>>34981336
This is the advice board.
What advice do you need?

>>34981346
Will he get better?

No he wont, he already hit you. Go to your mother's and never come back. Let his parents deal with it. It is not good for your kids.Only meet with him under supervision and without your kids. Don't get back with him until he gets officially clean

>>34981387
He has to taper slowly, he’s under extreme anxiety, he can’t sleep. No one’s ever seen him like that

>>34981376
He could get better.
I don't know him well enough to know.
I understand that you don't want to leave your abuser.
You still love him. I understand but you have a duty to protect your children above all else.
Is he going to therapy?

>>34981398
He isn’t an abuser and no he isn’t going through therapy because no one can find out.

>>34981405
>no can find out
Think of your kids first retard

>>34981405
>He isn't an abuser

What is your definition of abuse?

Cause I struggle with understanding how someone can hit their spouse and it not be abuse.

If this is bait, it’s not funny—abuse is nothing to joke about. If this is real, then call the police next time he hurts you.

>>34981336
>>34981405
They used to make Lifetime movies about people like you.

>>34981411
He won’t accept therapy and he isn’t an abuser. He’s going through withdrawals
>>34981421
He’s going through severe withdrawals, his brain chemicals aren’t functioning. He told me himself that he feels like a cornered animal and keeps restraining himself, I see him clench his fist then release and he goes downstairs to hit a bag with a baseball bat. It’s only temporary until the withdrawals go away

>>34981405
Is he not an abuser because you don't see him like that? Or because he's just going through withdrawal? Withdrawals aren't fun, they also aren't get out of jail free cards. What do you think your children think when they see him acting out, giving them shit and you yourself? Have some sense and realise the effect this is having on yourself, your kids, and those around you and GTFO of that situation pronto.

>>34981440
My child is 8 months old and my other is 2 years old. They don’t know or understand. This only started after the withdrawals and he only did it once. He ISNT AN ABUSER. What he did was wrong and he apologized and he even took full responsibility.

>>34981434
>it's only temporary

Who are you trying to convince here?

Cause it sounds like you aren't too sure if that is true.

Listen you came to us looking for advice. I'm trying to be gentle because I know your first instinct is to defend him. I'm sorry I'm not trained on how to deal with someone who's been beaten. I truly hope you get the help you need. Good luck OP.

>>34981451
His withdrawals are temporary, it takes 2-3 months until he will become normal

>>34981453
Then don't subject your children to that shit. They're fucking infants. Your husband is practically a third child, don't do that to your kids and get help.

>>34981442
>He only did it once
For now you yourself admitted it will take months for him to get over the withdrawals. What happens a month from now? Maybe he can't control his emotions and he takes it out on you again. What happens then?

>>34981463
Stop acting like he’s an abuser, I can’t believe you threw that word out. That’s what I was thinking of going to my parents for the next 2-3 months but this will set a chain of reaction, what will my parents think? What will his think? I am in no way LEAVING HIM. Just until the withdrawals leave and he’s back to normal. But I’m also worried to death about him. Some mornings he spends pacing back and forth for 3 hours straight in the bathroom

Send him to rehab if you're so worried, problem solved and no one will find out.

You're a stupid bitch for worrying more about him than your children.

>>34981475
I’m only 21 years old, I feel like my life is over, I’m getting panic attacks, I feel like I’m losing control. What do I do I’m scared

>>34981477
Well first of all that wasn't me that replied to you.
Secondly your parents are going to think he is a monster.
Clearly we also think so. It should tell you something but you want to put your head into the sand and not think about that.
His parents will probably side with him.
What if he never gets "normal", what then?

>>34981491
How is he a monster? THIS IS JUST THE WITHDRAWALS. Why are you ignoring this fact? He never ever did this to me before hand. Sure he can be emotionally distant but I’ve never seen him express so much emotion and vulnerability during his withdrawal

>>34981488
Take a deep breath. You are in over your head. Do you have friends that you can talk to?
Honestly you might want to consider therapy for yourself. This is a lot to deal with.
I'm sorry that you are going through this, I really am.

>>34981497
>THIS IS JUST THE WITHDRAWALS
It's not. And now he knows you'll make excuses for him the next time he does it.

>>34981505
I have 1 friend and I don’t want to talk about this to her. I just want to go to my mother and relax. I’m so anxious and stressed but I know once I’m there I won’t stop thinking of him and if he’s ok

>>34981511
How is it not? I’ve known him for 7 years

>>34981514
Okay, honest question.
If you love him.
Would you let him go?

>>34981527
I’m not leaving him, we’re married for life.

