Does it make sense to have a kid with a girl who's 31 and makes 0 money? My gf lives with me, she doesn't have the stress tolerance to hold even part time jobs, but she says she wants a baby. I'm thinking she can at least focus on that and I can enjoy being a father, but not sure I'll regret it
>>34946562If you love her and she's good to you why not. But if she's a legitimate neet with no social skills etc. at least get her to go to therapy first somehow. Loser parents create loser kids.
>>34946562???How the fuck are you going to regret having children? Nigger, get a fucking vasectomy, you don't deserve to pass your genes.
>>34946565I don't know what entails as loser. I have a good income, lot in savings, a loving family, some friends, and working towards mastery in art. I'm not a millionaire entrepreneur or have a big social circle, but I'd probably be a good father. For her, she's a neet, but I mean if she can be a good mother that's winning. My mom didn't have a career either, just went straight to being a mom.>>34946568I mean I'd have to support 3 people and deal with all that stress. This isn't like the 50s. Most people need 2 incomes to build a family in this economy or be stretched thin. Plus I'd lose a lot of time to relax and possibly deal with a kid with slow processing like my gf.
>>34946572You don't seem like you love or even like her, you'll probably cheat and she'll leave with the kids.
>>34946578what makes you think that? We live together and share a lot of hobbies. We just went to a concert last night and just brought this up a bit more on the drive hence the Q
>>34946584>share a lot of hobbies. We just went to a concert last nightoof
>>34946584>still refusing to say he loves her, or even likes herNightmare fuel, never stick with a guy like this.
>>34946599what's the point in trolling a genuine advice post?
>>34946615Still refusing to say you even like your gf. OP's either trolling, or is about to ruin 2 people's lives.
>>34946562That's the only time women want babies. It's when they're financially dependent on you. Why do you think the birth rate is so low?
>>34946622why would I make this post or contemplate having kids with someone I didn't like/love? >>34946625pretty much. I dated girls making similar amounts and none wanted kids. It's only girls who hate working and arent really capable of a career that say they want to be moms or they go for it in their 30s after they lock in a guy above their looks level.
>>34946562If she can't handle the stress of even a part time job, she will be a catastrophically bad mother.
>>34946651yeah, really low stress tolerance. I mean, we came back from a concert at midnight last night, I woke up at 6am just to get started with the day (took it off in case I slept in), but she's still in bed and it's almost noon. I would think she would change if a kid was in the picture though since that would give her a sense of urgency. That guy above is meme-ing but I genuinely just want to help her be happy. We've been dating years now and I feel she's kind of depressed most of the time. Her mom is like that too
>>34946562If you can support them both then yes, that's the situation I'm in. I make enough to live comfortably so I don't mind her not working, probably is a good thing because she's at home about as much as I want her to be. The joy your own children bring you over the course of a lifetime is indescribable. My only regret is not having children earlier. We're only now about to have the second one and I'm afraid I'll be a bit old when they turn 20. Time moves fast to wait for the perfect spouse. If this is the girl you were able to get by now then probably this is your level, it doesn't get better. Just work on giving your kids a good life like you wish you had.
>>34946782Demiurgic hands typed this
>>34946562Sorry to tell ya this but if she can't withstand part time jobs due to stress she will not withstand a little shit that cries all the time (including at night)
>>34946562She's just fucking lazy, if she can't handle having a job then she can't handle having a child. I bet she is glued to her phone all the fucking time, I hate these types of useless humans, waste of resources.
>>34946625Talk to the women working low level wagie jobs like hairdresser or receptionist. They all have kids.
>>34946562>gf is so stress intolerant that she can't hold a part time job, something teenagers can do>"hrmmm I wonder if I should have kids with her"Why on earth do you think she can handle kids but not a job? Are you a retard?
>>34946955well, maybe one kid, just to give her something to focus on and give her meaning. I'd help out too of course. She can already easily handle doing all the chores and cooking for both of us.
