Started dating M in June 2026 after talking for a month (distance). Got love bombed on 2nd date. Felt a little apprehensive about it but pushed through. Got some strange vibes from M and decided to just end things early through text (again, distance). Long phone call ensued. M convinced me I'm not thinking rationally and jumping to conclusions, making a fear based decision. She made a convincing argument so I decided to continue seeing her. Came close to another breakup but persevered. I finally end up breaking things off (in person this time) for several reasons: she's very politically charged despite us agreeing on core issues but seeing her get heated over random issues didn't sit well with me, didn't like that I started feeling like her pet project, talked about her exes A LOT and made me feel ashamed for feeling uncomfortable with her extensive dating history, would be argumentative over insignificant things, seemed emotionally distant at times, and she sees her recent ex weekly (they teach dance together and she says nothing but bad things about him, passionately).She blocked me everywhere (except phone #) and I started ruminating and missing her. 1 week goes by and I convinced myself I made a mistake and I'm a fucked up man with disorganized attachment. I begin therapy and reach out to her to reconcile. She is apprehensive but open to reconciling. We finally meet after 2 weeks and label the relationship (crazy, I know). Cont'd...
>>35017553Things seem to be going pretty well but she continues to sprinkle comments about her exes here and there. I convince myself there's something wrong with me for getting triggered and I just chalk it up to my own insecurities. I tell her it makes me uncomfortable, she apologies, says she won't do it again but then continues anyway. Still, we're fine. She invites me to an event her community is organizing. Everyone at this event knows her and her ex and that they were dating last year. Says she's excited for me to meet her friends. I get excited as well but something feels off. I ask her if her ex is going to be there. Long pause, "yes". I feel strange, like maybe she wants to make him jealous by parading me around. I refuse to go. She seems understanding. I end up going anyway. Ex is not there. The night goes really well. I enjoyed meeting everyone and chatted with everyone effortlessly - it was a good time. After the event she asks me if I met a guy named B. I tell her I met him but didn't really chat with him. She asks me what I thought of him. I tell her he seemed ok, I didn't talk to him enough to form an opinion. She tells me he's really young and looks old for his age. I find the comment kind of strange but ok. Some time passes and she asks me about him the same night. I give the same response. Next day, she goes to work and I stay at her place (I work remotely). I notice her place has been a little neglected recently because of a new job and focusing on me while I visit so I decide to do a deep clean (with her permission). As I'm deep cleaning, I run into her personal diary (I know, I know, I'm a piece of shit and committed a cardinal sin. But, just too many things have been shaky by this point for my curiosity to not get the best of me). I read through it and find out she had a very passionate relationship with her ex last year and he kept trying to break up with her just like I have. She could not let him go. They break up.
>>35017554She says she hates him and says she was deceived by him and that he's not husband material, "short-term dating material at best"; that he was just a rebound from her 6 year relationship and nothing more. She wishes she had just "kept him around as a friend while she grieved the end of her 6 year relationship". 5 days later she's over at his place again. She says she feels ambivalent, doesn't feel any anger or resentment anymore, just sadness for how he handled his mixed feelings. I assume they had sex on this day. Journal entries continue talking about him and how she refuses to move on. They argued over similar issues that we've argued (politics, beliefs, insecurities, anxieties, etc) and he started pulling away from her. She keeps saying he's her soulmate and the love of her life and she does not want to give up on him. The entire reason she's staying in the city is because she cannot let the relationship with him end. I feel very strange reading it but I close the diary and finish cleaning. She comes home from work and I pretend like everything is OK. The next morning we're having breakfast and she asks me about guy B for the third time. I call her out on the fact that she keeps asking me about him and what's the deal with him? Does she have a crush on him? She laughs it off and ignores the question.
>>35017556 Today, I get home and do some sleuthing. I find her ex's instagram and LinkedIn page and find out that B is her ex's brother and colleague.She kept saying how she knows her ex will move on quickly because he's a catch and can find a younger and more attractive woman easily. I cannot shake the feeling that I am a rebound and being used to make her ex jealous. I feel manipulated into meeting her ex's brother so the brother (B) tells her ex about me. She also keeps suggesting that we should start a business in the future, something her ex has done and something she dreamed of doing with him. She has also suggested I grow a mustache (her ex has a prominent mustache).I am certain there is no way forward for this relationship. My dilemma now is how to end this as compassionately as possible (funny, I know, after having invaded her privacy).TL;DR Contentious relationship leads me to doubt myself. I go against my better judgement. Stumble upon a private journal/diary. End up believing I am a manipulated rebound.
>>35017553Either larp or about molly is my guess
>>35017558You know what you need to do, you just can't bring yourself to do it.