You guys are very evil trying to separate us. Why are you guys doing this to me

>>34981336
Benzo withdrawal wont make you a shit person like that. Thats just who he is. Either choose to be with that kind if person or choose a better life for you and your kids.

>>34981532
What did you want us to say?
Oh it's alright he put his hands on you and yelled at his kids. He'll be fine.
I mean truthfully take yourself out of your shoes and look at this from an outsiders perspective. If your friend came to you and said her husband beat me, what would you say?

>>34981434
>Hits a bag with a baseball bat

Thats one step away from hitting you or the kids with the baseball bat

>>34981497
Its not just the withdrawals. Thats who he is

>>34981574
When he was on it he was so nice and social and didn’t have an ego
>>34981579
This happened once, I was coddling our baby and making cute noises and he comes in the room and he says he can’t stand this and his withdrawal was acting up and I said “what am I doing” he grabbed the baby and put him in the crib and he grabbed me by my wrist and he was all red and all shaky and was yelling “I’m suffering I’m suffering and you don’t care, I’m dying over here and you’re making those mommy noises” then he was tearing up and just threw me against the fridge. But he was going through an episode. He explained he had a major panic attack and felt like he was goi g to die and I saw it in his eyes. He was scared

>>34981597
So why was he not like this for 7 years

>>34981584
He would never do such a thing

>>34981336
>>34981392
>>34981601
how is he going through such extreme withdrawals if he's actually slowly tapering? The whole point of tapering is to avoid heavy withdrawal symptoms, since the dose in any given day is effectively the same as the day before, just a tiny bit lower

In any case this guy sounds like a psychopath, and clearly isn't tapering properly. He should probably see a doctor or rehab facility where they can manage his symptoms properly

>>34981619
He can’t see a doctor due to his sensitive job.

I don’t think he’s a psychopath at all, he opened up his feelings to me. Since he told me about the drugs, he explained that he feels very unstable and very insecure about everything. He tells me that his entire body is in pain and that he feels humiliated 24/7 and is angry at everyone and he is scared to interact with the public and it goes sour.

>>34981601
Okay I understand now.
Yes please go to your parents.
Take some time to relax. Have his parents come over to watch him. That way you don't have to worry. Your parents will be happy to have their little girl back at home. His parents will be happy to spend some time with him. You just need sometime to yourself. Please go take a spa day when you are at your parents. I think this will all come into focus once you are out of this situation.

>>34981635
But no one knows about this situation. I was thinking of telling my parents he needs to go to Europe for work and I’ll stay at my parents and they will help me take care of the babies

>>34981601
Sounds like he was masking and not being honest with you.

>>34981649
He was like this with everyone. Even his own parents said he is a very quiet guy

>>34981640
Why would you lie to your parents?
What is your worry if they know the truth?

>>34981601
What makes you think he isnt going to drop the kid from several feet up or throw him from a distance. Smothering is a real thing that could easily happen. If hes that out if control that he attacked you like that then he is not capable to control himself with the baby.

>>34981655
Because they would instantly think we’re having marital issues. And he told me I can’t tell no one

>>34981663
Why can't you have marital problems?
Everyone has them.
Why does he get to dictate when you seek help?
If he truly wants help he would want others involved.

>>34981611
You were warned so if it happens then its really too bad you didn't do what is best for the kids or yourself. Hopefully you are able to get you and the kids behind a door you can lock and barricade so he is not able to get through once he snaps.

>>34981663
You are having marital issues. He physically assaulted you.

So what are you expecting out of this thread? Everyone here has told you the same thing because it's the truth and you don't want to hear it. Are you waiting for someone to say it's fine if you get slapped around every now and then?

>>34981675
He is terrified of his parents finding out, he told me he hates them even though they had a normal relationship. Hes terrified of his father. He moved us an hour away and never sees his father to the point that his father basically comes over 1 every 2 months and he becomes very nervous. He told me he wishes his parents were dead and he doesn’t understand why
>>34981680
>>34981695
It was one time

My husband is just having withdrawals and he is insecure, he’s under a lot of stress and wasn’t treated right growing up by friends

>>34981678
Why do you guys act like he’s some sort of psychopathic monster

>>34981711
How do you feel about his parents?

Have you noticed anything strange about his dad?

>>34981748
No but I know his dad is mad that his son doesn’t really speak to them (not for any reason). He dad is very cool and very well liked but for some reason my husband hates his parents.

>>34981711
What happens when he admits he wants you, the kids dead and doesnt understand why?

>>34981711
Maybe you will understand after the next time.