>>34946993Lol having a kid isn't like getting a hamster, dude. It's a pretty big lifestyle change. Her having to do things she doesn't want to do for 20 hr a week is already too much for her. Now you think her being on call 24/7 will be fine because she takes care of daily chores children can do?Get real.
>>34946993>She can already easily handle doing all the chores and cooking for both of us.She can easily handle the most basic of tasks, a child can do those things. >something to focus on and give her meaning.She quite literally has all the time in the world to do something, if she hasn't found something other than using her phone to pass the time then she isn't ready for anything, she needs real responsibility, a fucking job, a hobby something holy shit. You'd trust this woman who can't handle something as simple as a part time job to raise your child in to something you can be proud of?>I'd help out too of course.You underestimate the stress of being a father, I assume you have a very well paying job, you then tack on over 50% of the parenting (Considering you're having a child with someone who is useless), you'll soon begin to resent her.
>>34947011>>34947018Idk, what should I do? I'm 30. I didn't think I'd have a gf, but she's really nice and goes along with whatever I want, so there's no fights. She actively tries to make my life easier and supports my goals. She also gets along with my family, even my brother with autism. She's easily the best gf I've had, just sucks there's always something wrong with every girl, whether they're too religious, too liberal, have kids, too chunky, drug habits, not loyal etc. Always something.
>>34947060Well what do you need?If you're fine with just how things are then great. Keep it going. Unfortunately though it sounds like you want to expand the family and have kids. I doubt she will be a good mother.
>>34947060Work on building her confidence up, if she is truly struggling get her therapy/anxiety medication. Everyone has problems, some problems are worse than others. You've just been handed the short straw. Seriously though if she can't deal with a job she can't deal with a child, it's like having a second job. You have to be able to take a step back from being the main character and support your child. If you can't do that then you're not ready to be a parent, being a parent means you sacrifice the selfishness of your life and breath life in to another otherwise you get retarded kids.
>>34947074how do I find a good mother then? I feel too jaded to even date anymore. I'm tired of the games and baggage. I feel it's either with my gf or nothing. I've tried a lot and it feels probably better just to cope being alone or a no kids relationship then
>>34947060I know you probably don't want to "rock the boat" but if you want to get serious and have a family you'll need to have the chat with her about getting serious in life. If you're both 30 she's had plenty of time to work on this, it's clear she doesn't care if she's not even bothered to do it.
Therapy is poison. Some HR lady reaffirming that your mental struggles, which everyone else deals with by just dealing with them, are heckin valid, is the worst possible "help" a person can get.
>>34947081>just fix her broYea she's 31 she's cooked chat.>>34947100Do you have any family friends? A lot of relationships start from knowing a person who knows a person. You can always look through people you work with. Do you have any friends? Maybe they know a single chick.Anyway, my point isn't to break you and your girl up though. You really just need to know what you need in your life and make those decisions for yourself.
>>34947121my parents have 0 friends and no outside family. I also work from home, so nothing there either. Even when I worked in the office there was pretty much nothing tech anyway (tech). My friends are pretty much in the same boat. Also, I have been introduced to daughters/sisters a bunch before but never girls I was into. It's mostly been a lonely life. I mainly cope through making art and videos, which I've been doing through the day, then going to an art class in a couple hours with my gf.
>>34947139>art class in a couple hours with my gf.can go to art class, listen to instructions, interact with others but can't get a job. You've got a hobo gf holy moly
>>34947139Does your gf ever talk to you about having kids? Like does she have that idea or does she parrot you when you mention it?I'm willing to bet she doesn't actually want kids. You need to figure that out.
>>34946993>just one kid Going from 0 to 1 kid is where the biggest jump in difficulty is. 1 to 2 isn't half as hard and 2 - 3 is barely noticeable.
>>34947152yeah she's the one that brings it up. She never mentioned it before her sister had kids though
>>34946562>lives with you >doesn't contribute>won't get married>she only wants kids because biological clock is ticking, isn't ready to handle the responsibility of itThis is a disaster waiting to happen. She needs to learn to handle stress better. Life doesn't get any easier, so you just have to get tougher.
