I moved from the West Coast to the East Coast for work a couple years ago, but I stayed very close with my ex. For the last two years we kept talking, watching movies together, gaming, calling, sharing personal things, and I made time for her even when I usually told people I wanted to be left alone after work. She came to visit me 5x, wrote me letters of encouragement and sent me gifts for holidays and milestones I made in my career. I really liked that. I knew she still cared about me, and I still loved her too. I told her how much I loved and cared about her, but I told myself I had created enough boundaries that I wasn’t purposefully leading her on. Recently, I started dating someone locally and eventually got into a relationship without telling my ex until it became serious enough that I felt I had to. When I finally told her, she was devastated and said the way I had acted made her think there was still a real possibility of us getting back together. Looking back, I can see why. I’m unsure though if I did anything wrong, since from what I heard from my old coworker who introduced us she really does not want anything to do with me right now. That kind of pisses me off. Anyway, anny advice is appreciated. Thanks for reading I never promised her we would reunite, and I genuinely did think of us as having some kind of friendship, but I also didn’t want to lose the connection we had. I told her I still loved her, that I cared about her, and that if she wanted this to be the end of “us,” I would respect it, but I didn’t actually close the door myself. Now I’m wondering if I was being selfish without admitting it to myself—keeping someone emotionally close because I valued what she gave me while also building a separate life somewhere else. I don’t know if I should feel guilty because I never meant to hurt her, or if intent doesn’t really matter when the outcome was this predictable.
>>34973885There's no advantage to caring. Probably beyond repair. Just move on.
>>34973885Intent matters - if you had been deceiving her intentionally, that would have made it even worse - but it is not all that matters. You may not have been malicious, but you were certainly reckless and unthinking.
>>34973924Because I don’t know if I’m even gonna live here forever. I just didn’t want her thinking maybe I’d move back home one day. But I also told her I definitely won’t live here forever either. I told her we’d still be dating had I not moved. I don’t know, maybe I am retarded
>>34973950>I told her we’d still be dating had I not moved. I don’t know, maybe I am retardedThe only way she could possibly have interpreted that is that you still wanted the two of you to be together. So why are you surprised she reacted the way she did?