>>34981732
He is

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>>34981750
Well if you can I would recommend giving him this book. It might help him understand why he feels this way. It goes into depth about reconnecting with a father that didn't love his son. Personally it helped me understand my own trauma from growing up. Which it sounds like your husband has.

>>34981761
Doesnt sound like the dads at fault. The husband is a bad egg

>>34981761
His dad loved him, he doesn’t love his dad

>>34981763
I find it hard to believe that a man thinks it's okay to physically assault his wife and his father didn't have any part to play in that.

>>34981756
How do we go from a simple argument caused by a panic attack due to withdrawals to he wants me dead. How can you say these cruel things. It’s disgusting

>>34981768
I swear to you, his dad is a very good guy and his mom is a sweetheart, their only vice is that they fought a lot and it affected him growing up, also he got mistreated by many friends growing up

>>34981711
>My husband is just having withdrawals and he is insecure, he’s under a lot of stress and wasn’t treated right growing up by friends
You need to understand that everyone has heard these "he doesn't mean it" excuses for decades upon decades. There's nothing you can say that people haven't heard before, and nothing you can say to justify it. Stop defending him. He will do it again.

>>34981778
You’re not putting yourself in my shoes, he’s my husband, he’s the love of my life. The only man I’ve ever been with. He’s the one that talks to me about God and becoming a better person

>>34981628
That's the drugs working over his mind trying to get him to use heavier. If he can't control his thoughts maybe he needs to isolate himself if he won't go to a doctor to do it so they can give him extra help with himself.

>>34981773
How did it affect him growing up?

What did his friends do to mistreat him so badly?

>>34981782
That’s exactly what I am saying. And in 3-4 months when he is back to normal. Everything will be fine

>>34981771
Pretty logical with physically assaulting you, taking a bat to a bag in the basement, wanting his parents to be dead despite them being good people and loving him

>>34981781
>>34981778

>>34981781
Hence recognizing he is a bad person who hit his wife.

>>34981787
Ok then you should of never needed to ask here if you wouldnt listen to logic and already knew it was going to be fine

>>34981787
Sis. That's only IF he is capable of doing the tapering himself and not lying to you and going cold turkey [not taking any] to try and do it faster. If he cannot do it by himself and control his actions, it's possible he will hurt you and or your kid severely and you should leave anyway so he can make his decisions for himself.

>>34981787
Quick question what stops him from using benzos again?

I mean if he's already done this once why wouldn't he do it again.

>>34981788
What are you trying to say?
>>34981786
He explained to me that in elementary school, the last day of school his then best friend and many friends all told him they were pretending to be his friend. He explained to me he was bullied but he also bullied but his bullying was extreme and no one ever found out because he was a bit smarter than the kids. He told me in third grade one of his friend said to another kid that he wasn’t his friend and he made the next 2 years a living hell for him. He used to stab him with a pencil, spit on his face, eat his food and tell him gruesome stories. He was never caught because the kid was a MUTE. he told me this is where his anxiety stems from. He used to cry in the shower everyday because he was scared his family would find out the stuff he did. But he said he changed his ways. In High school people used to embarrass him but in an indirect way because he is a physical strong and tall person.

>>34981794
Because he has a limited supply. He can’t get it no more from the person that used to give it

>>34981793
You can’t cold turkey this stuff

>>34981797
Femanon. I need you to read this with all seriousness.
Men are very likely to increase violence when they have mental problems and this is no insult to just your man, but all of them statistically. You need to do what is safe.

>>34981792
Well I’m going through a lot of anxiety right now and I wanted advice. But this turned out to be everyone telling me I am going to die at the hands of my husband

>>34981801
It’s because of the drugs not the that he has mental issues

>>34981802
We're all being dead serious. LEAVE.

>>34981805
He's going to kill you because of the drugs making him have mental problems.
Are you intentionally trolling?

>>34981807
>>34981806
ONCE, ONCE, ONCE. 1 TIME!! I’ve known him for 7 years and he did once when he had an anxiety attack and he APOLOGIZED

>>34981797
I told you already. I hope you and the kids do not get hurt. You are not just risking your life, its theirs as well and a mother should protect her children from harm

>>34981808
No. Once is enough to excuse twice, and blame it on the drugs again. Do not excuse his behavior. You are not a doctor. He needs to go to one if he can't control himself doing this proceedure.

>>34981797
The kid who bullied him and told him horrible things was a mute. Sounds like your husband is a liar or a narc that twists facts to get sympathy. He admitted he was a bully, so already you know he is not a good person. If others didnt like him, there is a reason.

