>>35017619
the Degen is not a part of you it was controlling you

>>35017619
What you had was a habit. When we develop habits or obsessions at some point after enough time we begin to identify with them. This is because they take the form of deep ruminative emotionally charged thoughts, where it is easy to begin identifying with them overtime, especially if they start to inform our compulsive external actions where we physically commit to them, such as masturbation or setting aside time to pursue porn. What you need to remember is it was never an identity to begin with, it merely felt like one. As far as your actual identity goes it's the same today as it was before and during the habitual porn use and obsession, which is what fetishes are by the way, obsessions that are sexually charged. What you can do is reuse the same energy, the same proclivity for obsession and habit but use it towards a different habit, a different passion. Habit and obsession are neutral, they can be applied towards things that are helpful or wasteful. And the reason why it's wasteful to spend it on porn and fetishism is because it's a dead-end, isn't it? At the end of it all, after years of spending so much energy and time into it, it has nothing to show for itself, nothing of long term progressive value added to our lives. So as dismal of a realization that may be, it is worth acknowledging because feeling empty is preferable to remaining stuck like that. Emptiness is hollow and cold but it's a blank slate, it is potential for filling your life with something else and moving in a better direction.

You will shake the empty feeling when you find that new way to live, it becomes your new sense of normalcy and things will feel more centered and 'full' again. Trust the process OP

>>35017620
That's probably true, I used to feel like I was taken over by something animalistic, almost as if I was in a trance

>>35017709
>Emptiness is hollow and cold but it's a blank slate, it is potential for filling your life with something else and moving in a better direction.

I loved that, thank you so much for that. I can probably fill that space with things I used to like as a kid, I remember liking spooky things and exploring and all that stuff. Porn left my apathetic, all that degeneracy made me feel like some sort of monster that didn't deserve to live, it's really horrible

>>35017619
what was the fetish
not asking out of curiosity, this affects the advice im going to give you

you should probably speak to a professional but in my opinion you could fill that void with a new and not-addiction-based passion to feel as complex of a person as before?

>>35017783
As a kid I used to watch a lot of straight shota content which slowly developed into aunt & mom stuff

>>35017785
That's probably the key I feel, the guilt I felt made me feel obsessed over it so I lost touch with other aspects of myself I feel

No problem man, I fought with the same thing my entire teens and twenties. It took me until around 30 or so to finally gain a foothold in escaping the vice. Temptations will always remain, those are life long, but so long as you don't fall into the vice trap again, you are doing very well. And you may fall back into it again, that can happen and most likely will, but your stay becomes shorter and shorter each time because you have already sort of 'mapped' it out, eventually you progressively leave it behind. It's never a straight process my friend.

And yeah I know what you mean about the apathy and monstrous feeling. It's because it runs off of impulse, which taps into our animalistic parts of our mind rather than the higher consciousness where things feel more human. That animalistic/lust/compulsive/horny part of us isn't monstrous or evil though, remember that. It's the misuse of it that can get us into a pinch.

I'm not looking to proselytize or preach but for the sake of cultural conversation about it, here's something for the Bible:
>"Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times, and be thou ravished always with her love."

This is a passage that confirms, validates and encourages a man to follow his passionate instinct and to enjoy the female form and her essence, to be ravished in it even. Sex drive, libido and all of that isn't a fault, it's a feature. It's intended for us to have and it is good, not monstrous. What makes it go off rail is simply the mismanagement of it or wrong use of it. It's like any part of us really. Our hands for example can be used to build, create, greet others, shake hands, we use them to help us eat or drink. Or we can use our hands to strike someone or break possessions. It's all about how these sorts of things are used.

As for porn addiction, it's not that you were monstrous it's that it was a powerful habit. It was never your essence.

>>35017794
The verse I quoted btw was proverbs 5:19
My point there was, whether you care for the religious aspect or you prefer a more secular perspective, you can reflect on the fact that even God's word tells us that we are intended to enjoy sex and sexuality readily and passionately. So be sure never to condemn yourself for the feelings of desiring sex or women

>>35017794
Thank you, yes it does make sense. I used to repress myself a lot sexually because I thought girls were repulsed by me and that definitely backfired

Which sucks because if I'm being honest I know I am currently having an identity crisis but it's true that I feel like if I was born into a different set of circumstances I really doubt I would have this fetish so yeah, I think it was mostly enviormental

I think I need to get closer to God, I pretty much always believed but there was a time I prefered to do things my way and it's plainly obvious I have no idea what I'm doing kek

>>35017816
Personally looking back I think it's a common journey into mature manhood. When our balls drop and we have that first day in our pre-adolescent lives where something just 'clicks', we start seeing women in a completely different way. I can't pinpoint the day or night that happened to me but when it did, my mind became a foggy lalaland of sexual fantasy and my entire attitude towards women changed and the horny machine inside started to fire on all cylinders. Every guy has that day where it begins and starts to churn.

Psychiatrist Marie Louise vin Franz stated it's the time in a man's life where he becomes "Bewitched". He stops thinking of adventures and tasks and problems to solve and he starts to get stuck in a dream land, dreaming of curves and sex and bodies. I think part of the journey of manhood is the day you leave that realm behind, you start to 'wake up'. I'd say that's where you're at.

And yeah I got no idea what I am doing either lol. No one knows the future or how things ever pan out. What matters is we try something and do something. Things have a way of working themselves out so long as you keep moving forward

>>35017619
>I feel empty, like I lost a part of me
This is a very common feeling for an addict who is in recovery. You become an addict because your life feels a bit empty and dull. Initially the source of your addiction is genuinely fun, and a welcome distraction; but because there is so little else in your life, you begin to depend on it more and more to stop you from feeling the emptiness and the boredom.

And it works. But after a while, of course, it starts to get out of control, takes over your life entirely. At that point, it's actually making the problem much, much worse, because you're so focused on your addiction that you have no time to organise anything else.

When you finally quit, at that point you lose the distraction, and you suddenly have to feel exactly how empty and boring you have allowed your life to become. You have no choice but to feel that at full strength, because you no longer have your addiction to shield you from it. This is why so many addicts relapse.

But there is an upside: it is actually the addiction that has been preventing you from filling your life with interesting things and people. Now that you are no longer having all of your time and energy sucked away by the addiction, you actually have an opportunity to change things: to define who you are, and to figure out what you enjoy, and how you like spending your time. Make the most of that opportunity.