>>34947456>improov memeNo wonder birth rates are falling. Hint: nobody will ever be perfectly ready to have kids. If she's hot I say go for it.
how long have you been together already? Do you have any indication whether she's good with kids? Do you think her parents were good parents?
>>34946562Dude just have the kid. You need to procreate. Just fucking knock her up. At worst it becomes a bill for 18 years.
>>349475254 years. She's good with her nephew for little bits I've seen. Her parents were good in the sense they took care of her and regularly spend time with her but they're divorced
>>34947701for years is long enough for you to already see it somewhat clearly. In my eyes, her not having a job is less of a problem if she makes you happy. The dangerous part is her "depression" you mentioned. How bad does it get? If she is incapable to do anything for days on end, that might be a big risk with kids. If its just a generally pessimistic outlook on live, not necessarily a big deal, just keep in mind that this shit is highly heritable.That said, you'll never find someone who is perfect. It's always tradeoffs. From what you write, she strikes a good balance.There is also value in getting kids while you are young. Even if you dump your gf now and find someone else quickly, you'll be 32 when the first kid comes. Physically keeping up with your children and getting the most enjoyment out of them will be easier the more energy and health you yourself have.
>>34946562>she doesn't have the stress tolerance to hold even part time jobsThen she doesn't have the stress tolerance to deal with a screaming baby.>inb4 exercise bandsyeah that's probably in OP's future
>>34947121>Do you have any friends? Maybe they know a single chick.After 15 years of being a single adult I can say this will never happen. My sister-in-law was in a med program and her friends were all ugly/fat indian girls. My younger sister was in a vet program and all her friends were cute girls who she wouldn't introduce to me because we lived in different states and there would have been a ~4 year age gap (gasp!). Not one of my countless friends & coworkers would ever admit the existence of an eligible sibling or friend.I think the idea of being a "matchmaker" has just fallen off as feminism has convinced women, the traditional matchmakers, that spinsterhood (or settling at ~40) is a rational choice and therefore there's no need to set up their eligible friends with eligible bachelors.Once you hit 30 you also have to accept that the reason all the girls your age are shit is that all the not-shit ones are already married. It really is a young man's game and I wish society as a whole didn't push the "oh it's fine to wait a bit, no hurry, just live your life" meme quite so hard.
>>34947305My friends say 3-4 is easier than 1-2 because they start entertaining and caring for each other at that point instead of purely relying on you.
>>34948092Your friend still remembers the work put into the first few kids?They need to be raised well in the first place to help raise their siblings.
>>34947060If its not broken don't fix it
>>34948092>3-4 is easier than 1-2major bullshit, don't listen to thisonce kids reach 4 it starts to get better, but the "easy" part is only between 7-11. autonomous enough and not yet into teenage bullshit.t. father of 3
This >>34947552I have a neet wife with zero stress tolerance and we had kids, now I'm basically a single father with 3 kids (toddler infant and wife). I just stopped overthinking it and YOLO'd. The alternative (becoming an old child-free fag) sucks even worse. I don't miss or even remember the time when we were child free. The stress of being a father makes you evolve as a man. Just stop caring and do the needful, as they say.Logistically, if you have family nearby, even divorced in-laws, then you at least have backup. 31 is still fine for having healthy kids, if she is healthy herself.
>>34946562She wants a baby because she's a NEET and her body is screaming i need a baby. If she doesn't lock you down, she's going on welfare, moving back with her parents, or homeless. Hard no. No. Say it with me: no.>>34946584>>34946562>anon says it sounds like you don't love her>you reply you have hobbies in commonanon get serious. If you loved her I'd be able to tell. You sound like you've got some shit to figure out about yourself too if you're this uncertain and detached.Answer me these questions:How old are you?Do you feel like you had a good childhood?Did your parents make you feel uncomfortable or anxious or did you have a boarder with you who did?Did you have any traumatic moments in childhood/teenage years?Major depression as an adolescent? A desire maybe not to die but just to not exist?Did you feel safe and loved at home?Were you encouraged in your development, trying new things etc, or did your parents criticize you (under the guise of pushing you to be better)?Did you feel you had to perform or excel in order to earn your parents love?Was there a parent-child role reversal? Did you have to do emotional labor for your parents, be the good kid who never made them upset and felt you had to manage their emotions?Did they by turns ignore you and scream at you?Answer these, but I'm pretty sure I know how it's going to go. You aren't actually attached to your gf, but you also don't want to be alone.What do you do for a living OP?