>>34981812
No he was bullying the mute kidn

>>34981797
>he said he changed his ways
Do you believe him?

>>34981797
Its worse than i thought. Your husband did all that to a mute kid. He is a pos. You are def not safe there.

>>34981814
Cause honestly it sounds like he hasn't changed at all. Now he's bullying you and the kids. When does this stop?

>>34981797
He bullies and physically harms someone else for two years and he is the victim with anxiety.

He deserves to suffer. You made a mistake choosing him as your partner.

>>34981815
It was from 3rd to 5th grade. He was like 10 years old. Over the next 10 years he let himself be ridiculed and embarrassed and get mistreated and didn’t do anything about it despite being physically bigger and mentally smarter than most people. >>34981816
>>34981813
And yes he did change his ways. He always tried to make friends and people were not nice to him, people that were his friends. He still pissed off at me til this day for rejecting his advances in the 10th grade. anyway, he told me he apologized to the mute kid

>>34981817
You’re talking about a 10 year old kid

>>34981823
Who did that to a mute kid and grew into a wife beater. Im not easily convinced by a narc that he is the victim

>>34981820
>He is still pissed off at me
How is that okay?
He married you and is still hanging that over your head.
Do you not see that as bullying?
Cause that is what it looks like.

>>34981820
You did the right thing in 10th grade rejecting him, just as others recognized him as a bad person they wanted nothing to do with.

What he says about the mute is not something you can believe.

>>34981827
Did you not read what I said he did? He isn’t a “wife beater”

>>34981820
How did you even end up with him again?

>>34981829
He admitted to hurting and bullying the mute, why would he admit that?

>>34981832
Something something
He talks to her about God and being a better person. That's her criteria for a husband.

>>34981336
So what, he's a fucking junkie. I recommend exercise and more fats in the diet. Exercise will sweat out the dope, fats should calm him down.

>>34981836
You can believe he hurt and bullied the mute.

You cant believe he apologized

>>34981829
People were mistreating him. He wasn’t the bad person in those situations. He was trying to make connections and one time a girl drugged him did weird stuff to him.
>>34981832
>>34981838
Not true, after high school he confessed that he truly loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me, I thought he was crazy for proposing that quick while I was going to college and him too. He’s got an amazing career and graduated quickly, his family gave him a large sum of money and convinced me to be a stay at home wife. We bought a house and now we have 2 kids. Hes 2 years older than me. He did tell me about God and how people nowadays live like degenerates

>>34981838
No, I dont believe the god talk at all. Sounds like a manipulation tactic.

What i mean is she didnt date him in 10th grade. So what changed for her

>>34981842
Thats what he says. You should ask them what really happened. A girl drugged him? Suuurrrrreeeee.

He proposed to trap you. Sorry to hear that happened to you. How he is does not sound like true love at all

>>34981843
I thought he was crazy. Like the autistic kind of crazy. Because he treated everything as a formality and never showed any emotion. Like when we got married or when we had kids, it was like nothing to him. Like going to work. He’s very work oriented. It’s a duty for him. So I thought he was emotionless

>>34981848
>>34981829
Muy girl cousin told me he has a certain personality like those personality quizzes and she made him do one. He was istp. Whatever that means

>>34981849
So why did you fall in love with him?

>>34981849
Hes a sociopath. Doesnt have real emotion. Evil kind of person. Imitates others to get what he wants and lies to manipulate and decieve

So hes 23 right?

>>34981861
How is he a sociopath if I’ve seen him have nervous breakdowns or tears up >>34981857
I’ve never seen someone work as hard as him. Also he is someojne who never cared what anyone thought of him. He used to sleep 2-3 hours a day. He is also incredibly loyal

>>34981867
He faked it

>he is someojne who never cared what anyone thought of him
Do you see how he has been lying to you yet? About why he bullies and how hurt he us over those who see him as a bad person, even you who turned him down

>>34981896
>>34981896
So forget about the drugs, you’re saying he has mental issues? How can I help him

>>34981867
>He used to sleep 2-3 hours a day.
Could you explain why that attracts you to him?

>>34981914
He was dedicated to his work

>>34981905
>How can I help him
By recognising you can't help him.
He needs professional help. By a licensed therapist.
>>34981917
You do realize that is extremely unhealthy and likely exacerbated his mental health issues right?

>>34981924
He will explode if I mention a psychologist. And he is unable due to his sensitive work

>>34981927
Why would he explode?

How would his job find out unless he told them?

