I don't know how the world works anymore. I don't know what living is about.I got bullied and survived, I studied and passed, I got a job and I had no use for the money. Now seeing the account get drained I know I need money, I need to eat and pay the time wasting entertainment. My family disbanded and now I'm alone. Wherever I go I'm no more than a nice stranger and it stays like that even if I keep hanging about. All gets compounded since I don't find anything fun anymore, I have nobody to share with and sharing is like 40-60% of the shit so it loops.I used to love games, anime, etc. The fuck does it matter anymore. All I can think of now is something went wrong along the way, can't keep looking at it, so I think I have to sort my shit out instead. It's been "Sorting shit" mode for years, and it only drives people away and strays farther back from the solution.Shed me a light.
It doesn't help that I listened to a bunch of bullshit early on about being humble, tolerant, stoic and all that bullshit. It seems being a hot cracker asshole ends up working better because it gives you motility instead of doubt and inaction. Can't use that because I feel like betraying myself and hesitate even more.
Mental state isn't real, it's just some rng noise shit your brain generates in a poor attempt to get you to move. Simply bypass the entire bad communication protocol and go run 40 minutes in forest every day.
>>34974289I already do 3 hours at the gym everyday, forests don't exist anymore.
>>34974248inb4> go outside more> go get a job> go workout> take SSRIs> go improve yourself> go do drugs> go kill yourself> go build a social circle"Sorting shit" mode is generally attractive to people, so if you're driving people away, you're probably doing it wrong. Also being stoic isn't so bad, it's just that western society has atomized to a point that excludes stoics by default. That can be resolved by going outside of your comfort zone enough to start relationships, no need to be a hot cracker asshole.If you don't want to kill yourself, the only choice left is to decide what to do with your time. Most people do that by choosing one of the activities I mentioned above. It sounds like you want a gf, so that might be something worth pursuing.
>>34974419Maybe I used the wrong words.By "sorting shit" I meant "I'm an inferior little shit who is bad at everything, so I gotta be better at everything and do everything by myself and don't stop until i'm on expert level" mode. Meaning I'm not proud of anything I have done so far, have nothing to show for it.What you understand for the atteactive to people thing is the "I'm a gung ho go getter, full of enthusiasm with a clear path that goes towards specialization, which will enable me to put down whoever tries to come on top". They are similar because they have a root of competitivity underneath, but one is trying to pick up the broken pieces while the other one is about breaking shit.Stoicism is a prescribed way of life that doesn't necessarily fit everybody. When you try to force it into people it's not for, you get unhappy people who feel bound by fate, when they could have minmaxed for their temperament and end up in a specialized role.I already talk to people and the conversations fall flat and circumstantial. At that point I don't feel enthusiasm, I feel anxious, and I do keep pushing through and try telling personal likes or asking personal question, I haven't found someone who isn't politely dismissive or tries to know more about me, or feels safe to share more.
>>34974507You mentioned earlier that you are running out of money. Getting a job is probably the best thing you can do right now to improve your quality of life. It'll give you money and a social circle. Are you a remote contractor of some kind?
