How do I get rid of my extreme self-hatred and impending fear that I will never, ever be allowed to get what I want in life?Context: I'm a woman in my 30s who was diagnosed with level 1 autism (formerly Asperger's) when I was a kid in the 90s, back when girls were only diagnosed if we had serious behavioural issues. I was gaslit to hell and told that because I was autistic I would always be a stack of shit and I would have no other future than to be a couch potato for the rest of my life. It was always pounded into me that I was inadequate in everything, even the things I was good at.Now here I am madly in love with a man. He's a teacher and YouTuber with a decent following who happens to live in my city. I've had a few terse conversations with him online and I believe he's nearly perfect for me. The problem is, he's already in a relationship. He told me that he and his partner are going through a turbulent time and they may separate pretty soon. Obviously, I would jump at this opportunity to ask him to be with me, but the problem is, I feel like I'm way too inadequate for him since I'm autistic and have communication issues and such. If I "steal" him away from his current partner, there's a very big chance I'll fuck up our relationship, he'll dump me, and he'll be left with nothing, which I don't want. I want to be romantic with him but I keep feeling that I'll ruin him and he'll be mad at me if I do. I feel like God wants me to die alone because I'm never good enough for anyone. Any advice?
>>35014624All - absolutely ALL - that Level 1 autism means is that some things that come naturally to "normies" require some learning and practice for you. You are NOT "retarded" or inadequate as a human being. Think of it like this - there are natural athletes out there who can throw or catch a ball with seeming ease, and there are the rest of us who might be able to get fairly good at it if we worked and practiced. Everything you "can't" do because of your autism, you CAN do. It just won't be as easy for you as for most of us. And it will NOT make you a burden or "ruin" someone who loves you
>>35014643Thank you.
OP here, and I wanted to add that I'm thinking about talking to a psychoanalyst again (I used to speak to one every week via Zoom a few years ago). I am really at the end of my line.
>>35014624>extreme self-hatredStop thinking "I". Replace with Jane or whatever your name is. People who self-hate fail to show compassion to themselves. And that's morally wrong. If you were a different person, and you met yourself - Jane - would you hate yourself? No. You'd show compassion to her, especially considering "I was gaslit to hell" part.> If I "steal" him awayDon't steal him away? Why would you help end a relationship, especially if you fear fucking it up? Can you guarantee you will stay "madly in love" once you are 6 months in?>>35014709Get a CBT one. Psychoanalysis a shit. Better yet, start reading about neuroanatomy, CBT, all that stuff. Books, studies. Not psychology. Harder, more clinical stuff. Cheaper and works better. Not shilling, but Life-Changing Art of Self-Brain Surgery might be good. Since you seem to have a lot of destructive/toxic thinking patterns.
>>35014624Men really only care if you're fuckable and don't annoy them.
Guy is just using you btw and will take advantage of your aspie ways. You're ruining yourself by considering it. Learn how to be comfortable being alone, if bitches don't owe me sex you too are not owed companionship.
>>35014903CBT did nothing for me.
>>35016013If anything, I'd assume I was using him.
He's going to pump and dump you regardless of your deficiency. A lot of people are coddling you over the asberger's which is actually arguably cruel of them. All autism spectrum is extremely offputting and hard to work with to normal people. But that truly is besides the point and your main issue here is orbiting a guy who's taken. Stop being a retard. Find another autistic guy or get fucked and dumped by this dude and learn your lesson. The fact you are fantasizing about this DOES make you a bad person
>>35014624>I'll fuck up our relationship, he'll dump melisten lady75% of keeping a man happy is just sucking his dick whenever he wants itbut somehow women STILL fuck it up
>>35017569What are ways to keep him happy aside from fucking him?>>35017421Autistic men are apes.
>>35014624>He told me that he and his partner are going through a turbulent time and they may separate pretty soon.You should work on the assumption that this isn't true. He may be lying; he may genuinely think they're going to separate and then chicken out at the last minute; but either way, unless he actually does leave her, assume it's not going to happen. Men in that situation rarely end up leaving their partners, and when they do it's because the relationship has broken down beyond repair on on its own terms, not because they've met someone else.Has it occurred to you that you might love this guy precisely because he's unavailable?
>>35017823Maybe loving yourself and having some self worth you pathetic autistic retarded bitch.
>>35018141And how do I do that?
>>35017823And autistic women are... what?
Bump
>>35014624No man will ever love you fucking ugly bitch, kys immediately.
