be or do anything you don't want (except have a job which enables you to survive within civilization)

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>>34912695
>>34912701
Okay maybe it's confirmation bias but it seems to me there actually isn't a problem here. Maybe everyone should start being depressed, it's really effective at mitigating stress.

>>34912649
Maybe ask your therapist if he thinks you meet the diagnostic criteria for this:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizoid_personality_disorder
Goes unnoticed in the majority of cases because schizoids don't like to complain or seek treatment, but unlike schizophrenics they also don't have any positive symptoms such as psychosis or hallucinations.
>Am I wrong.
Well seems like the social and desiring parts of your brain/personality whatever got broken so you can kinda drift through your life without a desire to change anything like the narrator of that Camus novel. It's a chill life, but also perhaps a wasted life.
>Is there something I need to be doing that I'm not?
The only things I have found useful is asking myself "what would a normie do" and then gaslighting myself to do it by thinking delusionally optimistic things like "if I talk to this person we are going to have a ton of fun and establish a business together and be on our way to make a million dollars." (Not that I believe it, just that I never think about the chance of positive outcomes if I don't force myself to)

Our country, economy, culture, and goals have been largely revealed to be outright fake or at their most generous interpretation a scam to be avoided.
I felt as you did OP and between 25 and 28yo I had a therapist/mentor. It helped and then it didn't. The world has been very clear about it's preference for retarded mutts and cheaters, to be honest amongst them is warfare. Our birthright was robbed. Let your dad be sad for how you spend your bday, his idea of a "good one" probably involves drinking and vein faux feats of achievement

>>34912682
>Spooky. Is there something I am supposed to be doing about that, or..?
Brace yourself and understand that human connection is going to be the most important thing in your life going foward

>>34912649
This sounds more like schizoid personality disorder than depression.

>>34912786 >>34912957
Ah so the thing about that is that I have experienced numerous episodes in the past and as far as I can tell from reading Theodore Millon's "Disorders of Personality" (1981) I'm a slam dunk for some schitzotypal syndromes that I'm not qualified enough to narrow down beyond that. But I guess my main concern there comes with actually gaining a diagnosis.
I have been diagnosed with stuff in the past and given medicine for it that I now categorically reject. An updated psychological diagnosis relies on a few factors that I am adverse to.

1. A diagnosis relies on finding a doctor that decides that the brand of crazy I translate through verbal confirmation or symptomatic expression is more or less aligned with their interpretation of what they learned from sources that I can't verify in any tangible sense. They've called me anxious, depressed, bipolar, autistic, ADHD, and/or narcissistic. All clinical diagnoses that will forever exist in some file to varying degrees of accuracy.
2. This is a diagnosis. That is all it is. The next step from a psychiatric perspective is treatment through chemicals or therapy. The former has side effects, costs money, and relies on consistency, none of which I'm currently interested in.
The latter relies on my own understanding and engagement. I've had therapy for over half my life and I have integrated numerous coping strategies, officially approved methods, and philosophies into myself at various parts of my life to varying degrees of success. I have a journal somewhere with a several thousand word chapter titled "How to Fix Everything" that would offer me a step-by-step guide on how to re-obtain all the things I previously sought to make myself happy. I wouldn't have dared to leave it all behind if I figured I couldn't get it back. (1/3)

>>34912974
3. I have a diagnosis, but what now? A diagnosis reflects a status that communicates with doctors on which specific methods/coping strats/drugs would be most effective on me. In reality it's a fun little label that exists in some paper that informs every doctor I will ever see about what differentiates me from a standard neurotypical. This can obviously be (and often is) weaponized. My doctors treat me different on a personal level after visiting my file. My government can use that information to determine which rights I'm entitled to. It could inform a court hearing on how to respond if I ever am accused of a crime or placed into question on the topic of inheritance, competency, my ability to make my own medical choices. I've worked with individuals who do not have their own power of attorney and I simply will not allow others to supersede their will above my own when it comes to the circumstances of my own life.
>Hey I'd like to request a DNR as my quality of life isn't strong enough to justify the medical expenses of keeping me on hospice
"Oh sorry anon we checked your file and we decided we're going to legally remove your ability to do that. Have fun dying slowly!"
My point here being that whatever is medically 'wrong' with me is well within my own comprehension and too privileged to exist outside of my own hand-written files.