>>34947466This is definitely true, but some people are definitely UNREADY to have kids. These people are just ignorantly passing on their own trauma without realizing for the rest of their lives. Depending on how OP answers my questions, that might be him or it might be the stinky NEET. No way both of them are healthy if he's on 4chan asking should I have a child (the doubt is implied) and the woman is pressuring him while also having no other options. Honestly it sounds like both of them have a lot of growing to do, and I don't want some kid bearing that burden for them.
>>34946562Don't..... that's my warning.
>>34947939Terrifyingly accurate.
Ella Freya is the most beautiful girl on the planet.
>>34946562yes anon go ruin your life
>>34948953>How old are you?30>Do you feel like you had a good childhood?It was good, just really lonely. Didn't have any money to do things with friends or travel much. It was pretty much limited to school hangouts or video games.>Did your parents make you feel uncomfortable or anxious or did you have a boarder with you who did?Yeah, my mom was really strict/controlling/judgmental, but she's gotten a lot better as I've graduated college and got a full time job. She actually is probably the closest person to me now. >Did you have any traumatic moments in childhood/teenage years?No>Major depression as an adolescent? A desire maybe not to die but just to not exist?Just somewhat depression from trying my best at goals and not hitting them and not being able to relate much to people.>Did you feel safe and loved at home?yes>Were you encouraged in your development, trying new things etc, or did your parents criticize you (under the guise of pushing you to be better)?Yeah, was encouraged pretty well. Never told what to do, but they'd support anything>Did you feel you had to perform or excel in order to earn your parents love?No>Was there a parent-child role reversal? Did you have to do emotional labor for your parents, be the good kid who never made them upset and felt you had to manage their emotions?Not too much>Did they by turns ignore you and scream at you?Not really.Answer these, but I'm pretty sure I know how it's going to go. You aren't actually attached to your gf, but you also don't want to be alone.>What do you do for a living OP?I work in tech
>>34946562>she doesn't have the stress tolerance to hold even part time jobsim pretty sure a kid is even more stress indoucing than a part time job+ you cant quit this shit when its getting too much
Go find some young, rich hoe and quit complaining to the incels online.
>>34950317how?
Listen to the actual parents in this thread and have the kid, Anon. As long as you can financially support them and she doesn't seem like the Clancy type, you'll all be fine. It will be good for both of you, demiurge be damned.
>>34950281Nigga you sound like some mild autism narc.Listen dude. Life is not all about achievements or money. Life will never ask you if this is the right time either. God only knows why your girl hasn't left you, or what would take for you to feel alive, but you can't just keep running from shit and hide under a blanket of busy. Would you still love life if you lost your job, were legally forbidden to perform your profession and you had to cling on savings or shit work for a while? The only good thing going on being your wife and her baby, would you rather be alone at that point?
>>34946562don't think, impregnate
>>34946562you're gonna get rekt. my gf makes as much money as me and we wont have kids so we will be balling rolling in cash
>>34951066Lol no you won't you'll spend it on Disney vacations and other faggot shit she tells you to spend it on.
>>34950791>doesn't seem like the Clancy type>low stress tolerance The natural end result of lowering the bar to pump out more kids
>>34946562I once porked an escort that looked just like your picrel
>>34946562noend thread
>>34950851>Would you still love life if you lost your job, were legally forbidden to perform your profession and you had to cling on savings or shit work for a while?Nah I only work my job to pay the bills. I do the stuff I love on the side to eventually be able to pay the bills passively. So far my primary goal is to live a life that doesn't revolve around work or money. I save at minimum half of everything auto routed to investment accounts.Girls cling to me because they find me attractive, smart and fun/interesting. I cling to them because I'm straight with a high sex drive plus I like companionship.