>>34981937
He would explode because mental health is very taboo for him
>>34981937
His job has direct access to all his personal information including medical (yes medical)

>>34981405
Look, OP, maybe you're right and he is not an abuser when he isn't going through benzo withdrawal; but he is an abuser NOW. He is sorry he hit you? That doesn't mean he didn't hit you; it certainly doesn't mean he won't hit you again, or that you are safe around him, or that your children are safe around him.

>>34981434
>He told me himself that he feels like a cornered animal and keeps restraining himself, I see him clench his fist then release and he goes downstairs to hit a bag with a baseball bat. It’s only temporary until the withdrawals go away
So, until the withdrawals go away, he is a cornered animal, and he is dangerous.

>>34981442
>This only started after the withdrawals and he only did it once. He ISNT AN ABUSER. What he did was wrong and he apologized and he even took full responsibility.
Just because he took responsibility doesn't mean it won't happen again.

>>34981453
>His withdrawals are temporary, it takes 2-3 months until he will become normal
And during those 2-3 months, you and the children are in danger.

>>34981477
>That’s what I was thinking of going to my parents for the next 2-3 months
That is exactly what you should be doing. Your husband may be going through hell, but it's a hell of his own making, not your fault. Your priority is keeping yourself and the children safe. AFTER he has finished withdrawal you can try being close to him again and see if things really are different but right now you and your children are in danger, and you need to leave.

>>34981497
>How is he a monster? THIS IS JUST THE WITHDRAWALS. Why are you ignoring this fact?
Perhaps he wasn't a monster before, perhaps he won't be one in the future, but he is a monster NOW.

>>34981514
>I have 1 friend and I don’t want to talk about this to her.
Why not?
>I just want to go to my mother and relax.
So do that.

>>34981532
>You guys are very evil trying to separate us. Why are you guys doing this to me
We are trying to keep you and your children safe.

>>34981949
This is what I will do, how will I explain this to my husband. My husband will think I’m going to abandon him

>>34981732
>Why do you guys act like he’s some sort of psychopathic monster
Because while he is going through withdrawal, that's what he is.

>>34981771
>How do we go from a simple argument caused by a panic attack due to withdrawals to he wants me dead.
Because it wasn't just an argument. He hit you.

>>34981787
>And in 3-4 months when he is back to normal. Everything will be fine
And right now, everything is not fine.

>>34981799
>Because he has a limited supply. He can’t get it no more from the person that used to give it
Addicts always find a way.

>>34981802
>Well I’m going through a lot of anxiety right now and I wanted advice. But this turned out to be everyone telling me I am going to die at the hands of my husband
That may not be the advice you want, but it's the advice you need. He is not in his right mind at the moment, and him killing you or killing the children is an actual possibility.

>>34981808
>ONCE, ONCE, ONCE. 1 TIME!! I’ve known him for 7 years and he did once when he had an anxiety attack and he APOLOGIZED
No one is ever violent once. They're violent for the first time, but there's always a second. And apologising doesn't mean he won't do it again. When he is recovered, maybe not; for now, you need to leave.

>>34981966
You tell him that you don't feel safe around him.
That he isn't acting like the man you fell in love with.
Explain that you want to see him get better but you aren't capable of doing that. Only he is. Then you leave.

>>34981978
I don’t have the guts to do that. I’m scared. I will explain to him that I will tell my parents that he is working in Europe or something

>>34981966
>This is what I will do, how will I explain this to my husband. My husband will think I’m going to abandon him
You don't say anything at all. You simply take the kids and leave.

If you talk to him, he will persuade you to stay. You need to get out of the house WITHOUT talking to him. AFTER you have got to where you're going, you can send him a message saying "Look, I've been with you for seven years, and I love you, and I am desperately hoping that you will get better. But right now you are not yourself, and it isn't safe for the children and me to be around you. When you've finished going through this and you are yourself again, we'll come back."

But you say that AFTER you have left, not before.

>>34981988
>I don’t have the guts to do that. I’m scared.
(NTA) The more scared you are, the more important it is that you get out of the house, and don't tell him where you're going.

>>34982003
He will know I’m at my parents, where else would I be. He isn’t violent. I will explain im stressed and that I will tell my parents he has a job in Europe for 3 months. He will understand

>>34981988
Do you think he will accept that?
From everything you've written it sounds like he would find an issue with that.
He is going to accuse you of leaving him.
It might be better for you to just leave a note. That way you can be truthful without fearing for your life.

>>34981927
>He will explode if I mention a psychologist.
Telling us that your husband will "explode" if you mention something isn't a good way to persuade us that he's safe to be around.

>>34982007
>He isn’t violent.
He has already hit you once. While he is going through withdrawal, he *is* violent.

