>be me, 19 years old 5'11>realize bp is real asf despite what everyone says>go from 264 lb to 175 lb and adopt a better sense of style>start cold approaching more at malls and at my university >no success>maybe more social environments?>join boxing club to learn skill while pull women>no success on latter part, but boxing was fun>do boxing a year and a half>cool, new thing to talk about>get into reading>huge collection of cool books on shelf now over course of two years>travel with friends over the summer to cool cities >so much to talk about... Noone to talk toI don't go to bars or anything involving alcohol like clubs because the idea of alcohol never appealed to me. I know it's a petty thing to complain about because though I am grateful for all the blessings in my life I just can't stand the sight of couples at my university. I genuinely don't understand how people even get into relationships at this point. I've been told by better looking dudes than me that "it just comes naturally" but it sounds like bull to me. I get even more depressed now when I see a pretty girl because I just think 6 guys approached her today alone. I have great friends but I've never been intimate with a woman before. Life would've been so much easier as a pretty woman.
Let me tell you how I met my wife, just bear with me, I won't bore your brains out.I was a alcoholic for 7 years, from freshman year till I was 23 years old, I'm 25 now. I'd never had any long term relationships, and I hadn't even lost my virginity till I was 18. I met my wife about two years ago while I was in a Christian rehab, i was escorting a fellow rehabber to get his meds at Helen faribee (a state funded psych-medical place). She was waiting there in the lobby doing the same thing I was, so I sat down next to her and started talking about the Lord, and other things. We had a good conversation for about 2 hours or so till I had to depart. Once I completed rehab, I messaged her, and asked her if she'd like to join me for coffee. The relationship developed from there and now we're married. That being said, there's one important thing that I wasn't doing when I met her.>I wasn't looking for a woman when I sat next to her, I just wanted to talk to someone about my interest and walk with God There is a verse that goes along side this, and it says “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ”(Matthew 6:33) I was seeking my passion, my interest, and along the way, I met my wife.
>>35005533>Life would've been so much easier as a pretty woman.No, it wouldn't. But to address your main point.... I'm someone who used to be a full-blown khhv incel. Coming up to my 24th birthday, I had yet to kiss anyone. I now have a body count of 40, and I'm 14 years into a very nice relationship. I've never been good looking, fit, rich, or tall, I'm diagnosed autistic, and I have other mental health issues; so I didn't have many advantages. What made the difference between inceldom and escaping inceldom was exactly two things: 1) the gradual realisation that absolutely everything I thought I knew about women and what women want was completely wrong; 2) learning how to convincingly mimic confidence. That's literally it. Confidence (or the ability to appear confident) is all you need.
>>35005545On top of this, you have to put aside your fear of judgement, this doesn't mean it won't happen, it always does, people judge each other on a daily basis. The difference comes when you don't let someones judgement, positive or negative, have destructive effect on you. People often tend to think that people will be thinking of them, laughing about them ,and gossiping about them for days, weeks, and years to come. One, they won't, and two, who cares?
I did what you did when I was 29 instead of 19, glad to at least know a decade earlier wouldn't have made a difference, it was over from the start
>>35005551Make that 13 years my mayne I been doing all this since 16 but I get your point mayne life's brutal out here mayne
>>35005548What would you say women really want then? I can't wrap my head around it because I've yet to see a girl not with a guy taller and better looking than me at either the mall or university and I doubt if I go to clubs or bars it would be any different.
>>35005533As a 30 year old who went through the same exact thing, the only answer I can think about is dating apps. That's the only thing that remotely, remooootely gave me ANY semblance of success. And yes, I did EVERYTHING that you did and a little extra. I had 7 active hobbies instead of 1
>>35005593Mayne that's pretty cool what were your hobbies if you don't mind me asking 7 sounds cool And oh yea I tried dating apps mayne they go nowhere I get matches here and there but convos are dry
>>35005533I had a gf once, then another, then another.The trick?There is no trick. there is no skill. There is no guidebook, no 'thing' to do, no way in, no walkthrough, no nothing. it's pure luck. it's pure rng. random. it's based purely on a diceroll.I met my 3 exes on completely different ways, all of which are not at all reproduceable in a consistent way. there's nothing for me to learn from it. nothing to improve. nothing to look out for. nothing to plan for.that's the truth.anyone who tells you otherwise is just giving you their version of how they 'got lucky'.
