There's a guy I like, but I'd like to know he likes me for me and not just for sex reasons so I thought I would disguise myself as a guy and become his buddy first then reveal that I'm a girl after we've gotten to know each other.I've been a little surprised that he hasn't caught me slipping up, but I have been forcing my voice as deep as I can get it and I've been wearing a binder which might help. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm an effeminate gay but that's still a guy so it counts.We've been seeing action movies and going out to get wings together, and it's been pretty great getting to know him. I've just started feeling awkward about phase 2 because what if we lose this friendship when he realizes I'm not a guy?
>>34971352>I've just started feeling awkward about phase 2 because what if we lose this friendship This is either a larp, or you need therapy. If any woman ever did that with me, I'd conclude that shes psychiatry levels of insane and run as fast as I can.
>>34971352Hahahahaha
>>34971377I'm in therapy but I don't talk to my therapist about this stuff because we focus on other issues. I also don't see how this is something needing therapy since I'm trying to find a real connection instead of just sex and it feels like this was a smart way to handle that.
>>34971352>I've just started feeling awkward about phase 2 because what if we lose this friendship when he realizes I'm not a guy?Uh he will. You've been lying to him. It is no different than a nice guy who only acts like your friend in order to sleep with you. It isn't right.>smart way to handle thatExplain in what way lying to someone is smart. HINT: It isn't
>>34971497What would you recommend instead when the past can't be changed?
>>34971550Be honest and explain to him your fears.Hope that he is understanding and forgives you.Talk with your therapist about why you feel the need to deny key parts of yourself in order to weed out potential mates in your life.
>>34971613I don't see why my gender necessarily has to be a key part of me. I don't want to be loved for something I never chose because if I didn't choose it then it doesn't feel like it's "me". I just want to be with someone who likes me for me, and not for something external. I don't feel like that's weird.I'll figure out how I want to talk to him about all this though because I guess a couple weeks is enough to give things a try.
>>34971689>I don't see why my gender necessarily has to be a key part of me.I mean there are certainly people who don't make it a key part of their identity. I've personally never done that but if you think you can swing it go for it.>I don't want to be loved for something I never chose because if I didn't choose it then it doesn't feel like it's "me".That is definitely something that you'd want to get to the bottom of. Cause it almost sounds like you are ashamed of it. Which you shouldn't you should be proud of it. Accepting yourself as you are is a big part of mental health.>I just want to be with someone who likes me for me, and not for something external. I don't feel like that's weird.Who are you?Cause it sounds like you don't even know that question.>I guess a couple weeks is enough to give things a tryThe longer you lie to him the worse it gets not better. He isn't going to forgive you for continually leading him on. As far as you know he could be gay. Then it would really mess up your chances when you revealed who you are.
>>34971741>As far as you know he could be gay. Then it would really mess up your chances when you revealed who you areThis one I feel safe about. I've asked him while dressed like a guy what kind of women he likes and he said he likes tomboys so I feel like I stand a good chance.>Accepting yourself as you are is a big part of mental health.I accept myself I just don't feel like I'm defined by my gender and I don't want other people to define me by it so I change my presentation depending on my mood.
>>34971689>I don't want to be loved for something I never chose because if I didn't choose it then it doesn't feel like it's "me".Imagine a perfect life, a life where you only have the things that you want, and where you don't have any of the things that you don't want. Imagine that perfect life. It doesn't exist. Now imagine a "good enough" life where you're generally happy about most things, but not everything. If you chase perfection, then you will eliminate the possibility of having a "good enough" life, and you will only achieve a life where you're generally unhappy and most things are dissatisfying.He wants to live a life where none of his friends ever deceive him. He must compromise on that principle if your friendship is going to continue. You want to live a life where nobody likes you for things that are out of your control. You must compromise on that principle if your friendship is going to continue. Why should only he compromise but not you? If your friendship is going to continue then both of you should compromise, so nobody is singled out as the only exclusive compromiser.You must choose to make a compromise and allow yourself to be liked for something you didn't choose, allow yourself to be liked for something out of your control, because if you don't compromise then you'll never have a "good enough" life because you'll lose everything you value, starting with this friendship.
>>34971352I refuse to believe you actually managed to trick a guy into thinking you aren't a girl. We have a sense for this kind of stuff.
>>34971943I'm in a cross play community and have a lot of costumes of anime guys I've worn to cons so I'm used to dressing like a guy for fun. This is the first time I've done a regular guy outfit though.>>34971916I'm not sure how much it matters. We all have to live with our own thoughts no matter what, and mine are just a bit easier on me if I do stuff that's a little weird for the sake of relieving them. It's probably kind of dumb to do the disguising as a guy thing, but that's kind of the person that I am and maybe he needs to see and know that part of me too if we're going to have a chance at anything.