>>34982007
>He will know I’m at my parents, where else would I be.
If he really isn't violent, it doesn't matter if he knows where you are.

>>34982010
It depends on his mood. As you know benzo withdrawal goes in waves. If he’s feeling vulnerable and anxious he will probably accept it but if he’s feeling depressed and super pissed off, he might react in a way that I can’t predict. That’s also what made him so special. HES EXTREMELY SECRETIVE

>>34982011
You have to understand I’m scared. I’m scared how he will react, how my parents will react. How will he handle himself for 3 months? I cook him his meals, clean and iron his clothes. I know for a fact he will spend 1000$ a week on takeout

>>34982039
>>34982102
Last question before I go to bed. Cause it is way to early in the morning for this convo.
You said he got hooked by people on this site. Which implies he goes on here.
How confident are you that he doesn't see this thread and confront you about it?

>>34982102
He doesn’t use it, he uses it like once every 5-6 months. He showed me this site and he only uses ppol

>>34982136
Okay well good luck on telling him and moving in with your parents. Go get some sleep. You'll think clearer tomorrow.

>>34982143
I don’t want him to yell or hurt me. I haven’t slept in 3 days. I’m stresswd

>>34982176
So you have been scared and realized he may hurt you. For your safety i suggest you go to your parents and then call him from there and tell him your decision.

>>34982176
Call your mom.
Call her now.
Tell her you need help.
Don't explain anymore. I promise you your mom will drop her shit and come get you and her grandbabies immediately.
You need sleep and safety right now. Not tomorrow not in a few hours. Right now.
You can talk to him once you get a full eight hours of sleep.
You aren't thinking clearly. Which is okay. Have you prayed to God yet about this? Cause this is around the time you need to throw your hands up and ask for a miracle.

>>34982102
>You have to understand I’m scared.
Not scared enough, I suspect.

>I’m scared how he will react,
Has it occurred to you that if you are scared about how he might react to things, that is simply more evidence that he is not safe to be around?

>how my parents will react.
That's interesting too. Suppose you tell your parents "I need to stay with you for a few months because my husband is a drug addict, he's going through withdrawal, and he's already hit me once". How do you think they're going to react? And what makes you so sure that this reaction isn't the correct one?

If your friend, or your sister, or even your mother, said that to you - "my husband is going through withdrawal and he has hit me" - what would your reaction be, and what advice would you be giving her? Tell the truth, now.

>How will he handle himself for 3 months? I cook him his meals, clean and iron his clothes. I know for a fact he will spend 1000$ a week on takeout
For God's sake, he's a grown man, not a child! He isn't capable of doing his own laundry?! How on Earth have you put up with this for seven years?! If he can't cook his own meals and wash his own clothes for three months, he isn't someone who deserves to be married to you, benzos or no benzos.

And please remind yourself: NOTHING about this situation is your fault. You didn't make him get hooked on benzos. It is wasn't you who insisted that he try and go cold turkey without medical assistance or counselling (which you should never, ever do, incidentally). You didn't make him a danger to be around. He did all of that to himself, and it's HIS responsibility to sort it out, not yours. Your only responsibility in this situation is to keep yourself and your children safe until this blows over. Let him cook and clean and wash for himself a few months, and maybe he will appreciate you a little more at the end of it.

>>34982176
>I don’t want him to yell or hurt me.
Are you actually listening to yourself, here? You keep on insisting that he's not "an abuser" and yet you're scared that he might yell at you or hurt you? How does that make sense? If he might yell at you or hurt you - for ANY reason - that means you need to get away from him.

>>34982102
Because this is a thing of safety of your and your children , I urge you to tell your parents the truth. If he snaps and shows up and hurts your parents because they dont know what is going on then that is something you would have to live with (if you survive after)

>>34982194
>Call your mom.
>Call her now.
>Tell her you need help.
>Don't explain anymore. I promise you your mom will drop her shit and come get you and her grandbabies immediately.
This is good advice.

>You need sleep and safety right now. Not tomorrow not in a few hours. Right now.
>You can talk to him once you get a full eight hours of sleep.
>You aren't thinking clearly. Which is okay.
Also good advice.

>Have you prayed to God yet about this? Cause this is around the time you need to throw your hands up and ask for a miracle.
But this is absolutely terrible advice. God is not going to intervene here. If OP waits for God to do something about the situation, she'll wait her whole life and never do anything herself. *She* needs to do something. Right now.

>>34982221
Lmao God is interving. What do you think this thread is?