try a different approach. Think of your perfect girlfriend. Imagine her with all her traits and write them down. Secondly try to think of what the perfect boyfriend for her would look like in her mind. Like hobbies, character traits, etc. The more detail the better. Then think of what this guy would do with his life. In his free time, at work etc and try to imitate that. Go to places that he would go to. Like for example if she's into sports, she would probably want a boyfriend who's into sports also. So try going to the gym or whatever sport he would do and just attend it, do what he would do and try to find some friends there. Build your network, be that guy and she will find you once you are ready. Don't worry that much about it, it'll come faster than you think. And also try to get out of your comfort zone. For example give a random person you don't know but think is attractive a specific compliment. Specific so it isn't just a general compliment like "You look great" but rather something unique and individual. And your aim is just to give her a compliment, nothing more. It'll help you gain self confidence without expecting anything in return. You will make it for sure
>>35005533try networking more. Talk to people you don't know, it can be a simple casual chat at first and befriend them. The more people you know, the easier it'll get. And don't talk to girls only to find a girlfriend, it'll look needy. Rather really try to befriend some until you find your one girl. And always ask questions, people love talking about themselves and you'll get the chance to talk about your stuff too
>>35005605How exactly did you meet your GFs? Clearly you approached them or you got yourself into a position where they approached you, either way that's no luck, at least not entirely.
>>35005592>What would you say women really want then?Someone who is confident, fun to be around, and basically decent - in that order.
>>35005788I'm fun to be around and decent, but I lack confidence, and I don't think that will ever change, I'll always be too afraid of rejection to ask women out.
>>35005850We can argue what the most important trait in a woman is for men, but for sure, the absolute most important is confidence. Tall or handsome autist men generally agree as well
>>35005878What's the best way to show confidence then? How do I avoid coming across as lacking in confidence?
>>35005900Be the silent strong type and have something useful about you. Confidence builds when you realize what you can get away with when you stop caring, takes away the pressure.
>>35005919Being the silent type only makes people avoid me, rarely am I ever approached due to my reserved nature.
>>35005533>19 You are still extremely young, anon. You have time to figure it out. I think the average age for losing male virginity is 18 in the UK. This would imply that statistically half of your friends are in the same boat.
>>35006226I lost mine at 21, just download dating apps, it's THAT easy.
>>35005782one from r9k, one from omegle, one from soc.i could do everything i did again the same way and live to 100 years old without meeting a nice girl ever again.
Try being more laid-back towards dating, life, and yourself.
>>35005533Nice work on losing that weight, first of all.Don't waste it on pointless whoring, though. Dating apps are meat markets and the only women who go onto them are mentally ill and/or sluts. Same goes for the kinds of women who would be receptive to cold approaches. There is less than zero point to humiliating yourself through cold approaches; you get no notable return on your effort, and it comes at the cost of building a bad reputation.What you need is to do things similar to what you did with boxing--something you'd enjoy or want to do for its own sake, but where you have a chance to meet women organically. This is especially important if you're more introverted, since whatever shared activity you're doing will ground conversation and make it easier to introduce yourself.
>>35005850OP i am you just 4 years later. I am 23, finishing uni, and have been doing shit like you since i was like 15. I had a lot of hobbies, reading, playing music, doing martial arts, book clubs, choirs, etc etc. And nothing changed.If you keep doing what youve been doing you will just have a more impressive library of things you have accomplished and a wider array of skills but still be the same khhv. Thats what happened to me. And like you i assume, getting skilled at these various things brought me zero self confidence. When i achieve something i wanted to achieve, i dont get a surge of self-confidence. Instead what i think is "well if i could achieve it then a literal monkey could as well, its not impressive". Ive realised that the only way i would gain confidence is to feel desired by a woman. To get external validation of any sort.And i went down the rabbit hole of asking my normie friends how they met their girlfriends, and it basically boils down to what >>35005605 said, it's all mostly rng and luck. You can do a gazillion hobbies for 100 years and without being at the right place at the right time you would never meet anyone. Or you can do absolutely nothing yet by sheer coincidence stumble into a relationship. For some guys, due to pure luck, women do fall out of the sky into their laps.tl;dr i have no solution and your path will give you no answers. i can just tell you that if you keep going as you are you will not get what you want (a girlfriend).
>>35005605>There is no guidebook, no 'thing' to do, no way in, no walkthrough, no nothing.as usual, people who say there's no method are oblivious to the fact that their circumstances are somehow favourableI don't mean being lucky, I mean that some people lack what you would consider an absolute baseline, simply because their life circumstances turned out that wayand it requires conscious effort to supplement what you take for grantedclearly you had to do something besides staying in your home all day that put you in proximity to people, even inadvertentlythat's not true for everyoneI have a remote job, so on many days I don't even need to leave the houseI want to go out and meet people, but I completely don't know what to do and I just stay homedo you still think I shouldn't look for any things to do and just go with the flow?
