When I was a child I lied to my psychiatrist about having schizophrenia. I didn't know what it was at the time, innately I probably understood what people suffering from it looked like but I did not understand the illness. When I was a child I knew that sick, disabled, or ill people DO have it easier in life. That was all I needed.I am living a lie. My family, my friends, my wife. None of them know that the single biggest aspect of my life is a lie I have had to carry since childhood. I made the mistake as a child and I do not even know if I can undo this.Would it be better to uncover the lie or let the lie live. I have only seen the immediate aftermath but the other issue is that I have a full medical history compiled of very well crafted lies. I can't get the diagnosis revoked. I am an adult now. What can I do? This has been going on for 15 years now, I am tired of being a fraud.
>>34914640>I can't get the diagnosis revoked.Why not?
I don't have much going for me in my life. I have a wife and daughter who love me. I am unemployed and have a convenient living situation since I am living with real physical disabilities. If I ruin the relationships in my life by them finding out I got my diagnosis revoked over a lie (especially my wife), it would all fall apart. I got what I wanted as a child and if I remove it now everything dies.
>>34914680You really think your wife is going to leave you because you're *not* prone to psychotic episodes?
>>34914680I don't think it would be that simple. In order to keep appearances with everyone in my life I have had to live one solid lie. If she found out that a core part of who I am is built on a foundational lie it is only a matter of time if not immediately until trust is broken. She has BPD (yes i know) and I also do not see it going well due to the inclusion of a child in the situation. She might try to take the child over the lack of trust. I do not believe BPD people are rational if that makes much sense.
>>34914688Only be honest. No lying
>>34914640No OP, you can't come clean. Others might tell you that you can from a misguided sense that truth is always right, but the practical side of it is that you have dug yourself in too deep and responses will range from neutral at best to a deep permanent sense of mistrust at worst.However, you can mitigate this.There are three sides to what you might be experiencing:1) Worry about being caught2) Sense of guilt for lying3) Exhaustion from constructing and playing out falsehoods1/?
>>34914744You can mitigate all three.Number 3) is the most important if you're experiencing it and dealing with it will help with 1) and 2). Your saving grace is that schizophrenia symptoms can lessen and stabilize with age. Unfortunately you have to lie some more, but you can pretend that this is happening to you and then you will have to lie much less. You have to come up with a long term plan to start slowly pretend less and less. Think of a timeline of how whatever lies you're acting out will slowly decrease. I would say over 2 years at the least, but 1 year if you really want to push it. A 5 year plan would be the most convincing if you are really worried, it depends how close you've been to being caught.I'm sure you know, but don't draw attention to what you're doing and play dumb. If someone mentions it, you notice, but the goal is to have it happen so slowly that no one thinks about it, so you wouldn't think about it either. If you're faking taking medicine, this will be hard. I would research what a realistic course of treatment would be for someone with lessening symptoms on medication would be - how they could even tell when they're medicated, how their doctor decided to decrease their dose - and see if you have any outs.With your plan and research, I'm sure I don't have to tell you to be very careful with your digital footprint, what you write down, etc.. Research basic opsec if not.2/?
>>34914748You have to deal with number 1) by catching yourself when you're feeling anxiety and redirecting your thoughts. Over time the anxiety will get less and less and can even disappear. The trick is not to push away the feelings but reframe them, like mental judo. When you feel like you're going to get caught, there are two ways you can redirect this anxiety depending on your personality. The first way is to think instead "I have been doing this for a long time, I'm good at this, no one could suspect a thing, I won't get caught". You may have a personality where you can't convince yourself of that though. In that case you need to accept you will get caught: "I will get caught eventually so there is no sense in worrying about it. I am already caught, none of this matters."
>>34914750Number 2) is similar. Redirect your thoughts. If you are experiencing number two, you are a good person. I lie constantly and never feel bad. If you don't experience it, then it doesn't matter and you probably don't care except in an abstract sense. But play into that when redirecting your thoughts: "It is normal to not want to lie to people. But I am working towards ending this lie. Coming out would cause harm to my loved ones. I am doing what I have to."With number 1) and 2), you will have to find affirmations that work for you. You might have anxieties I haven't mentioned, or new anxieties might come out that I haven't mentioned. The process is the same. Find a way to redirect them that alleviates your anxieties. You might have to think for a long time to find something, or to really work hard to focus on your affirmations instead of the anxieties themselves if you have trouble convincing yourself. But it does work.4/4
>>34914680>wife and daughter, unemployed, physically disabled, diagnosed schizophrenicyou have already identified yourself to anyone who knows you, if they so happen to come across this thread
>>34914744>>34914748>>34914750>>34914755>>34914750This person is giving you the worst advice possible. Continuing to be dishonest will keep stacking until you lose everything. Best to sit down with her and be completely honest. Let her know everything. Its the only way this will go well for you with her
If you put it off and keep discussing it here you will muddy your only way through. Sit down with her TODAY and tell her everything.
>>34914640We need a bit more context, here. What lies did you originally tell to get your diagnosis? How exactly have you been faking your condition since then - what impact does it appear to others to have on your life? Do you take medication? Have you ever benefitted financially from the diagnosis - for example, are you guilty of welfare/benefits fraud?
>>34914765This is the "misguided sense of telling the truth" I was talking about. There is a moral reason to tell the truth, that I won't deny. But there is no practical reason to tell the truth. You have been lying for 15 YEARS. The idea that it could somehow get worse by continuing is irrational. It is already as bad as it can possibly be. Your family's trust is likely to be completely destroyed.OP, you are completely right you could lose your child over this. You are completely right that your wife might not respond rationally because of her BPD. Would that be good for your child? Would that be good for your wife? No. Ironically all it would help is your conscience. There actually is an argument to be made that telling the truth here is selfish, and I will get a lot of blowback for that but it is completely rational.The best option is to absolutely minimize or eliminate the amount you have to lie while not blowing your family up, which is all I'm suggesting.It is a question of whether you want to be moral and selfish or rational and suffer a little longer. OP, I am a sociopath, I won't deny. You can choose not to listen to me, and maybe you shouldn't. But I want to make it perfectly clear what my advice represents.
