this is genuinely my life>been with boyfriend for 4 years who is also my first everything>he has many good sides, but emotionally he is not very stable>gets annoyed at me often for very small things>he has a bpd diagnosis as well>i always hoped he'd change and deal with his issues for us>but it's actually slowly getting worse>he has started talking about kids too>genuinely too afraid to tell him that while a relationship i can deal with, he is too unstable to have kids>the good sides get me to stay though>he's very loyal, the most interesting person i've met, extremely well-read and generally very intelligent, when he's not in his angrey irrational mood also just simply a good person and first to help the people around him, etc.but>for the past year or so i've realized i'm completely in love with one of his friends, obsessively so>i know i'm a shit gf for this>for the past year i've just waited to eventually get over it and told myself it's just a dumb crush>never got over it>have known the friend for almost the whole relationship (through my bf, he sometimes asks me to come hang out with them) but didn't develop any feelings at all until nowI know I'm a coward for not leaving. I genuinely want my first to be my only one and never expected I'd ever consider leaving but here I am. Any advice? I don't know maybe this situation is too fucked for advice.
>>34957771If you still love your bf, you need to tell him that he needs to be on medication for his bpd because kids are not going to happen otherwise. Frankly it might be better if you adopted considering that could be passed on to your kids. You'd need to tell him you'll talk about kids once he has been on bpd meds for a few months.As for the friend, you need to spend less time with him and the feelings will eventually go away, even if it takes years. Sometimes they may even resurface after a long dormant period.The only thing that would change any of my advice would be is if your boyfriend physically abuses you. If he hits you, you need to get out and tell the friend. It might be better if you still don't get with the friend because people with bpd are at a higher risk of murder. He might try to kill you if you say you're leaving, but he might try to kill the friend if you get with him. I am not saying that all people with bpd will murder in a bad situation, just that it is more likely so that you're aware of risks. Just think about what your boyfriend's worse bpd meltdown was and imagine worse than that if you breakup and even worse than that if you breakup to be with his friend. Also, if his friend is a real friend to him more than to you, he won't get with you anyway.
>>34957791My bf is on meds, but I don't know a lot about this stuff. When he wasn't on meds for a short period of time, he was more prone to sadness and depression it felt like, but the anger issues (nothing physical he just gets angry) and getting annoyed at me for small things hasn't changed, it has gotten a bit worse if anything.And yeah I'm highly aware that the friend is a good person and wouldn't go for a friend's ex. He's a very gentlemanly guy but also always keeps a respectful distance. It sounds twisted but I think I started noticing I had some sort of crush on him at the same time I started paying attention to these things, basically how he's a trustworthy guy and a good friend.
Your boyfriend is certainly neuroatypical, probably on the autism spectrum.I think your feelings for the friend are more a product of your imagination than what he really is.
>>34957771What is it about your bf's friend that you like?
>>34957771If he has borderline then you need to get him on dialectical behavioural therapy at the very least. Look, OP. He is crazy. The crazy could get worse as he gets older - especially if he doesn't fully commit to the therapy. Think really hard about what you're getting yourself into by staying.
my advice is to stop being a whore
Holy shit, it's like I'm reading a letter from my childhood GF at the end of our time together. >be me>be the same as OP's bf Look, when things ended, and she ended up with my friend, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I was unhealthy. WE were unhealthy, together. That was what our personalities were when we were together, and neither of us was good at being a good, supportive bf or gf. We were together from age 15 to 21. I fell apart. I stayed in a low to medium level depressive state, missing her terribly, for years. Ruined opportunities to build meaningful relationships. And my friend was so in love with her and scared/ashamed, they moved I pined away for her but I was trying to get over it. Finally got another gf about 6 years later. It was not good, but it was something. I wasn't good. I gave up. Changed careers, moved into a friends' house with another guy and had a great time as roommates, got a travel job working away a lot, and I got closer to my parents, who were aging fast. Started going to church some, too. I never noticed I'd finally started healing. I met my wife at a childhood friend's wedding. I caught the garter (a US tradition) and she caught the bouquet. I was nicely drunk, not sloppy, and danced with everyone's mom. Can't say why, I just...wanted to dance and see my buddies' moms from my childhood. I don't dance but turns out, I can. Had an absolute blast. My now-wife noticed. A few months after the wedding, the bride introduced us. My ex, my unhealthy ex... was just practice. Best thing she did was dump me. OP, you know what to do. Let him go. He needs to grow and heal. So do you. I'm sure you're no picnic either. Oh, my ex and my ex friend lasted about 3 years. Things that start badly always end badly. I look at my kids; my oldest is older than I was when I met my ex. My wife and I are content and happy together. Still in love. Thank God my ex dumped me.
>>34957771Get out from his life and his friends' lives you fucking whoreI'm dead serious. There's nothing to be done about this and you clearly DO NOT want to do anything about it. This is about your ego and your need for instant gratification.Get away from all of them
Wanna give us some examples of what makes him angry? I really don't believe this oh woe is me story
>>34957771>tldr i wanna cheat on my bf with his friendGay and fake, consider just breaking up with your bf and fucking off to find some other retard who fits your low standards, you would save the poor guy from losing his friend and the woman who he thought was loyal to him>b....b..but!No buts, he's not cheating on you but here you are planning to do that to him, just save him the heartbreak snd break up and fuck off out of his life.Also, you're leading him on even though you KNOW he wants to have kids, bitch just tell him so he can go and find an actual wife and build and actual family instead of being stuck with you and being unable to move on with his life
>>34957771Not gonna lie he sounds really really dumb like stupid, and your dogma fantasy of what you want will lead you to hell