And to be honest, it's really easy to be happy when you already know how. You kind of just have to decide to be and put some effort into specific parts of your life. As one of my exes put it to me bluntly "You just have to lock in." And she was correct. As you mention here, the solution pretty much is lying to yourself. I'm well aware. Personally though, I'm not a fan of myself when I'm happy. It feels great, don't get me wrong, but it's also kind of cringe. I can look back at times where I was extremely happy and wanted to be, but that desire in turn made me act childish and impulsive. Possibly a me problem. (2/3)

>>34912977
The other issue there is that seeking happiness comes hand in hand for me with seeking drugs. My former alcoholism is cured simply because I don't need the help being happy (because I don't need to be happy.) I find that contentment is far more applicable and sustainable. Sure I'm living less of a life to such an extent that I'll call myself a 'nothing person' but the alternative is being somebody who sucks and seeks out others so they can perceive me sucking. (2/3)

On that note I find that my addictions don't apply only to drugs, but to people. When I want someone to love and find them, I become addicted to partners. Some have been into it, some less willing to partake in my addiction of them. The therapeutic answer is to allow myself
to be happy with someone who allows those faults and uses love to overcome them. I admit I have fun with this, but my fun is not worth the price. For the same reasons that I think my adderall addiction, while genuinely fun and productive, was also harmful in numerous more complicated ways.

But to respond to your last point, I could do what normies do. It's so easy even a normie can do it. But I don't like the things normies do and I wouldn't like myself if I was doing normie shit, even if it made me happy. I'm not willing to debase myself and my beliefs for something as trivial as life's basic joys. If everyone else wants to be happy they are more than welcome to be. I have no problem being content, and I'd rather be tangibly small than feel bigger.

So a diagnosis ISNT a solution. It's a name. I'm not sure I really need a solution anymore. I think I'm probably fine and if anyone diagrees it's their problem.
(3/3)

>>34912944
>human connection is going to be the most important thing in your life going foward
Okay. Why? I don't want children and I've been doing okay without the human connection. I'd honestly rather be a pond hermit or find a remote cabin in Montana than actually sustain a relationship with someone. So I guess I disagree with that, people just seem more like your priority than mine.

>>34912980
>So a diagnosis ISNT a solution
It's the necessary first step towards one.

>>34913027
Okay see I guess that's really confusing to me. I've done the whole diagnosis to treatment pipeline before, numerous times. At best the ideal outcome is stability. If I'm stable without a diagnosis or treatment then I genuinely cannot fathom why I would need a diagnosis. In fact, many people who are stable enough not to need a psych eval never get the resulting diagnosis and that's fine. Isn't it?

>>34913004
>Why?
Humans are social animals, you will eventually feel the meaning of those words when your body fails you and there's nobody around. Or maybe it's going to be your mind.In any case, eventually you will even crave people that you hate over being alone. Yes, humans are insane, but that's how we are wired.
>I'd honestly rather be a pond hermit or find a remote cabin in Montana than actually sustain a relationship with someone
You're not going to be a pond hermit, you are already an internet fiend, get real.
>So I guess I disagree with that, people just seem more like your priority than mine.
And yet, here you are, talking to me looking for validation or maybe waiting for a good "gotcha!" momement if this is all ironic. I wonder, how you're going to get those at the pond with no people? Are you going to talk to the fish? Maybe you think you don't need them?

>>34913070
I don't disagree that humans are social. I guess I just get my fill with the limited contact I have. Obviously people are somewhat social and I (a people) am no exception. The key word being priority. I had just been told it's the most important thing in my life, I disagreed. I don't think that's an extremist position.
>you will eventually feel the meaning of those words
I don't see that as a problem. I can conceptualize that and I accept it. You're saying eventually I'll change my mind about it but as far as I can tell changing my mind is supposed to be the catalyst that causes some spooky depressive episode, so it seems to benefit me far more to continue avoiding that desire. My initial question as to why I'm being judged for being relatively asocial is answered then, the answer being that humans are naturally social. That's fair enough, although I insist I will survive unscathed with relatively less interaction and low priority for connection.
My only unasnwered question now is how would a diagnosis benefit someone who is stable, if at all?

