My boyfriend and I were talking about our future. TLDR, we live in different countries, though technically not even 4 hours away if you don't have to stop to piss and have an easy time with traffic and the border. I won't get super into detail unless you think it's warranted, but we've technically been together for let's say 2 years, and we're pretty set on, open at worst, to me moving to his country, and likely even getting married.I had just been talking about our future together, what we're going to do when one of us (inevitably) passes before the other. As of this moment, I haven't told him, but personally, at this point in our relationship, let alone if we get married, I don't think I could in good conscious move on and date others, have sex with others, anything of the sort, if he dies before I do.On his end, he basically said that if I were to die in the next 15 to 25 years, that he'd so something, but that it's a maybe (? to quote: "[redacted]..id do something but that's a maybe"). He basically said that if he's older than 60 he'd be happily fine though. I do believe in an afterlife, but more on that later.This all could possibly be bothering me regardless, but I have a feeling I'm going to die first. I'm fat (don't send advice on what I should do to lose weight and why it's good for my body, I already know) which brings on a slew of issues in of itself, but even disregarding that, I've got epilepsy. I could have a seizure, and be out of oxygen for long enough to where I'm non-verbal and bound to a wheelchair, or even just flat-out die, if a seizure goes on long enough, if I'm alone, if I crack my head really bad, whatever.(1/2)
(cont.)I don't see how you can say you love a person if you already can admit that you'd possibly move on if they became worm food. If you already knew you didn't love your partner, or realized thereafter that things weren't what you thought, then yeah sure go get yourself out there regardless of what they'd think - but already being in love with someone, how can you just move on and find another partner? If they were so important and you already spent time together, why would you look for that again elsewhere? Just because you want to feel good? I kinda get it, but I don't think I can call that love.TLDR: Longtime boyfriend says maybe he could date again if I die first (even if we marry), I don't like the idea of that, and am statistically more likely to die first - what do I do besides talk more with him? (He's got work in the morning - If he changes his mind, great for me. If not, should I break up? It'd be a waste of time and energy in the end in a way, but if we're not intending to be together forever, I don't see the point of even staying in, let alone being together in what the modern day calls a traditional monogamous relationship. If we were earlier on and couldn't say we loved each other, then I assume it's likely the other person would want the other to find happiness elsewhere. But abandoning someone you love? I don't think I can call that love. I don't know if that's because I believe in an afterlife, or if I'm just actually making a valid point (aka the truth)(2/2)
>>34962424Go to a therapist because you clearly have issues with self acceptance and self-determination. Dating after a partner's death is mostly up to the children, who may become the surrogate partners to the surviving parent emotionally.Besides, what matters the most is your current relationship and you're not pulling the weight on loving yourself.
>>34962424You'd move on too if the mood hit you. He's just more self-aware and honest. Very attractive traits in a partner unless you are insecure and need constant reassurance...
You're bent out of shape over some dumbass hypothetical. Stop it. This is the kind of stupid bullshit I used to worry about when I was young, you stop thinking like this as you get older.