>>35006563 man first of all I appreciate you responding I relate to you the most I really do feel like I didn't achieve much when I lost all that weight and got into boxing my boxing coaches (I had two) both said I am definitely a great learner and the speed I learned at is above average and even during sparring I was winning and stuff but whenever I would lose to a friend I felt like such a bum and I did eventually quit the club not because I lost love for it but because I needed to save money I now have my own bag at home and spar with friends when I get the chance but it is true that I would really appreciate the intimacy of being in a relationship but anyways thanks for your response means alot mayne
>>35005533>Life would've been so much easier as a pretty woman.>So then anon trooned out>Went all in cut off the dick everything>Looked like a disgusting creature didn't pass>killed self>the end
>>35005605>>35006563That's not how this works. Of course luck plays a role, of course there will be guys who just happen to stumble upon relationships, but that still doesn't mean you can't manipulate your own luck by going to the right places and approaching the girls you're interested instead of waiting for them to approach you.
>>35006615>>35006960and yet I never left my house. i stayed completely online. i have never talked to a girl irl.so either you admit that you yourself are not even trying because if I can do it, everyone can, or you admit that I was lucky, and you are not, and there is no lesson to be learned.
>>35005548>2) learning how to convincingly mimic confidence. That's literally it. Confidence (or the ability to appear confident) is all you need.does it ever get tiring to do this? faking confidence. constantly pretending to be someone you're not? especially as a diagnosed autist, i imagine it would be torturous. as an introverted autist, i can only do this for a short time before the mask drops. i cant imagine having to do this constantly in front of a girl i like just to make her think im not autistic. no idea how you put up with it. i would lose my mind.
They meet them in schools or through mutual friendsThe biggest problem when it comes to getting a gf is an actual chance to speak to women, which in modern world exists only in school or through mutuals. There's no other way to establish verbal interaction which is the key to everything. Uni offers room and things to speak out loud to each other. Every single advice that doesnt involve school is lying to you and you need to discredit it. Quit your job, go to uni again for another bachelors or masters and then use that chance to speak to women, build relationship with them, go on dates, to parties etc. School is the key to everything
>>35007648both are truethere is the element of luck, and luck can strike only if you create opportunities they complement each other
>>35005533I see you went the boxing route. I did also. I was also surprised that girls didn't give a shit that i was a boxer. Even if the coach openly said that i was one of the best boxer in the club. I think you have to win quite a lot of amateur fights, be a local celebrity, and then only they will flock to you. That said, i think your problem is not about what your social activities are, but that your social activities are not women oriented. There are not a lot of girls in boxing clubs, and if they are they have bf's often, or are not specially interested in you. Go to a yoga class. You'll have 80% of women, some of them good looking, and you'll inevitably find one that is single and would be open to have coffee with you. Could take a year or two though. Langage classes are also a good venue to find girls, as there are usually a little more girls than boys in those langage classes, and you'll have a good reason to interact with them. Why do they take those classes, etc.. Or, like many on this board have understood, use the cheat code: go to south east asia. You'll date a girl in two weeks max of you are white. Even if your game is very average. Also, 19 years old is not critical. If you were 25 years old and actively searching for a girl, and still didn't find one, yes it would be problematic.You talked about cold approach at malls and university. It works. However, the success rate is abysmally low. Expect to date one girl in 30-40 if you are good looking, and 1 in 100 if you are not. Even an absolute Chad, tall, handsome, muscular, confident, and well dressed, would only have a ratio of 1 in 10 or one in 15, if he is not some sort of celebrity. And most girls you land on cold approaches are not the good kind anyway. Depressed, psychological problems... Or they are older.
>>35005548Wrong, it's all genetics and your feminist-nazi cope in the start tells me that you're a LARPer. Female humanoid parasite live life on tutorial mode with cheat codes. They can literally admit donating money to a child murderer and face 0 consequences in real life. I hope your underage female relatives get raped, btw.
>>35005533Go to group things that women do. Line dancing, wine and painting night, pottery class. Women are 99% of the attendance for these things, and it is a good chance to start NORMAL conversations. If they go well, you may be able to ask for a phone number or date by the end of the class / event.Good luck, anon, it sounds like you've already done all the hardest parts and are ready to evolve. Also, you are crazy young, don't worry so much.