>>34913004
When you're young, you can have this mindset, when your body breaks down, you won't enjoy this as much.
Just follow the counsel everyone around you is giving you now, so you don't curse your foolishness when you're old.

>>34912649
>My therapist
for fucks sake.
You know that nobody in the rest of the world has a "therapist" right, and they manage to get on with their lives just fine. They manage to deal with their emotions, and with situations, and make decisions. All without a therapist.

>>34913696
Yeah therapy wasn't my first call and I do mention he doesn't help me much. It was mandatory at first but I just kept going. I also don't deny plenty of people go fine without one. My brother doesn't have one because having a therapist is against the FAA's rules, or maybe he just doesn't feel he needs one. Not sure. I'd ask him rn but he's been a lot harder to reach after he tried to swallow that shotgun.
I guess people should exclusively scroll through the advice board instead, the quality of advice must really improve when you announce it publicly through multiple disconnected anonymous posts with a character limit of 2000. You in particular seem really well adjusted, I should probably take your advice specifically as gospel. You seem to deal with your emotions the right way by getting super angry when someone mentions having a therapist offhand. Maybe I should try that

>>34913163
>I guess I just get my fill with the limited contact I have. Obviously people are somewhat social and I (a people) am no exception. The key word being priority. I had just been told it's the most important thing in my life, I disagreed. I don't think that's an extremist position.
Life isn't always pleasant and the people that are there now won't always be. Maybe you can replace a faceless "Watercooler talk" coworker with another, but who are you going to replace your father with? All the time you're not with your loved ones is a missing oportunity for making memories, of letting the people you love know you care for them. By the time you're old your parents might be gone, your siblings scattered and busy with their own shit and for the rest of your family you'll be a stranger. Friends are even easier to lose contact with, some people make their best effort to keep in contact and only end up with 2 dudes willing to drink beers on the weekeneds, their neighbors and some coworkers they barely know but get along.

That was an example of a dude trying, what about Mr. "Minimal Contact"? Can you see anyone in the future willing to give a shit if a car runs you over? Alright, maybe a less extreme example, what if you have to have your wisdom teeth removed? How many people are lining up to be there for you? What about that nebulous cloud of unreliable "Internet Friends" you might have gathered over the years? Oh, right, you don't even use social media...
Do your neighbors even know your name? Do you think any coworker will be eager to cover for you in an emengency? Don't count on your boss to give a shit.

And all this over what? So you can engage more with your hobbies alone in a room more often? Shitposting on 4chan? Or maybe for your description of "A nothing person" you just just go from home to work and come back to eat, shit and stare at wall all day like a literal soulless robot.

1/2

>>34913163
>>34913780
>My only unasnwered question now is how would a diagnosis benefit someone who is stable, if at all?
>You're saying eventually I'll change my mind about it but as far as I can tell changing my mind is supposed to be the catalyst that causes some spooky depressive episode, so it seems to benefit me far more to continue avoiding that desire.
You aren't stable, you are sedated. You don't notice all the little moments of support from the people around you and take it for granted. But like i said, life isn't always going to be pleasant and that "Little Contact Lifestyle" will eventually become "No Human Contact rest of your life", you won't have a choice anymore, there will be a time when you will not relate to the people of the internet anymore, or anyone even, that will be the trigger. It's not "Not feeling desires" that's keeping the demons at bay, it's the people around you, your terapist, your family and whatever other people you are on speaking terms, that little interaction might be enough to confortably stare at wall day now, but you won't have it tomorrow.
>My initial question as to why I'm being judged for being relatively asocial is answered then, the answer being that humans are naturally social.
No, you dumb fuck, the answer is that the people that love you don't want to see you run towards a cliff and are mad you're doing it on purpose, yes even your paid terapist you don't like doesn't want you to tie a noose around your neck

2/2

>>34912649
Your therapist just wants you to be happy. Dont listen to that bitch.

