How do you help a close relative (in this case male, 35) who is depressed, but is doing everything fucking wrong in how he handles it? And yes, I know people cope differently, but I also know that refusing to change ANYTHING that has led one to said depression doesn't fucking help: He's a overweight, close to obese and getting fatter; not in a relationship; and all he does is sit around, inside, playing video games or scrolling Youtube all day, every day.I want to be there for him, but it's hard when he just keeps digging himself deeper and deeper.
>>34970149>You can lead a horse to water>But you can't force him to drink.Change, must be internal. One needs to want to change his ways.What can be done though, is to stop enabling his ways.If he stays all his days inside his room playing videogames and eating garbage, someone is paying the bills.You can have an honest conversation with him, asking him to start doing things in order to cooperate and help like going to a doctor and taking care of his how health and hunting for a job so he can help with some of the bills.Do not criticize him or condemn his ways. Just tell him there are rules and if rules are not followed, consequences happen.You must also give him a deadline for those things.You can give him all the help you want, but he also needs to do his part.
>>34970149Ask him if he wants to talk about it. If he says he doesn't want to talk about it, ask him again in a month or two. Repeat until he agrees to talk, at which point you can start respectfully challenging his lifestyle and beliefs. Also stop enabling him if you are in any way.
>>34970149
>>34970149I'm in this position and I'm 30. I lost my job (a pathetic source of confidence), many of my friendships, my IRL hobby that kept me connected to the outside world (recording local concerts) all in one blow. I stay here because I feel like I deserve it. How do you help me? Let me die. Let me rot. I always fuck up anything under the slightest bit of pressure. No amount of therapy fixes what is inevitable. Some people weren't meant to be born. This is my last act of autonomy, because life allowed me nothing else. I thought people would be happy about me being out of their way.
>>34970188>being clinically objective about what to do when talking to himsure>give him a deadlineI would crack under the pressure of this expectation and go back to square one.
>>34971580most relatable thing since the earth was formed. I understand this. I don't know what would help, sorry.
>>34971580>I thought people would be happy about me being out of their wayThere's also an implicit stipulation that I am only allowed to be in someone's way if I am in service to them. My existence is only tolerated if it is provision to someone else's. Again: I did not ask to be here, and very soon into childhood, I discovered that I did not want to be here. Now I am being called an idiot, doing everything wrong, expected to bear stressful, money-draining commutes, dull agonies of the workweek, reinforced isolation (like I'll ever be able to build a bridge to the normies), and all the energy of my evening and night drained around drivers that want to kill me and coworkers that reinforce spiritual misery, feeling easily replaceable the entire time - to no reward. Just one tiny section of the letters of the word "idiot" erased at a time until I inevitably break down and fail, where those letters get redrawn into a bigger, bolder, more prominent font, and glow brighter and hotter over my head with each passing day I fail to provide.It's safer to be out of the way. I thought that would be easier on everyone else than getting their expectations up.
>>34971601>I would crack under the pressure of this expectation and go back to square one.Maybe my suggestion of a deadline is not ideal. The idea is to avoid the very common "I'm working on it" while months turn into years.
>>34972177>avoid "I'm working on it" while months turn into yearsHe's 35. I'm 30. You are expecting us to undo decades of etched neurological grooves in the span of weeks, and auditing it every step of the way. On top of being depressed, obese, KHHV, and friendless, now I'm untrustworthy. Being a shut-in is asking the minimum from the world - I stay here, in this cruddy little corner, you stay there, and we won't have any problems. Every time I am encouraged to leave my corner by altruists, I introduce a new set of problems to myself and everyone around me. How about you just regard me as the waste of humanity I am and leave me be?
>>34972334>On top of being depressed, obese, KHHV, and friendless, now I'm untrustworthy.>waste of humanityIt's funny how you're placing all those qualifiers on yourself. No one imposed them on you.You chose ugliness, and stagnation, and comfort. No one else did that for you. There's nothing profound or meaningful about it. There's no plot by the world to bring you misery while everyone remains unhappy. You do it to yourself buddy.>decades of etched neurological grooves in the span of weeksHow about an hour? Set your gaming PC on fire, take a cold shower, leave the house. What then? Will you shrivel up and die?You're like this because you chose a graceless existence every single time, it's only going to get worse the longer you wait sorry to say
>>34972392>No one imposed them on youMy father, multiple teachers, factual, cause-and-effect evidence from actions I took.>You chose ugliness, stagnation, and comfort. No one else did that for you.I am forced to choose it. I'm not capable of anything else. Anyone that thinks otherwise of my abilities simply does not know anything about me or my history of failures.>There's nothing profound or meaningful about it.Plenty of novels to find those qualities in. A meaningless patch of time in a meaningless lifespan where you get to tell me [BREAKING NEWS] my selective isolation won't bring any clarity or revelation to me. >You do it to yourself buddy.And the world keeps turning. Likely in a better state than if I hadn't.>How about an hour? Set your gaming PC on fire, take a cold shower, leave the house. What then? Will you shrivel up and die?Considering I've no survival instinct, yeah. Maybe fentanyl will accelerate that (if I don't just get robbed outright for looking like a flabby bitch). >chose a graceless existence every single timeIt's what I deserve.
>>34972392let's revisit>set your gaming PC on fire, take a cold shower, leave the houseAKA "just leave and make it by yourself, bro"This isn't the 1980s job market. I have no qualifying skills, and I don't have enough saved to move anywhere other than straight to the homeless shelter. picrel
>>34972334I'm 30 too and hikikomori loser like you.The problem is that someone is paying all the bills while we rot.I eat, I drink, I use electricity and internet and I'm not helping with the bills at the end of the month.I'm trying to find a low pressure job where I don't have to talk face to face with people but sending applications online is miserable and never leads anywhere.Your "just let me be" is definitely not sustainable though.
>>34970149this kind of case is almost desperatesounds like time for drastic measures>wait for good weather>drag his ass deep in the woods>feed him 4g dried magic mushrooms>watch him die and be born again (be there for safety but let him face his demons. he'll have a tough trip)>help him build healthy habits during the afterglowI've seen it workI've also seen it backfire spectacularly
>>34973409>someone is paying all the bills while we rotTrue. There's a lot of selfish entitlement in that. My attempts at working have ultimately landed me in more debt, however, and will incur even more if I do something like go back to school. Shutting myself in is a form of damage control.>I'm trying to find a low pressure job where I don't have to talk face to face with peopleA mirage, as you've pointed out. >not sustainableof course it isn't. I'm essentially waiting for permission to kill myself. I can't even corner the market on vlogging about it, and my situation is much less sympathetic than picrel.Yes, I'm aware of the "permanent solution to temporary problem" cliche. My estranged father essentially isolated his obese, mentally ill self to death 5 years ago, and my younger cousin did kill himself 2 years ago. I was born into a mentally ill family, where the boomers pulled out all the stops to prevent anyone from knowing they would inherit circles of hell in their head for their lifespan.One more time: against all better judgement, I was born. If you're a parent, you signed yourself up for this for a lifetime.I can never have kids myself. It would be an act of extreme cruelty to inflict this life and my neuroses onto them.>>34973436>magically isolate and force feed psychedelics to himI did that to myself. 4.7g APE shrooms via lemon tek. Still a useless piece of shit. >Let's risk permanent psychosis to make this guy toil at a Wendy's
