I've got nowhere else to go but 4chan because anywhere else I've asked this I just get "you're an asshole" and that's it.Here it is: I married a 3/10. >"Oh OP, you shallow piece of shit how dare you talk like that about the woman you married."First off, I do love her and won't leave ever.But for real; she is obese, has no curves, her looks are borderline mannish. Behavior-wise she is shrill and loud, belches, doesnt bathe consistently, never wears sexy clothes. Nags me constantly when I have objectively great job and am handsome and tall enough that literally every other woman in my life are kind to me (im not a narcissist, I hate stacies and yet they flock around me).I'm not going out of my way to be petty and not find her attractive I am fucking trying. On the flipside, she's disabled and she really is a good person despite it all, she adopted my beliefs and ideals fully. I fell in love with her partially because I wanted to "fix" her broken spirit from this cruel, cruel world and feel God told me to be a servant for the first time in my life.Also, sex and attraction isnt as big a deal to me as most men, bonding over common goals and beliefs is.The problem is we have sex maybe once every two months and I can't cum because of circumcision deadening the nerve endings and her lack of sex appeal to me. Thats a big deal to her as she wants kids. What the fuck do I do to find her attractive? I dont want to give up, so "leave her so you can both be happy" isnt on the table. She had literally zero partners before me cuz of her looks but also judgey assholes were worried she'd pass her disability to kids one day. I love this woman I understand nowadays its fucked up for a man to say he doesnt find his wife attractive (yet "go off queen" when its the other way around) but this is 4chan at least so id hope id get more insight than just shaming me for having standards.
there isn't anything you can do to find her more attractive. if you have to put in tons of effort its not happening. she would need to be the one to change. the problem is the type of ugly, obese woman you describe are typically quite resistant to change. trying to bring up self improvement makes them feel extremely insecure and they shut down. the older they are, the harder it is too. still, its worth a try. i won't go into all of the ways to gently try to suggest bathing every day and telling her she would look great in certain outfits and such, since a lot of advice on that type of stuff already exists. i don't think there's anything else you can do besides being more direct, but that would hurt any woman's feelings
>>34962644yeah I was direct with her and she uses it against me. little digs like "but you dont find me attractive so what does it matter". Its not all the time and we still have good days, but it frustrates me a lot.
>>34962661that comment comes from very deep seated insecurity. it could build into resentment and if it does it will not be going away. when a woman is ugly, fat, and disabled the insecurity stacks up tremendously. but you said if yourself. you told her and she didn'f attempt to change, just externalized her hurt. so you are at a standstill. you can try to continue to nudge her and hope she starts trying but that's it.i think you might already know there basically isn't anything you can do.
>>34962661Is there a way you can frame it from a more health and fitness perspective?If she has a lot of fat around her abdomen, an apple body shape and has been obese for a while, there's a good chance she already has insulin resistance and fatty liver. If she doesn't treat these by losing weight she seriously risks liver failure and diabetes in the future. There are 200+ diseases and health conditions related to obesity. With the weight gone she'll feel a lot better and curb nastier complications that start to creep up when people hit their late 30s and older.Especially with glp1s and peptides, losing weight has gotten a good deal easier. If she has insulin resistance she probably has a hard time losing weight so taking one of these things could be a godsend because they basically override that issue. However the catch is that people still need to eat healthier to make sure they maintain muscle mass and keep the weight off.
>>34962512>she adopted my beliefs and ideals fullySounds like a plus to me, not many women do that. Have you tried slowly guiding her into improving (taking showers, working out, dressing good) or did you give up before talking to her?
I'll be honest with you, you sound like a psychopath. I don't mean this insultingly either, you genuinely display psychopathic traits. You describe your relationship with your wife where you're functionally playing "god" in her life, "fixing" her from this "cruel, cruel world". One of her "flipsides" is adopting your beliefs and ideals. You constantly mention how you're this "chad" archetype and how "every other woman" in your life flaunts to you. I would genuinely recommend expressing this to someone, and maybe going to couple's therapy but I'm pretty sure couple's therapy is a humiliation ritual aimed at making guys feel bad.