I'm telling her to do that so she's more receptive when God tells her to gtfo right now. It's what he's been telling her for a while. She just couldn't see it. At this point it's just another hail Mary being thrown. We have to try every angle.

>>34981336
>His parents aren’t aware
If I were his parents, I would want to know what my son is going through.

>>34981336
>Hes also severely depressed and is gambling away.
This is something that I don't think anyone else has picked up on. That seems like an unfinished sentence. Were you going to say he is gambling away all your money?

>>34982224
>What do you think this thread is?
This is PEOPLE intervening. Not God. God deserves no credit whatever in this situation.

>>34982217
>>34982205
Well we’ve been married for almost 3 years.(living together) and yes he can’t cook or clean/iron his clothes. And I don’t like how youre portraying him, it hurts me, he isn’t a drug addict, he doesn’t even drink alcohol. He isn’t an abuser. We had a private situation in which I don’t want anyone to know. I’m going through a lot of stress dealing with 2 babies. I’m depressed and have so much brain fog. My husband was always clear headed and the leader and now he’s going crazy, I feel like this is the end. We have 3 bedrooms and since his sleep schedule is crazy he sleeps alone and I sleep with the babies but he’s very demanding. He wants me to massage him because he’s dealing with physical pain. He has apologized to me for putting me through this

>>34982233
God primarily works through people.
Causing them to intervene on his behalf.
It's a hallmark of his.
He isn't normally some disembodied voice in the sky speaking down to people. That doesn't usually work.

>>34982252
I pray every night to God next to my children

>>34982243
No one else is portraying him of her then who he is. You cant seem to recognize he is not a good person. He cant cook, clean, has drug addictions and unhealthy habits like gambling. He has not financial reponsibilitu and will spend a grand a week. He physically attacked his wife, he has a long history if being a bad person which includes physically harming and mentally abusing a mute kid and then when everyone else recofnized he was not a good person over many years (including you) everyone avoided him.

It sounds like money and a house purchased your hand and spread your legs.

He sounds toxic, manipulative, and inept.

>>34982255
What do you pray?

>>34982258
He was 10
And he isn’t at all what you described money and a house didn’t purchase my love. I knew him and grew fond of him when he had nothing
>>34982266
I pray that my husband heals and that my children have a bright future. I pray he gets rid of my depression and anxiety. Those two babies are my everything I want them to have a healthy family with a healthy dad. Not a dad that is also pissed off or gets into arguments with everyone including colleagues. Maybe it’s just his age? 23? Quarter life Crisis

>>34982278
Do you know a lot of angry 23 year olds?
I pray that God heals you and protects you. The head of the household should never abuse his position of authority. He certainly shouldn't be acting like a child. You need to give your husband some alone time so him and God can have a one on one.

>>34982288
Aren’t the 20s hard years

>>34982243
(part 1 of 2)
>and yes he can’t cook or clean/iron his clothes.
That is pathetic, and you're not helping him by becoming his mother.

>And I don’t like how youre portraying him, it hurts me,
Oh, okay, how am I portraying him that isn't accurate?

>he isn’t a drug addict,
He is addicted to benzos. Benzos are a drug. He is addicted to a drug. That is simply a statement of fact.

>he doesn’t even drink alcohol.
No, because alcohol is not his addictive drug of choice. He is addicted to benzos, not alcohol. He's a drug addict, not an alcoholic.

>He isn’t an abuser.
He has hit you. That was abuse. As of right now, he is an abuser. If you tell me that he WASN'T an abuser when he wasn't going through benzo withdrawal, that may well be true. But right now you are frightened of him. You are frightened of how he might react if you suggest he sees a psychologist. You are frightened of how he might react if you leave. In a healthy, non-abusive marriage, the wife is NEVER frightened of her husband. So, okay, maybe he WASN'T an abuser, but as of right now, he is one. He hit you, he abused you. It would be nice to think that, once he has finished withdrawing from the benzos, he will stop being an abuser. But as of right now, he is one, and that is simply a statement of fact.
(continued in part 2)

>>34982288
20s and old ages are when suicides are the highest

>>34982313
(part 2 of 2)
>We had a private situation in which I don’t want anyone to know.
Not even if they might help?

>I’m going through a lot of stress dealing with 2 babies. I’m depressed and have so much brain fog.
Which is why you need help, which is why you need to tell people. On some level you clearly know that, otherwise you wouldn't be on here asking for advice.

>My husband was always clear headed and the leader and now he’s going crazy,
I'm glad you acknowledge that. He is going crazy. You need to get away from him until he stops being crazy.

>I feel like this is the end.
Well, maybe it is. Maybe this will end in divorce. But hopefully not.

