I understand that this isn't exactly the place to go to for mental health advice, however:I am a hypomanic-depressive bipolar (with psychotic features) male with generalized anxiety disorder and tourettes and a history of ocd, adhd. I use these manic states to enter altered states, partly as therapy, partly for play. To clarify, I externalize the psychotic material — treating it as a character, a bit, a scene I can run — as a containment strategy. I put the content out there so it does not have to sit as an unopposed fact in here. I already anthropomorphize almost everything, so that logically follows. It reduces the crush of internalization: shame, fusion, “this is me and it is true.” It can also make the material more available, more rehearsed, and easier to escalate when mood, sleep, or stimulation drops the brake. It also, unfortunately, spikes my blood pressure, and if the occasional tightness in my chest and neck that I try to ignore are anything to go by I may need to address this — that is to say it is a trade, not a loophole.The Bipolar disorder presents with referential, grandiose, persecutory, and commentary-like content that can be mood-tied. “I stage it instead of swallowing it” comes to mind, and I want to clarify this does not make the content fake, to me at least. It’s more how I metabolize it. I am used to clinicians often missing that distinction because they only hear either “I believe it” or “I don’t.” but to clarify play sits in the middle: conviction is partial, agency is partial, and the performance is doing work.A problem cannot be solved at the same level of complexity that created it, and I am a fan of needless complexity- that is to say, a fool.. So I have a big problem, which I am hoping you can help me with. Additionally, to clarify, I do this play-therapy alone and in private, not in response to people.1/2
Oh my god what is with people posting seventeen novel length parts of context before asking a question. What the fuck is your question you creative writing hack faggot
I also have a history of substance abuse, mostly cannabis and alcohol, which I stopped using once I realized I could get a high just by gassing myself up. The alcohol was more so I wouldn't think so much but I learned too late that alcohol has a stimulant effect similar to opiates for me so it didn't really work, beyond possible brain damage but I think I already had some. I have since tried making these states constructive. I know this is less a question and more a synopsis, but I was hoping for whatever advice some people think is helpful, beyond just "don't do that", at least until I can find another means of getting it out. I have a bad habit of internalizing and ruminating over things, and I will suck on something until it is dry enough to file so until I have either a replacement outlet or something else I can't really stop, though at this point it's gotten to where I'm not certain I could stop if I wanted to, without more effort than would be worth it.Thanks in advance, and sorry if this sounds autistically pretentious, I'm presently in a hypomanic episode and they make me very talkative. Additionally, I am currently medicated, seeing a counselor and a psychiatrist, and have been institutionalized in psych wards/behavioral health centers 4 times in the last 3 years, ranging from periods of a little over a week to a little under a month.
>>34914160In part 2/2 I explained that there was no question, and that I was more looking for general advice for my situation, which required a synopsis. I'm sorry if I bored your faggot ass.
>>34914180The thing is your synopsis is literal rambling. I get you're in an episode but I read it - sucks you're going through that and all but 'Sift through my non-sequitur hypomanic venting for information and tell me what to make better' isn't a useful or constructive way to ask for adviceHelp us help you
>>34914241Actually, I think you just did, thank you.I’m bipolar (hypomanic-depressive, with psychotic features), plus GAD, Tourette’s, and a history of OCD and ADHD. I’m medicated, in counseling and psychiatry, and I’ve been hospitalized four times in three years. When I’m up, I use the manic/psychotic material instead of just sitting in it. When I'm down I'm just a mopey sack. I externalize it—treat it as a character, a bit, a scene I can run, privately and alone. I already anthropomorphize almost everything, so this is consistent with how my mind works. The point is containment: get it out so it doesn’t fuse into “this is me and it’s true.” Conviction is partial. Agency is partial. The performance is doing work. That doesn’t make the content fake to me. It’s how I metabolize it. Clinicians often only hear “I believe it” or “I don’t,” and miss that middle. Tradeoff: it spikes my blood pressure, and I get tightness in my chest and neck I try to ignore. It’s a trade, not a loophole. I used to use cannabis and alcohol for this. I stopped when I realized I could get the same lift by gassing myself up. I’m trying to make the states constructive instead of just destructive. I ruminate hard. Until I have another outlet that actually works, I can’t just drop this. Advice beyond “don’t do that” would help.Is as short as short as I could get it without removing anything load-bearing. But that still feels too long. I don't know what to say man but thanks for reminding me how I come across, I promise I forget sometimes.
>>34914157Just put it to good use. There's nothing you can do. In times like these it's best to just play the hand you're dealt in a way that benefits you. You say you get talkative and type a bunch when you're hypomanic. How about creative writing? Write a song lyrics, write a short story, write a personal theory about whatever you want, write rules to a game you invented like a board game, write fictional lore about a made up concept. Go crazy and channel it into creativity