>>34962512>What the fuck do I do to find her attractive?Caring about a woman's looks is a curse. I'm a zoomer that's always chasing Stacies and getting led on and friendzoned as a result. A question I keep coming back to is "how do geriatrics find each other attractive?" Apparently STDs are rampant in nursing homes. I wanna know what psychological mechanism is at work when even former Chads start banging 2s and 3s.
>>34962732Yeah maybe ill make the ultimatum for kids a fitness goal or something. She's already at high blood pressure so maybe I can have measurable progress on that be our motivation. Im pretty fit myself so it may be hard to not have some resentment from her if I lose weight with her as id be losing faster.>>34962821I genuinely appreciate the honesty but any time a guy has confidence he gets called a Patrick Bateman style psycho these days. Im not joking when I say I was a male model and now I married the nerdy chick in high school your bros would joke about you hooking up with. Of course im gonna have some hangups about it but im looking forward to getting old and not giving a fuck about appearances anymore. Everything is so superficial and once I used my own aesthetics to my advantage, my career and social standing went parabolic
>>34962512I was i a similar situation, she made it hard to be attracted through behaviours, appearance and compromises in mannerisms, how she was interacting with others, she spent too long on 4chan and it gets tiresome when someone is like that in person. But that is the person who I thought I should be with, to support and grow together through kindness maybe eventually we will have semblance of a life to share. Eventually she thought she could do better and left after I finished my studies and pending the job we were waiting for. All that time building each other together can be discarded easily once someone in the relation decides there isn't enough progress. She also eventually wanted children and that brought stress in home ownership and the like, constantly worried if she could even produce (pcos), it stems from those original, long term, insecurities that may always be there.It sounds like you progressed past those insecurities these type of women carry and got into full commitment, that is where she got her prize, that is no longer needs to put effort in steady improvement. What is Important is having the patience as repeated failing is easy and discourages trying at all if told directly the solution, its not logical just how it is. There was a time when my ex one to be was living by themselves to do an intensive course where she really put in the effort to improve herself, that was when she was her best self, before becoming what I described above, because she was away from family that was keeping her in negative habits, didn't fall into habitual board culture for awhile, you need to do something similarly, if she doesn't want to change nothing you say will. Gentle encouragement I guess is the answer, to be excited that she may also see improvements to her life is an attractive thing, when you are tired and miserable it doesn't matter how much you love someone it can end up never being enough despite the history between you.
>>34962512This is really disgusting to read. It hope it's fake.
>>34962512This is totally retarded. Why would you marry an uggo bitch? There is nothing that will make her feel sexy to you, you've ruined your life. Wtf were you thinking??
>>34962512the shit a mf has to do and undergo nowadays to stay marriedA disabled, 3/10, fat nagging bitch.Nah man, you are probably not an asshole, just retarded with no value for yourself and your own timeAnd on top of it all this fucking god complex. 10/10 would get ragebaited again
>>34962512>I fell in love with her partially because I wanted to "fix" her broken spiritThis NEVER works. You can support people, but you can't fix them.
>>34962512If you want to get her pregnant, you could go the turkey baster route.
>>34962512There must have been something about her company that gave you pleasure and warmth, and something about yours that she enjoyed. Recapture that. Spend a day doing something together that is more fun than spending the day alone. Just have a good time in each other's company. There is a good chance that the day will end with sex, not as an obligatiion but because you both just feel warmly toward each other and it seems natural to be intimate.
>>34962512>circumcision deadening the nerve endingsCircumcision doesn't do this. Probably just sex appeal.>What the fuck do I do to find her attractive?Get her to start working out and shit. Have her take ozempic. The works essentially.Otherwise you can take sex off the menu.
>>34962512have her sit her fat ass on your face, then you can't see how ugly she is
>>34962512Are you retarded? Just get her on Ozempic or Mounjaro, no obese person exists any more except by choice, or poverty. Which is it OP?
>>34962821Agreed. He comes across as a narc and someone I would dread having to be around