>We have 3 bedrooms and since his sleep schedule is crazy he sleeps alone and I sleep with the babies but he’s very demanding. He wants me to massage him because he’s dealing with physical pain.
He can pay someone else to do that if necessary. Or he can stop being stupid about it and talk to a doctor, which is what he should have done right at the start.

>He has apologized to me for putting me through this
And I'm sure that when he hits you again, he'll apologise again. That doesn't make it okay. He apologised for being crazy, but he's still crazy.

>>34982305
Of course they are tough.
I know that doesn't excuse what he has done or is currently doing.
Why would he be having a crisis right now?
Have you even figured out why he started taking benzos in the first place?

>>34982252
>God primarily works through people.
>Causing them to intervene on his behalf.
>It's a hallmark of his.
What you mean is, PEOPLE help, while God does absolutely nothing at all and takes the credit for their hard work.

>>34982324
He always was insecure about his looks and how he’s not moving up in his career (due to anti social behaviour like being rude and getting angry). He started becoming better over the last year and I saw tremendous improvement. Then he started the benzo and he became a new person, the kindest, sweetest person I’ve ever known. He had zero insecurities, SUPER SOCIAL. Even speaking to his family and just loving life. All of this due to 4chan

>>34982346
So he was already angry before this.
So when he's done his withdraw he will return to the same anti social behaviours.
Also why are you blaming 4Chan?
We didn't force the pills down his mouth.
He did that of his own free will. Rather than taking the hard path of self improvement he wanted to take a short cut. Now his entire family is paying the price of his selfishness.
Has his family noticed his shift in behaviour?

>>34981434
>He told me himself that he feels like a cornered animal and keeps restraining himself, I see him clench his fist then release and he goes downstairs to hit a bag with a baseball bat.
You might like to know that this is the worst possible way to deal with anger. "Venting" - hitting pillows, etc. - was fashionable a few decades ago, but when they finally got around to doing some studies on it, they found that people who did "venting" got more and more and more angry over time. Venting prevents the anger from going away, and actively rewards it - you feel great afterwards, because you're on an adrenaline high. So the more you vent, the more angry you get. The way you actually make anger go away is to relax, not carry on being angry and expressing it.

>>34982373
Like I said, he was actually getting better on his own for over a year and he ruined in so quickly. >>34982379
I didn’t know this

>>34982383
Well he flushed that progress down the drain. He's going to have to start from scratch again.

>>34982379
He’s told me that depression and anxiety are incurable and he hates being alive and he’s never experienced joy ever

>>34982383
>I didn’t know this
You aren't supposed to know that. Doctors and therapists know this kind of thing. That's why your husband needs to talk to them. It's their job to help.

>>34982422
I’ve explained time after time he can’t see a doctor and even if he could he would never ever think about doing so. I wouldn’t even suggest, he’d get very angry

>>34982393
>Never experienced joy
Not even during your wedding or the birth of your children?

>>34982440
Everything is a duty to him. And he hates social events. I’m pretty sure he took his friends adderall on the morning of our wedding because 12 hours later he was falling asleep at the table. I wasn’t mad because everyone thought it was funny because we were centre stage and loud music was in the background. But yea he’s always remained stoic until the withdrawals happened but he’s become more aggressive with me because I THINK he’s scared I will tell people about vulnerabilities and he’s Terrified of that. He’s told me “now that you know I did this, i don’t know what to do with you, you should’ve never known” I told him I’m his wife and will always support him and he can always be vulnerable with me. But he sees it as weak. He also calls his dad weak and a loser

>>34982448
>"I don't know what do with you"

I want you to really think about that.
What do you think his solution is going to be?
He's getting angrier and you see that. You aren't blind.
What happens when you tell him you are going over your parents but aren't telling them why and he doesn't believe you?
He clearly has paranoia.

File: 61a282f0-d4df-4617-90c7-6(...).jpg (139 KB, 720x1163)

139 KB JPG

>>34981336
Looks like our advice worked, any chance you will get on benzodiaperpint or whatever the fuck as well?

>>34981336
Fake. People on this site would call big pharma jewish.

>>34982463
Why wouldn’t he believe me? The fact that I thought about this shows that I care about his privacy and I think he will appreciate it

>>34982493
Because he is going through benzo withdrawals and isn't in his right state of mind. I'm sure your husband would understand but that man in the other room is not your husband. He's a drug addict in the middle of a withdrawal.

>>34981336
>because of people on this site
and who do you blame for the gambling and domestic violence? Not him, I'm assuming. You and your children will end up beaten, and it will only be your fault.