>>34946562From the way you describe her, she seems quite lazy. Personally, I wouldn't trust her to raise a child. If things don't work out between you two, you'll be on the hook for child support anyway. It just seems like a lose-lose for you.
>>34946799this is why rap is niggerly and death metal is le based
>>34946622Have you considered that OP is just here looking for advice on a very specific topic and doesn't want to discuss his personal feelings with random-ass strangers on a Tibetan Peanut Butter and Elbow Porn Forum?
>>34946562Do you make enough to get by, even as poor people, to raise a family as the sole breadwinner?If so, go for it. USD is melting, it's all a scam. Money is a scam generally, but like I really mean it, it's a fucking scam right now. USD is monopoly money. Acquire real things. A wife is a real thing. A child is a real thing. USD is just a middleman tool in how we exchange real things. But it's melting, has been for a while, and right now the entire world is waking up to that.People with families, properties, gas vehicles, weapons, tools, etc, will become the new elite. Everyone else is going to have a battle royale thing go on.
there are 2 options in my opinion.1) she works and gets monies and has 1-2 max children with you. the work will be unfullfilling and only bring a little bit of money and the children will only be a little bit parented because of energy split on things. (shit option)2) she doesnt work, you work full time.this means she is going to gift, to present her entire body, strenght and time/soul for you and bearing your children. its a must. her still fertile womb and her titts and body ect is fully yours. you can pump babies inside her every 9 months and she has to take it no matter what. after the 3rd child she might want to stop but you cannot bring the word "stop" "making babies" or "fuck" into any syntactical coherence whatsoever, so you make more and more children until her body fails at what, 36? depending how you feed her and how her health is. but if she doesnt work and has low stress anyway then thats better for you even. to make more children of course. because then, she has the free time to parent them good and to cook for your house.but this only works if you power 125% and if shes got the right character and health, if shes really fucking lazy like other mentioned itt, its gonna be a really tough ride and too much work. if she got vaxxed with da sauce from 2021 its not going to happen anyway.you better sit down and have a "real talk" with her. im not memeing.
>>34946562My brother married someone like that. Didn't work out.She was lazy with even raising the kids that basically my brother was doing all the after school and before school routines whilst working full-time (she didn't work btw)These types will be constantly on social media buying things thinking it will make things easier but once the novelty wears off onto the next project then the next and next despite not dealing with the main project (kids). Not only will they mess up your kids due to dong the bare minimum of that, but she will always be haemorrhaging your moneyA lot of these types just want novelty without proper effort
>>34946562Once she’s pregnant, there’s no turning back. You’re stuck with her for life once she’s the mother of your children. If she has any annoying traits or lack of emotional control now, these will be amplified during and after the pregnancy. You’re going to be there 100% without an escape when she figures out her old life is gone and she has to be permanently ON, 24/7. Your life is going to change, too. It’s not the 1950s anymore; the modern father now is expected to take on household + childcare responsibilities as well as be the sole breadwinner. If you excelled at your job, you’re going to take a hit performance-wise due to lack of sleep and split attention. Most employers will understand and accommodate family issues, but you’re not going to be able to grind like you used to. Employers do seem to like the family man because he is trapped. Now, when you consider that you’re going to have your work responsibilities and these childcare responsibilities, do you think your woman is going to be a good team member or will you be shouldering the majority of the burden? Could she step up if you got the flu and handle everything? Will she be on top of medical appointments, bottle and breast feeding, diaper changes, sleep schedules, dishes and laundry, family meals, her own physical recovery and mental health? Will you be able to handle it all when she falls apart all of the time? The old strategy was to see how she cared for an animal - if the cat litter box never got emptied or the dog just got caged when it needed a walk, it was a sign she’d be a terrible mother, Pets for women are usually child placeholders.
>>34948837You didn't even read it.
>>34946562Nigga if this isnt bait, ur a fucking retard