>>34914806Thank you for the quality advice. I honestly could give a fuck less about the lie besides the copious amount of energy of self-gaslighting and nauseating social theater it has taken me to get this far. I did not know whether there was a way to open to lie up without fallout but honestly that sounds more childish than just accepting my past mistakes and not letting them harm the present.>>34914792I actually have never collected any benefits even for my real disabilities.>>34914680I doubt so not only because noone I know uses or knows how to use imageboards but that isnt exactly the most specific profile ever. Good bait though if I was schizophrenic, I give you props.
>>34914842>I actually have never collected any benefits even for my real disabilities.Then you can come clean without any legal consequences. >the copious amount of energy of self-gaslighting and nauseating social theater it has taken me to get this far.Think really fucking hard about what it's going to be like maintaining this for the next 50 years. Think about what it's going to be like for your kid, thinking that severe mental illness runs on both sides of the family. Think about the sharply increased chances of your child being misdiagnosed with something similar because doctors assume they inherited it from you, or about potentially helpful medications they can't prescribe for your child because there's a family history of schizophrenia. Think about all the things you could otherwise be doing but can't because you're supposed to be looking after your mental health. And finally, remember what you decided to make the subject line of this thread. "How do I undo a lie?" Maintaining the lie is not what you want to do.
>>34914806A lot of words attempting to misguide and trick you into losing her.I dont need to dance around like that person because the answer is simple. Sit down with her today and be completely honest. Trust me. Its the only wayDont listen to that other anon. They are misguiding you on purpose for some reason
>>34914873Please explain rationally and step-by-step how the lie is any more likely to lose her if she finds out later than it is if she finds out now.You can't, because a lie that lasts from the time you meet someone to after you have a child with them is almost as bad as it can possibly be.You can make a moral argument, but don't pretend like it's more than a moral argument.It's a conditional moral argument at that. It depends how much you value the actual outcomes of your actions. I don't think you are able to even say anything that will prove you are not completely attached to this idea of never lying and blind to other ideas.
>>34914870I'm the one you disagree with but I agree with almost everything you said in this post. It just depends what OP cares about the most. My advice is arguably just for other sociopaths. OP should listen to what resonates the most with them.
>>34914842>isn't exactly the most specific profile ever1 million male schizophrenics. Married with a daughter at most 20k to 30k. Unemployed currently, take that down to 10k to 20k. With a physical disability, 2k to 5k. Under 35 and over 20, you've identified yourself probably to be amongst about a thousand people.Assuming you're in the United States. You're right that there's probably little risk, though.>>34914899>more likely to lose her if she finds out laterThere is a possibility of it being worse if she finds out herself instead of him telling her of his own volition. The way a lie is revealed matters, assuming she would indeed find out.Conversely, even if she's fated to find out, the child probably makes it better the later that is regardless.
>>34914920>My advice is arguably just for other sociopaths.Not "arguably". Factually.
>>34914899>Please explain rationally and step-by-step how the lie is any more likely to lose her if she finds out later than it is if she finds out now.Because it makes a massive difference whether he decided to be honest with her, or whether he continued to deceive her and she only found out because he slipped up somehow. As a sociopath, you will not be able to understand why that matters, but to a non-sociopath, it does.
>>34914962Fair.>>34914970I won't complain about you prescribing responses to me, because I did the same to you, but you're wrong, I can understand. I just didn't think of that, but I agree, this could happen.I also think she could respond very badly either way though because of the BPD and potentially her personality. OP knows her best so overall, he probably knows what he's going to do by now.Regarding the child, I can speak regarding this as the child of someone with mental illness, severe OCD. Being more at risk of mental illness was never an anxiety in my life. In fact, my parent has a complex about their children being diagnosed with anything as part of their OCD. Everyone needed to be perfect.This caused massive pain in my and my siblings' life. We were not diagnosed with physical problems soon enough and both have permanent chronic physical issues caused by this. We were treated to extreme anger and judgement when we showed any signs of something mentally being wrong with us. We usually did not get the help we needed, we were never even screened for OCD. If anything was done we would be sent to a fake therapist friend first who just talked about themselves all session. If we didn't shut up about it, we would finally go to a professional, where there would be endless attempts to control and diminish us through the professionals.1/2
>>34915130I say this not to complain, but to say that I have perspective from the other extreme end. OP, your child is at increased risk of mental illness either way because of your wife. The best approach, whether you continue with the lie or not, is to accept neutrally that this is a potential issue. Don't over-correct in either direction by either overplaying it and worrying your child about it, or not letting them get help.Obviously I can't speak to the other extreme end of being at risk and it being a constant worry. But if you don't make it a constant worry, I don't think it will be one. I think it's reasonable to say that you should have a balanced approach.This is a conversation you should have with your wife too - the other side of it for me was that my other parent just let this all happen. You should be on the same page about this, no matter what you decide to do.2/2
Lies are resounding stains on you and everyone/everything they affect. Tell a big enough lie and millions of people might die.
Schizophrenia is not a death sentence or necessarily a life-long disease.If you're taking meds, just taper down slow, and wow the symptoms didn't come back! Isn't that great?Literally seen this happen to an actual sufferer of schizophrenia. After a long time, sometimes it just goes away.