>>34913780
I could replace my father with a cinder block and my mother with a smoke alarm low on batteries. The only people I do care for have lifespans that will certainly end within the next 10 years at most. After that, I'm chilling.
I guess things do feel easier when you're fine with suffering alone and don't really care if/when you die. I know I am.
I'll have you know it's not a wall I stare at all day. It's two walls, some days even three. If others aren't happy with me doing that, they don't have to watch. I'm content living the way I do. I can't control how other people feel about my circumstances and I'm not responsible for their reactions. All I can control is myself here and now, and I'd like to keep staring at my wall.
I'm not running off any cliffs, I'm standing still. Really isn't my problem if others think I'm not keeping up with their pace, I'm right where I want to be.

>>34912649
> I spend my days doing nothing and I like it like that.
> I'm fine with dying whenever I do.
> What's wrong with being a nothing person?
This sounds like anti-buddhism.

>>34913602
If you replace your social network with lots and lots of money this isn't a problem

Also it's kind of fucked up that the reason people make "connections" with others is so they have someone on standby to help them when they need it, feels transactional and icky

>>34913811
After a quick google search I am curious about anti-budhism. There are parts I agree with, such as a general distaste for the human experience and the physical plane. I wouldn't say hatred is what drives me though. There is that lack of desire, but my contentedness is mostly coincidental.
I'm not using hate to find meaning or value, I'm using the absence of value to justify hate.

If we are to see antibuddhism as Buddhism that integrates nihilism in place of Nirvana then I could see myself that way. The destruction of desire (in this case somewhat coincidental) with the end goal of eventually dying, not by intentional will, but by natural inevitable order. All things live and die and most try to fill that life with meaning, often the achieving of goals or the satisfaction of others. Without these goals, I simply am. I breathe by chance, I think by happenstance, I live on accident. Aware of my circumstances, which is to say the fact I am alive, I can pretend I am the atoms that form me and mimic their intentions, which is to say none.
The only barrier in this that I can see is that I do have that human animalistic instinct that informs me and sets desire to continue life. At one point I was pretty close to making instincts on par with surrogate desires, nearly starving to death in a house stocked food simply because I didn't see the point. While I'd certainly like to overcome human desires, my body disagrees with this on a cellular level that I am unable to overcome as of yet.
The intervention of others and classification by organized society of mental illness is largely responsible, and socially the prevention of death is seen as morally correct. Personally I'm just as content with flashing forward my chain in a hypothetical reincarnation to the end, but it's a difficult balance with people who are happy to live. I don't want to step on any toes and end up promoting accelerationalist doomerism.

>>34913809
>>34913809
>*7 hours and 20 minutes ago*
>"I am emotionally stable and mostly content and thus don't need active intervention."
>*20 minutes ago*
>"Yeah i don't care about my nagging parents at all and im perfectly fine being suffering forever alone and don't care if i die tomorrow. I love staying still in a room all, it's my favorite pass time! And if people don't like watching me rot, that's like uh, their opinion, man!"
>"Im sane btw"
Yeah, you're depressed.
Also to answer your first question
>>34912649
>Am I wrong?
Yes, but you don't want to hear that

>>34913872
I genuinely can't see how that's a contradiction. Is stability not the acceptance of one's own circumstances? And I certainly never claimed to be sane. That would be a little silly.
As for being wrong, I did initially come here to ask that. If I am wrong from a logical sense, yeah I wanted to know.
Maybe the issue is the overtly human aspect. Moral correctness isn't the same as absolute correctness, and I find humans are a little biased in terms of whether human life should be preserved at all costs. If I could ask the fish or trees instead, they might provide a different answer. Ideally I could ask God in an omniversal sense (not that philisophical stand-in for your own inner voice those Abrahamics teach.)

I'll follow more closely my ideals and let this thread fade into obscurity, covering my ears on the off chance there actually is insight to gain here.

>>34913602
Hermits can just hire home health aides or nurses themselves when they get older. Or maybe we'll have sophisticated enough robots by then that are able to actually converse with AI. No humans even needed

>>34913872
Also, not all of us have parents worth caring for. Maybe OP experienced the same thing thus he doesn't have a connection to his. Mine were abusive alcoholics who fought and yelled at each other almost every day. They took frustrations out on me too. They'd leave me alone constantly to go get drunk or high somewhere. I'll never forgive them for all their abuse and neglect and violence that I saw. In my adulthood I don't give a shit about them. There's no love there. I just maintain minimal contact as a nicety. It also doesn't help that they're still complete pieces of shit 30 years later either