>19F i feel like my mind has been wired in the wrong way, everything good for me, i hate, and everything bad for me, i want. it’s like my mind wants to get rid of me, i am drawn to things that repeatedly put me in danger and always have urges to self destruct, as i’ve grown older i find myself becoming more cold to others, feeling less remorse for things, doing things for my own benefit and not caring how it affects others.. i don’t want to be this way but i feel it’s probably a result from stuff that’s happened in my childhood, i have a really good boyfriend who i think is a good person and is good for me, yet i’ve hurt him so many times in the past for my own benefit and because i seem to feel the need to seek validation from other guys, like approval and praise.. and that’s what messes my relationships up.throughout my life bad things have happened to me from male figures who are supposed to be part of my family, and as a result of that i am really hyper sexual and have been that way from a young age.. so at the same time i’m afraid of men but also need validation from them, as a girlfriend i am very obsessive, and can come across ‘too much’ because i fall in love easily and then when i do they become my whole life because i’d rather focus on their life then living for mine. when i turned 18 it really messed with me because i had a promise to myself that i wouldn’t be around by then, so in a twisted way even though i should of been proud of myself for reaching it this far i feel ashamed, as if i’m letting some dark part of me down or something, i just want to stick to something that’s good for me, which is my boyfriend, i guess what i’m wondering is, is there a chance for my mindset to change? or is this something inevitable that i have to live with as a result for damage that has been done to me?
>>35026154A lot of people with attachment issues, like what seems to be the case here, have a hard time taking criticism. It can be denied, rationalized, justified, generally gaslit about, taken but as a personal attack that needs to be defended against, taken but accepted as the individual sees themselves as evil/broken/flawed, and a bunch of other things that don't actually address the issue. You're not evil, you're hurt and confused, and sadly that has spread to other people. Accountability for that doesn't need to be so scary, nor does the lack of however many sources of validation that seem low stakes. This doesn't mean we need to overly identify with our victimhood status, either. By virtue of being an autonomous human being, we are responsible for our own actions and how we handle our impulses. To reiterate, it wouldn't be surprising to get some resistance on the advice you might find actually helpful towards inproving your life and relationships, but you seem relatively self-aware, which means you've the capacity to change. However, you are repeatedly choosing not to for reasons only you can make real for yourself. You need to ask yourself why, even if you are scared, guilty, or shameful about the honest answer. You also need to recognize that secure love isn't a threat, nor is a bit of distance, and the people who genuinely care about you are going to try with everything that they have to support you. They don't want to hurt anyone, let alone you who they claim to love.I will also stress that it is okay to realize even when someone is kind and attentive, that doesn't mean that they're the right person for you. Although, that doesn't necessarily mean the funny guy in your friend group or at the bar is your soul mate or who will make you feel whole, either. You just need to push yourself and think a little deeper OP.
