>27M>had gf>drunk driving faggot crashed into her>she died instantly>faggot got over a decade in prison>can't really remember much about what happened next, probably a bunch of crying, wishing I was dead, going to a counselor (trauma response causing memory loss?)>coof happened, inflation happened, tariffs happened, basically just went to work or played vidya alone in those years>34M now>start feeling lonely againHow do I get back into the dating world? Should I even get back? Would my trauma prevent successful relationships ever again?
>>34927169She would want you to move on Anon.
>>34927169Just summarize everything in your dating bio, and you'll have a line of girls wanting to date you.
>>34927178I know, and I agree, but how?>>34927233Doesn't "trauma dumping" give girls "the ick" nowadays?
Guess there aren't many widows on this Liechtensteinian whale watching board, huh? I guess my biggest fear is letting my trauma show and scare away other women. Lord knows it scared away more than a few of my friends.
>>34929506Sorry for your loss, OP. I have no idea how to get back, but “should”? Yes. You shouldn’t be telegraphing what happened to you, but when someone does find out it makes for a hell of a story and increases your allure. You can’t become well-adjusted without… adjusting. Maybe you’ll fumble a few dates or something but it isn’t gonna get worse for you, only better
>>34930441Thanks. I've spent so long kinda in "survival mode" after it happened that I didn't even notice the years pass. My thoughts are "will she think she's just second place to a ghost?"
>>34927233Kek this could work
>>34927169>How do I get back into the dating world?Dating apps
Started fucking crying writing my bio. I know I'm gonna carry this with me until I die but I thought I was getting better damnit
>>34933408Take your time anon. Grief knows no timeline nor good moment.
I've had an argument with a friend because of this guy that started dating right 3 months after his girlfriend died (which he had a kid with) in a very similar accident. I think you're fine. Do you think she would just want you to suffer alone? We're not made for that.
>>34927169Seven years is enough time. When you lose someone like that, you never forget them, but there's a point at which you can remember them without it preventing you from functioning; I would think you'd have reached that point by now? And I think she would want you to be happy, don't you?
It sucks when you lose people you really like to "accidents" because the impact is definite.
>>34934070>>34934174You're right. If there's really a heaven and we both go there, I doubt she'd want to hear I basically died with her.But that barrier I put around my heart is what kept me alive all these years. Abandoning it and even thinking about dating again hurts so bad. I know it's not some "betrayal" to seek happiness again but it sure feels like it.
Decided to get one of those self help books about grief. Don't know why I didn't earlier. The author is right, those platitudes about "she's in a better place" or "time heals all wounds" piss me tf off
Keep your depression and sad stuff to yourself at all costs. If it's bad enough still, talk to a psychiatrist about it (preferably before you get into a new relationship). Avoid talking about it unless the would be GF specifically pries about it. Keep in mind, you may have not healed fully from your last relationship, and you may not have "all to give" to your new GF, and that's unfair to her.
>>34927169>>34937625also if she does ask about it, be brief, try not to rant
>>34927169Just make sure you feel good before trying to meet someone new, it's only fair to them (and in turn to you actually) if you wait until you are mentally stable.
>>34934669I didn't know your gf, but I'm guessing she would be at best upset and possibly even angry if you're miserable for the rest of your life and make it her fault. That's probably more of a betrayal of her memory than trying to spend time with someone you like would be.
>>34933408why hide it? it was part of your life. an important part. we don't forget people we love. it's that simple. we don't even forget pets we love, even if we get new ones.what does moving on even mean? you can't move on from loving someone who died, no matter if it was your friend, child, parent, or partner.any faggot foid who holds that against you needs to be raped and murdered.
>>34938205Yeah, I guess if a woman is going to be that cold-hearted, I should stay the fuck away from her anyways. Guess I need to remember people do care, even if they practically stopped showing it a few weeks after she was buried.
>>34931980That does happen to people, but not for the mere fact that your spouse's ex died, usually there is some retarded shit happening that is the actual reason why people say that. like keeping the dead girl/guy's old clothes around locked in a secret drawer or something, or simply choosing someone they're not that into, then for that reason the other person starts believing they're second place to a ghost, because they're not being treated well in the first place.
>>34940456Yeah, anything physical is with her parents. I visit her grave every couple years but that's it. 99% of my baggage is emotional.
>>34927169my ex "wouldn't hurt a fly" type that i wanted to marry suddenly had a murderous psychotic break out of nowhere and she just like that almost got us killed and if she hadn't survived I'd have been accused of murder. Luckily she did but for 8 years I always felt so scared like anyone can snap at any time. and at the same time I felt like my ex had died because she became completely different after.Anyway, all that is said is that currently I'm with an amazing woman and it's the first time in 7 years or so that I've really been able to get my guard down enough to be happy with someone again.And yes I had memory loss too so I get that. Really you need a lot of therapy but overall just challenge yourself. We don't know what specifically is keeping you stuck but even you probably don't. You just need a lot of help brother. but you can't just stop living because your gf died years ago. It's going to be a decade sooner than you think. you gotta move on.
