Preface, I'm kind of retarded.How do i go from a point of having a vague creative idea to actually executing it and bringing it to form? Say I have a videogame idea, that includes fields of required knowledge, skill, and ability, like being a visual artist, being able to bring something that could be depicted on paper to a 3d form, then be able to make sound effects, program at all, make music, etc? How do I also deal with the trap of the deralization inducing monotony of my worthless garbage shitty life that actively eats at, swallows and turns my creativity to shit and one tracks my mind onto a path where I can't even tell if any idea I have isn't objective slop garbage that needs to not exist? How does one deal with a life that conquers creativity when one of the only things that even makes this worthless and objectively pointless life worth living, creation? Is it even worth persuing anything or is it all a pointless humiliation ritual and I should just outright kill myself because it's allready completely fucking over and I'll never ascend to anything at all? Side question. Where can I find suicide encouragment so I have something I can actually grapple with instead of empty platitudes so at least I have the gravity in life of fighting with a reason to kill myself. What could get down to the nitty gritty more than a serious contemplation of the question of why one should continue living.
Consider I also basically have no formal education, so I'm not operating from the level of a normal person.
Also what's the best kind of revolver to commit suicide with? Something about doing it with a revolver just sounds nice.
Also advice on how to avoid being a fucking peasant while I still opt for life would be cool.
>>34977362>Side question. Where can I find suicide encouragment so I have something I can actually grapple with instead of empty platitudes so at least I have the gravity in life of fighting with a reason to kill myself. What could get down to the nitty gritty more than a serious contemplation of the question of why one should continue living.Could still use advice on this even though I know it's silly.I have no god damned place for me in this world, I just don't know why not to fucking kill myself. It's a joke played on myself. I don't even know what I need in this fucking place. I can think of countless things about my life that are terribly wrong that I have no control over and haven't for 6 to 10 years of my life. I don't even consider doing a fucking thing about them because I know they are objectively hopeless matters. I can't summon a social life, I can't replace having had an awful upbringing effectively designed to make me go absolutely nowhere, I can't create something like the curriculum to learn about any of the things which would have allowed me to creatively flourish or cultivate interests. I can't summon the situation to have the intrest of a sexual partner, an idea I literally eschewed 6 or so years ago and have regarded as an idea akin to a comedic work of fiction. I can't summon meaning. I try by even entertaining the thought of creativity, which is again, however worthless and subhuman I am, the only thing I have authority over. Nobody will read all of this so just convince me or give me suicide encouragement like I asked, because I'm not yet convinced.
>>34977362Tech school, that’s how. An 18-Month Associates degree program. LA Film School or Full Sail University. They’ll send you a MacBook and all the stuff to make video games if you’re in that program and go online. I think you still get a MacBook if you go to campus too but you learn at the campus on their equipment. If you go for film they’ll send you a camera and all the entry-level gear you need for that. If you go for music they send you a mic, MacBook, speakers, headphones, protools, an interface etc. and you don’t have to pay to get in or an application fee. At least I didn’t. And then if you get financial aid you get a thousand dollar tax credit on your taxes for a total of four years. This may be common sense to some put I’m just putting it here because I was like 30 and didn’t know all this. No one ever told me.
>>34977362Well first of all be more realistic with your goals. Pick ONE of those things to learn for now.
