I made my best friend hate me because I would always dump my relationship problems on her, then I tried to be friends with someone who was rude to her and ultimately was rude to me as well and made a complete ass of myself. Now she barely talks to me. No matter how much I apologize. I don't know what I can do. In the end, both with my ex-gf, and with the other friend I had, when it came down to choosing between them (my ex literally gave me the ultimatum to drop my friend or we were done) and I chose that friend each time. But I put a lot of strain on our friendship by trying to "compromise" and keep both. My ex-gf was toxic anyway and I have a new gf now, and I don't miss the other friend who was a piece of shit, but I made my best friend mad at me forever and honestly I will never get over it. I have no one else who understands me. Most of my friends IRL are tranny worshipping zoomer fags. I wear a mask with all but a couple of them who aren't faggots. So I only have like 1 or 2 real close friends. It's not about the numbers of it though, it's caring about one person in particular and I do not know what to do.How do you fix something like this? My ex is gone, the other friend is gone and good riddance to both. But I can't do anything more to redeem myself in those situations. They are over. All that is left is the frustration and tension I caused. I don't know what I can do. It makes me angry every day what a stupid thing I did trying to compromise, I literally would argue with my ex and that ex-friend about the same things, but in the end I was loyal. And it didn't matter. And I really regret it and hate myself for not just dropping them immediately. And now I feel like I have permanently ruined my friendship with my best friend because of it.
bumppls respond
What's done is done. You very well may have ruined your friendship with your best friend and all you can do is brutally accept it and move forward making sure not to repeat the same mistake again. It sucks and it's a horrible thing to experience losing a close friend but at the end of the day a relationship is a two-way street and if they're not reciprocating then the person you were once friends with is not there anymore and neither are you. Good luck anon
>>35018567Is there any way I can redeem myself to someone proactively?I really wanted a mutual enemy we had to harass me, instead of her, but that didn't happen, so I had no chance to redeem myself. I never ever betrayed her I simply disagreed and argued and I tried to compromise by staying friends with people who hated each other. But when it came down to it, I always picked that friend when I had to choose in an ultimatum. I hate ultimatums. I hate losing friends. And yes ultimately I did give my best friend stress when I tried to remain friends with people who were shit human beings. And I regret it. And I told her I will not make any more friends like that. Or girlfriends. I learned my lesson. But it feels like it was too late.
>>35019256You can redeem yourself insofar as you change your patterns of behaviour and identify why you even acted this way in the first place; that doesn't necessarily lead to your best friend forgiving you and things go back to normal. It will, maybe, lead to you forgiving yourself only after you've done the hard work of mental change and you'll be able to avoid situations like this in the future. Not to downplay it but it seems like you're pretty young (maybe early 20s) and this shit happens to a lot of people and it does suck but it will get better as you move on. Your best friend is also changing as a person and you may reconnect in the future but you should live your life as if it won't happen. I just recently reconnected with a friend I haven't talked to in over a year and our reconciliation only worked out because I started to live my life as if we never would interact again i.e. moving on wholeheartedly.Ask yourself what you feel exactly. Is it shame for acting in a certain way and fucking things up? Is it internal guilt for hurting your closest friend? Is it regret that you should've acted differently? Is it desperation or urgency that you're losing out on a close friend that "truly understands" you, making them a rare commodity? etc. etc. Then, more importantly, ask yourself what you're actually gonna do about it instead of ruminating.Your identity or who you feel like you are doesn't matter at all. Your zoomer fag friends don't understand you because there is no "you" to understand. Your best friend doesn't understand you, only the sum total of your actions. The only thing that matters is what you choose to do and how you act everyday. To answer your question: you can redeem yourself proactively by forgetting about trying to redeem your self, or your personal identity in relation to your best friend, and focusing on how to change your actions so that you stop hurting the people around you. Pick up a hobby. Soccer, or knitting, maybe.
>>35021039We're both in our 30s.I know the whole thing seems really childish but I did act in a dumbass way. I don't really feel shame, so much as I just feel bad that I ruined something special, and hurt her feelings as well, or at least made her disgusted by me. It came about because I tried to compromise and maintain relationships with people who hated each other and left me in the end. I feel like the longest-lasting friendships are not super-close ones. I feel like super-close friendships that involve a lot of venting to each other end up burning out because of all that buildup of emotion and the inevitable arguments that come from being friends with people who will truly tell you what they think. There is no social lubricant of agreeableness. I had this in high school too. I'm still kind of friends with a couple of those guys but not really. I just want to make it better.
>>35023641I agree with everything you said. I actually lost my friend from a brief but intense connection where we would argue our opinions and things got too heated and friendships which lack that are more "safe" but less meaningful IMO.Your emotions are valid and you definitely want to make it better but what really sucks is that there's nothing you can do for your best friend anymore unless she reaches out to you in the future. I wish I had something else to say but really you just gotta move on and the brutal march of time will numb the regret enough that you may improve yourself later, but for this specific situation there is nothing you can do to remedy it on your own terms. The ball is in your bestfriend's court, just leave it there. It's her responsibility if she wants to be your best friend again and it's your responsibility to accept that you fucked up and there's nothing to fix this situation; there is only the opportunity to experience new situations in life with new people
