Before I start this rant, I want to apologize if I start fagging too much or lose track of what I'm even trying to say.For most of my life I retreated into myself to avoid life. I, quote unquote, suffer from autism, ptsd, a dissociative disorder, and mdd, which drove me to drop out of high school a few years ago, so I was a neet for about two years until I turned 18 and took a one-time test to get my diploma. After that, I decided to “turn my life around” because that’s what everyone tells you to do in order to get better. I decided to do the whole “follow your passions bullshit” and got myself admitted to film school. I dropped out a year later as art school killed any fondness I had towards film. I became even more depressed afterwards, so I decided I maybe needed to try being normal harder, so I enrolled in dental school, which I’m still currently cursing. I can even say I’m pretty good at it. But I’ve noticed things kept getting worse regardless, I even joined some sports and picked up more hobbies, none of these things have worked.Obviously, I’m also socially inept. Despite doing the additional work to try and be a normal, functional person (enrolling myself in a sport, going out, picking up hobbies), people simply seem to tend to naturally avoid me in a way. Lately I’ve been considering ordering a helium tank (as pure as I can get) and rope with it. The billions of years prior to my existence were my best years. I wish I could go back to that. Even when doing relatively well, existing just feels like every day is absolute torture. It doesn’t get better even when life seemingly does.How can anyone cope with the fact that it’s over no matter what you do if you happen to have the wrong brain?
i never post on 4chan ever but kinda upset this post of all things doesn’t have replies because i couldve wrote it (minus the formal diagnosis for all that). Add my dc @silversstuff
>>34945341>Despite doing the additional work to try and be a normal, functional person (enrolling myself in a sport, going out, picking up hobbies), people simply seem to tend to naturally avoid me in a way.Yeah, because you try to force it and people sense it, just like if you are are degenerate gooner trying to get girls. Finding your passion in film school or normalcy in dentistry certainly sounds autistic.
>>34945403I’ve been told that by my psych before, but I’m not sure if that’s actually it. I’m a really inexpressive person. I’m not the type to insist on hanging out or force conversations either, so perhaps it’s the opposite thing driving people away. I’ve no clue.
