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>Be me
>Depressed for a long while, since teenhood
>Have issues finding a reason to keep going
>"By 30 I'll end it, until then i'll convince myself to keep going"
>Have life periods where i'm genuinely happy
>Have life periods where i'm genuinely lifeless
>Be 27
>Be really close to do it, job situation, living situation, health situation
>Start writing letters....see that if I went out right now people would suffer in other ways than emotional
>Make a chart in excel quantifying different objectives
>Savings, savings for my sister, video tutorials for my work, funerary arrangements, etc...
>Use 5 states (not completed, completed, cancelled, unneeded, updated) alongside a percentage system
>Eventually issues that were back then stopped existing (changed jobs, left city, back to hometown...)
>Be 29
>New job is actively pushing me
>Health situation is worse, now teeth are dying out
>National and global state is outritgh uncapable of sustaining willing life, much less unwilling
>Remember I felt control of my life when I had that excel
>Re-download it from a drive
>Update it (savings are nearly completed, videos are unneeded due to job change, location of suicide changes)
>Add some new objective
>Realize its too dull and my eyes started to fail so I need color coding
>Add some smaller objectives
>Stop
>See what I did
>MFW I did a fucking gantt chart to make my suicide as less problematic as possible
>MFW it actually helped me have a control of my life and try to work towards something beside the day to day
>MFW it may help me again as I do some medical treatments

Am I too far gone or is it a genuinely good method?