>>34927169Haha, serves you right for helping women uphold the system against shortcels and ugcels
>>34929506>LiechtensteinianI looked it up and the correct term is Liechtensteiner.
>>34927257Oxygen gives girls the ick. Who cares?
>>34929506Not a foid, I'd say mention it early and offer more details as it progresses. Avoid younger women unless they are very wise. You'll find a match but probably should avoid sexo for a while, no need for that to make it more complicated. You want to remove loneliness, you can do it.
I've been trying to get out of the house more. Arcades, shows, the park as fall moves in, stuff like that. Not meeting any girls yet but trying to slowly get back to socializing in the most low stakes environments. Maybe I'll message some old friends that I haven't spoken to in about 6 years. Kinda nervous. Baby steps I guess.
>>34927169women will find it attractive that you waited so long, it shows you are loyal.
>>34927169My ex is DED I never got over it and been on one date in 6 years. Mine died because of her own drinking though. Yours is more tragic and you are younger, use it like others said. Basically edit the edgelord shit out of your OP post and put it in the bio. Alternately tell your sob story to women at a bar at closing time.
>>34927169Should you get back? Well it depends on you. Generally if you feel you need someone to be your partner in crime, then yes. How do you get back? However the hell you want. Some one said dating apps. I think those suck but I mean dating has become this broken thing over the years. Just use an app, talk to a girl at a place you find women with similar interests. Trauama and healing is never linear. I have been manipulated and used by women for basically all of my dating experiences. I'm not ready. I'd rather be gay honestly or alone. Its been 16 years but my trauma is really not that deep. I never had sex. So whatever. Take your time and don't deny your feelings they are valid, king.
>>34953252Guess I never thought of it that way. I thought I was just locking myself away out of fear of being hurt again.
>>34927169Drunk drivers are some of the lowest subhumans in existence
>>34957605Stop generalizingMost accidents are caused by sober drivers
>>34927169Maybe try to find someone at a group grief meeting. I’m sure there are other completely broken people like you there who are desperate to stop the pain.
>>34957605Yeah I have no sympathy for the fucker, he had priors. Not gonna hunt him down after he gets out or anything, but no way in hell am I forgiving him.
>>34927169>>34927257>but how?MAYBE BY TALKING TO OTHER WOMEN AND NOT POSTING ON A BOARD FILLED WITH TEENS AND LOSERS THAT HAVE NEVER INTERACTED WITH A WOMAN OUTSIDE OF THEIR IMNEDIATE FAMILY? LOCK THE FUCK IN YOU FUCKING RETARD
>>34929506nigga its been 7 years, get the fuck over it.
>>34961479That's not how grief works. Some people grieve until the day they die themselves. It is what it is.
You're being selfish, do you know how many men wish their girlfriends or wives would be killed by a drunk driver?
>>34961519Ha. I'd be open to a trade.
>>34961475This^^@>>34927169
>>34927169She thought you were me. Or maybe that's what I missed, the context
>>34961519I don't hate women because they are weak, I hate them because other men are baiters
>>34927169My first girlfriend died when we were both 20. Cystic Fibrosis. I don't know what to tell you. Eventually you'll feel less like a human husk, and you'll consider getting into the game again. For now, you will be miserable and the mere idea of dating women again will be unthinkable. Pray a lot. Keep yourself busy. I'm sorry anon
>>34929506Brother women are not going to be turned off by it at all. First of all, a women love a man who's been vetted by another woman. They also love, for lack of a better word, some kind of "story". A lot will bond with you instantly and see you in a positive light. Not to mention, in their late 20s/early 30s they're looking for a man who's well adjusted but doesn't have kids or a divorce are any baggage like that, which is impossible.I'm so sorry what happened to you, and I'm absolutely not saying you're lucky or anything, but from the perspective of women you're honestly a unicorn.The one potential issue is that she's not going to want to be compared with another woman who's been put on a pedestal or have you thinking about another woman. But I would venture to say most women are not going to be thinking that far ahead and that even those who worry about this will be willing to give it a shot. I think as long as you're in a balanced healthy spot they will recognize that.
>>34961519I don't even dislike my girlfriend, honestly she's my best friend still after 15 years, but sometimes I find myself wondering, you know? What would I do if I was on my own again? Maybe I would buy a boat.But then I remember how schizophrenic I turned from loneliness before I met her and realize I'm fucking retarded and will regret thinking this way one day.
>>34962127I wrote that nonsense, I was just being a cunt. Sounds like you're in a good place anon, may you both live a long and happy life together. I'm happily married and my wife is the most beautiful and amazing woman I've ever known. Most women are trash piles.
>>34962118Thanks. That actually helps a lot. And I agree with not wanting them to be a "replacement" for her. She'll always be a part of my life but I want to find someone else special in their own way.
